The One With The Diary

Written by: Tina Nellis

Read the pre-story entries in Ross's diary
Read the pre-story entries in Rachel's diary

The One With The Diary

[SCENE:  Central Perk.  Everyone is there except Phoebe. (I don't consider Emily a main character, and I never have done - I consider her nothing more than a plot device, so you'll know when she's there, okay?! :))]

JOEY:  [out of nowhere]  We should go to Alaska.

CHANDLER:  [deadpan] Oh, great.  We can live in those little igloo things and freeze our asses off.

MONICA:  Yeah, plus, y'know, Ross's hair would be so frozen that he wouldn't need to use all that hair gel.

ROSS:  Very funny.

RACHEL:  Joey, why would you WANT to go to Alaska?

JOEY:  Well, just because!  It's supposed to be really cool.

CHANDLER:  [deadpan] And he doesn't just mean that in the literal sense of the word, folks.


[Scene:  The New York Public Library, where Emily is working.  (Sorry.  I just have her down as a library person. :))  She's standing at the counter, trying to organise a big pile of books.]

EMILY:  Alright... that one goes in that pile... [puts a book on a pile] ...that one goes on that pile... [puts another book on a different pile] ...that one goes there... no it doesn't...

[A guy walks up to the counter.]

GUY:  I think that one goes on this pile.

[He points to yet another pile.]

EMILY:  Colin, I can handle this.

[She looks up, stunned.]

EMILY:  Colin?!  Oh my God!

[She walks around to the other side of the counter and hugs him.]

EMILY:  What are you doing here?!

COLIN:  Well, I'm here on business, so I thought I'd pay you a visit while I'm here.

EMILY:  Well, you could have rung, couldn't you?  I mean, this is so sudden.  If I'd known you were coming, I'd have tidied around the apartment, I'd have made you dinner...

COLIN:  Em, we can go out to dinner, you know.  I mean, they DO have restaurants here, don't they?

EMILY:  Oh yeah, of course.  I know a great little place, not too far from where I live.

COLIN:  Alright, but first, we need to talk.

EMILY:  About what?

COLIN:  We just need to talk, alright?  When do you get off work?

EMILY:  Um... in about 10 minutes.

COLIN:  Great.  I'll wait for you with a good long book, then.

EMILY:  [puzzled] Since when did you like to read?

COLIN:  Hey, I didn't tell you absolutely everything when we were dating, did I?

[Emily gives him a look.]

COLIN:  Not that I had anything to hide, that is...

[Emily smiles, and gets back to work.]

[Scene:  Central Perk.  Rachel and Monica are sitting in the usual place.  Monica is reading "Cosmopolitan", and Rachel is leaning over, trying to read it with her.]

MONICA:  Oh, look.  Cosmo has a feature on bikini waxes gone wrong.

RACHEL:  [wincing at the thought of this] Ow!  That sounds painful!

MONICA:  Well, it may sound painful to you, but let me tell you--

RACHEL:  [interrupting] Alright, I get it!

[Monica puts the magazine down on the coffee table.]


MONICA:  Yeah?

RACHEL:  You knew that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with Richard, right?

MONICA:  Yeah?

RACHEL:  Well... how do you know?

MONICA:  Well... you just do.

RACHEL:  Yeah, I suppose.  [pause]  But what... what if you don't know?

MONICA:  Trust me, you'd know.  You've known before, why wouldn't you know this time?

RACHEL:  Yeah, I guess.

MONICA:  What's brought all this on?

RACHEL:  Oh, I don't know.  It's stupid, really.  It's just that lately, I've been wondering about... everything, and if it all turned out the way we all wanted it to.  I mean, you and your job, me and my seriously overly-complicated love-life...

MONICA:  Rach, the past is the past.  It's over.  Move on to the present.

RACHEL:  Yeah, I guess.

[Rachel picks up the copy of Cosmo that Monica was just reading, and starts reading it herself.]

RACHEL:  [reading]  Ow, that sounds even more painful than the bikini waxes!

[SCENE:  Ross and Emily's apartment (their new one - I'm trying to keep up with the actual show here, because I think the apartment move will play a v. big part in Ross and Rachel's relationship), late at night.  Emily enters, giggling, to find Ross sitting, watching TV.  Something is clearly wrong with Ross.]

EMILY:  [not noticing Ross's mood]  Hello.

ROSS:  Hi.

EMILY:  Well, you could give me a more enthusiastic welcome.

ROSS:  Where were you?

EMILY:  I was out.

ROSS:  Where?

EMILY:  I just went to a bar.

ROSS:  With who?

EMILY:  A friend.

ROSS:  Which friend?

EMILY:  Look, I went out, I got home okay, and that's all you need to know!

ROSS:  Yeah, you got home alright... at 1.30 in the morning.

EMILY:  So what?!  Big deal!  Is this one of those reception class things - you're my friend, so you're not allowed to hang out with someone else?

ROSS:  Well, according to you, I'm not allowed to hang out with my best friend anymore.

[Emily has a look on her face that shows that she knows what's been going on - Ross has been hanging out with Rachel behind her back.]

EMILY:  [after a pause]  You've been seeing *her*, haven't you?

[She says "her" with hostility in her voice.]

ROSS:  Well, I'm not going to stop seeing any of my friends, just like that!

EMILY:  You promised!  You know as well as I do that that was for the sake of our relationship!

ROSS:  Which doesn't even exist any more!

EMILY:  And what makes you think that?!

[By this point, both are pretty mad - and you just know it's only gonna get worse.]

ROSS:  Because you're not the person I married!

EMILY:  I'm exactly the person you married, you just thought you were marrying her!

ROSS:  "Her?"  You mean Rachel!  You can say her name, you know, it's not exactly a criminal offence!

EMILY:  Well, you say her name even when you don't mean to!

ROSS:  I did that once, and it was an honest mistake!

EMILY:  Wrong, Ross!  You do it all the time!  And the worst thing is, you don't even notice you're doing it!  Ever since we've been together, I've been wondering if you'd rather be with her than keep our relationship!

ROSS:  Well, I'd rather be with someone who didn't try to keep me from my friends!

EMILY:  Well, I figured out tonight that I'd rather be with someone who I know cares about me, and would do anything for me, than someone who would rather be with another woman than with me.  [calmly, but clearly intending insult] Like you, really.

ROSS: I can't believe you'd throw that back in my face like that.

EMILY:  Why not?  You threw everything back in my face.  It's obvious I was just some rebound tactic to make Rachel jealous.

ROSS:  And what makes you think that?

EMILY:  Because with you, it's always, "Rachel this," or "Rachel that."

ROSS:  It's not!

EMILY:  Oh yeah?  So what's this, then?

[She pulls out a book from her bag - it looks like a diary (or a journal for those who prefer the fancy name for it :)).  Ross looks horrified.]

ROSS:  Where did you get that?

EMILY:  I'm your wife - you didn't honestly expect me not to find it, did you?

ROSS:  Oh, God, this is gonna be a long night.

[SCENE:  Chandler and Joey's apartment, where they are watching TV (as always).]

JOEY:  You know what's so weird about TV?

CHANDLER:  That it's not real?

JOEY:  Well, yeah, but no... That people are so small when they're on it!

CHANDLER:  [slowly and deliberately] Okay, let's go over the concept one more time... They're made up of little dots, so that they fit on the screen.

JOEY:  [obviously not getting it]  You mean that those people are made up of little dots in real life?  Geez, that's gotts suck.

[Chandler buries his face in his hands, frustrated at his friend's stupidity. :)]

[SCENE:  Back at Ross and Emily's apartment.  Ross and Emily are now sitting down.  Emily is now reading Ross's death rites - in other words, reading from the diary.  This ought to be fun. :)]

EMILY:  [reading] "April 16th, 1998 - Emily and I set a date for the wedding - I can't help feeling that we're going a bit fast, considering."  You wouldn't think that if I were Rachel, would you?

