Written by: Ethan
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
Last week on FRIENDS
Ross: (To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.
Rachel: Oh! I knew it! What happened?
Ross: Umm, she kissed me.
Rachel: What?! You kissed!
Chandler: (To Monica) Maybe we should give them some privacy.
Monica: (To Chandler) Shhhh!!!
Ross: Look, I uh, I tried not to kiss her, okay?
Rachel: Well, it doesn’t sound like it! I mean, it’s pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just don’t kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
Ross: Let me finish, okay? She started kissing me and-and I didn’t stop it. I guess I-I just wasn’t thinking…
Rachel: Yeah that’s right you weren’t thinking! Y’know what? Let me give you something to think about! (She pulls up her sleeves and steps towards him.)
Ross: Oh wait—hold it! But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing.
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sister’s mouth long enough to tell me that.
Ross: Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!
Rachel: What?!
Ross: No, I mean, look I don’t know if anything is going to happen with us, again. Ever. But I don’t want to know that it-it never could. So I stopped it and she got mad and broke my projector.
Rachel: Wow. I, I don’t even know what to say. Thank you. (Gently kicks him.)
Ross: You’re welcome. (Gently kicks her back.)
(Chandler starts crying.)
Monica: Oh my God! Are-are you crying?
Chandler: (crying hysterically) I just don’t see why those two can’t work things out!
(OPENING CREDITS)
CHANDLER & MONICA’S
(The next morning. Chandler and Monica are eating breakfast at the table. The door opens and Rachel, dressed for work, walks in looking very tired).
Rachel: Good morning.
C/M: Mornin’.
Monica: My God Rachel, you look like you haven’t slept for days. What’s wrong?
Rachel: I didn’t sleep at all last night. I was up thinking of Jill kissing Ross. Ya know, sometimes I just hate my sister.
Chandler: Why does it bother you that Jill kissed Ross anyway? She didn’t sleep with him.
Rachel glares at Chandler
Chandler: Well look at that, time to go to work.. Bye!
(Chandler leaves. Joey enters.)
Joey: Where’s he going in such a hurry? (Joey notices Rachel’s tired look). What’s the matter Rach, up all night having hot sex?
(Rachel now glares at Joey.)
Joey: I think I’ll be going.
(Joey leaves).
(Rachel is now lying on the couch. Monica sits on the arm rest).
Monica: Rach, sweetie, what’s really going on?
Rachel: Mon, I really don’t want to talk about it.
Monica: Is this about what Ross said last night. Ya know, how he stopped kissing Jill because he didn’t want to ruin any possible chance of getting back together with you ever again?
Rachel: No. Yes. God, I don’t know. All I know is that I couldn’t sleep because of what he said.
Monica: You Still Love Him!
Rachel: No, no I don’t. I am just upset that my sister kissed him. It’s like incest or something. Sisters just don’t kiss each other’s ex-boyfriends.
(Phoebe enters)
Phoebe: Hey guys. What’s up?
Monica: Rachel’s still in love with Ross!
Rachel: MONICA!
Phoebe: Well of course she is, they’re lobsters. Geez, tell me something I didn’t know.
(Ross enters)
Ross: What didn’t you know?
Phoebe: Oh, (pause) Monica and Chandler had sex on this very table last night. (Monica glares at Phoebe) (Ross looks shocked)
Ross: Mon, that’s, that’s, that’s sick. People eat there and stuff. (Ross notices Rachel) Rach, are you alright, you look like you didn’t sleep last night?
Rachel: Yeah, I was up all night getting sick, must have been something I ate.
(Ross walks over to Rachel and gives her a hug) Ross: Hope you feel better. Well, off to class. (Ross leaves. Monica and Phoebe smile at Rachel)
Phoebe: See, lobsters.
CENTRAL PERK
(All are present)
Chandler: So what’s everyone doin tonight?
Phoebe: I am xxxxxxxxx
Joey: I have a hot date with Deborah. Yeah, she’s the girl I met in my acting class. God she’s so hot.
Chandler: Joey, for you, anything with a heartbeat and a woman’s body is hot.
Joey: Nah uh, (pause) all right its true.
Chandler: Mon, Ross, Rachel, what are you guys doing?
Monica: Chandler, it you don’t know what we’ll be doing, then I don’t want to be doing it with you.
Chandler: Anyway, Rach and Ross, any plans?
Rachel: I’m going home and going to bed early.
Ross: I’m gonna try and fix my projector. I still can’t believe Jill broke it
Chandler: Come on guys, its Friday night. Geez, and you wonder why you’re both single.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
PHOEBE AND RACHEL’S APARTMENT
(Rachel’s Bedroom. Its around 2 a.m. Rachel is in bed but is awake)
Rachel (VO): I am so tired. Why can’t I sleep. Damn it Ross, you and your big mouth. Why do you have to say something so sweet whenever I get mad at you? Chandler’s right, why can’t we ever seem to work things out? No, no, I am not in love with Ross. After all, he still believes we were on a break and that it was ok to sleep with that bitch. But why do I still get that funny feeling everytime he does something sweet.
