Written by: Mr. Magoo

(This takes place the day after Monica and Chandler get married)

[Opening Scene: Ross and Joey are at Central Perk, both looking pretty tired]

Ross: Man, I am so tired, I couldn’t sleep after the wedding.

Joey: Yeah, and me and that stripper couldn’t keep our hands off each other last night.

Ross: What stripper?

Joey: The one from the strip club!

Ross: Joey! You went to a strip club after a wedding!?

Joey: Why not? I needed something to help me stop crying!

Ross: That’s just…(thinks)… awesome dude!(giving a thumbs up)

Joey: Yeah, and we’re meeting again tonight.

Ross: Wait! You’re dating her?

Joey: Why not? (with a laugh)She’s really good in bed.(giving the Joey look)I think she could be the one. (looking at a woman over his shoulder) How you doin’?

[Scene: Hawaii, Chandler and Monica’s honeymoon suite, they are both in bed, and naked]

Chandler: I can’t believe I’m lying here next to my wife, the most beautiful woman in the world. That was the greatest sex I’ve ever had, I love you so much.

Monica: (with a worried look on her face) Yeah, that was…umm, I love you too, honey.

(Chandler’s eyes go wide)

[Scene: Joey and Rachel’s, Rachel and Phoebe are there, not so tired]

Phoebe: So, let me get this straight, that wasn’t Monica’s pregnancy test in the garbage, it was yours!?

Rachel: For the last time Phoebe, YES!

Phoebe: Well, this is too huge, who’s the father?

Rachel: I … I can’t tell.

Phoebe: Why not!

Rachel: Because I can’t, Phoebe!

Phoebe: O.K. You don’t have to get all squirky!

Rachel: I wasn’t….squirky! I just don’t want to tell anyone who the father is right now!

Phoebe: Uh, oh! I bet it’s Ross!

Rachel: It’s not Ross, Phoebe!

(Ross enters, Phoebe nudges Rachel as he does)

Ross: Hey!

Rachel: Hey!

Phoebe: Hi!

Ross: What’s going on guys?

Phoebe: Nothing at all. (under her breath as she exits) Dad.

Ross: Rachel, you know, after Chandler and Monica’s wedding, I started thinking about us, and-

Rachel: (interrupting) Ross! There is no us! Okay?

Ross: I know, Rachel, but I was thinking, what if we did get back together, would it be so bad? I mean, we have slept together, no surprises there. And…and, oh god this is hard. I love you Rach, I’ve always loved you.

Rachel: Ross, I…I don’t think I can deal with this right now. I’m going out with Jason now, and-

Ross: Rachel, I can’t help how I feel for you, its just, when I see you with all these other guys, I don’t know, it breaks my heart. Like with Tag, he was a great guy, but he was also, what, your…your secretary-

Rachel: Not secretary! Assistant!

Ross: Okay, you’re assistant, and, what, if you’d have gotten married, he’d have had you in the old folks home by the time he’s 30! And when we were together, I just, I don’t know, it was great!

Rachel: Well, I’d love to stay and talk, (sarcastically) really! But I have to go, I have to do some not this right now.

(She leaves leaving Ross with a depressed look on his face)

[Scene: Hawaii, Chandler and Monica’s honeymoon suite. They are busy getting dressed]

Chandler: How can you not call that great sex!? Those were some of my best moves!

Monica: If those were your best moves, I don’t want to have a baby!

Chandler: What is wrong with my moves? Could you be anymore discreet?

Monica: Well, just promise me that, when we get home, lets not try those moves again, shall we?

Chandler: Come on, I thought about those moves really hard to please you! You’re telling me not one worked?

Monica: Well-

Chandler: (as only Chandler can say) Oh come on!

Monica: There was that one where you (whispers in his ear).

Chandler: That!? That pleased you? I wasn’t even trying there.

Monica: (kissing him) Well, you want to not try some more?

Chandler: Now? We’re about to leave? But ok, why not?

Monica: That’s what I like to hear! Now get back out of those close Bing!

Chandler: Okay Bing!

[Scene: Joey’s bedroom, you can see the covers moving but no heads]

Joey: That’s it! Right there Jessica!

Jessica: You like that?

Joey: Yeah I do!

(Joey looks over and sees Hugsy, his Bedtime Penguin Pal)

Joey: (with wide eyes) umm, could you hold on a second?

Jessica: Why? Isn’t this great?

Joey: Yeah, but I got to, ummm, (thinks) do some laundry.

Jessica: (with a confused look) Okay, hurry back!

(Cut to Joey’s living room, Ross is there)

Joey: (with a towel around his, well, you know, little general, and Hugsy, his Bedtime Penguin Pal behind him) What are you doing here?

Ross: I came with girl problems. Is that the stripper?

Joey: No, that’s the girl I met at the coffee house, remember?

