Written by: Gemma Beglan
Hiya! Well this is my second fan fic, and is NOT continuing from the first because 1) I really dont think the Richard thing will work because lets face it Mon and Chandler are obviously in love, and 2) I noticed that the Richard thing and Joeys poetry thing had already been done by Alex, which really freaked me out as I read it AFTER Id written my one!! But anyway Id like to apologize to him if he thought Id copied him in any way, I honestly didnt.
Id like to say that I live in England, so only read the scripts through this (great) site, and see them when they appear on Sky One which is like about 10 weeks later, so if Im not completely accurate Im sorry, but you know why.
And another thing is, PLEASE(!!) email me with your comments, even if they say how crap I am Id just like to know all your opinions, it will help me, and Ill write back to everyone I promise! If you have any suggestions aswell, then Ill consider them. OK OK Im really gonna shut up and get on with the story now...Thanks to Jessica by the way!
Ross and Rachel are NOT together in this one (sorry to confuse you) and Monica is NOT in love with Richard (I love Tom Selleck myself!). Chandler and Monica have NOT yet said that they love each other, but everyone DOES know about them!
(scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Joey are there talking on the couch)
Joey: So, Pheebs, I ran into Ursula yesterday. (Phoebe pulls a face)
Phoebe: Oh, uh-huh, and how is she? (Joey looks relieved) Still a bitch?
Joey: (Pulls a face) Oh Pheebs (pleading) Ursulas really hot, and intelligent (laugh from audience) and sweet.
Phoebe: Joey my sister is a lot of things but she is not sweet. I dont know how you can say that after what she did to you.
Joey: Shes changed, Pheebs, she has. She said shes sorry for what she did and I believe her. Anyway when was the last time you saw her?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, well I believe that was when we got back from the beach house that time after I found out my dead mom wasnt really my birth mom, and she wrote a fake suicide note.
Joey: (Weakly) Well, uh, maybe she was trying to protect you...
Phoebe: (puzzled) What, I dont understand. From my moms handwriting? (Cut to Joey looking really confused) And anyway, what about all the things she did to me while we were growing up? Im sorry Joey, but if youre just gonna go out there and get back with her, you cant expect me to be all smiley and happy about this! Ursula is a curse! A cursed girl I tell ya! Cursed!
Joey: Look, Pheebs I am not back with her I just wanted to see what you thought of it before we went out.
Phoebe: (hurt) Youre gonna go out with her?
Joey: Yes Phoebe I am, and if you dont like it then Im sorry but thats the way it is!
Phoebe: Fine!(folds her arms firmly with sulky expression)
Joey: Fine!! (Storms out of Central Perk and slams the door before returning and running over to Phoebe)
Both: Im sorry! (They hug)
(Scene: Monica, Ross, Rachel and Joey in Mons apt. Mon is cooking in the kitchen, and Joey, Rach and Ross are watching TV)
Rachel: So whats everyone doing later?
Ross: Oh well Im going to a meeting at Bens nursery school with Carol and Susan. Should be fun! (Rachel laughs)
Joey: Ross I have a question. Why do you always say Carol and Susan, and not Susan and Carol? (Ross glares at him)
Ross: Because Susan stole my wife and then claimed my son as her own. Do you have a problem with that??
Joey: NOOO! (Ross nods approval at Joeys answer)
Rachel: So Joe are you doin anything later?
Joey: Oh yeah, I gotta date with Ursula.
Rachel, Mon and Ross: WHAT???
Monica: (coming in from the kitchen) Phoebes sister Ursula?? (Joey nods yes) Oh, you are so insensitive!!
Joey: (hurt) What?
Rachel: Oh come off it Joey, Phoebes like your best friend. Look what she did for you the last time you broke up with Ursula. Cant you just respect Phoebes opinion about her?
Joey: I do respect her opinion! I just...have a different one.
Ross: God, Joey, Phoebes like the sweetest person. How can you hurt her like this? Do you know how bad shell feel if you go out with Ursula again?
Joey: Why should she feel bad? Just cos they dont get along. I mean does she want me to not see her just cos of that? Im sorry but thats really selfish.
