Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
Note: This fanfic takes place a week or so after my last one, The One With A Blast From The Past. It's Easter Saturday.
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Evening. Ross, Rachel, Phoebe and Stella are there. Phoebe is cooking. Chandler and Monica enter. Monica has Matthew in a sling.
Ross/Rachel/Phoebe/Stella: Hi!
Chandler: Hi guys. (sneezes)
Stella: So what did the doctor say?
Monica: They've got the flu. I have got two sick people living in my apartment.
Chandler: Our apartment.
Monica: That's what I said.
Chandler: No, you said-
Monica: Do you want to look after Matthew?
[Chandler coughs feebly]
Stella: Y'know, you can tell he's sick, he's actually arguing with Monica...
[Matthew starts crying]
Monica: Now look what you've done. (starts to go into Matthew's room, then stops and turns around to look at Chandler) You. Bed. Now. (leaves)
Chandler: I don't wanna go to bed... (sits on the couch next to Stella)
Stella: And I don't wanna be sick. Go to bed or I'll tell Monica you threw your medicine in the trash.
[Chandler looks pleading]
Stella: Go!
[Chandler leaves, mumbling to himself. Joey enters, mumbling to himself]
Phoebe: Hey Joey!
Joey: Hi guys. (starts mumbling again)
Rachel: Joey, why are you talking to yourself?
Joey: What? Oh! I'm practicing my lines. The director said I had to be more dramatic.
Stella: Yeah. (mumbles) That's really dramatic, is mumbling. Much more dramatic than normal taking, that is.
Joey: (brightening) Really?
Stella: No!
Phoebe: Dinner's ready!
Stella: Great! (goes to sit at the table)
Ross: (getting up) Stella, turn the TV off while we're having dinner.
[Stella sighs, then goes to turn the TV off. When she does, everything else goes off as well]
Rachel: (looking out the window) The streetlights are out too. Must be a blackout. Stella, you were supposed to turn the TV off, not the city.
Stella: Oh, shut up, I'm trying to find my flashlight. Ah. (switches it on) Are there any candles here?
Ross: Yeah, I'll get them. (finds some candles in a drawer) Anyone got any matches?
[Stella rummages in her satchel which is on the couch, then holds up a lighter]
Rachel: Stella, you know I don't like you smoking!
Stella: My parents refused to look after me from the day I was born. I have permanent psychological scars. I'm allowed. Anyway, now we can see. (lights the candles)
Phoebe: OK then, dinner.
Joey: (going over to Matthew's room) Monica, dinner!
Monica: (off screen) OK! (enters with a flashlight) Why is it all dark?
Phoebe: Stella turned the city off.
Monica: What?
Stella: It's a blackout, and everyone always blames me for everything.
Monica: I thought it was just Matthew's lamp. Oh well, what's for dinner?
Phoebe: Spaghetti. No meat though, I'm not gonna cook meat.
Monica: But then we won't have any protein.
Phoebe: Of course we will! I put tofu in.
[everyone except Stella makes gagging noises]
Stella: Great!
Monica: Oh, whatever, I'm starving!
Chandler: (coming out of the bedroom with his dressing gown on) Yeah, me too!
Monica: You can have soup.
Chandler: I don't like soup.
Monica: Soup or nothing at all.
Chandler: OK, OK... (sits down at the table with everyone else)
[Monica gets some soup for Chandler and they all start eating]
Credits
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment, after dinner.
Ross: Phoebe, that was delicious.
Rachel: I don't think my stomach agrees with you...ah! (winces)
Ross: Are you OK?
Rachel: (still wincing) Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Stella: Um, Rach, just out of curiosity, when's you due date?
Rachel: You, you think I'm in labor? I'm not, I can't be! I- (gets a funny look on her face) think you could be right...
Monica: What?
Rachel: (standing up) I think, I think my water just broke.
Ross: OK, OK, Stella, call an ambulance.
Stella: (sighing as she gets up) Why me?
Ross: OK, OK, Rachel, honey, just stay calm...
Stella: The phone's dead.
Ross: What? Wha-wha-what?!
Rachel: Ross, it's OK, don't panic, Stella will call on her cellphone.
[Stella looks uncomfortable]
Rachel: What?
Stella: Bruno sorta...tried to eat it...
Ross: (panicked) What?! What, what're we gonna do?!
Stella: Um, OK, I'll go downstairs and hail a cab. Just, just stay here until I get back. (runs out the door)
Monica: OK Rachel, just sit down on the couch and try to relax.
Rachel: (sitting down) I think I'm having a contraction...
Monica: OK, just remember to breathe, like you practiced.
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: I'm here, I'm here... (kneels down next to her and takes her hand)
[Rachel grabs hold of Monica's hand as well. They all wait for the contraction to pass]
Rachel: (relaxing) That hurt.
Monica: (rubbing her hand) You can say that again...
[Stella enters, out of breath]
Stella: I can't get out.
Joey: What?
Stella: I think something in the electric lock must've fused. I couldn't get the door open.
All: What?!
Monica: OK, we're in trouble.
Rachel: No, I'm in trouble! (in tears) What am I gonna do?!
Ross: Rachel, don't worry, it'll be fine, the power will be back in a minute.
Joey: When whatever caused this was strong enough to take out the phones as well? No way.
[Everyone else stares at Joey]
Joey: Oh! Right...
Stella: Look, Rach, if worst comes to worst-
Ross: Which it won't.
Stella: Which, it won't, we'll deliver the baby. I mean, I've done it before, Chandler and Monica had Matthew just a few weeks ago, Phoebe had the triplets, and Ross was there when Ben was born, I mean, it's not like we're inexperienced...
Joey: You've delivered a baby before?
Stella: Long story. Anyway, I'm sure it'll all be fine, OK?
Rachel: OK...
[long pause]
Stella: Aww, now I'm gonna miss Star Trek!
[everyone stares at her]
Stella: What? I'm bored. I need something to do! (looks in her bag for something to do. She takes out a book, a discman, a can of beer, two packets of cigarettes, a laptop computer, and, finally, a video camera. She holds it up) This could be interesting...
Joey: Cool!
Ross: What is there to tape?
Stella: Rachel giving birth...
Rachel: Stella, no!
Stella: Why not? I bet you'll be grateful one day...
Rachel: No!
Ross: Look, Stella...
Rachel: I think I'm having another one...
Ross: OK, OK, breathe...
[Stella holds up the camera with a grin on her face. Matthew starts crying]
Monica: Oh no...(rushes off)
Stella: Definitely gonna be interesting.
Rachel: Owowowowowowow...
[Chandler sneezes]
Rachel: Owowowowowowow...
Chandler: Where's de Kleedex?
[Joey hands it to him]
Rachel: Owowowowowowow...
[Monica enters with Matthew, who is screaming his head off]
Stella: I love chaos...
Rachel: ...ow.
[Chandler sits on the couch and blows his nose loudly]
Monica: (sitting in the armchair and rocking Matthew) Shhh...
Phoebe: (singing) They were stuck in a house with no power
And Rachel had gone into labour...
[everyone looks at her]
Phoebe: La la la la la la...
Stella: (putting the camera down) Second verse!
And Monica was so stressed out
She felt like she wanted to shout
And poor little Matthew he cried and he cried...
[Everyone looks at her with a worse look]
Stella: Um, la la la la la, the end! Heh heh...
[Matthew gurgles]
Stella: He thinks I've got a good voice.
[Matthew starts crying again]
Stella: La la la la...
[Matthew stops crying for a few seconds, then starts again]
Stella: Interesting...(picks the camera back up) So Rachel, what're you gonna call the baby?
Rachel: You know we haven't decided yet.
Stella: Yeah, I just asked for the camera's benefit. Anyway, you'd better decide soon! Stella's a nice name...
Rachel: Stella, for the last time, no! It's bad enough having one of you! Anyway, it might be a boy.
Phoebe&Stella: No, it won't.
Joey: How can you tell?
Stella: We're psychic, we can tell these things.
Ross: I don't buy it, no way can you tell.
Stella: Wanna bet?
Ross: (quietly) No...
[Stella looks smug. A timer goes off]
Monica: Time for your medicine, boys. (gives Matthew to Chandler and goes to the kitchen) Chandler, where's your medicine?
Chandler: (looking uncomfortable) I, um, used it all?
Monica: You should've said something! The doctor could've given us some more! Anyway, you hardly used any of it last time, how did it go so quickly?
Chandler: I, um spilt it?
Monica: What?! Where?
Chandler: Don't worry, I cleaned it up.
Monica: (sighing) Whatever. I guess you'll have to share Matthew's. (gets the medicine from Matthew's bedroom) Help me get Matthew's mouth open. (gives Matthew some medicine)
[Matthew starts crying harder. Monica feeds Chandler some medicine. {imagine it yourselves, it's late at night and I'm tired}. He makes a disgusted face]
Chandler: Why does medicine always taste so bad?
Monica: So you don't want to get sick. Stop being such a baby, Chandler.
Chandler: Stop being so mean, Mon.
[Monica sighs and sits back down]
Rachel: Contraction! (since Monica's gone she grabs hold of Joey's hand)
Stella: Y'know, I'm so glad I'm not you.
Rachel: Actually, it doesn't hurt that much. (lets go of Ross and Joey's hands to prove her point) See?
[time lapse of a few hours. Rachel is having another contraction. She's holding Ross and Joey's hands as tight as she can]
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Ross: It's OK, it's OK, breathe, breathe...
Rachel: I wanna go home!
Ross: We can go home soon, just, just breathe...