ROSS:  Wha...?!

EMILY:  Anyway... [continuing] "But why didn't I want to let go of Rachel when we hugged after I found out she'd broken up with Joshua?  That's something I can't figure out."  [pretending to be sympathetic] I don't know... [gets mad again]  WHY DIDN'T YOU?!

Read the rest of that entry by clicking here.

ROSS:  [threatened] Um...

EMILY:  I'll tell you why.  You're still in love with her.

[Ross has a "Here we go again" look on his face.]

ROSS:  [trying to convince himself more than Emily] How many times do I have to tell you?  I'm not in love with Rachel!

EMILY:  Why won't you admit it?
ROSS:  Uh...

EMILY:  That's the worst thing!  You know it's true, but you won't admit it!

ROSS:  [finally at breaking point] So what if I am?  It doesn't change the fact that I love you!

[Emily has an "I knew it" look on her face, but looks as though she's begining to calm down.]

EMILY:  Just because you love me doesn't mean you're in love with me.

[Ross, too, begins to calm down.]

ROSS:  I'm sorry.  I really want to be.

EMILY:  But you're not.  It's okay.

ROSS:  Really?

EMILY:  No.  But there's nothing I can do about it, is there?

ROSS:  [sighs] So, we're officially at a crossroads.  What are we gonna do?

EMILY:  Well, we can't carry on fighting all the time, that's for sure.

ROSS:  And we can't carry on pretending as if nothing's wrong.

[A moment of silence.]

EMILY:  I'll be leaving, then.

[She gets up, and heads into the bedroom.  Ross just lowers his head.  Emily comes back out again, holding a suitcase.]

EMILY:  Ross?

[Ross looks up.]

EMILY:  For God's sake... tell her.

[Ross gives her a little acknowledging smile, then lowers his head again.]

Read Ross's entry about the above by clicking here.

[SCENE:  The girls' apartment, the next day.  Ross is watching TV, when Rachel enters.]

RACHEL:  Hey, Ross.

ROSS:  [depressed - it's back :)] Hiiiii.

RACHEL:  Uh-oh, what happened?

ROSS:  Emily left me.

[Rachel sits down next to Ross.]

RACHEL:  What?  Why?

ROSS:  It wasn't working.  It hasn't been for a long time.  You know that.

RACHEL:  No, I didn't know that.  I thought everything was going great between you guys.

ROSS:  If it was, I guarantee I wouldn't be here right now.  But I am.

RACHEL:  So... what went wrong?

ROSS:  Everything.  We rushed into a huge committment, thinking we could make it work.  How stupid were we?

RACHEL:  You weren't stupid, just... in love.

ROSS:  That's the thing.  I'm not as upset about it as I thought I would be.  Sure, my pride is a bit dented, but nothing more than that.

RACHEL:  Well, why's that?

ROSS:  Because... I guess I knew it had to end sometime.  [beat] I didn't love her.  God knows what made me think I did.  I only figured that out last night.

RACHEL:  [jokingly] Hey, now that you're single, we're free to get together.

[Ross, obviously having taken this seriously, looks at her.]

RACHEL:  It was a joke, Ross.  You know?  "Ha-ha."

ROSS:  [pretending he's not bothered]  Oh, yeah, of course.  I knew that. [laughs, then gets serious] Only problem is that now I have to find a new place to stay - Emily's cousin kicked me out.

RACHEL:  Well, why don't you ask Chandler and Joey if you could stay with them for a while?

ROSS:  Doesn't look like I've got any choice, does it?

RACHEL:  I'm sorry.

ROSS:  It's not your fault.

RACHEL:  Well, you know I'm here for ya. [looks at her watch] Hey, look, I gotta go again!

[They both get up.]

RACHEL:  Hey, come here.

[They hug.  We get a glimpse of Ross's face, which shows that he's enjoying the hug a little too much.]

ROSS:  You should be going now.

[He breaks the hug, and Rachel heads for the door.]

RACHEL:  If you need me... you know where I am.

ROSS:  Yeah, I know.

RACHEL:  Well, if there's anything you want, let me know.

[They look at each other, before Rachel leaves.  Ross just stands there, looking at the door.  Fade to black.]

Read Rachel's entry about the revelation by clicking here.

The One With Rachel's Big Decision (aka. The One With Chandler's New TV)


Intro:  The only thing that you have to remember while reading this is what Emily told Ross about Rachel, and what Rachel asked Monica (she asks someone else the same question in this), both in "TOW Emily's Ex-Boyfriend" - there's a reason I made this a mini-series of fanfics! :)  It takes place around February, and Rachel's new boyfriend (Steven) has now appeared on the scene, to clear up any confusion.  (I ended up very confused, when trying to work out whether to do this in real time or fictional time - I decided on fictional time. :))

Btw, this fanfic turned out to be a lot longer than I'd anticipated it to be when I started it, so sorry in advance. :)  I think this fanfic probably makes me the writer of the most Friends fanfics in internet history - discounting fanfic spin-offs, that is.  If not, it sure feels like it. :)

Just so you know, I've altered this slightly from the draft version to keep up with recent events in the show - so if you're wondering where Chandler and Joey are in a scene which features their apartment (it'll just be referred to as "the guys' apartment", just assume that Chandler's staying with Nancy (you should have been reading), and Joey's on one of his infamous dates.  This is because I suspect the real move in the show will affect Ross and Rachel's relationship quite dramatically, so I decided to reflect this in the fanfic series when I heard about it.  Like I said in the intro to the series, this is kind of an alternate universe - meaning that when we get to February sweeps (or whenever), I suspect it will be handled in a rather different way (in fact, I know damn well it will), so I'm hoping that this doesn't bear too much resemblance to the stuff in the show, other than what's already been pointed out.  This is already original in one major way anyway - and I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what that is, because no doubt you will have noticed. :)


[SCENE:  The guys' apartment.  Chandler and Joey are watching TV, when Joey changes the channel using the remote.]

CHANDLER:  Hey, I was watching that!

JOEY:  You're kidding me?  How can that be more interesting than... Eastern belly dancers?

CHANDLER:  Oh my God, that is sooooooo degrading to women!

JOEY:  Man, you've changed since you met Nancy!  You're becoming, like, this real big "morals" person!

CHANDLER:  What?  I just don't think that women should parade in public like that, in that degrading way! [beat]  Hey, is it a new episode of "Baywatch" this week?


[SCENE:  Central Perk.  Chandler and Ross are on the sofa.  Ross is looking pretty miserable, for reasons which will be explained in a minute.]

CHANDLER:  I've got a new, state-of-the-art widescreen TV, that is ONLY for me!  It will be in MY room!  Not Joey's, MINE!  Not yours... well, you have to share with me anyway, but it's not your TV, it'a mine!

ROSS:  Alright. [beat]  So can I watch it tonight?

CHANDLER:  Course! [beat]  Why are you so down?

ROSS:  Horrible.  Emily's left me, and I'm not as bothered about it as I thought I'd be, considering she kicked me out of my apartment - although granted, it was three months ago.  I'm more worried about that... Park Avenue guy with the mini futuristic planet emerging from his apartment.

CHANDLER:  So, how are things with you and Rach, then?

ROSS:  I don't know, it's just that ever since we got back from London, she seemed like she was holding back on something, that she couldn't tell me, and... I don't know, I can't figure out why it's bugging me so much.  Do you know what she might be hiding?

CHANDLER:  [clearly lying through his teeth] No idea whatsoever.

[Joey enters.]

JOEY:  Hey.  Anyone know a professional photographer?


JOEY:  I need a new head shot for my resumé.  Apparently, the old one was too "outdated".

CHANDLER:  Well, that's just ridiculous.  I'm sure the Mario Brothers will want to cast you in their next movie as soon as they see the picture!

[SCENE:  Central Perk, later on.  Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch.  Rachel looks pretty nervous, which is reasonable

MONICA:  So anyway, then baby Chandler threw up on the big Chandler, and... ew, if only I'd realised how that would sound before I said it... [Rachel is distracted]  Rach?  Rachel?

RACHEL:  Oh, yeah, that's great about the restaurant.

MONICA:  Rach, are you okay?

RACHEL:  Um, no, not really.  [in a hushed tone] What I'm about to tell you must NOT go any further than the two of us, okay?

MONICA:  Alright, but if the duck asks, I'm not going to lie to him.

RACHEL:  Very funny.

MONICA:  Well, what is it?

RACHEL:  Um... I've been put in for a transfer.

MONICA:  To where?

RACHEL:  Some department store in Australia.


[Everyone turns to look at them, especially Gunther, who has been standing at the counter and listening in on this conversation.]

GUNTHER:  [deadpan] That's a wonderful opportunity for you, Rachel.

RACHEL:  [touched] Thank you, Gunther.

GUNTHER:  It really is.  [beat] Excuse me while I go plunge my head into a bowl of acid.

[He walks out, comically crying.  Rachel and Monica just shrug.]

Read Rachel's diary entry for this by clicking here.

[SCENE:  The girls' apartment, later on, where Rachel and Phoebe are talking.]

RACHEL:  So, anyway, now I've got to decide if I'm going to take this transfer.  I mean, it's a great opportunity, but I've got so much going for me here.

PHOEBE:  Well, we'd miss you if you went, that's for sure.  Can you pass me that piece of chocolate?

[Phoebe points to a chocolate bar on the table, and Rachel passes it to her.]

RACHEL:  Steve's asked me to dinner tonight, and he said he's got something important to tell me.

PHOEBE:  Like what?

RACHEL:  I don't know.  You tell me.

PHOEBE:  Well, when a guy says "I need to tell you something important," it usually means that he wants to tell you that he loves you, or that he's married, has 3 kids, lives in a picket-fenced house in the suburbs and wants to end it with you right there.

RACHEL:  Well, he already said that he loved me... Oh my God, he's got a picket-fenced house!

PHOEBE:  Relax, I doubt that's it.

RACHEL:  Yeah, you're right.

PHOEBE:  So, what are you going to wear?

RACHEL:  I don't know.  What would you wear to get dumped in?

[SCENE:  Chandler's bedroom.  He's lying on the bed, watching his new TV.]

CHANDLER:  [like a little kid] 500 channels!  And in widescreen!  This is just brilliant!

ROSS:  [from outside]  Chandler?

CHANDLER:  [calling] Yeah?

[Ross pushes open the top half of the infamous door. :)]

ROSS:  Hi.  [in amazement]  That's it?

CHANDLER:  [proudly]  That's it.

[Ross steps over the bottom half of the door to get in, but catches his toe and ends up tripping rather spectacularly.]

ROSS:  [getting up, trying to pass it off as nothing]  Just a little bit nervous.  Nothing to worry about.

CHANDLER:  So, you're going to talk to Rach, then?

ROSS:  Yep, I'm finally gonna do it.

CHANDLER:  Alright, man, you know I'm rooting for you.

ROSS:  Thanks, man.

PHOEBE:  [from outside]  Chandler?  Joey?

CHANDLER:  [calling] In here.

[Phoebe walks over, but just stands at the door, rather than making any effort to get past it.]

ROSS:  Aren't you gonna come in, Pheebs?

CHANDLER:  Yeah, it's only a minor obstacle, it's not like those big swing things at summer camps that go over the lake.

PHOEBE:  [confused - who can blame her?] What?

CHANDLER:  Like... [giving up] Nothing.

ROSS:  Anyway, I've got to go... [giddily, practically jumping for joy] do something!

PHOEBE:  Ooh, you're all jumpy.  Find a bone?

[Ross hangs his head, and leaves.]

[SCENE:  A restaurant.  Rachel is sitting across the table from Steven, looking nervous.]

STEVEN:  So, what do you want to eat?

RACHEL:  Oh, I don't know, but I was thinking maybe... food?

[Steven looks at Rachel in a strange way.]

STEVEN:  Joey told you, didn't he?

RACHEL:  [v. nervous]  Told me what?

STEVEN:  Oh, God Rachel, I've not got the faintest idea how to do this...

RACHEL:  I knew it.  You've got a picket-fenced house, and you're going to dump me because you want to "do the right thing," and I'm just a brazen hussie who doesn't deserve to live...

STEVEN:  [interrupting her]  Will you marry me, Rachel?

RACHEL:  [getting up, not acknologing what he's just said]... and I'm going to go home right now, and complain to Monica about how all men are just pieces of worthless crap... [she realises what he's just said, but keeps walking]  What did you just say?

[Not looking, she crashes into a food trolley, very loudly.  Everyone stops eating and turns to look at the commotion.  Rachel, trying to maintain her dignity, calmly gets up and stands tall.]

RACHEL:  Well, if that doesn't qualify for a "most embarassing moment" contest, then what will?

[SCENE:  The girls' apartment.  Rachel is telling the story of the big dinner to Monica and Phoebe.]

RACHEL:  Can you believe it?  I mean, one minute I'm a single girl who's still got feelings for her ex-boyfriend, the next I'm a girl who's still got feelings for her ex-boyfriend but has a new boyfriend and likes him too, and now I'm a girl who's still got feelings for her ex-boyfriend but also has a boyfriend who wants to marry her!

PHOEBE:  Wow, that sucks.

MONICA:  [sarcastically] Yeah, because she's been proposed to not once, but twice now, and I haven't even been proposed to once!  Yeah, that really sucks, Rach, what are you gonna do?!

RACHEL:  Don't!

PHOEBE:  [serious] So, what are you gonna do?

RACHEL:  I don't know.  I don't think I want to marry him, at least not now.  I don't even know if I want to get married at all...

MONICA:  [finishing Rachel's sentence] anyone besides Ross.

RACHEL:  [sighing]  How did you know he came into it?

MONICA:  Because he always does.

RACHEL:  [burying her face in her hands]  Ugh, I don't know.  I mean, I'm sitting across the table from this incredible guy, who I care about, and who cares about me, then he asks me to marry him, and all I could think about was how Ross would feel.  I remember how I felt when he and Emily were about to get married, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, least of all him.  And plus, he and Emily have just broken up, and I can't help but feel guilty about that.

PHOEBE:  Yeah, but don't you think that if he wanted to get back together with you, he would have said something by now?

MONICA:  Yeah, honey, you should know he's not the kind of person who holds back on stuff like that.

RACHEL:  [managing a small smile] You're right.  I know you're right.  I hate it when you're right.

[She gets up, takes her coat from the back of the chair, and heads for the door.]

RACHEL:  I'm going out.

MONICA:  Where are you going?

RACHEL:  I don't know, I need to think, I need to walk, I need to clear my head.

MONICA:  Yeah, well, I need a lot of things... like a new Super Sponge!

[Rachel smiles, and leaves.]

[SCENE:  Chandler's bedroom.  He's still in his room, still watching his new TV.  Phoebe enters.]

PHOEBE:  You're still watching that?!


PHOEBE:  Um, Chandler, didn't you forget to do something last night?

CHANDLER:  No, I mean, it was only a big dinner date with Nancy... I forgot my big dinner date with Nancy!

PHOEBE:  Alright, Chandler, look at yourself!

[She picks up a mirror and holds it up so that Chandler can see himself in it.]

CHANDLER:  Oh my God, look at me!

PHOEBE:  I know, I know.

CHANDLER:  I look like my mother did when my dad left her to join that Las Vegas troupe!

PHOEBE:  Chandler!

CHANDLER:  Alright, I'll... go outdoors.

PHOEBE:  Okay.


[He leaves.  Phoebe lies down on the bed, picks up the remote and starts flicking.]

PHOEBE:  Finally, I get the TV to myself!

[She changes the channel.]

PHOEBE:  Ooh, the Mardi Gras of corkboards!

[Scene:  The guys' apartment, later on.  If you must know, Chandler's finally gone out, and Joey's on one of his infamous dates - 'nuff said about that.  Ross is watching TV.]

ROSS:  My God, even in mid-season, there's nothing on this damn network...

[There's a knock at the door.  Ross gets up to answer it, and finds Rachel standing there.]

ROSS:  [surprised] Rach?


ROSS:  Um... come on in.

RACHEL:  Thanks.

[Rachel walks in and sits down on the couch.  Ross closes the door behind her, and sits down next to her.]

ROSS:  So, what are you doing here at this time of night?

RACHEL:  Um... well, I need to tell you something.

ROSS:  Well, couldn't it have waited until tomorrow?

RACHEL:  Um... no, I don't think so.

ROSS:  Well, come on then, out with it!

[Rachel giggles.]

ROSS:  [sighing] What?

RACHEL:  If you realised how bad that sounded...

ROSS:  Very funny.  So anyway, what is it you wanted to tell me?

RACHEL:  Um...

[She takes Ross's hands in hers, takes a deep breath, and continues.]

RACHEL:  God, why is it so hard to say just a few words?  I mean, that's all they are - words, it's just how you arrange them that matters!

[Ross, thinking he knows what she's about to say, is staring at her intently.]

RACHEL:  Okay, here goes.  [takes a deep breath]  Steve proposed to me tonight.

[Ross looks shocked - and saddned - at this announcement.]

ROSS:  He what?

RACHEL:  He asked me to marry him.

ROSS:  I heard you the first time.

RACHEL:  Look, I thought you should be the first to know, because I didn't want you finding out from someone else.

ROSS:  [trying to take it all in] Yeah, sure, whatever.

RACHEL:  Um... that's not all.

ROSS:  [looking up] Oh?

RACHEL:  Yeah, um, my boss put me in for a transfer.

ROSS:  To... another department in the store, right?

RACHEL:  No, not exactly.  More like... to another country.

ROSS:  Canada?

RACHEL:  No, actually it's [mumbling] Australia.

ROSS:  [who obviously heard anyway :)] Australia?!  You're moving with him to Australia?!

RACHEL:  Ross, it'd only be for six months, and I don't even know if I'm gonna get it yet - there's a lot of competition for it.

ROSS:  You're gonna be here a while, aren't you?

[SCENE: Central Perk.  Monica, Chandler and Nancy are sitting on the couch talking.]

NANCY:  So, Chandler, why were you late for our date?

CHANDLER:  Because... they called me back into work.  Someone's been messing with the WENUS big time, and I had to fix it.

MONICA:  Yeah, and I'm Queen Lativa!

NANCY:  [puzzled] I'm gonna get some more coffee.

[She gets up and walks over to the counter.]

CHANDLER:  [so Nancy can't hear] Monica?

MONICA:  [like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth] Yes?

CHANDLER:  What the hell are you doing?

MONICA:  Well, she has a right to know the truth about you and your TV, doesn't she?

CHANDLER:  Yes, but do you have to make it seem like I'm cheating on her?


CHANDLER:  [typical Chandler mode :)]  But WHY?!

MONICA:  Well, it's no fun otherwise!

CHANDLER:  [in a sulk] It's official.  The female of the species were sent from Satan to plague us until we're living underground and only used for breeding.

[Nancy returns.]

NANCY:  What was that, honey?

CHANDLER:  Nothing, I was just commenting on how women are the future of this country!

[SCENE:  The guys' apartment.  Rachel has taken off her coat, and she is now settled on the sofa next to Ross.]

RACHEL:  The truth is that this is a great opportunity.  But I know Steve won't want to move - I mean, he's got his job, and his family's here.  He's already been all around the world, you know?  Been there, done that, bought that T-shirt...

ROSS: [finishing for her] Wrote the book and sold the rights to the movie.

RACHEL:  [gives a small chuckle] Yeah, he has.  [beat] Really, he has - they're gonna make a movie of how he survived in the Sahara Desert for a week.

ROSS:  Rach, the question is do you want to move away - it's not about him.

RACHEL:  I don't know.  I mean, I've never lived anywhere apart from New York, I'd like to know what it's like to live somewhere else for a while.  [looks at her watch]  Woah, look at that!  I've gotta get home, before Monica freaks out and calls 911!  [pauses, thinks]  Come to think of it, she'd call 911 if she couldn't find any Club Soda!

ROSS:  You won't get a cab at this time of night.

RACHEL:  I'll be fine.

ROSS:  [getting up] Well, at least let me walk you home.

RACHEL:  Really, you don't have to.  I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself.

ROSS:  Alright then, see you tomorrow.  [beat] Actually, wait.  [Rachel turns and looks at Ross] Rach, answer me this.

RACHEL:  Yeah?

ROSS:  Did you... do you love him?

RACHEL:  I... guess I do.

ROSS:  You guess?

RACHEL:  Yeah, I guess.  But, I mean, how do you know?  How do you know if that person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?

ROSS:  Come on, Rach, it's not that hard.  You just look in that person's eyes and...

[He trails off as he looks in her eyes - it's obvious what he's feeling.]

ROSS: know.

[They look in each other's eyes for a moment.  Finally, Rachel takes a deep breath and says...]

RACHEL:  I've really gotta go now.

[Ross stands there looking dejected for a moment, as Rachel begins to leave.]

ROSS:  Rach, wait!

[Before Rachel can leave, Ross moves over to her and kisses her, catching her off-guard.  They look at each other for a moment, then he touches her cheek and kisses her again, but pulls away suddenly, and almost without noticing he's doing it, takes her hands.]

ROSS:  I'm sorry, I don't know what the hell I was doing.  [beat]  Actually, that's a lie, I do know what the hell I was doing.  I'm sorry, I know I'm scum, I don't deserve to live...

RACHEL:  Ross, you're starting to sound like Chandler on a good day!

ROSS:  [still going on] ...And I'm also sorry for what I'm about to ask you.  Actually, no, I'm not sorry for what I'm about--

RACHEL:  Ross, for God's sake, just ask me what it is you want to ask me!

ROSS:  Okay, okay, um, here goes, um - marry me!

[Rachel is obviously shocked by this.]

RACHEL:  [stunned, quiet] What?!

[Ross looks like he doesn't believe what he's just asked her.  (Writer's note:  Whenever this really happens, he probably won't. :))]

RACHEL:  [barely a whisper] What did you just ask me?

ROSS:  I think it had something to do with marriage and me, but don't quote me on it.

RACHEL:  Wow.  Two proposals in one night - and one of 'em from a guy who's technically still married.  Talk about the irony.

ROSS:   [avoiding the subject] Actually, on second thoughts, I think you were right - you should be getting home now.  Forget everything I said - your life's complicated enough right now, you don't need me complicating it even more.

RACHEL:  [giving up] Alright then, bye.

[Rachel goes to kiss Ross on the cheek, but never gets there, and they share a long kiss.  They eventually pull apart, looking at each other.]

ROSS:  Oh, don't go.

RACHEL:  I gotta think about all this.

ROSS:  You can think about it here, with me.

RACHEL:  What happened to you thinking I should go?

