The One With The Wild Dog Chase


Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

Note: This fanfic takes place about a month after my last one, "The One With No Power"


Scene:  Central Perk. About 4:30 in the afternoon. Rachel and Monica are there with their babies. Joey enters.

Joey:  Guys, guys, guess what!

Monica:  What, Joey?

Joey:  I...got an audition...for the lead...in a movie...with Meg Ryan!

Rachel:  What? Joey, that's great! I'd hug you but I might squash Rosabelle.

Joey:  That's OK, I'll hug you later. OK, I've gotta go practice... (leaves)

Monica:  Oh Rach, I've been meaning to ask you, could you baby-sit for Matthew tonight? Only it's Chandler's birthday, and I want to, y'know, make him dinner, be alone with him...

Rachel:  Oh, sorry honey, but we've got your parents coming round.

Monica:  My parents?

Rachel:  Uh-huh.

Monica:  Coming to yours?

Rachel:  Yeah?

Monica:  And they didn't tell me? They must hate me even more than I thought.

Rachel:  Honey, I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation.

Monica:  Yeah, like, since you've got Rosabelle now, they're not interested in Matthew anymore.

Rachel:  Now come on, I'm sure that's not it!

[Matthew throws up]

Rachel:  Although I can see why you might think so...

Credits

Scene:  Central Park. Phoebe and Stella are walking Bruno. Suddenly, Bruno bounds off, barking.

Stella:  Bruno! Come back!

[Bruno ignores her, running off into the distance. Stella starts to run after him, then heads back to Phoebe]

Stella:  Here, take my second cellphone. (hands it to her, then starts running after Bruno again, dialing as she goes)

[Phoebe's cellphone rings]

Phoebe:  Hi!

Stella:  Hi! Could you just sit on a bench somewhere while you wait? I shouldn't be long.

Phoebe:  OK. (goes over too a bench where a young couple are practically making out) Hi! Could you move over please?

[they look at her, then leave. Phoebe shrugs and sits down]

Stella:  (running) Bruno! Come back here!

[Bruno barks]

Stella:  What?! What important thing?!

[Bruno keeps running]

Stella:  Bruno! (runs after him)

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica is cooking. Chandler enters.

Chandler:  Hi honey.

Monica:  Hi sweetie.

[they kiss]

Chandler:  What are you cooking?

Monica:  I can't tell you, it's a surprise.

[Matthew starts crying]

Chandler:  I'll get him. (goes into Matthew's room and comes back out with him) So where's he going tonight?

Monica:  Oh, Stella and Phoebe are looking after him. They said they'd pick him up after they'd taken Bruno for his walk. (looks at clock) Which should've been a half hour ago.

Chandler:  Don't worry, I'm sure they'll be here.

Monica:  Yeah, I guess.

Cut to:  Central Park. Bruno jumps into a fountain (the same one Janice fell into, actually), then jumps back out in one leap. Stella comes up and falls into the fountain. She gets up again, gasping, and starts following Bruno again.

Scene:  Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is cooking {maybe I should've called this TOW All The Cooking...}. Rachel has just finished changing Rosabelle when there's a knock at the door. She opens it to find Jack and Judy standing there.

Jack & Judy:  Hi!

Rachel:  Hey! Say hello to your grandparents, Rosie!

Judy:  (giving Rosabelle her finger to hold) Hi Rosabelle!

[Rosabelle gurgles]

Judy:  Aww.

[Jack and Judy take their coats off and put them on the coat stand]

Rachel:  Sit down, sit down, dinner won't be a moment. (looks to Ross in the kitchen) Right honey?

Ross: (off screen) Ten minutes!

Rachel:  Would you like something to drink?

Judy:  No, no, I'm fine.

Jack:  Me too.

Rachel:  OK, but I would, so do you think you could hold Rosabelle for a moment?

Judy:  Yes, I'd love too.

Rachel:  OK. (gives Rosabelle to Judy) Won't be a minute.

