The One With The Water Fight, Part I

Written by Tina Nellis

Okay, this is my first fanfic, but I shall probably be writing more (well, I'll have to, because this is a two parter!). Anyway, enjoy, and e-mail me with your comments!


[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody except Joey is there, sitting in the usual place. Chandler, Monica and Phoebe are sitting on the couch, with Monica and Phoebe sat on the left, and Chandler sat on the right. Rachel is sitting in the chair reading a book, and Ross is sitting at the table.]

Ross: Where's Joey?

Monica: At an audition.

Rachel: [looking up from her book] What for?

Monica: Some movie called "Feeble Trek" or something like that. It's supposed to be some sort of sci-fi comedy.

Chandler: Ooh, I can just see it now. [pretending to quote what it would probably say on the promotion poster] "Run for your lives! Feeble Skywalker is cruising the galaxy! And he's got Scottie's help with the beaming rays and Mr Spock's ears!"

[The others laugh, as Joey enters and stands at the door.]

Joey: [yelling happily] I GOT IT!!!

[Everyone in the coffeehouse goes quiet and turns to look at him with odd stares.]

Joey: I finally get the lead in a movie and this is the congratulations I get?! Well, thanks a lot!

[Everyone goes back to what they were doing before.]

Chandler: [quietly so that Joey can't here him, but the others can,  still quoting from the imaginary movie poster] "And now, just to make sure you're really scared, he's got a space horse as his mode of transportation!"


[Scene: As before. Joey is now sitting on the couch in between Monica and Chandler, and telling the others about his audition.]

Joey: And then she offered me the part, right on the spot! Can you believe it?

Chandler: No! [Joey gives him a "ha ha, very funny" look] [beat] No, seriously, I can't!

Phoebe: You know what we should do to celebrate?

Chandler: If this is gonna be anything like the episode with the soap making, then I don't wanna know!

Rachel: Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad!

Chandler: Not that bad?! The thing blew up in my face! I looked like a beetroot for a month!

Ross: Chandler, it was not a month! [beat] It was a week.

[Rachel looks at Ross and then goes back to reading her book, smiling to herself. The others all notice this, except Ross of course.]

Monica: [getting back to the subject] I know! Why don't we have a party?

Joey: Can't. Mr. Treeger's coming to unblock one of our water pipes.

Rachel: [looking up from her book again] How'd it get blocked in the first place? [beat] On second thoughts, if it's anything like the time your chick got jammed in the VCR, then I think we'd all be better off not knowing!

Chandler: It was an accident! Poor little Yasmine was scared half to death after that incident!

Ross: Oh, Chandler, while we're on the subject of farmyard animals, could you ask that duck of yours not to try and chew up videos that I've rented out? I had to pay $50 to the video store because all the videos had duck bite marks all over them!

[Scene: The guys' apartment. Chandler is sitting on the floor watching Baywatch with the chick and the duck.]

Chandler: Oh, come on Yasmine, where are you? The male population of the world need you!

[Yasmine pops up on the screen, and at seeing this, the chick starts chirping loudly and the duck starts quacking.]

Chandler: [noticing the noise the chick and duck are making] There, that's at least one good thing I've taught you! [looks at the TV, and it's in one of šthoseš running scenes] Run, Yasmine, run!

[There's a knock at the door, and Chandler gets up to answer it.]

Chandler: God, you want to watch just one program a week... well, actually, you want to watch a Baywatch marathon, and the world and his wife come knocking!

[He opens the door, and it's Mr Treeger, who is carrying a toolbox.]

Mr Treeger: Hi, Chandler. [notices the TV, which is now showing the entire female cast of Baywatch in a running scene, and then notices the chick and duck, who are running all around the living room, and being very loud while they're running] I see you've got Baywatch on.

Chandler: [letting Mr Treeger in] Well, you know, it's like a tradition here. You've got Thanksgiving and Christmas, but we have Baywatch every week as well.

Mr Treeger: [laughs] So anyway, where's this blocked pipe?

Chandler: I think it's under the bath.

Mr Treeger: You think?