ROSS:  I lied.  Stay.

RACHEL:  [weak, sounding tired] I--I gotta go.  And I am gonna go now - if I can remember how to use my feet, that is...

ROSS:  Okay, bye.

[Rachel finally leaves, looking at Ross before she shuts the door.  Ross leans up against the door, looking dejected.]

ROSS:  I can NOT believe I just did that.

[Suddenly, there's a big thud from the hallway.  Ross opens the door and sticks his head around it.]

ROSS:  [calling] Rach?

RACHEL:  [from hallway] Just... having a little trouble finding things...  [to a passer-by] OWWWWW!!!!  Did you HAVE to hit my head with that damn thing?!  What are you gonna do with that in an apartment block, anyway?!  [to Ross] I'm okay!

ROSS:  Yeah, I can see that!

[He runs out of the apartment to help Rachel.]

You know the drill by now...
Click here for Ross's latest entry
And here for Rachel's

(Writer's note:  Oh, what a tangled web we weave... :))

The One With All The Engagement Rings

Intro: Hold on to your hats, because part 3 is here. :)  This may be a tiny bit confusing, a lot long, and a lot about Ross and Rachel.  Thankfully, I managed to think up a storyline for Joey, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica, so it's not completely dedicated to sorting out the Titanic-sized mayhem I created for Ross and Rachel, and there is some comic relief. :)  (You have been warned about any possible factors which may prevent you from reading this fanfic - but hopefully you won't, because I think I did a rather good job on it. :))


PS.  The title isn't as much of a spoiler as it may seem - you'll find out what I mean later. :)

[SCENE:  The hospital emergency room.  Ross enters, guiding Rachel, who is holding her head with one of her hands, to the chairs, where she sits down.]

ROSS:  Okay, sweet... [hesitates] hon...

RACHEL:  For God's sake, just call me Rach!

ROSS:  Okay, Rach, I'll be back in a minute.

[He walks over to the desk, where there is a nasty-looking male receptionist talking on the telephone.  (I'm sure he's a very nice person out of work, but he's obviously annoyed with the job at hand! :))]

RECEPTIONIST:  [in a dreary, surfer-type voice] Yeah, hi, can you get Dr. Kauffman please?  [beat]  Uh, listen, I don't care if he IS operating on an 87-year-old whose last chance this is to survive, we need him down here to check out this guy who has a 5% chance of developing angina NOW!

[The receptionist slams down the phone and turns to Ross.  Ross looks alarmed, and we can see Rachel, who has the same look on her face.]

RECEPTIONIST:  Uh, can I help you?

ROSS:  Uh... my friend over there [indicates to Rachel] hit her head.

RECEPTIONIST:  Sure thing dude, just sit down over there, and someone will see her within... 3 to 4 hours.

ROSS:  What?!  She hit her head!  She could have concussion!  She could have brain damage!  But most importantly, she could forget that I proposed to her tonight!

RACHEL:  [who's been listening in]  Oh, no, you don't need to worry - I won't be forgetting that in a hurry!

RECEPTIONIST:  Listen, dude, I'm on the graveyard shift, I get this every night, and my boss said that if fall asleep because of one more soap-opera-type thing, I'm fired.

[SCENE:  The girls' apartment, late at night.  The door opens, and Ross and Rachel enter.]

RACHEL:  Well, here we are.  Thanks for coming back with me.

ROSS:  Oh, forget about it.  Any time you want to take a fun-packed-disasterous trip to the emergency room, just let me know.

MONICA:  [off screen - from her bedroom, annoyed]  WOULD YOU KEEP IT DOWN OUT THERE?!  IT'S 3 AM!!!

ROSS:  [in comically dramatic voice] It has arisn.  [normal voice] I'd better be going.

RACHEL:  Thanks again.  Goodnight.

ROSS:  Goodnight.

[He starts to leave, but before he does...]

RACHEL:  Ross?

[Ross turns back to face her.]

ROSS:  Yeah?

[Rachel looks at Ross, takes a deep breath, and continues.]

RACHEL:  I can't marry you.

[Ross looks disappointed.]

RACHEL:  I'm sorry, but I can't.  It'd be wrong to just sorta... rush into something like that, based on a spur of the moment action.

ROSS:  Yeah, sure, it was a stupid thing to ask in the first place.  I mean, you've got Steven.

[He begins to leave, but turns back to look at Rachel before he does.  Both have sad looks on their faces. :(]

RACHEL:  I'm really sorry.

ROSS:  Forget about it.  I shouldn't have asked in the first place.  I'll, um... I'll see you tommorrow.

[Ross leaves, looking at Rachel before he does.  Rachel just stands there, looking at the closed door.  Monica opens her bedroom door, and stands there, looking at Rachel.  She is obviously annoyed.]

MONICA:  What the hell was that all about?

RACHEL:  Oh, nothing.  Just... something we were talking about before.

MONICA:  Alright then.

[Monica turns and goes back into her room, closing the door.  Rachel does the same.]

[SCENE:  Central Perk, the next day.  Joey and Chandler are sitting in the usual place - Joey is sitting on the sofa, and Chandler is sitting in the chair.]

CHANDLER:  You know what we should do?

JOEY:  What?

CHANDLER:  Go and see "Riverdance" on Broadway.

JOEY:  Um, Chandler?


JOEY:  You said that Michael Flatley scares the bejesus out of you!

CHANDLER:  Yeah, well, everyone has to overcome their greatest fear at some time... [giving in] Alright, he retired.

[Monica and Phoebe enter, talking.]

PHOEBE:  No way.  No way could he have done that.

[They sit down on the sofa, either side of Joey.]

MONICA:  Look, they came in at 3 am, they were talking about something, he left, and she seemed upset about something!  I'm telling you, he must have said something to her to get her like that!

CHANDLER:  Woah, what's this about?

MONICA:  Well, we WOULD tell you, but you'd make a smartass comment about it that'd be no use to anyone!

[Phoebe and Joey look at each other, confused.]

CHANDLER:  Oh, come on!  Play fair!  I could use some depressing news to break the everlasting run of fun that is my life.

MONICA:  Alright.  Something happened with Ross and Rachel last night, but we don't know what, because Rachel won't talk to me about it, and I'm guessing that Ross hasn't talked about it to you guys either.

JOEY:  You guessed right.

PHOEBE:  Well, it must be pretty big if she hasn't told you what's going on yet.

CHANDLER:  And it must be really big if he hasn't told us yet.  Usually, he's round our place first thing in the morning, wanting to know why we're not awake yet?  And if we've seen Rachel?  And has she said anything?...

[Rachel enters behind them.  Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe turn to look at her, and see the bandage on her forehead.  Cue various cries of "Oh my God" and "What happened"?, which makes Rachel put her hand to her head in pain.]

RACHEL:  Ow!  No yelling, no yelling!

[She sits down on the sofa, next to Monica.  So now, we have Rachel, Monica, Phoebe and Joey sitting on the sofa - and Joey looks a bit squashed, to say the least. :)  Phoebe notices the look on his face.]

PHOEBE:  Joey?  Are you alright there, or shall I move?

JOEY:  [obviously not] No, no, I'm perfectly comfortable.

PHOEBE:  [typical Phoebe mode] Oh, okay then.  [to Rachel] So anyway, what happened?

RACHEL:  You don't wanna know.

CHANDLER:  Translation - she's not gonna tell you while we insensitive men are here.  [getting up] Come on, Joe.  We'll see you guys later.

JOEY:  Why do I have to move?  I'm perfectly comfortable!

[Chandler gives Joey a look as if to say "Yeah, right".]

JOEY:  Honestly, I am!

