Entries by: Tina Nellis and Greta Tenconi
April 16th, 1998
Emily and I set a date for the wedding - I
can't help feeling that we're going a bit fast, considering. But why didn't I want
to let go of Rachel when we hugged after I found out she'd broken up with Joshua?
That's something I can't figure out. Maybe I'll figure it out eventually. Who
knows? But one thing I do know is that I'm happy with Emily - and that's all that
May 5th, 1998
It was Rachel's birthday today - and I
forgot to get her a present, because I was too busy getting ready to go to England.
Like I haven't already done enough to hurt her. HER birthday, of all people's.
How selfish am I? I'll make it up to her somehow - I'll bring her back something
really great from London, or something. It'll have to be something really great -
I've gotta make it up to her somehow. Not just this, but everything.
May 6th, 1998
Ever since we arrived in London, Emily's
been acting really weird. She's been acting... I don't know, almost bitchy.
But she's Emily, my Emily, and she's not like that. But then again, I don't know her
well enough to know she's not like that. Maybe she'll be better tomorrow. But
what if she gets worse? Am I committing my life to someone who couldn't be more
wrong for me? Or am I committing my life to someone who couldn't be more right for
me, but just isn't the person who I want to be right for me?
May 7th, 1998
Why won't Rachel tell me why she really came
to England? She thinks I don't know, but I do. I could see it in her
eyes. I couldn't believe it when she showed up. In any case, she knows.
Emily knows, too. After that fiasco in the church, everyone knows.
September 24th, 1998
Why am I even bothering with Emily?
It's like she doesn't want to know me at all. In fact, after that, I bet she
doesn't. After all, she punched me in the stomach, ran away from me (twice),
screamed that she hated me - why am I even bothering with someone like that? Why did
I run after her? Why did I give up a chance to go to Athens with the woman I...
wait, I don't love Rachel! I CAN'T love Rachel. I love Emily, and that's all
there is to it.
October 1st, 1998
I did it again. I said that Rachel was
my wife, when she's not. Why do I keep doing that? She's NOT my wife -
although I'm beginning to wish she was, after everything Emily's put me through in the
space of a week. She told me she was still in love with me today. I nearly
told her the same back - I told her "thank you" instead. What's wrong with
me? My wife's ignoring me, and I'm going off and falling in love with my
ex-girlfriend all over again. That's not what a normal person would do, that's what
someone in a soap opera would do!
October 15th, 1998
Emily's back. She's a changed
person. She told me that she'd come back to me on one condition - that I promise
that I never see Rachel again. What else could I do? If I said "No"
to her, it'd be like admitting to her that I'm still in love with Rachel. I can't
believe I promised I'd never see her again.
October 29th, 1998
I told Rachel what I promised Emily.
She was heartbroken, I could tell. She's not the one who should get left out of the
group just because I happen to be married to someone who seems to think she has a divine
right to tell me who I can and can't see. I'm falling in love with Rachel all over
again, I know I am. I just don't know what to do about Emily - I mean, she's my
wife, and I love her. Not as much as I think I'm beginning to love Rachel again,
October 30th, 1998
Emily left me. Why couldn't I make it
work? I wanted to make it work so much. Oh, I should just face it - I'm in
love with Rachel. There, I said it - well, technically I wrote it, but it's
basically the same thing. I'm admitting to something I shouldn't be admitting to -
especially in writing, where someone could read it. Oh my God, what if she finds
this? Then my life will be a real mess. Actually, come to think of it, it's
already a real mess. Emily left me because I wanted to see Rachel, Rachel will think
this is all her fault, then we'll get into a big argument and stop speaking to each other
again. I couldn't handle that again.
1st February, 1999
Rachel might be getting a transfer to Australia. Not knowing about that, Steven proposed to her. Then I proposed to her. Something tells me I shouldn't have done that (shouldn't have done that?! - Ross, how stupid can you be at times?!) - but it wasn't until the very moment I actually said it that I realised just how much I wanted to ask her... and how much I wanted her to say yes. She didn't give me an answer right away, though - I guess all I can do now is wait and see what she decides...
Go To Rachel's Diary
Go To The One With The Diary