Monica: Oh Joey, if you really loved Ursula do you think Phoebe would have said anything at all? No! But youre not in love with her! Youre never in love with anyone, you just want sex, sex and more sex!! All Phoebes life her sister has made her life a misery, stealing everything that belonged to her. (Her voice softens) And now Phoebe thinks shes stealing you.
Joey: (Looks really sad) I had no idea. Ursulas not gonna take me away from Phoebe! Ill always be friends with Phoebe. Shes like the only one who understands me.
Ross: (under his breath) Figures.
Ross: Uh, I, uh.....sure is!
(Scene: Outside Ursula apartment, Joey knocks and Ursula answers wearing a T-shirt and leggings)
Ursula: Oh, yeah, um Joey, yeah hi.
Joey: (Oblivious to her state of dress) So are you ready?
Ursula: Not yet, I havent seen the world yet! I always vowed before I die Id go to at least ten other countries, yknow to see their culture and all that. Im not ready yet.
Joey: (Completely confused) What??
Ursula: Oh! Right, yeah ysee I thought you meant death.
Joey: So are you ready for it?
Ursula: Death? Um, no. Look I just told you, you have a really short memory!
Joey: No, no, our date?
Ursula: What date?
Joey: I asked you out remember?
Ursula: Um, no. OK, well Ill just get dressed. Dont come in!(slams door)
(Scene: Mons apartment, Rachel and Phoebe are on the couch, Phoebe looks really depressed)
Rachel: Honey, if you dont smile soon Im really gonna have to get out of this place. Im really not used to you not smiling Pheebs, its just not you.
Phoebe: Well, its hard to be, yknow all twirly and dancy when Joeys out with that....bad girl!
Rachel: Pheebs, I know how you feel, I really do, but Joeys your friend, you have to at least try and be happy for him.
Phoebe: yknow I dont think you do know how I feel. Joeys my best friend and Id do anything for him. Joeys like.......hes like.......
Rachel: What honey, what?
Phoebe: Um...my best friend.
Rachel: Phoebe honey you already said that. Do you, and I mean honestly here, do you have feelings for Joey?
Phoebe: Honestly, yeah. (Rachel gasps)
Rachel: Oh thats so sweet! Oh you have to tell him! My God, this is such a big thing!
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah but he loves Ursula so, no.
Rachel: No, no, Phoebe he doesnt! He hardly knows her. Youre the one he opens up to, the one he tells everything to.
Phoebe: Yeah, but, no that doesnt mean hes in love with me.
Rachel: I think it might yknow. The way he looks at you. I think hes in love with you, he just doesnt...realise it yet.
Rachel: Yeah, I really do. I think you should tell him.
Phoebe: Ooh, you know what, I just might! Yay!!
(Scene: Outside Ursulas apartment, Ursula is just exiting)
Ursula: Yeah, Ok, so yeah Im ready now.
Joey: Great! Um, dyou mind if I just quickly use your bathroom. I really need to go! (Ursula gets pained expression)
Ursula: Um, well, um, OK, so yeah.
Joey: Thanks! (Opens door to see half naked man getting dressed)
Man: Hi, you must be Joey. (Joey stares at him, walks to the bathroom, does his thing, comes out again, and slams the door)
Ursula: Oh, yeah, hi.
Joey: I cant believe you!
Ursula: Um, why? (Joey looks very confused)
Joey: Because.....youre unbelievable!
Ursula: Oh, yeah that.
Joey: Oh, Phoebe was so right!
Ursula: Yeah, well do you mean my mom Phoebe or my sister Phoebe? Cos, yknow that would make a difference. (Joey does his Marcel thingy impression, like he did when he gave Chandler that bracelet, and walks away.)
(Scene: Chandlers apartment, Chandler and Monica are in his room and theyre NOT(!) having sex)
Chandler: So, whatre you doing tomorrow night? Maybe we can go out for a
Monica: Oh, sorry sweetie. I have to cater this party for my moms friend. You can come if you want. (Gets naughty grin on her face) Youd look really sexy in a chefs hat...
Chandler: OK, I might!