[Rachel goes into the kitchen. The camera follows her]

Ross:  Hi sweetie.

Rachel:  Hey. Oh, I'm nervous...

Ross:  Why?

Rachel:  Cos it's your parents!

Ross:  Rach, you've known them practically your whole life.

Rachel:  Yeah, but, y'know, Monica says they're always criticizing how she treats Matthew, I mean, what if they don't approve of how we're bringing up Rosabelle?

Ross:  They will, OK? Monica's the one mom likes to pick on, not you.

Rachel:  OK, OK, you're right...

[we hear Rosabelle crying from the other room]

Rachel:  I better go. (takes Ross drink from the counter and downs it) OK.

[back in the living room]

Rachel:  What's wrong?

Jack:  I don't know, she just started crying.

Rachel:  OK, give her to me. (takes Rosabelle from Judy) There, she's stopped.

Judy:  Matthew doesn't cry when I hold him.

Rachel:  (under her breath) He's probably too scared.

Judy:  What was that?

Rachel:  Oh, nothing...

Ross:  (coming out, carrying plates of food) OK, dinner's ready!

[everyone sits down at the table and starts eating]

Judy:  So, Rachel, where's that ghastly cousin of yours?

Rachel:  If you mean Stella, she's staying at Phoebe's. Why?

Jack:  Well, when we were in the car we thought saw her chasing after a dog.

[Ross and Rachel look astounded]

Cut to: A busy street. Stella is running after Bruno.

Stella:  (slowing down, dials on her phone) Phoebe? Yeah, this might take a little longer than I thought. Bruno looks like he's heading toward the mall, will you get a cab and meet us there? OK. OK, I have to go or I'll lose him. Bye! (puts phone away and starts running again)

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's. Monica is still cooking. Chandler is sitting on the floor playing with Matthew.

Monica:  Did you remember to get a movie?

Chandler:  No, Stella said she'd get one for me.

Monica:  (turing around) Stella?

Chandler:  Yeah?

Monica:  You do realize she's probably rented us a Star Trek movie?

Chandler:  Oh...Well, never mind, it doesn't look like she's coming anyway.

Monica:  (turning back to the cooking) Yeah, we shouldn't have counted on her.

Chandler:  Maybe there's something on TV.

[pause, the camera stays on Monica]

Chandler:  Mon, turn around a second.

[Monica turns around. We see that Matthew is sitting up]

Monica:  Oh my God! (rushes over and kneels down next to Chandler) Is it normal for them to be sitting up at this age?

Chandler:  I don't know! (picks Matthew up and puts him on his lap) You sat up!

[Matthew gurgles]

Monica:  Oh, he's growing up so fast... (looks at the stove) And pasta boils over so fast! (rushes over)

Scene:  Ross and Rachel's apartment. They've just finished eating.

Jack:  That was delicious.

Ross:  Thanks dad.

Rachel:  OK Rosie, your turn. (starts feeding her)

Judy:  You're breastfeeding her?

Rachel:  (looking up) Yeah, why?

Judy:  Oh, no reason, it's just that...

Ross:  What?

Judy:  Well, you and Monica were never breatstfed.

Ross:  So?

Judy:  Oh, nothing, nothing, (obviously meaning the opposite) I'm sure you know what you're doing...

Ross:  (kinda sarcastically) Gee, thanks mom, it's good to know you approve.

[Judy smiles uncertainly]

Rachel:  Anyway, the doctor said it was better to breastfeed.

Judy:  (still smiling artificially) Yes, yes, I'm sure he did...

Rachel:  What do you mean by that?

Judy:  Well, I was just wondering if this doctor of yours had any children of his own.

Rachel:  What does that have to do with anything?

Judy:  Does he?

Rachel:  (looking down) No.

Judy:  (leaning back) Hmm.

[long pause while the two of them look at each other]

Ross:  So, uh, dessert anyone?

