(SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. For some reason, Joey is watching Spiderman on the TV. He's all alone)

(Rachel storms in. She's been crying)

JOEY: Oh, hey Rach.

RACH: I have to phone London.

JOEY: Why? Aren't you talking to me? What'd I do?!

RACH: It's not you. It's Ross. He's sleeping with someone else.

JOEY: What?! With who?

RACH: Emily. That bitch, I swear I'll kill her if I see her.

JOEY: Emily?!

RACH: Gimme the phone.

(He does so)

JOEY: Isn't that Monica's phone?

RACH: So? I'm too upset to care. Plus, I don't wanna pay a bill all the way to London.

(She dials)

JOEY: Well?

RACH: Sh. (into phone) Yeah, hi. I want you to put me through to Room 122. (pause) It's…um…his boss from work.(pause) Yes, I'll hold.

JOEY: So? What's going on? Did they put you on hold?

RACH(sarcastic): No. No, I just said "Yes, I'll hold" for the sake of it. (into phone) Yes, hello Ross.

(Split screen. Ross is sitting next to Emily, who is under sheets. We can assume she is wearing little or nothing.)

ROSS: Oh, hey Rach! Why'd you say you were my boss?

RACH: So, how's Emily?

ROSS: What?

RACH: Well, I thought I heard her voice in the background of the message you left me.

ROSS: No! That was the TV. You know that Eastenders programme?

RACH: No, I don't know that Eastenders programme. And I don't care about it.

ROSS: Look, it wasn't Emily. I promise. Would I lie to you?

RACH(lying, annoyed): Well, if you promise…I guess I'll see you soon. (she slams the phone down, and it goes back to one screen)

JOEY: Well?

RACH: He's lying to me. He said it was the TV.

JOEY: Maybe it was.

RACH: I dunno.

JOEY: Oh, and Eastenders? That programme is the bomb!

OPENING CREDITS

(A hospital room. Monica is dressed, and zipping up a holdall. Chandler is holding baby Caitlin.)

CHAN: You ready?

MON: Uh huh.

CHAN: Well, let's go then.

MON: Sure.

CHAN: Is this the best?

MON: It sure is.

(Phoebe enters)

PHOE: Hey! Oh, look at little Caitlin! She's so sweet!

CHAN(proud): Well…

MON: We were just leaving actually.

PHOE: Ooh! Cool, can I come?

MON: Well, if you didn't, you'd be all alone.

PHOE: Oh. Right, well, anyway! I have good news! My mom called!

CHAN: The dead one?

PHOE: Oh, you. No, the one that lives in Montawk!

MON: Really? What did she say?

PHOE: She said "Can I come see you as your dad has died and I have his will?"

MON: You're dad died? Oh my god!

PHOE: Oh no, it's okay. Because I get something from it, and I didn't know him, so it’s not too bad.

CHAN: Are you sure you're okay about this?

PHOE: Yeah! Cos Caitlin was born when my dad died, so it's kinda like a replacement.

CHAN: A replacement father?

PHOE: Yeah! (pause) No, never mind.

(SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. Monica, Chandler and Phoebe enter. Joey is alone, watching Spiderman again)

MON: Hi!

(Joey turns around, and gets up)

JOEY: Oh hey! Wow! Look at the baby! So sweet!

MON: Where's Rach?

JOEY: At her apartment. She's bummed out, I don't think she wanted to be here, you know.

MON: Why is she bummed out?

JOEY: She didn't really say. Something about Ross sleeping with Emily…I dunno.

PHOE: What? Oh my god! I knew something like this would happen!

CHAN: Why? Did you have, like, a dream?

PHOE: No, I just knew. I mean, this is Ross! And in London, well, it just spells trouble.

MON: Are you sure?

PHOE: Oh, totally.

MON: Not you. Joey?

JOEY: Well, that's what she said. (he shrugs) Can I hold the baby?