Monica: Oh, I was just kidding! You dont really have to come! Well, you can if you want. You can be my little waiter.
Chandler: Mmmmm sounds like fun. (Leans in to kiss her gently) Oh, can you believe this? I mean us. Dont get me wrong, yknow, its great. But its weird cos its you....
Monica: Oh, thanks!
Chandler: You know what I mean. (Mon smiles) And theres something I want to say to you.......Mon, I, um, I mean, oh what the hell (he looks deep into her eyes) Monica I love you. (Mon gasps. She has tears in her eyes)
Monica: I love you too! I love you I love you I love you!
Chandler: I love you more!
Monica: No, I love you more.
Chandler: Oh yeah well, youre just gonna have to prove it to me then arent ya!
Monica: Well I guess I am! (Pushes him down on the bed.)
(Scene: Phoebe and Rachel watching TV at Mon and Rachs. Joey enters.)
Joey: (Depressed) Hey.
Phoebe and Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: (Looks at Phoebe) So, um, how did your date go?
Joey: I cant believe Ursula! She totally forgot that we were going out and when I went inside her place she had some guy in there, and from the looks of him they were definitely not playin snap! (Cut to Phoebe looking really sorry for Joey)
Rachel: Oh honey, thats so horrible! Oh I wish I could stay and talk to you (stands up) but I promised Ross Id go see Ben, I havent seen him for ages and Mon tells me hes getting real big! Well, Ill see you later then guys! Have fun! (Gives Phoebe a prompting look before leaving)
Phoebe: Aww Joey are you OK?
Joey: Yeah, yknow I guess it wouldnt have worked. I mean she is so slow, yknow what I mean? I was like What do I have to explain everything to you? (Laughs. Phoebe clearly doesnt understand what hes talking about. Audience laugh at the irony.)
Phoebe: Oh, honey, Im sorry. Much as I yknow hate her, I know you cared about her.
Joey: Its Ok Pheebs. It really is. Im cool with it.
Phoebe: Um, Joey can I talk to you about something? Its like really important.
Joey: (Looks very confused) Huh? Youre already talkin to me Pheebs (Gives a Joey smile)
Phoebe: No, seriously. I dont know quite how to say this, cos its you, I mean woooo! But I, um, for a while know I, I kinda um, I sorta (clearly really wants to tell him but gets totally tongue-tied) um, um, I....(Joey puts his finger to her lips)
Joey: Ssh (He brushes the hair out of her eyes and leans in on her. Their foreheads are touching and they stare at each other for a few seconds before Joey slowly closes in on Phoebe and gently kisses her.)
Phoebe: (Breathy) Oh, wow!
Joey: (NOT modestly) I know. (Phoebe grins and he kisses her again, this time more passionately.) How long have you.....(gets all embarrassed)....you know?
Phoebe: For a while but I only sorta just realised it, and the Ursula bitch made me really jealous! Did you like me?
Joey: Well I kinda did, but it seemed different, yknow cos youre Pheebs and youre like my best friend. I guess I did like you but I didnt realise it either.
Phoebe: Oh wow! Wait till the others hear! This is bigger than Chandler and Monica!
Joey: Hey Pheebs! Why dont we not tell them and we can (turns on the Joey charm) let them find out for themselves, if you know what I mean?
Phoebe: (Breathy again) Oh, I think I like the sound of that! (Joey scoops her up into his arms, with a squeal from her and they retreat into (presumably) his apartment.)
(Monica is sitting up in bed (Chandlers bed) when she hears a noise from outside. She goes to investigate. Its Chandler. Hes naked. He has a rose in between his buttcheeks. Hes singing opera-style. (You can stop screaming now girls. Monica is trying not to smile. Try to imagine this OK)
Chandler: Mon-i-kaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I lo-oo-oo-ve yoooooooouuuuuuuu Mon-i-kaaaaa! Youre the light of my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife! Everytime I try to envi-i-s-a-age life without yoouuu, I feel real ba-a-a-a-ad and my asscheeks are saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! (Monica is crying with laughter as she takes the rose out of his ass and pushes him back into the bedroom know this ending is very far fetched, and would never happen, but we can wish, cant we?!)