[SCENE:  The next day.  The hallway outside Steven's apartment.  The walls are white, with pink vases of flowers (imagine lots of your favourite ones - and I mean lots), and there is a white carpet with a thinner (width-wise) red carpet on top of it.  Rachel walks on from the left, walks over to the door on the left hand-side of the hallway with the number "204" on it, and knocks on it.  Steven opens the door, in a bathrobe, holding his head, which indicates he's got a headache (or hangover).  He seems to be keeping the door as closed as possible while still being able to poke his head around it so that he can see Rachel.]

STEVEN:  [surprised] Hi, Rach.

RACHEL:  Hi!  Can I come in?

STEVEN:  Now?!  Um... no.

RACHEL:  Why not?!

STEVEN:  [hesitating] Because, um... I've got a client in here.  I'm trying to persuade him to buy some more shares in the company.

RACHEL:  But you're in your bathrobe.

STEVEN:  [a little too quickly] What makes you think I'm in my bathrobe?

RACHEL:  I can see it from here.

[She figures out that something's going on, and tries to see inside the apartment, but Steven keeps moving his head so that she can't.]

RACHEL:  Alright, what's going on?

WOMAN:  [off-screen] Steven, honey, who is it?

RACHEL:  Who's that?

STEVEN:  [trying to convince her] No-one.

[A woman, also in a bathrobe, comes up behind Steven and opens the door fully.  Rachel has a look of shock on her face.]

RACHEL:  Steven, what the hell is going on here?

STEVEN:  Rach, it's not what it looks like.

RACHEL:  On the contrary, Steven.  I think it's exactly what it looks like!

STEVEN:  But--

RACHEL:  [not letting him speak] In fact, I know damn well it's exactly what it looks like!  You proposed to me, didn't get an answer right away, so you thought you'd use it as an excuse to go out and sleep with the first floozy you come across!  [to the woman, calmly]  I'm sorry, I'm sure you're a very nice person really, except at this moment in time it's necessary to insult you in order to insult him.  I don't mean any offence to you, really.  [to Steven, turning] You jerk!

[She finds a newspaper on the floor and starts hitting Steven with it, much like she attacked Ross back in "TO The Morning After" (real episode :)).]


[She continues hitting him for a while, but eventually gives up, and throws the newspaper down on the ground.]

RACHEL:  Oh, and in case you hadn't guessed, I WON'T marry you.  In fact, I don't ever want to see you again.

[She storms off.]

[SCENE:  The Broadway version of Michael Flatley's "Riverdance".  Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and Nancy enter, and go to sit in a row of empty seats.]

JOEY:  I still don't know why we have to see this.

MONICA:  [directed mainly at Nancy] It's so that he can overcome his long-standing fear of people whose legs are uncontrollable - he thinks they're going to come at him and attack him.

CHANDLER:  [defensive] Hey!  If you'd been through the emotional torture I did when I was a child, you'd understand!

NANCY:  What emotional torture is this?

CHANDLER:  Before I was born, my dad took up Irish dancing.  Eventually he was good enough to teach it, and when I was five, he took me to my first lesson.

[He pauses for a moment, for dramatic effect.]

JOEY:  And?

CHANDLER:  Well... I was the only boy there.  And there was this one girl... Paula Jones.  She would always, ALWAYS, pick on me becuse I was the only boy there.  And one day... she gathered all the other girls, when I was running an errand for my dad.  I was there on my own, and suddenly, I saw all these flying legs headed for me!  I thought that they were aliens from another planet, and that's what they did!

PHOEBE:  Oh, that sucks!

JOEY:  Tough break, man.

[The lights dim, to indicate that the show is beginning.]

CHANDLER:  [a bit nervous] Don't worry, I'm perfectly fine...

[SCENE:  The guys' apartment.  Ross is watching TV (man, he seems to be doing that a lot lately :)), when there's a knock at the door.  He gets up and answers it to find Rachel standing there, crying.]

ROSS:  Rach?

RACHEL:  [through tears]  Hi.  [sniffs]

ROSS:  Hey, come in.

[He takes her arm and guides her over to the sofa, closing the door behind them.]

ROSS:  So, what happened?

RACHEL:  Um... Steven slept with someone else.

[That feeling you're getting is called "déjà vú - it's intentional. :)]

ROSS:  You're kidding me.

[Rachel shakes her head.]

ROSS:  Come here.

[He hugs her.]

RACHEL:  I don't even know why I'm getting so worked up about it in the first place.  I mean, I didn't love him.

[She rests her head on his shoulder, if only to shut herself up and not say what she might have been about to say. (<sigh> Please note the word MIGHT!!! :))]

ROSS:  Nobody likes getting cheated on.  You just seem to get it more than most.

RACHEL:  Thanks for the reminder.

ROSS:  Sorry.  You know I'm here for you if you need me, don't you?

RACHEL:  I know.  Except I won't be here for much longer.

[Ross is confused, and breaks the hug. Rachel, by now, has stopped crying.]

ROSS:  Um... sorry?

RACHEL:  I've decided to take that transfer.

[Ross looks almost as upset as Rachel now, but tries to cover it up.]

ROSS:  Oh, yeah, sure.  In fact, um... I'm being transferred as well.

RACHEL:  To where?

ROSS:  Um, LA.  [Rachel looks stunned.]  Yeah, you know, they offered me a research position there before, and I was going to turn it down, but I realise that it's just too big an opportunity to pass up, so...

RACHEL:  Oh, that's... great.

[She looks around, looks at the desk, and notices that one of the drawers is open.]

RACHEL:  Uh, that drawer's open, and...

[Before she can finish, Ross is over there and closes the drawer in question.]

ROSS:  Nothing in there of interest, nothing at all.

RACHEL:  Okay... [ignoring his announcement, matter-of-factly] What's so special about the drawer?

ROSS:  Nothing!  Although, that drawer is out of bounds.

RACHEL:  Why is it out of bounds if there's nothing of interest in it?

ROSS:  Nothing!  But like I said, it is definitely 110%, over-the-top-and-out-the-park out of bounds.

RACHEL:  [giving in] Okaaaaaaaaaayy... Look, I've still got a bit of a headache.  I'm gonna go home now.

ROSS:  Well, you could lie down in my room - I'm sure Chandler wouldn't mind.

[Rachel gives him a "What are you up to" look.]

ROSS:  I'd sleep on the sofa...

RACHEL:  No, thanks, I think I'd be better at home.  I just wanna be alone.

ROSS:  Well, let me know if you need me - like if you want to trash those vases of his or anything...

[SCENE:  "Riverdance". The camera pans along to show Monica, Chandler, Nancy, Phoebe and Joey (in that order).  Monica, Chandler and Nancy's eyes are fixated on the stage, and Phoebe is watching Joey, who by now looks absolutely terrified, as only Joey can do.  (Ah, bless. :))]

JOEY:  [terrified]  How does he do that?!

PHOEBE:  I don't know!  But maybe he was abandoned and taken in by albinoes as a child!

CHANDLER:  Shush!  I'm trying to pay attention to this!

NANCY:  Same here!

JOEY:  Uh-huh, yeah...

PHOEBE:  What's the matter, Joey?

JOEY:  Nothing, just... the legs!  Chandler, I really wish you hadn't told that story now!

CHANDLER:  [deadpan] There are others like me.  [pause] Thank God, I'm not a freak!

MONICA:  Well, actually, that could be debated...

CHANDLER:  Alright, that's it.  What is your problem?

MONICA:  My problem?  You're the one with the problem!

CHANDLER:  No!  You're the one who seems to have taken to constantly bitching about me while I'm in the room!

NANCY:  Look, I don't care what's going on between you two,  but poor Joey is absolutely terrified by the fact that someone seems to have taken full control of that guy's legs!  So would you two just sort it out?

