Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
Note: This fanfic takes place about a week after my last fanfic, The One With A Baby
Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are there. Monica is holding Matthew.
Monica: Are you sure you can cope?
Chandler: Yes! It's only for a few hours.
Monica: OK. (stops) Really?
Chandler: Yes! Now go or you'll be late.
Monica: OK. (puts Matthew in his baby seat). Take care, OK?
Chandler: We will. (kisses her)
Monica: Bye!
Chandler: See ya!
[Monica, Phoebe and Rachel leave]
Chandler: (to Matthew) OK, what can we do, huh? (gives Matthew his finger to hold)
[Matthew looks at Chandler's hand]
Chandler: Hey, you know what this is? (takes off his wedding ring) This is my wedding ring. It means- (he accidentally drops the ring. It rolls under the couch) Oops. (tries to pick it back up. He has problems. It looks funny. The main reason for this is so that someone can sneak up behind him)
A Very Familiar Female Voice: You need some help?
[Chandler turns around. You can all guess who it is, right?]
Chandler: Oh...my...God...
Janice: Oh...my...God!
Credits
Chandler: J-J-J-Janice!
Janice: Bing-a-Ling! When did you get back?!
Chandler: Back?
Janice: From Yemen!
Chandler: Oh, um (the whole thing is slowly coming back to him), today! Right now! Just a few minutes ago!
Janice: Weren't you gonna call me?
Chandler: Call you? Yes, yes, I was gonna, gonna do that...
Janice (notices that Chandler is holding something {his wedding ring, but she can't see that}) What've you got there?
Chandler: Oh, um, (puts it in his pocket) nothing.
Janice: (noticing Matthew for the first time) Who's this?
Chandler: Um, that's Matthew.
Janice: Whose is he?
Chandler: He's mi-...Monica's.
Janice: So she finally took that trip to the sperm bank, huh? Poor kid. But how kind of you to look after him!
Chandler: Yeah, well...
Janice: Oh, we've been talking five minutes and I still haven't welcomed you back properly! C'mon, give Janice a hug. (she hugs him. He looks very uncomfortable...)
Scene: A hospital room. Phoebe is having a sonogram. Monica and Rachel are with her.
[the nurse puts the gel on]
Phoebe: Come on, hurry up!
Rachel: Don't be so impatient!
Phoebe: Sorry, I'm just exited!
Monica: Phoebe, you've done this before.
Phoebe: Yeah, but those weren't my kids. I mean OK, they were sorta my kids, but...this is different.
[we hear a heartbeat. It doesn't sound quite right though]
Rachel: That doesn't sound right...
Phoebe: What? There's nothing wrong, is there?
Nurse: Let me check something...No, there's nothing wrong. You're having twins!
[their jaws drop open]
Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Stella are fighting over the remote control. Stella's dog Bruno is lying in front of the TV.
Stella: Give it back!
Ross: It's mine!
Stella: I had it first!
Ross: I bought it!
Stella: I had it first!
[they both pull at the remote. It goes flying. Bruno catches it in his mouth, jumps onto the couch, puts it down in front of him, and presses a button with his paw. We hear barking coming from the TV]
Stella: Bruno, please, not Lassie!
[Bruno looks up, growls at Stella, then pulls the remote closer]
[pause]
Stella: You wanna go to the coffee house?
Ross: (pause) Yeah, OK.
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Joey is watching TV. Chandler enters carrying Matthew, with Janice following closely behind. Joey looks at them with shock.
Janice: Hi Joey! (does her laugh, then turns to Chandler) Will Monica mind if I use her bathroom?
Chandler: No, of course not.
[Janice goes into the bathroom]
Joey: Wha...wha...what's she doing here?!
Chandler: Shhh! It's not what you think, I swear!
Joey: Yeah, right!
Chandler: No, really it isn't! I ran into her at the coffee house, and she just followed me up here!
Joey: Haven't you told her about you and Monica?!
Chandler: I-I can't! She thinks I've just gotten back from Yemen and Matthew is the product of Monica and a sperm bank!
Joey: You've gotta tell her!
Chandler: I know! Hey, could you look after Matthew for a while though? It might be easier if we were alone.
Joey: (unsure) OK...
Chandler: And whatever you do, don't mention Janice to Monica!
Joey: Why not?
Chandler: You know what she'll think!
Joey: OK, OK, but be back soon!