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
[Stella takes Phoebe's guitar and starts playing, perfectly, of course]
Stella: (singing to the song of "Row, row, row your boat")
Push, push, push your baby,
Gently out of you
Merrily, merrily, merrily, how many
Hours left? A few!
[Joey and Phoebe join in]
Stella&Joey&Phoebe: Push, push, push your baby...
Rachel: STOP IT!!! Shut, up, shut UP, SHUT UP!!!
Stella: OK, OK, keep your baby in...(smirks)
Phoebe: Sorry Rachel.
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Matthew: Waaaaaaaaaaaah!
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Matthew: Waaaaaaaaaaaah!
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Matthew: Waaaaaaaaaaaah!
Rachel: OK, it's over.
Matthew: Waah...
Stella: Didn't you hear her? She said she's done.
Ross: Stella, he doesn't understand you, he's only a month old.
Stella: Of course he understands me, don't you Matthew?
[Matthew laughs]
Stella: Told you.
Rachel: Y'know, I really need something to drink.
Stella: Is she allowed to drink?
Ross: She's only allowed ice chips.
Stella: We don't have any ice chips!
Rachel: Oh, not again...Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Stella: I'm gonna be deaf by the time this is over!
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Stella: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Help help help heeeeeeeeeeelp! (covers her ears)
[we hear barking]
Stella: Bruno! (goes to the window) Hey Bruno! I'll be back soon! There's some cookies in my room if you're hungry!
[one more bark]
Stella: That should keep him going. Now, where was I?
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Stella: Yeah, that was it. (takes a deep breath) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Stella: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Stella: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Aww, now I've got a sore throat...(goes to get a drink from the fridge)
Ross: OK Rachel: I think it's time for you to start pushing now...
Rachel: Oh God! Oh my God! I'm gonna have a baby in Monica's apartment!
Monica: OK, OK, Chandler, get off the couch! (shoves him)
[Chandler groans and moves to the armchair]
Monica: Phoebe, get some towels, I don't want blood on my furniture!
Stella: And you don't mind having it on your towels?
Monica: (pauses, then shouts to Phoebe) And try to find some old newspapers?
[Stella grins and helps Rachel to lie down on the couch]
Ross: Ok, it's OK...
Rachel: Oh my God, oh my, God, oh my God...(looks at Ross) Ross, I'm scared.
Stella: Don't be scared, Rach! I mean, Monica's done it, Phoebe's done it, there's no reason why you shouldn't do it too.
Rachel: Yeah, if I was in hospital!
Stella: OK, OK, maybe you don't want me here, but, but what about the others, huh? I mean, Chandler or Monica would have to stay here with Matthew, and Joey and Phoebe wouldn't be allowed to be there when you're actually giving birth, would they? Isn't it much better to have all your friends and family here with you? Huh?
Rachel: (calming down a bit) OK, OK, let's do it!
[time lapse. The baby is just about to be born]
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! (glares at Stella) You said this would be better than giving birth in a hospital! (pause) I want a hospital!
Stella: Rach, shut up and push, it'll be over soon. Look, look, the head!
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Stella: Just a little more...
Rachel: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
[we hear the sound of a baby crying. Stella wraps it up in a towel while Phoebe does all the other bits]
Stella: It's a girl, it's a girl! Aww, can I keep her? (grins to show she's kidding and hands the baby to Rachel) You've got to call her Stella!
Ross&Rachel: No.
Stella: Aww...OK, OK, how about you give her a name beginning with R, huh?
[Ross and Rachel look at each other]
Rachel: Like what?
Stella: Um, um....(thinks hard) like Rachel?
[Ross and Rachel roll their eyes]
Stella: Oh, all right...what about Rosabelle? I like Rosabelle. Rosabelle's a nice name...
Rachel: Rosabelle...
Ross: I like Rosabelle...
Rachel: Yeah?
[Ross nods]
Rachel: Rosabelle Stella Geller...
Stella: Wha-wha-what? You, you're, her middle name is Stella?!
Rachel: Well, you did ask so nicely...
Stella: That's, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me...Hey, hey Matthew! (goes into his room) Guess what! (comes out again holding him) Your cousin's middle name is Stella! (goes to sit next to Rachel, who is sitting up now) Look, look, there she is!
Phoebe: Isn't she cute!
[Chandler gets up and takes Matthew. Everyone just bunches round the couch and coos at Rosabelle]
Credits
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Early morning. Everyone is slouched round the apartment, asleep. Monica is holding Matthew and sitting on Chandler's lap, he's in the armchair. Ross, Rachel and Rosabelle are asleep on the couch. Phoebe and Joey are asleep at the table, and Stella is lying on her stomach on the coffee table with her arms hanging over the side. Mr. Treager enters.
Treager: (babbling) Is everyone OK? There was a power cut in the night, I just stopped by to... (notices that everyone is asleep) Um...
[Joey starts to snore]
Treager: OK then... (leaves)
The End