Rachel: That’s it. I want answers. (Rachel gets out of bed and throws some clothes on.)
ROSS’ APARTMENT
(It’s 2:30 a.m. Rachel pounds on the door. Ross wakes up and looks at the clock and then tries to go back to sleep. Again, Rachel pounds on the door.)
Ross: What the hell was that? (Ross gets out of bed and tries to run to the door, but trips. Eventually, he reaches the door and opens it.)
Ross: Rach, what the hell are you doing here? It’s 2:30 in the morning.
Rachel: I need to talk to you.
Ross: It’s 2:30 in the morning. Can’t it wait until later?
Rachel: No. It’s your fault I can’t sleep?
Ross: What?
Rachel: I said it’s your fault I can’t sleep!
Ross: How?
Rachel: What, do you turn into question man at 2am? Look, you had no right telling me that you still had hope that we would get back together.
Ross: When did I say that? (Pause) Is this about Jill and last night?
Rachel: It’s about everything Ross.
Ross: Everything? What the hell are you talking about? There’s nothing going on between us. We’re friends remember.
Rachel: Then why did you say you still had hope that we’d get back together someday?
Ross: No, I said I don’t know if anything is going to happen with us, again. That’s different.
Rachel: Different?!
Ross: Yeah, different.
Rachel: How it that different?
Ross: I dunno. God, why is this bothering you so much? It’s not like we are really ever going to get back together. You know that and I know that.
Rachel (hurt): Forget I even came here. Goodnight Ross. (Rachel turns for the door, Ross realizes that he shouldn’t have said that).
Ross: Rach, wait. (Rachel turns around). All I meant is that I know hurt you very bad when we were dating and I know that you can’t forgive me for what I did.
Rachel: Do you still think you were right? Do you still think it was ok to sleep with Chloe?
Ross (stunned): Ah, actually, no. I was wrong. I should have never slept with Chloe. I should have let things cool down between us. Yes, I thought I was going to lose you forever, but I was stupid to sleep with Chloe hours after going on a break with you.
Rachel (stunned): What?
Ross: I was wrong.
Rachel: When did you flip-flop from "We were on a Break" to "I was wrong".
Ross: After you came to London to try and stop my wedding.
Rachel: You know that I came to stop your wedding.
Ross: Yeah, Monica told me.
Rachel: Monica never keeps secrets. Ross, why didn’t you tell me about this?
Ross: I didn’t think it would matter. Besides, we broke up over two years ago.
Rachel: Well it would have mattered.
Ross: Excuse me?
Rachel: Don’t you remember when we went to the Montauk. I made Bonnie shave her head, you got mad, we kissed and decided to get back together. You broke it off with Bonnie and then I gave you that 18 page letter to read which you never finished.
Ross: Yes and I also remember that you wanted me to take full responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship.
Rachel: And after we returned to NYC we consummated our relationship again only to have you tell me we were on a break to justify sleeping with Chloe.
Ross: Of course, you goaded me into it. You honestly felt that everything that went wrong was my fault?
Rachel: Not anymore.
Ross: Huh?
Rachel: I realized that relationships are about two people and when it doesn’t work, both people are at fault.
Ross: What does this all mean?
Rachel: I honestly don’t know. I wonder where we would be now if we had this talk a year ago.
Ross: Do you still love me?
Rachel: (stunned, again) Ah, No. Yes. Well maybe. Do you still love me?
Ross: Since the 9th grade.
(Ross walks over to Rachel and takes her hand. He looks into her eyes and then gives her a hug).
Ross: See, you shouldn't be mad at Jill anymore, she's brought us closer together.
(Rachel breaks the hug, looks at Ross, kisses him gently and then turns for the door again)
Rachel: Goodnight Ross.
Ross: Rach, it's really late, why don't you sleep in my room, I'll take the couch.
Rachel: Thanks. But you don't have to sleep on the couch. It's not like we haven't slept together before. I mean, without having sex of course.
Ross: Alright. Rach, do you think we should get back together?
Rachel: Possibly. But not at 3:30 in the morning. I still tired and it's still your fault.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
CHANDLER & MONICA'S (next morning, everyone is present)
Chandler: So Ross, how was the exciting evening of fixing your slide projector?
Ross: Great, I fixed it. You guys can over and see my new slides on the T-Rex.
All (except Rachel): That would be great, but I'm busy.
Rachel: Sounds good to me Ross, what time should I come over. (Monica, Joey, Chandler and Phoebe look at Rachel with smirks on their faces)
Phoebe: Are you guys lobsters again?
Joey: Why are you calling them crustaceans?
Monica: Oh my God, Joey knows what a crustacean is.
Phoebe: Well, are you?
Ross/Rachel: No. We're just really good friends.
Phoebe (to Monica under her breath): Really good friends who are lobsters.