[Janice comes out of the bathroom]
Chandler: So, Janice, do you want to come over to, um, my apartment?
[Joey makes an alarmed face. Chandler makes a face back at him]
Janice: (looking at Chandler hungrily) Suuuurrrrre!
Chandler: (laughing nervously) OK then...
[they exit]
Joey: (looking at Matthew) So Matt, d'you like Baywatch? Cos I've got this wonderful tape... (puts a tape on and puts Matthew on his knee) Now, that's Yasmine Bleethe...
[Monica, Phoebe and Rachel enter]
Joey: (getting up) Hi guys!
All: Hi!
Monica: Where's Chandler?
Joey: He, um, had some important business to take care of...
Monica: What business?
Joey: Erm...important business?
Monica: I knew I shouldn't have left him alone with Matthew...here, give him to me...
[Joey hands Matthew to Monica]
Rachel: Anyone wanna go downstairs and get something to eat?
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm starving!
Joey: I'll come too.
Rachel: Monica?
Monica: I think I'll stay here until Chandler comes back.
Rachel: OK. See you later then.
[Joey, Phoebe and Rachel leave. Monica puts Matthew down and starts cleaning the apartment]
Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Stella are sitting there when Rachel, Phoebe and Joey enter.
Rachel: Hi, honey. (sits down next to Ross and kisses him) Hi Stella.
Stella: Hi guys! How did the sonogram go, Pheebs?
Phoebe: OK, y'know, normal.
[Rachel raises her eyebrows at her]
Phoebe: OK, not exactly normal...
Joey: Huh?
Phoebe: Um, the doctor says we're having twins.
Joey: (pause) Woah...
Phoebe: Yeah, but you know doctors, they'll say anything.
Stella: Um, Phoebe, aren't you a twin?
Phoebe: Yeah...ooh, Ursula's such a bitch...
Stella: Why, what's she done now?
Phoebe: Nothing, why?
Ross: Um, I think what Stella is trying to say is that, since you're a twin, twins must run in your family. In other words, the doctor's probably right.
Phoebe: You mean I'm really gonna have two little Joeys running around?
Stella: Pretty much, yeah.
Phoebe: Oh...(pause) That'll be cool!
Ross: OK, but remember two babies are gonna cost a lot. I mean, you should probably start saving more...
Phoebe: Oh, stop ruining my moment of happiness! (leans back and sighs happily)
Scene: Joey and Phoebe's apartment (Janice thinks Chandler still lives there, though). Chandler is standing by the counter, looking nervously at Janice, who seems really eager to...you know.
Chandler: OK, um, I have to tell you something.
Janice: I know, I love you too... (goes to kiss him)
Chandler: (pushing her away) No, no, it's not that...
Janice: Oh. Can't you tell me about your time in Yemen later?
Chandler: No, it's not that either...
Janice: (looks puzzled, then shrugs) I give up! What is it? Tellmetellmetellme!
Chandler: (wincing at the sound of her voice) OK, um...(pauses) I'm married.
Janice: (shocked, not believing her ears) What?
Chandler: (takes his ring out of his pocket and puts it back on) I'm married. Monica, is my wife. And Matthew, Matthew is our son.
Janice: Oh my God!
Chandler: Look...
Janice: How, how could you do this to me?
Chandler: OK, I think you should go now... (opens the door and gently leads her out)
[Janice walks out, dazed. Monica opens the door to her apartment with a bag of trash. Suddenly, Janice gets an evil glint in her eyes, pulls Chandler towards her, and kisses him. He struggles to get away. Janice releases him, walks a few steps, then turns around again]
Janice: I love you too, Chandler. (leaves)
Chandler: (shocked) Monica- (starts to walk towards her)
[Monica, who has been watching the whole thing, shocked, slams the door in his face]
Chandler: Monica, I can explain...
[there is no answer]
Chandler: Monica!
[when there is still no answer, he sits down on the step and puts his head in his hands]
Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Stella is sitting between them, and Bruno is on the floor in front of the TV. He still has the remote between his paws. Ross and Rachel are talking about baby names. Stella looks bored.
Ross: Maybe we should name it after one of out relatives.
Rachel: I don't think so. All the other relatives would be jealous.
Stella: You could name it after me...
Ross: (ignoring her) OK, why don't you just pick a name you like?
Stella: OK, OK, maybe not Stella...how about Esmerelda?
Rachel: (also ignoring her) I can't think of any right now...
Stella: (gets up and sits down next to Bruno) Can I watch TV now?
[Bruno growls]
[Stella stands up again and goes to sit on the couch, but Ross and Rachel are now holding hands across the space where she was sitting. Stella sighs]
Stella: I'm going out.
Rachel: (distractedly) Sure, whatever. (to Ross) Let me see the book again.
[Stella shrugs and exits]
Scene: The hallway. Chandler is still sitting there. He hears Joey and Phoebe coming up. Since he doesn't really want to talk to them, he goes up to the roof.
Scene: The roof. Chandler comes out of the door and sees Stella sitting on the ledge with her legs dangling down. She's smoking a cigarette.
Chandler: Stella?
Stella: (looking around, puzzled) Chandler? What are you doing here?
Chandler: (sitting down next to her) I'm a jerk.
Stella: Why?
Chandler: I ran into an ex-girlfriend.
Stella: Oh my God, you didn't...?
Chandler: No! But I brought her to Joey's to explain things to her, and then when she was leaving Monica came out of our apartment, and then Janice kissed me!
Stella: Are you sure you explained things to her?
Chandler: Yes! She just did it out of spite.
Stella: Sounds messy.
[Chandler nods. There is a long pause]
Stella: D'you want a cigarette?
Chandler: (sighs) Yeah, why not? (takes one and lights it). Why are you here, anyway?
Stella: Ross and Rachel were ignoring me, and Bruno's watching a Lassie marathon. It's worse than Joey and Baywatch.
[there is another long pause]
Stella: You got to sort this out, Chandler.
Chandler: I know. But how can I? She won't even let me into the apartment.
Stella: Climb down the fire escape! That's how I got up here.
Chandler: And then what?
Stella: Explain things to her!
Chandler: What if she doesn't believe me?
Stella: Make her believe you! C'mon Chandler, you've got to try, at least.
Chandler: You're right. You're right! I'm gonna go down there, and I'm gonna explain everything, and everything will be all right.
Stella: Right. And, um, you might need this. (throws him some breath spray) You don't wanna smell all smoky.
Chandler: Thanks, Stella. I owe you one. (rushes off)
Stella: Or two...(rushes out the door to the stairs)
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Someone knocks at the door. Monica, who has obviously been crying, looks through the spyhole, sighs, and opens the door. Stella is there.
Monica: What do you want?
Stella: I'm your babysitter.
Monica: I don't need a babysitter.
Stella: You do now. (points out the window, where Chandler has just climbed down the fire escape)
Monica: What is he doing?!
Stella: See for yourself. (takes Matthew off the floor, takes the toys and the blanket he has, and exits)
Chandler: (climbing through the conveniently open window) Monica, please, let me explain!
Monica: Why should I?! Chandler, how could you do this to me? (tears start streaming down her face again)
Chandler: I didn't do anything!
Monica: Yeah, right!
Chandler: I ran into her at the coffeehouse and I brought her up here to tell her about you and me! That's all, I swear!
Monica: Why should I believe you? Why didn't you just tell her straight away?!
Chandler: I didn't want her to frighten Matthew by shouting at me! I told Joey to look after him.
[Monica looks uncertain]
Chandler: Monica, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me! I'd never want to hurt you, you know that!
[Monica starts to cry harder. Chandler hugs her]
Chandler: (softly) I promise you that's what happened.
Monica: You swear?
Chandler: I swear. Now let's get Matthew and have a nice evening in, OK?
[Monica nods. They go over to Joey and Phoebe's. Stella is watching TV with Matthew]
Stella: And that's Captain Janeway...(she notices Chandler and Monica and looks up sheepishly) Heh heh...
Credits
Scene: Central Park (no, not Perk, Park). Chandler and Monica are pushing Matthew in his pram.
Monica: Hey, isn't that Janice?
[Janice is standing next to a fountain. Chandler and Monica walk towards her]
Monica: (pretending to be cheerful) Janice! Hi!
[Janice looks nervous and takes a few steps back]
Monica: (pushing the pram forwards so Janice has to keep backing away) How nice to see you again! We didn't really get a chance to talk last time, did we?
[Janice has now backed up so much that she falls into the fountain. Chandler and Monica kiss, then walk away, Monica with a smug look on her face]
The End
Feedback, please! I know it was too short! And the next one will be Ross and Rachel, I
promise!