Chandler: [sarcastically] Well, I'd be able to tell if I had x-ray vision.

[Mr Treeger walks into the bathroom, carrying his toolbox. Chandler walks back into the living room, and goes to sit down, but just as he is about to do so a loud bang comes from the bathroom. He jumps back up and goes to the bathroom just as Mr Treeger walks out, totally covered in what can only be described as a ton of crap.]

Mr Treeger: Well, I unblocked the pipe!

Chandler: I can see that.

Monica: [yelling from her apartment] WHERE THE HELL DID MY WATER GO?!

Mr Treeger: Well, I'm going to go get cleaned up!

Chandler: And I'm probably going to get killed by Monica!

[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the couch reading a script when Phoebe enters excitedly and sits down next to him.]

Phoebe: Hey! Guess what?

Joey: What?

Phoebe: I got a new job!

Joey: Really? What?

Phoebe: I'm gonna be working for a record company!

Joey: That's great!

Phoebe: I know!

Joey: So what's the job?

Phoebe: Um... I make coffee for everyone, got their food, sort out tapes...

Joey: So basically, you're just a general dogsbody?

Phoebe: Um, yeah!

Joey: What, you'd be doing all the work that no one else can be bothered to do?

Phoebe: Um... yeah!

Joey: Well, wouldn't you feel that you were being taken advantage of?

Phoebe: You mean kind of like every girl you've ever slept with?

Joey: Yea... [realizes what she's said, and gets a puzzled look on his face.]

[Scene: The girls' apartment. Ross enters to find Rachel watching TV.]

Ross: Hey Rach.

Rachel: Hi.

Ross: Where's Monica?

Rachel: Out shopping. How come you're here?

Ross: My apartment building's being fumigated, and Monica said I could stay here.

Rachel: Oh, okay. I'll bolt my bedroom door shut then.

[Ross walks over to the couch and sits down. A loud clank is heard coming from the hallway, and both Ross and Rachel turn their heads and look at the door.]

Ross: What was that?

Rachel: They're redoing the water pipes.

Ross: [trying to make conversation] What're you watching?

Rachel: I think it's some sort of documentary.

Ross: You mean you don't know?

Rachel: I stopped paying attention when that guy started going on about the eating habits of insects.

Ross: What's so bad about that?

Rachel: I was eating at the time.

Ross: [laughs] I'm going to go see Chandler and Joey.

Rachel: Alright.

[Just as Ross gets up, a load of crashing can be heard coming from the hallway. He walks over and opens the door to reveal the hallway, which looks like something that the guy from "Speed" decided to blow up (except that this time it's not a bus).]

Ross: Um... Rach?

Rachel: Yeah?

Ross: I don't think that either one of us are going to be going anywhere soon.

Rachel: [getting up and walking over to the door, obviously confused] What? [sees the offending demolition site wannabe] Oy! [beat] Well, I'm sure that you could get through there!

[Mr Treeger, who is in the hallway, tries to get to the apartment, but trips on one of the pipes that is lying on the floor, and ends up landing flat on his butt right outside the door. Ross and Rachel both try to keep themselves from laughing at the sight of this.]

Mr Treeger: Um... it might be a good idea if you stay in the apartment for the time being.

Ross/Rachel: [together, sarcastically] You think? [They both look at each other, noticing what they've just done.]

[Scene: An audition room. Joey is sitting at a table, along with the producer, director, executive producer of the film and his female co-star, who is called Elena.]

Producer: So, what do you two think about going to LA?

Joey: LA? Nobody said anythng about LA!

Director: [jokingly] Yeah, well, we would film here, but New York doesn't really have that "spacey" feel.

Elena: I think that LA's great!

Executive Producer: How about you, Joey?

Joey: Well...

[Cut to Central Perk, where Chandler, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are sitting in the usual places.]

Joey: And then he fired me!

Chandler: Well, if you refuse to go to the place where they're making the movie, then there's the possibility
that there's going to be a problem filming it.

Phoebe: Well, you're not the only one who's having work problems!

Monica: Why, honey, what happened?

