The One Without The Birthday Party




Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment


Note:  This is my first attempt at writing a fanfic, so please cut me
       a little slack. I would love feedback, so please e-mail me
       This fanfic is set at the end of the 5th season and takes into
       account all the episodes up to "The One Where Rachel Smokes".
       These Characters do not belong to me but to the Friends producers.



 
 

                   signed,

                      The Teenage Friends Freak


Scene:  A supermarket somewhere. Monica and Rachel are buying food and drinks for Rachel's birthday party.

Rachel:  Mon, how many cases of wine do you think we should get?

Monica:  Well, how many people are coming?

Rachel:  Probably just the gang, MAYBE my parents.

Monica:  Then we only need one or two.

Rachel:  OK. (Puts five cases in their shopping trolley)

Monica:  When is this thing anyway?

Rachel:  I don't know yet.

Monica:  And you're already buying food for it?

Rachel:  Well, it's gonna be soon, and this way it saves me from having to do it later.

Monica:  But you don't even know if everyone's coming yet.

Rachel:  Puh-lease Mon. It's my 30th birthday party! Now let's go pay. (starts pushing the trolley, however, she is having trouble because of all the wine)

Monica:  OK! (throws up her hands in resignation and follows Rachel)
 
 

CREDITS



Scene:  Central Perk. Everyone is there.

Rachel:  OK, so are you guys all coming to my birthday party?

Ross:  When is it?

Rachel:  Saturday at 9 o'clock. I don't think I can make it any other time.

Joey:  I can't come then. I've got an audition.

Ross:  Well it's fine with me.

Monica:  I THINK I can come. I'll have to check if I can get the evening off.

Chandler:  I'm coming!

Phoebe:  Yeah, me too!

Gunther:  (to himself) I could come! Why does she never invite me?!

Scene:  The guy's apartment. Chandler is there. Monica comes in looking flustered.

Monica:  Chandler?

Chandler:  (absently) What's up?

Monica:  Chandler pay attention, this is serious.

Chandler:  What's the matter? You're all worked up.

Monica:  (taking a deep breath) I think I'm pregnant.

Chandler: Oh my god! Are you sure?

Monica:  Of course I'm not sure! Why do you think I said "I think"?

Chandler:  Have you taken a test?

Monica:  No, I've made an appointment with my doctor on Saturday evening. I thought, seeing as I'm almost sure, it would be better to get that bit over with too.

Chandler:  Isn't that the same day as Rachel's birthday party?

Monica:  Yeah, but all the other times they suggested were too stupid. I mean, who on earth would want to go at six o'clock in the morning?

Chandler:  W-well, do you want me to come with you?

Monica:  Would you? (hugging him) Oh thank you Chandler!

Scene:  Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are there.

Phoebe:  So what's this audition for?

Joey:  A part on Star Trek: Voyager.

Phoebe:  That's cool! What kind of a part?

Joey:  Head bad guy of the week.

Phoebe:  Will you have to wear loads of weird alien make- up?

Joey:  I don't know yet. I hope not, because I heard it takes hours to get it on.

Phoebe:  Oh. Do you think I could sing one of my songs for them? I could be, like, a singing volcano.

Joey:  Don't you mean a singing Vulcan?

Phoebe:  What are they?

Joey:  You know, like Mr. Spock.

Phoebe:  Oh! No.

Scene:  The girl's apartment. Rachel and Monica are there.

Monica:  Listen Rach, I can't come to your birthday party, me and Chandler have something going on.

Rachel:  Really? What are you gonna do?

Monica:  Nothing much.

Rachel:  If it was nothing much you wouldn't need to do it.

Monica:  Rach, just get off my case will you?!

Rachel:  OK, OK, calm down, I was only asking.

Monica:  Well don't, OK? It's none of your business. (storms into her room)

Rachel:  (to herself) What's up with her?

Scene:  The girls apartment, Saturday evening. Rachel is there as Ross enters.

Ross:  Hi! Am I the first one here?

Rachel:  Yeah. But you and Pheebs are the only ones who are coming anyway. (The telephone rings, Rachel answers it) Hello? Oh. OK. No, that's OK. Bye! (to Ross) That was Pheebs. She's not coming because her Mom's just fallen down the stairs and is in hospital.

Ross:  So it's just you and me?

Rachel:  Yup. You want some wine?

Scene:  A waiting room. Monica and Chandler are there. A doctor enters.

Doctor:  Miss Geller? You can come through now. (They go through the door and sit down at a desk) You know you're very lucky to get this appointment. It's only because my patient died... (he goes on about this patient of his for a bit) You know-

Monica:  Could we just get to the point please?

Doctor:  Sure!

Monica:  Thank you.

Scene:  The girl's apartment, some time and several glasses of wine later.

Rachel:  I mean, is it too much to ask that all my friends be here for my 30th birthday?

Ross:  I know, it's so mean. It's not like you get another chance, is it!

Rachel:  At least my parents could of come, y'know? It's not like they had anything important to do.

Ross:  Yeah.

Rachel:  Y'know, I don't think anyone cares about me anymore.

Ross:  I do. (They look at each other. And then they look at each other a little more. And then they kiss passionately.)

Scene:  The doctor's office. Monica and Chandler are again sitting at the desk across from the doctor.

Doctor:  Well, you were right. You are definitely pregnant.

Monica:  Are you sure?

Doctor:  Definitely.

Chandler:  Wow! I'm gonna be a dad!

Monica:  You're really OK with it?

Chandler:  This is the best piece of news I've had since Ross got divorced!

Monica:  What?

Chandler:  This is the best piece of news I've had since Ross got new forks!

Monica:  Why is that so great?

Chandler:  I don't know! But it is!

Scene:  The girl's apartment, Rachel's bedroom, the next morning.

Rachel:  (waking up) Wha-? R'ss? (shaking him) Ross?

Ross:  Rach? What are you doing in my- oh.

Rachel:  How did we get here?

Ross:  I don't remember. Was wine involved?

Rachel:  I think so. Wait- you kissed me?

Ross:  Did I?

Rachel:  I think you did. And then we came in here...

Ross:  That would explain why we're both lying in you're bed, naked.

Rachel:  Did we-?

Ross:  I think so.

Rachel:  (groaning) Oh my god.

Ross:  Well, look on the bright side, at least I'm not a complete stranger.

Rachel:  True. But we're not going out any more.

Ross:  So what are we going to do?

                                  CREDITS

Scene:  Joey's audition. He is pretending to be a Borg.

Joey:  You will be assimilated! Resistance is futile!

Casting Person (I can't think of the right word, so this will have to do): The part isn't a Borg you know. This guy is supposed to be a really nice, kind, psychopath.

Joey:  Oh. Like this? (in a sweet, kind voice) I'm sorry, but we're going to assimilate you. I'm afraid resistance is futile.

CP:  (throwing up his hands) I give up!
 
 

                                  THE END