CHANDLER:  [in resignation]  Fine.

MONICA:  Fine.

NANCY:  There you go!  Now, if we could all concentrate on getting Joey over his new-found fear of flying legs...

PHOEBE:  Wait, how are his lega flying?  Wouldn't they need to be up in the air, away from bodies?

[SCENE:  The guys' apartment, late at night.  The camera pans across from the bedroom that Chandler and Ross share (leave it out :)) to the door to the apartment, which suddenly opens.  Rachel, in her pyjamas, pokes her head around the door, then she immediately tiptoes across to the desk, and sits down.  Of course, you can guess what happens next - she opens the drawer that Ross told her was out of bounds, takes a look in it, and gets out a book.  What she doesn't know is that it's *the diary*.  (That's dramatic irony for ya! :))]

RACHEL:  Alright, what is this...

[She begins reading the diary, and reads just enough to get a look of shock on her face, but she hears a noise coming from the bedroom.  She quickly puts it away

ROSS:  Rach?

[Rachel, who by now is out of the apartment but hasn't shut the door, stops dead in her tracks.]

RACHEL:  [not turning around] Um... no?

[Ross walks out to join Rachel in the hallway.  Cut to the hallway (strangely enough), where Rachel sits down on the step.]

ROSS:  [still standing] Okay, my ex-girlfriend is now breaking into my apartment.  [beat] I've had some strange relationships in my time, but this really takes the biscuit.

[Rachel is dead silent.  Ross sits down next to her.]

ROSS:  Rach?

RACHEL:  What?

ROSS:  Why did you come into the apartment?

RACHEL:  [blurting it out] The diary.  That stupid diary, in that stupid drawer that you told me was out of bounds.

ROSS:  Oh.

RACHEL:  And I really *can't* deal with it, so I'm going to go back to bed now, and *not* cry myself to sleep because the boyfriend who I never really loved in the first place cheated on me.

ROSS:  Alright then.  [beat] I'll have to go cancel the police now.

[Ross heads back towards his door, and Rachel turns back towards her door, but then she turns around to face Ross again.]


ROSS:  [looking up] What?

RACHEL:  We're gonna deal with this.

ROSS:  Alright, we'll talk in the morning - I'm gonna go back to bed now, so that

RACHEL:  No.  We're gonna deal with this now.

ROSS:  [unsure what's brought this on] Okay...

[He goes to sit down on the step, but before he can...]

RACHEL:  Do you love me?

ROSS:   [jumping up from the step] What?!

RACHEL:  Do you love me, or is this whole diary thing just a ploy to get me to stay so that you can screw about with my feelings again?

[Ross just stands there, looking at Rachel, not knowing what to say.]

ROSS:  Rach, can I ask you something?

RACHEL:  Uh... [it's her turn to be unsure] I thought we already had one question on the table here, but go ahead.

ROSS:  Alright.  Just gonna ask.  [pause] Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?

RACHEL:  [confused] What?

ROSS:  [beginning to blurt things out] This.  I'm living, like, [points to the walls either side of him] this far away from you because my ex-wife left me because she thought there was something going on between us when there wasn't but now I wish there *was*, and I should be moping over her but I'm not because I'm moping over you and your now ex-boyfriend, and you can tell me that I have to accept the fact that you've moved on, despite the fact that I already know, but of course *that's* easier said than done, and...

[Rachel kisses Ross to shut him up.  They look at each other.]

RACHEL:  Sorry.

ROSS:  Are you?

[Rachel thinks about that for a moment, a bit uncertain, but then kisses him again.]

RACHEL:  Yes, I'm really sorry.

[They kiss again, arms wrapped around each other.]

[Fade to the guys' apartment, the next morning.  Ross is cooking something in the kitchen.]

ROSS:  I am not a chef, I am definitely NOT a chef...

[Something starts burning (not on fire, though).]

ROSS:  Oh, damn!  Okay, how do you stop something from burning... why wasn't I listening to Monica when she was teaching me how to do Eggs Benedict?

[The door to Ross's bedroom opens, and out walks Rachel, in her pyjamas - well, she didn't have anything else, did she?!  (Pay attention to the script! :))]


ROSS:  Um, hi - could you just hold on for one minute?

RACHEL:  Why, what's going on?

ROSS:  Well, not only did God skip me when it came to dishing out the cooking skills, it appears I wasn't even in the queue.

RACHEL:  Oh, let me get that.

[She takes over the cooking, and eventually takes the frying pan off the stove.]

RACHEL:  Well, I think it's safe to say that you really screwed that up.

ROSS:  Sorry.  I was going to make you breakfast in bed.

RACHEL:  [touched] Oh, thank you.

ROSS:  What's there to thank me for?  There is no breakfast.  [beat] You're not even in bed.  The only part of the bed and breakfast that still exists is this.

[He takes a single flower from a small vase which is sitting on the countertop.]

RACHEL:  Oh, that's so sweet.  Thank you.

ROSS:  Yeah, well...

[A moment of awkward silence.]

RACHEL:  Ross, what are we doing here?

ROSS:  [not getting it] Well, I was attempting to make breakfast...

RACHEL:  No, Ross.  You and me.  We're getting into the whole "us" thing again, just when we're both supposed to be leaving.

ROSS:  Well... how about, instead of going to LA, I go to Australia with you?

RACHEL:  You'd end up hating me for making you miss the opportunity of your career. [beat]  How about I come to LA?

ROSS: *You'd* end up hating *me* for missing your big opportunity. [beat]  How about we both just stay here?

[They look at each other.]

BOTH:  [simultaneously] End up hating each other.

ROSS:  So what do we do?

RACHEL:  I guess we just... forget about it.

ROSS:  [after a pause]  Okay.

RACHEL:  Sorry. It's my fault - I seem to have impeccably *bad* timing.

ROSS:  [brushing it off]  Nah - it's not your fault, it's mine.  I'm the one with horrific timing.

RACHEL:  No, honestly, it's my fault.  I have to choose the most ridiculous times to...

[She stops short, obviously realising she was about to tell him something she didn't want him to know.]

RACHEL:  Um... I think I should go now.

ROSS:  You sure you don't want to stay for breakfast?

[He looks at the scorched food.]

ROSS:  Or go out for breakfast?

RACHEL:  No, I'll be fine.

ROSS:  Yeah, okay.

[Rachel goes and kisses Ross on the cheek, then starts heading for the door.  She begins to turn around to say something to him, but decides against it and leaves.]

[SCENE:  The girls' apartment, where Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.  Rachel enters.]

MONICA:  Where were you?

RACHEL:  Oh... at work.

MONICA:  At 8.30 in the morning?

PHOEBE:  And in your pyjamas?

MONICA:  And on your day off?!

RACHEL:  [stressed] Alright, do you have to remember every single detail about my life?!

PHOEBE:  Sorry!  [beat] Jeez, you say one thing, and...

MONICA:  Seriously, where have you been?

RACHEL:  Um... out.

PHOEBE:  Where could you possibly go in your bedclothes?!...

RACHEL:  Can we please let the pyjama fixation go?!

MONICA:  Alright, as soon as you tell us where you went!

RACHEL:  [after a pause] It's not suitable for breakfast-time discussion.

[She begins to walk into her room.]

PHOEBE:  Something to do with Ross.

MONICA:  How do you know that?

PHOEBE:  Seventh sense.

MONICA:  Uh... Pheebs, isn't it a *sixth* sense?

PHOEBE:  No, my sixth sense is being able to tell when things are going to happen using just my toenails.

[SCENE:  JFK airport, a couple of weeks later.  (December 30th, if you must know.)  Everyone is there, to say their goodbyes.]