Phoebe: My boss expects me to do all the work around the place that no one can be bothered to do! And we're not just talking about the stuff I was hired to do, we're talking about everything!

Chandler: Even sex?

Monica/Phoebe: [quickly] No!

Chandler: Sorry, thought I could get it into the conversation. Salt 'N' Pepa manage to get it into the conversation every time someone plays "Let's Talk About Sex" on the radio!

Monica: [ignoring Chandler's comment] [to Phoebe] How bad is it?

Phoebe: It's horrible! He expects me to collect his dry cleaning, for God's sake!

Joey: Aw, that's too bad, Pheebs.

Chandler: Hey, does anyone know where Ross is? He was supposed to be here a couple of hours ago.

Monica: Well, he's staying over at our place because his apartment building is being fumigated.

Joey: Wait a minute. Didn't Mr Treeger say that the pipes on our floor were being fixed today, Chandler?

Chandler: Yeah, but I don't see how that could keep Ross from getting down here. [beat] Unless, of course, all the pipes fell down, trapping Ross and Rachel in the apartment.

[Everyone thinks about this for a moment]

All: [together] Nah!

Monica: [jokingly] For that to happen we'd have to be living in Sitcom Land!

[Scene: The girls' apartment. Ross is sitting on the couch, but can't watch TV because water is leaking everywhere, and there are pots and pans all over the place to indicate this. Rachel walks over to the kitchen, avoiding the pots and pans, opens the refrigerator, gets a juice box out, then gets a glass out of the cupboard. When she closes the cupboard door, however, a ton of water comes shooting out of the top of the faucet in her direction, totally soaking her.]

Rachel: [clearly annoyed] Oh, well, this is just great! Niagara Falls has decided to take up residence in my

Ross: [getting up] Oh, come on, Rach, it's not that bad! [starts to walk over to her] I mean, at least... [He walks under a leak and gets water in his face, which Rachel starts giggling at.] What? You think that's funny? [jokingly] I'll show you what's funny! [walks over to the sink and turns on the faucet, holding his hand under it, but only succeeds in getting more water in his face, which makes Rachel laugh even more.]

Rachel: [handing him a towel, still giggling] Here.

Ross: Thanks.

[Rachel turns around so that her back is turned to Ross, who sees a pot sitting on the counter next to the sink, and gets a mischievous look on his face. He takes the pot and fills it with water. Rachel turns around again to see Ross coming towards her holding the pan up as if he was about to pour it on something.]

Rachel: Oh, you'd better not! You had so better not do what I think you're about to do! Don't! Monica will freak out 20 times... [he pours the water over her head] [in high pitched voice] Oh my God! [Ross is laughing] Fine! I don't care, because I can't get much wetter! You, on the other hand... [takes the pot from Ross, goes and fills it with water, then starts walking toward Ross threateningly, holding the pot]

Ross: You wouldn't!

Rachel: Oh-ho-ho... I would!

[Ross walks towards the sink , puts the plug in and turns the tap on. Rachel follows him, backing him into the corner and then throws the water at him, getting him absolutely drenched. Ross turns off the tap, puts his hand in the sink, which by now is almost full, and starts flicking water at her.]

Rachel: [giggling, *still*] Hey! Stop that!

Ross: You started it! [flicks some more water at her]

Rachel: I so did not!

[She puts her hand into the sink and flicks some water back at him. This turns into an all-out water fight, with both flicking water at each other and laughing. Ross goes to pick up the pot so as he can fill it with water again and Rachel, seeing this, turns and starts running, but before she can get anywhere, and before he has a chance to think, Ross reaches out, wraps his arm around her waist, pulls her close to him and kisses her pretty passionately. After a minute or so (well, okay, not a whole minute, but you get the picture) Rachel slowly pulls away, and rests her hands on Ross's chest, but still keeps her face very close to his. Both are clearly stunned by what has just happened]

Ross: [still holding her] Um... okay... what just happened?

Rachel: [looks down at her hands] Um... [she looks up at him, and they look into each other's eyes for a long moment] [softly] Something very... um...

[They kiss again, even more passionately then before.]


Go to Part II

Copyright © 1998 Tina Nellis