MON: Su-

CHAN: No! (Caitlin starts to cry)

MON: Chandler! Why not? Plus, you made Caitlin cry. Keep it down. (she bobs Caitlin up and down, and she eventually stops crying) Here you are Jo. Now be careful, okay?

JOEY: I'm not useless, you know. (he takes Caitlin, who starts to cry again) Take her, take her!

(He thrusts her back in Monica's arms)

(Rachel enters, with her jacket on)

RACH: Hey, Jo. (sees the others) Oh hey! Aw, look at Caitlin!

MON: Are you okay?

RACH: Sure. Why wouldn't I be?

CHAN: We heard about Ross.

RACH: What? Oh that! No, I figured it was British TV. I mean, Ross wouldn't do that, right?

ALL: Right/ Sure/ I guess.

RACH: I've gotta meet him at the airport, so I'll see ya later.

CHAN: Did he ask you to meet him?

RACH: Well, uh, no, but…

CHAN: Are you sure it's such a good idea?

RACH: Of course. I'll surprise him.

MON: Bring him straight over, okay?

RACH: Sure. (she leaves)

PHOE: Wow. She's taking it well. Actually, you know, I have to go to. My mom's gonna get here soon. Yay! (she jumps up) Ooh, I'm all dizzy! Bye.

ALL: Bye.

(She leaves)

MON: Well, I'm gonna go put Caitlin in her cot, okay?

CHAN: Okay, baby. (they kiss)

JOEY: Ugh. (Chandler glares at him) Go Spiderman, go!

(SCENE: The Airport. Rachel is waiting for Ross)

RACH: C'mon, c'mon.

(Move to: Another part of the airport. Ross is getting out of customs, closely followed by Emily)

EMLY: Are you sure this is such a good idea?

ROSS: Look, when they all see how happy I am, they'll be okay with it. Stop worrying.

EMLY: I can't help thinking how upset Rachel's going to be.

ROSS: Try not to think about it, okay?

EMLY: Okay, I'll try.

(He puts his arm around her, and kisses her cheek)

(Rachel walks past them, then stops and turns around)

RACH: Ross?

ROSS: Rachel! Hey.

(She looks at them, heartbroken, brows furrowed)

RACH: I-

(She stops, and runs out of the airport)

ROSS: Rachel! Rachel! Rach, come back!

EMLY: That didn't go as well as I hoped.

(SCENE: Phoebe and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe's mum - PHOE2- has just got here)

PHOE: Hi! It's so nice of you to come!

PHOE2: Not at all. Look, I've brought your dad's requests with me, so let's start straight away.

PHOE: Ooh, you're all Miss Official now. Cool.

PHOE2: Okay, here we go. (reading) I, Frank Reginald Bu-

PHOE: Reginald?! (Big Phoebe looks at her, annoyed) I'm done.

PHOE2(reading): I, Frank…Reginald Buffay, leave my daughter, Phoebe, apologies a-

PHOE: Apologies?! Is that all?

PHOE2: I'm not done.

PHOE: Sorry.

PHOE2(reading again): …Leave my daughter, Phoebe, apologies and 500,000 dollars-

PHOE: Oh my god! 500,000 dollars?!

PHOE2: I'm still not done.

PHOE: There's more?!

PHOE2: Leave my daughter, Phoebe, apologies and 500,000 dollars if she shares a new apartment with her twin, Ursula. (pause) I'm done.

PHOE2: It's in the will. I can't break that.

PHOE: Well, I guess I could live with Ursula…Okay, sure, I will. For 500,000 dollars, I'd live with the Spice Girls. Ew, maybe not.

PHOE2: Oh, wait, I missed something. (reading) If my daughters do not wish to live together, I leave them a sum of 250,000 dollars each.

PHOE: I changed my mind! I'll take the 250 grand!

PHOE2: What about your sister?

PHOE: Oh, yeah, I hate her.

(SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. Chandler, Monica and Joey are there. Monica is at the table reading a magazine, enjoying a few moments peace, I guess. Chandler and Joey are watching ice hocked)

(Rachel storms in)

MON: Where's Ross?

RACH: He's still at the airport. With her.

JOEY: Who?

RACH: Emily. She's here. With him. And they were kissing.

MON: Oh my god! At the airport?

RACH: Yep.

CHAN: Wow. You don't have much luck with Ross and airports. Remember last time, with Julie? Is Caitlin crying? I think so!

(He runs into Caitlin's room, then appears quickly, and sits down to watch ice hockey)

(Phoebe enters)

PHOE: Hey! Guess what?!

ALL: What?

PHOE: I've got 250,000 dollars!

MON: How do you have 250,000 dollars?

PHOE: My dad left it to me! I would have got 500,000 dollars but I would've had to live with Ursula, so I took half.

CHAN: Next time we go to a bar, it's your round!

MON: When do we ever go to a bar?

CHAN: I dunno.

(Ross and Emily enter)

ROSS: Hey guys! Remember Emily?

MON: How can we forget her?

ROSS: Rach, can I talk to you?

RACH: Sure, why not? I wonder what it's about. (She glares at Emily, and follows Ross into the hallway)

(SCENE: Hallway. Duh!)

ROSS: Look, Rachel, I'm really sorry…

RACH: So, you did sleep with her?

ROSS: Yeah. And I think I love her.

RACH: Is this the end? The end of everything you wanted so badly? And now you've got it, you're throwing it away for a bitch that broke your heart?

ROSS: Don't…Look, I wanna give me and Emily another go?

RACH: What about you and me? Don't you wanna give that another go?

ROSS: I've given that, what, two or three goes. I still love Emily, and I, I don't love you. Can you honestly say you love me?

RACH: No. I guess not. It wouldn't matter if I did. You've made your choice.

ROSS: Don't be mad at me…

RACH: I'm not. I'm not mad at you. But don't expect me to like Emily, okay?

ROSS: I don't expect you to love her…Please, just give her a chance?

RACH: I can't. Sorry. I'll go back in there, but I won't talk to her.

ROSS: I guess it's better than nothing, huh?

RACH: Yeah.

ROSS: Come here. (they hug)

(SCENE: Monica and Rachel's.)

JOEY: So, Emily?

EMLY: Yes?

JOEY: You and Ross did it in London, huh?

(END SCENE: Central Perk. The whole gang, plus Emily, are sitting around. Rachel is as far from Emily as you can get. Monica is cradling Caitlin in her arms, and Chandler is sitting next to them, stroking Caitlin's head)

MON: So, uh, Emily? Whatcha been doin with yourself?

EMLY: Not a lot. You?

MON: Well, let's see. I'm engaged to Chandler, just had a baby, uh, getting married in June, so quite a lot.

EMLY: And Joey? What about you?

JOEY: Nothing. I've got an audition soon.

EMLY: Phoebe?

PHOE: I've got 25 grand!! Oh, yeah, I got you all presents! Not you Emily, I didn't know what to get you. But here's 100 dollars. (she hands her a note)

EMLY: Thankyou…

PHOE: Now, Rachel, I got you a really expensive Chanel makeup kit…(she hands it to her)

RACH: Thanks, Phoebs!

PHOE: Chandler, I got you a briefcase, filofax, and wallet…

(She hands it to him)

CHAN: Wow! Cool! Thanks!

PHOE: Monica, I got you a fancy chef book and all this equipment stuff. I left it at home though. It's too heavy to carry here.

MON: Thanks.

PHOE: Ross, you get an exclusive dinosaur book, CD Rom, Video and tape thingy.

ROSS: Cool!

PHOE: And Joey, you know what you always wanted? I got it!

JOEY: No! You got me a Playstation?!

PHOE: No. I got you a chicken and beef sandwich.

JOEY: Better!!

END