Scene:  The car park outside a mall. Bruno runs into the middle of it, looks around, then runs away. Stella runs up and stops, breathing hard. A cab pulls up next to her. Phoebe looks out of the window.

Phoebe:  Hey!

Stella:  (still out of breath) Hey.

Phoebe:  Where'd he go?

Stella:  He's sniffing at the garbage over there.

Phoebe:  You want me to go get him?

Stella:  No, if he sees either of us he'll just run off again. I need to catch my breath before I can start running again. You got any chocolate?

Phoebe:  (handing her a giant bar) Here.

Stella:  Thanks. (starts stuffing it in her mouth) Dif if goog. (finishes it) If I wasn't in such a hurry I would've enjoyed that a lot more. Drink?

[Phoebe hands her a can of Pepsi]

Stella:  Pepsi? Eurgh. (downs it all anyway, then throws it on the ground and jumps on it to flatten it) I love doing that. (hands the can to Phoebe) Thanks. OK. OK, let's try this again.

[Stella sneaks up on Bruno from behind. Unfortunately, he sees her, barks, and runs away]

Stella:  Bruno! I'm gonna get you for this! (runs after him)

[Phoebe follows in the cab]

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is sitting at the table with Matthew on his knee. Monica serves the food and sits down.

Chandler:  This looks delicious.

Monica:  Thanks, but taste it first.

Chandler:  (takes a bite) Tastes delicious too!

Monica:  Good.

[they kiss. Monica goes back to eating. Chandler stares at her. After a few seconds she notices and looks up]

Monica:  What?

Chandler:  Nothing. Just thinking how perfect my life is. Perfect wife, perfect son, perfect food...

Monica:  See, I knew you'd only married me for my cooking skills. (smiles)

Chandler:  (pretends to be confused) What other reason would I have?

[Monica hits him playfully. They smile at each other. Matthew gurgles and grabs a handful of Chandler's food]

Monica:  (quickly getting a cloth) Oh, sweetie no! (goes over and starts cleaning him up)

[Matthew gurgles and puts his hand up, looking at Monica confusedly. She cleans his fingers carefully and kisses him]

Monica:  There. (sits back down)

Chandler:  And of course I married you for your unbelievable cleaning capabilities.

[Monica rolls her eyes. Matthew gurgles and puts his hand over Chandler's plate, then looks at him questioningly]

Chandler:  (taking Matthew's hand and putting it on his lap) No.

[Matthew gurgles]

Chandler:  It's mine! You can have yours in a minute.

[Matthew takes another handful of food and, before anyone realizes what he's going to do, smears it all over Chandler's face]

Chandler:  (wiping food out of his eyes) Maybe you should feed him.

Scene:  Ross and Rachel's apartment. Jack, Judy and Ross are on the couch, Ross is holding Rosabelle. Rachel is on a chair next to Ross.

Judy:  Oh, and we got a little present for Rosabelle, I hope you don't mind...

Ross:  No, no mom, of course not!

Judy:  Oh good, I didn't think you would. (reaches into her handbag and pulls out a parcel) Here. (hands it to Ross)

Ross:  Hey, look Rosabelle, Grandma brought you a present...

Judy:  It's not much, but I thought it was ever so pretty.

Rachel:  What do you think it is, Rosie?

Ross:  It's... (finishes unwrapping) a pink thing.

Jack:  It's a dress. Girls like dresses, right?

Rachel:  Yeah, yeah. Ross, remember the dress I wore to Barry and Mindy's wedding?

Ross:  Vividly.

Rachel:  It reminds me of that. The resemblance is uncanny, really. And you know what, I think I like this one just as much! (gives Ross a "we're never putting her in this" look)

Ross:  Yeah, yeah, me too! (nods at Rachel to show he agrees with her) Thanks mom, dad.

Jack:  If you don't like it, you can always give it to Monica.

[everyone stares]

Judy:  Jack, Matthew's a boy.