MONICA:  [to Ross] Oh, I can't believe it - my big brother's not gonna be around anymore!  How can you not be at my breakfast table every morning, arguing with Chandler when he's trying to decide whose job's more boring - yours or his?

ROSS:  I know. [hugs her]

MONICA:  [breaking the hug - to Rachel] And what about you?  How can *you* not be at my breakfast table every morning, trying to stop Joey from grabbing you? [hugs her]

CHANDLER:  [to Joey]  You realise we're not coming off too well here, don't you?

[Joey is just watching Monica and Rachel - it's obvious what's going through his mind.]

CHANDLER:  [trying to get his attention] Joey?  [annoyed] JOEY?!

[Monica and Rachel break their hug, and Joey looks disappointed.]

JOEY:  [disappointed] Oh, man.

PHOEBE:  [to Ross and Rachel]  Anyway, these are for your trip.

[She hands them each a litle sachet of something - they're not quite sure what to do with them.]

ROSS:  Thanks - we can get hugh on eucalyptus on the plane.

PHOEBE:  That's not what they're for, duh!

RACHEL:  Well, what *are* they for?

PHOEBE:  Well, you open them, and you sniff them...

ROSS:  I was right, then.

PHOEBE:  If you just let me finish... [to Rachel] ... and they stop your ears from hurting so much when you're landing.

RACHEL:  Oh, thank you.

[Rachel hugs Phoebe, Ross hugs the both of them, and Monica, Chandler and Joey all join in.]

PHOEBE:  Okay, I'm getting just a little squashed here.

RACHEL:  Me too, actually.

[They all break the group hug.]

CHANDLER:  [trying to get rid of the girls] Hey, Ross, can we talk to ya for a sec?

MONICA:  [getting the hint] Oh, yeah, we've gotta go... look at the duty free again.

[Monica, Rachel and Phoebe go off, as Chandler, Joey and Ross sit down in some nearby chairs.]

CHANDLER:  Alright.  You're gonna ask her.

ROSS:  What?!

CHANDLER:  You're going to ask her, and you're going to ask her before she gets on that plane to Australia.

ROSS:  Ask her what?!

[Joey produces a wedding ring.]

ROSS:  [not getting it] Gee, Joey, I'm flattered, but...

JOEY:  It's not for you!  It's for Rachel.

ROSS:  You're going to propose to Rachel before she leaves?

CHANDLER:  No, you brain-dead idiot, you are!

ROSS:  Wha...?!  She's leaving!

JOEY:  Oh, come on, you proposed to her before, now show her you meant it!

ROSS:  [pause] How did you know I proposed to her?

JOEY:  [to Chandler] I TOLD YOU!!!

[SCENE:  LA International Airport - the waiting area.  Ross and Rachel are arriving at gate 27, where flight 3746-385 to Sydney is leaving from.]

ROSS:  Right, so... here we are.

RACHEL:  Yep, here we are.

ROSS:  Well, so... this is it.  See ya in 6 months, and all that.

[They hug, and we get shots of their faces, which are both very unhappy.  They look at each other, then kiss - it's more like a goodbye kiss than a getting back together kiss.]

RACHEL:  Okay, so... now what?  Do we just say our goodbyes now, or what?

ROSS:  I guess we just make a clean break.

RACHEL:  Okay... bye, then.

[She turns to leave, and starts walking towards the gate.]

ROSS:  [disappointed] No, you know what?  [Rachel turns back towards him]  This isn't turning out at all like I wanted it to.

RACHEL:  What do you mean?

ROSS:  I mean... this.

[He produces the ring Joey gave him earlier.  Rachel looks amazed, and touched, and walks back to get a closer look at the ring.]

ROSS:  I never realised how much I wanted to ask you this.  I mean, when we were together, there were so many nights when I'd just lie awake, holding you, wondering what you'd say if I ever asked you, but I never realised just how much I wanted to ask you until a couple of weeks ago, when I did.  [almost pleading] I know that you've got to go now, and that you said that you couldn't before, but, just take this, and, and think about it, and when you get back, if you want to, we'll have whatever wedding you want, and if not, well, my feelings will be hurt, to say the least, but I'll deal with it.  So long as you're happy.  But please, just think about it.

[Rachel is on the verge of tears, as Ross gives her the ring.]

ROSS:  Just so you know, Chandler got that ring... [Rachel looks a bit annoyed]... I meant to give you this ring, [her face softens as he produces another ring (so he DID have it all planned!)] but I figured that his feelings would be hurt if I didn't.

[He gives her the other ring - so now, Rachel has two potential engagement rings from Ross.  (Jeez, some people - ie. me - wouldn't mind getting just one! :))]

RACHEL:  [on the verge of tears] You realise that I'm gonna cry, don't you?

ROSS:  Well, if you cry, then I'm gonna cry, and I don't think I particularly want that guy over there who's been staring at your butt ever since we got here to see me crying.

[Rachel laughs, although both of them are now starting to cry.]

RACHEL:  [though tears] I'm gonna miss you.

ROSS:  I'm gonna miss you too.

[They hug again, and Ross kisses Rachel on the cheek.]

RACHEL:  Look, um, I think that maybe we should just cut our losses, and I'll get on that plane now.  This is hard enough as it is.

ROSS:  Yeah, sure.  Anything to try and make this any easier.  Goodbye.

[Rachel breaks the hug, and starts towards the gate, but then turns back and passionately kisses Ross.]

RACHEL:  [crying] Goodbye.

[She really does go through the gate this time, turning back to wave at Ross, who is trying to disguise the fact that he's crying, before she goes through.]

[Cut to the airplane.  Rachel is now sitting in her seat (which is either side of two empty seats), looking at the ring that Ross gave her, still crying.  She suddenly gets up, gets her hand luggage and starts to go, but is stopped by someone at the plane door.]

FLIGHT ATTENDANT:  Um, where are you going?

RACHEL:  Um... I've just remembered - I said goodbye to someone, but I didn't say it properly, and I've got to go back and say goodbye to them properly.

ATTENDANT:  Oh, I'm sorry, but you can't.

RACHEL:  But you can't keep me here!  That'd be... some kind of kidnap!

ATTENDANT:  Look, miss, I'm sorry, but the regulations state that once someone has gotten on a plane, they cannot get off again, regardless of whether or not they are going to actually fly!

RACHEL:  But...

ATTENDANT:  Federal regulations!

[Rachel gives in, upset, goes and sits back down in her seat, and begins to look at the ring again.  She looks up, then, when the attendant isn't looking, gets up and makes a run for it.  The attendant turns, and...]


[Cut back to the waiting area.  Ross is sitting on a chair, looking dejected, when Rachel runs out from the gate, followed by the attendant.  Rachel stops when she gets to the desk, thus making the attendant crash into her.  Ross looks up to see Rachel.]

RACHEL: [to the attendant] Oh, look at that, I'm off the plane, can't get back on.

[The attendant looks annoyed, and slowly turns and goes back through the gate.  Ross gets up and walks over to Rachel.]

ROSS:  [amazed] Wha... how... what are you doing?

RACHEL:  Hey, there'll be other job opportunities, okay?  And they'll be a lot closer to home.

[Ross puts an arm around Rachel, and they turn to head off.]

ROSS:  [hopeful] So, I guess you really liked that ring, huh?

[Rachel stops, thinks for a moment, then...]

RACHEL:  My bag!

[She turns and runs back towards the gate, with Ross following her.]

© Copyright Tina Nellis 1998-1999

Disclaimer:  This fanfic script is based on the characters and the settings of the TV show "Friends", which is the property of Warner Bros. and Bright Kauffman Crane Productions. It is legally protected by the usual copyright laws, the names of which I don't have a clue. In other words, don't nick it without asking!  Copyright ©1998 Krystina Nellis (my real name, just so you know).