Ross: Oh, yeah. You and the stripper broke up?

Joey: No, I’m seeing her tomorrow.

Ross: Joey! Not again!

Joey: What’s your problem?

Ross: Its Rachel-

Joey: Ross, I can’t get into this right now, I know you were on a break, but I really can’t do this. I’m doing something else.

Ross: Okay, sorry Joe, go play with your coffee house playmate.

(Joey throws Hugsy his Bedtime Penguin Pal into Rachel’s room, and goes back into his room)

Jessica: (through the door) Yay!

(Rachel enters)

Ross: Rachel.

Rachel: Hi.

Ross: Look, I know I scared you with all that talk of me and you, us, but, I can’t help how I feel. And I just want to say-

(Rachel interrupts by kissing him passionately)

Ross: Whoa! What about Jason?

Rachel: Well, he…he’s still outside, I just had to see you, and you weren’t at your apartment, so I came here.

Ross: Well, Rachel, I can’t take this. You have to choose, me or Jason?

Rachel: Umm, I don’t…I don’t know, I really like Jason, but I love you, you are my best friend, and my soul mate. So, I’m going to break it off with Jason, but first…(kisses him again, as Ross grabs her but and smiles)

Ross: (smiling) Really?

Rachel: Yes, and don’t worry, your new baby (pats her stomach) will be much happier with this arrangement.

[Scene: Coffee House, Phoebe is there, drinking a cup of coffee (wow!) and reading a women's magazine.]

Phoebe: (reading out loud) Your true love could be right under your nose and you not even notice. Hmmm. Joey! (laughs at her own joke) Hehehe. (facial expression changes to that of acknowledgement) Oh my God!

[Scene: Joey and Rachel’s, Phoebe enters, Ross and Rachel are gone, and Jessica is gone from Joey’s room.]

Phoebe: Joey! Joey! Joey!

Joey: (entering from his room) What? I’m trying to sleep!

Phoebe: Why are you sleeping at 4:00 in the afternoon?

Joey: Well, I’m tired, I got very little sleep last night, and a lot of action earlier.

Phoebe: Joey, I want to talk to you.

Joey: Can’t it wait? I’m trying to get to sleep! (looks around as if wondering what he’s missing) (runs into Rachel’s room, and comes out with…)

Phoebe: Hugsy!

Joey: That’s right baby!

Phoebe: Joey, we have to talk, stop acting, oh so yum!

Joey: Sorry.

Phoebe: Okay, I was reading something earlier that said, "Your true love could be right under your nose and you not even notice," and I immediately thought of you.

Joey: So?

Phoebe: Don’t you get it?

Joey: No, I don’t. I always think of you, Pheebs.

Phoebe: You don’t understand. Ugh. Just go back to bed!

Joey: Okay, good night, bye.

Phoebe: Bye.

(Phoebe leave, Joey goes into his room. Cut to Joey’s room, he is still carrying Hugsy his Bedtime Penguin Pal.)

Joey: Your true love could be right under your nose and you not even notice. Hmmm. Phoebe. (laughs at his own joke) Hehehe. (facial expression turns to one of acknowledgement) Oh my God!

[Scene: Ross’ apartment, there is a knock at the door, and guess who it is.]

Rachel: (coming out of Ross’ room with only a robe) I’m just going to get the door.

Chandler: (surprise!) Rachel! (thinks about it)Rachel!? You two…back together?

Rachel: (proudly) Yes!

Chandler: Congratulations. Ross is here, isn’t he?

Rachel: Yes he is, hold on. Ross!

Ross: (entering in only his skivvies) Yes? Chandler! You guys are back! As are we.

Chandler: I have some news. Monica isn’t pregnant. That wasn’t her pregnancy test, but we don’t know who’s it could be.

Ross: We know.

Rachel: It’s mine.

Chandler: You’re pregnant!? Oh my god! Who is it?

Rachel: Well, its ummm, its someone you know very well (puts an arm around Ross’ waist).

Chandler: Gunther? Gandolf?? Who!??

Ross: Its me!

Chandler: How…it’s….I don’t……when?

Rachel: Well, hold on, lets tell Monica, too. And Pheebs and Joey.

[Scene: Chandler and Monica’s apt. everyone is there, in the kitchen]

Rachel: Well, it happened like this.

Rachel: (Voice Over) A month ago it hit me. You guys were doing your vows and I had no one to be with.

Ross: (V.O.) And Chandler wasn’t going to easy with his vows, so I had gotten drunk.

Rachel: (V.O.) And then I had gotten drunk. Then we bumped into each other. In Ross’ living room.

Ross: Rachel! Yay Rachel I love Rachel!

Rachel: I love Ross. Hey, y’know what would be really funny? If we(whispers in his ear)(they both start laughing hysterically)

Ross: (running into his room with Rachel in tow) