{Chandler and Joey's apartment}

(Chandler and Joey watching TV)

Joey: Man! This is my favorite Dick Van Dyke episode!

TV: Shut up Mel!

Joey(laughing): Man, Alan Brady is hilarious!

Chandler: Y'know, Joe, he does say that all of the time. Personally, I think that Buddy, the human joke machine, is more orginal.

Joey: Yeah, but Alan's cooler than Buddy. Alan is the star, and Buddy is just a short, lowly writer.

Chandler: Actually, Alan is only the star of The Alan Brady Show, which is what Buddy, Sally, and Rob write for. The real show is The Dick Van Dyke Show and Rob is the real star. Buddy is more a part of the show than Alan is. Alan is hardy ever on the show.

Joey: I know, but he's the star!

(Chandler throws his hands up in frustration and disbelief)

THEME SONG, OPENING CREDITS, AND THAT LITTLE WINDSHIELD WIPER THING

{Central Perk}

(Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross at their usual spot)

Rachel: Phoebe, what are you doing tonight? Anything special?

Phoebe: Well, no, I'm not doing anything tonight, but tomorrow I have to drive to Trenton for a masseuse's convention, and I have to leave at 6:00 am. So that would explain why I'm not doing anything tonight. I'm going to rest.

Rachel: Oh, okay, no problem. Ross are you doing anything?

Ross: I am supposed to pick up Ben, and he's going to spend the weekend with me. I'll probably take him shopping or to see Camelot the new dragon movie. It looks really good, he should like it. It's about this--

Rachel(interupting): Whoa! Easy there, Mr. Dinosaur Man!

Ross: Sorry, I guess I got a little excited. You're welcome to come with us, Rach.

Rachel: Oh, thanks, but I'll see if Monica has plans.

(Monica enters)

Monica: Hey guys!

Everyone: Hey Mon!

Monica: Guess what? I'm going out with Craig again tonight.

Phoebe: Hey that's great!

Rachel: Yeah, but that's like the fourth time this week.

Ross: It must be getting pretty serious.

Monica: Yeah, he's great. He's so funny and smart and cute.

Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry Rachel, now what are you going to do?

Monica: Why? What's wrong?

Rachel: Everyone has plans tonight except me, but don't worry about it. I still don't know what Joey and Chandler are doing.

(Joey and Chandler walk in dressed up like they are going somewhere, everyone exchanges greetings)

Rachel: Where are you guys going? How come you're so dressed up?

Joey: My agent gave us tickets to the Knicks and Heat game tonight.

Rachel: Oh shoot, that's right. I forgot about that.

Chandler: Why? Did you need us for something, Rach?

Rachel: Oh, no. I don't have anything to do tonight, and everyone is busy, but don't you guys worry.

Ross: Rachel, you know that you can spend the evening with Ben and I.

Rachel(angry): You know what Ross? I know that you think of me as a spoiled brat, who can't do anything on her own, so I'll just be fine on my own tonight.

(Rachel storms out)

Joey: Hey Chandler! We'd better get going. We don't want to miss warm-ups.

Chandler(sounding sarcastic): Oh yeah, we can watch Pat Riley get booed, and the two teams trash talk.

(seriously) Wait up, Joe!

(Joey and Chandler exit)

(Rachel reenters)

Rachel: Monica, I forgot my key, and I can't unlock the apartment.

(Monica and Rachel exit, and Ross laughs with a sense of victory)

{Monica's apartment, next morning}

(Monica cooking, Chandler and Joey come in)

Chandler: Hey Mon! What's up? How was your date last night?

Monica: Oh, sucked. We're not seeing each other any more. How was the game?

Joey: Awesome. The Knicks won, and Larry Johnson and Alonzo Mourning got in a fight. If they would have let them fight, I bet Johnson would've kicked 'Zo's a------(get's dirty look from Chandler)

Chandler: What happened with Craig? I thought it was going great.

Monica: So did I, and before I knew it he dumped me. He said that I was too particular and neat. (shouting) Joey for God's sake use a coaster!

Chandler: Ok, maybe you are a little bit the neat-nick. After all you do vacuum twice a day, and dust three times. Let's break this habit. I've got an idea. If you can not wash a dish or do anything that has to do with cleaning until midnight tomorrow night.

Monica(hesitantly): Oh, okay, no..no problem.

Chandler: If you can't do it you have to buy us groceries for a week.

Joey: Yeah, and mostly beer. Okay.

Monica: What if I win?

Chandler: Then I'll buy you groceries for two weeks.

Joey: Well in that case.(he grabs his scrambled eggs and sits on the couch and starts eating)

Monica(infuriated): Joey! You know the rule!

Joey: Yeah, free beer for a week!

Monica: Be careful, okay.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

{Phoebe's grandmother's cab}

(Phoebe driving furiously)

Phoebe: I can't believe I overslept. Now if I don't hurry I'll miss Jenny Curtwright, the world's most famous acupuncturist. What's the speed limit? Oh well, I'll just go 80. I won't get caught.

(Just at that moment a police siren sounds and Phoebe has to pull over.)

{Monica's apartment}

(Monica, Joey, Chandler)

Chandler: Is Rachel up yet?

Monica: No, actually she didn't come home last night.

Joey: Well, do you know where she went?

Monica: No, she said she was going to go out on her own. I hope nothing happened to her.

Chandler: Don't worry, she probably went to visit someone and just spent the night.

(Ross enters with Ben)

Ross: Hey guys! Say hi, Ben.

Ben: Hi!

(Monica runs and picks up Ben)

Monica: Hey Ben. What's my name?

Ben: Monca.

Monica: Whatcha got there? Oh a dinosaur!(Looks at Ross)

Ross(shrugs): He likes it.

Chandler: So what did you do last night?

Ross: I just took Ben to the movies, and then we got some ice cream and went home.

Joey: You didn't see Rachel did you?

Ross: No, why?

Chandler: She apparently didn't come home last night, and no one knows where she went.

Ross: Hmmmmmm.......

Chandler: Oh well. Don't worry about it. I'm sure she's fine. Joey and I made a bet with your sister that she couldn't do dishes, wash clothes, or pick up anything until Monday.

Ross: Ewwww......tough bet for Mon. How 'bout a little test?

(Ross goes to the video tapes under the television in the entertainment center and looks around throwing them everywhere)

Ross: Oh, here's the one I wanted.

(Leaves the rest of the tapes on the floor, Monica is visibly shaken, but does not say anything)

{Phoebe's grandmother's cab}

(A policeman approaches the car)

Policeman: May I see your license and registration please, miss.

Phoebe: Oh, okay.

(She pretends like she is getting it out of he purse and then opens her shirt and flashes him, the policeman has his mouth open in awe)

{Monica's apartment}

(Monica, Joey, Chandler, Ross, and Ben, Monica answers the phone)

Monica: Hello. Hey Phoebe!.....................You're in jail? For what?....................You were driving without a license and you flashed the officer! Where are you?.........................I'll be right there.(To guys) Phoebe's in jail downtown. She needs $750 bail. Let's go.

Ross: What about Ben? We can't take him to jail.

Joey: I'll stay with him. Don't worry.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

{Later, Back at the apartment}

(Joey and Ben, Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross enter, the apartment is a total mess}

Monica: Oh my God! Joey we were gone for two hours! What did you do?

Joey: What? We were hungry, and cold, and.....(Chandler gives him a thumbs up.)

Monica: You know what I can't take this anymore! (She furiously picks up things and begins to clean)

Joey: Yes, free groceries for a week.

(Monica rushes Joey in anger and punches him in the face)

Joey(covering his eye): Owwwwwww.............what was that for?

Monica: Oh gosh! I'm sorry, Joey. I just got crazy. Here I'll get you some ice. Why don't you guys go across the hall. I'm really sorry, Joey.

(Phoebe, Ross, Ben, and Joey go across the hall)

{Joey and Chandler's apartment}

Joey: So Phoebes what happened?

Phoebe: Well, I was driving to Trenton, and I was speeding because I was late. I got pulled over, and I don't have a driver's license you know. The cop, he was cute by the way, asked to see my license, so I flashed him because I thought that I might get out of it, but he arrested me. I got charged for the ticket, and suspended from driving for a year, and they let me go on the charge of bribery and public exposure since I was a first time offender.

Joey: Whoa, cool!

Ross: Yeah, except I'm out $750.

Phoebe: Oh, Ross. Thanks again. I'll pay you back when I can.

Ross: No problem, Phoebes. (They hug)

{Monica's apartment}

(Monica is cleaning up and Chandler is helping her.)

Chandler: Listen, Mon, I am really sorry about this. Don't worry about the bet, it was stupid.

Monica: Oh, thanks Chandler, but what about Joey.

Chandler: I buy everything anyway, no big deal. I'm sorry. This was a stupid idea. Any guy that doesn't like you because of something that you do is a jerk. He's not worth it. You just be yourself, and you'll find the right guy.

(They hug)

Monica: Thanks Chandler.(pause) Oh no. Where the hell is Rachel?

TEASER

{Monica's apartment}

(All of the gang, except Rachel, and then Rachel walks in, she looks horrible, she is dirty, covered in mud, clothes ripped, purse ripped, and has a dog leash around her leg, the leash is dragging a hood ornament from a car)

Rachel(walking straight to the bathroom)(Snaps): Don't ask!

(Everyone exchanges "I don't know looks")

THE END