Jack:  Oh! Yes, of course. Must've had too much whisky. Or something. Erm... Rachel, is that a new necklace you're wearing?

[Rachel is about to answer when she sees the death-glare Judy is giving Jack. So does he]

Jack:  (clearing his throat) I'm going to the bathroom.

Scene:  Another street. Yup, Stella's still chasing Bruno, with Phoebe following in the cab. Bruno turns a corner.

Stella:  Bruno? (slowing) Bruno? (turns to Phoebe) Where'd he go?

[Phoebe, mouth full of burger, nods in the direction he went]

Stella:  (starts to run again, then stops and looks at Phoebe) How can you have a craving for a Veggie Whopper, anyway? Those things are disgusting!

Phoebe:  (mouth still full) I 'ike 'em.

Stella:  All those onions...eurgh!

Phoebe:  I 'ike omiomv.

Stella:  The only place that does a decent vegetarian burger is McDonalds.

Phoebe:  Eurgh! Au at maiomaive!

Stella:  I like mayonnaise! Y'know, I could do with one of those right now...

Phoebe:  (finally having swallowed) What about Bruno?

Stella:  I think, I think we've lost him. Somehow I don't think he was hanging around waiting for us to finish our fascinating conversation about burgers. He'll come home by himself eventually.

Phoebe:  Then why have we spent all this time chasing after him?

Stella:  (shrugs) Fun?

Phoebe:  But what about Chandler and Monica?

Stella:  What about- ohhh. Heh heh. (looks at Phoebe) They're gonna be mad, aren't they.

Phoebe:  Yup.

Stella:  Oh well. (gets into the cab) Can you take us to the nearest McDonalds, please? (turns to Phoebe, who has just taken another huge bite of burger) Y'know, just because it's called a whopper doesn't mean you have to take whopper-sized bites.

Phoebe:  (shrugs) I aa eh o a i.

Stella:  What?

Phoebe:  I aa eh o a i.

Stella:  (sighs) Never mind.

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. They're sat on the couch with Matthew. Chandler's flicking through the channels.

Chandler:  Why, when there are so many channels, is none of them showing a good movie?

Monica:  Because it Saturday and most people have gone out for the night.

Chandler:  We could've gone out.

Monica:  With Matthew? I don't think so. You do remember the last time we tried that, right?

Chandler:  You mean the time we got kicked out of three restaurants in a row because of his constant screaming? No, I've forgotten all about it.

Monica:  Ha. Ha.

Matthew:  Heh.

Monica:  Oh my God!

Chandler:  What?

Monica:  He just said his first word!

Chandler:  Sounded like normal baby noises to me.

Monica:  He did, he said "heh".

Chandler:  Again, that sounds like a normal baby noise. Baby laugh noise, actually.

Monica:  Oh, whatever, spoilsport.

[Matthew laughs. It sounds like "heh". Chandler looks at Monica in a "see?" kind of way]

Monica:  OK, fine. It's just a laugh noise. Still, it's a cute laugh noise.

Chandler:  I'm not arguing with that. Cos Matthew here is the cutest little boy ever in the whole wide world, aren't you?

[Matthew laughs and throws up]

Chandler:  Sometimes, anyway...

Scene:  Ross and Rachel's apartment. Everyone's still sitting around.

Judy:  So, when can we expect our next grandchild?

Ross:  Um, mom, Rosabelle's only six weeks old. We're not really planning on having any more just yet.

Rachel:  Yeah, and Matthew's only two months older, so neither are Monica and Chandler.

Jack:  Oh, but you should, you know. We had Monica a year after Ross.

Rachel:  (under her breath) Yeah, and look how that turned out.

Judy:  I beg your pardon?

Rachel:  Nothing.

Judy:  Anyway, I think you really should consider it.

Ross:  OK mom, we'll think about it. Won't we Rach.

Rachel:  Yeah, sure, whatever. Ross, is Rosabelle asleep?

Ross:  (looks down) Yeah, yeah, I s'pose she is. Should we put her to bed?

Rachel:  Yeah, I think so. Come on.

[Ross and Rachel get up and walk to the bedroom]

Rachel:  We'll be back in a minute.

[they enter the bedroom and Rachel closes the door. Ross puts Rosabelle in her crib]

Ross:  (tucking her in) Night night, little girl...

Rachel:  (leaning her head on his shoulder) Isn't she perfect?

Ross:  (puts an arm around her waist) Yep.

Rachel:  But you don't want another one right away, right?

Ross:  No way!

Rachel:  Good, me neither.

[they kiss. Cut to Jack and Judy listening at the door with disappointed looks on their faces]

Jack:  (sighs) Oh well, it was worth a shot.

Judy:  I guess we'll never be the ones with the most grandchildren. Oh well.

[they hurry back to the couch]

Scene:  Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Joey's watching TV. Phoebe and Stella enter. Stella's eating a burger.

Phoebe:  Hey Joey.

Joey:  (turning around) Hi! Where have you guys been?

Phoebe:  Oh, chasing Bruno all over the place.

Joey:  Why?

Stella:  He ran off in Central Park and wouldn't come back.

Joey:  Oh, that explains it.

Stella:  What?

Joey:  Look in the bathroom.

[Phoebe and Stella go into the bathroom. We see Bruno asleep on Joey's towel. Asleep next to him is a female Doberman who looks like she's been in a lot of fights]

Stella:  (quietly) Ohh God...

[the dogs open their eyes and look at her]

Stella:  (petting him) Bruno, why didn't you tell me?

[Bruno makes one of those whiny dog noises]

Stella:  (pats him affectionately) Silly dog, of course I wouldn't.

[she goes to pet the female. She doesn't resist]

Stella:  Hey there! I'm Stella. (looks up at Phoebe) She looks like a stray.

Phoebe:  But why isn't she in the pound?

Stella:  Well, in all likelihood, because she's a very clever bitch. Aren't you. (stands up) I guess you guys can sleep here tonight. I'll come and get you tomorrow.

[the dogs lie back down and close their eyes. Stella smiles and turns out the light. She and Phoebe go back into the living room]

Stella:  So Joey, how'd the audition go?

Joey:  Oh, I got it.

Stella:  Oh. (turns to leave, then stops and turns back, realizing what he said) What?

Joey:  I got it!

[Phoebe and Stella scream excitedly and congratulate him]

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. They're cuddled up on the couch with Matthew, watching the end credits of a movie.

Chandler:  Well, that wasn't too bad after all.

Monica:  No, it wasn't.

[they sit in silence for a while]

Monica:  You know what? Matthew's asleep.

Chandler:  Really?

Monica:  I wouldn't've said it if he wasn't, would I? I'll put him to bed, (leans closer to Chandler) and then we can do some proper celebrating (kisses him).

Chandler:  Sounds good to me.

Monica:  OK.

[they kiss again and Monica takes Matthew into his room. Chandler turns the TV off and goes to stand by the window. Monica comes over to him. They kiss]

Monica:  Happy birthday.

[Chandler smiles. They kiss again. Then they start unbuttoning each other's clothes]

Cut to:  Ross and Rachel's apartment. Jack and Judy are leaving. Judy is standing by the window putting her coat on. She looks out the window.

Judy:  Hey Jack, look, there's Monica and Chandler!

[they wave]

Cut back to: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler has just taken his shirt off when he sees Jack and Judy.

Chandler:  Um, Monica?

Monica:  Yes?

Chandler:  Look out the window.

[Monica looks out and sees Jack and Judy. She and Chandler look at each other, then put on big fake smiles and wave back. Then they high-tail it into the bedroom]

Credits

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Stella opens the door, sees Chandler's shirt on the floor, and, since there ar very few reasons why Monica wouldn't pick it up immediately, grins and closes the door again.

The End
 

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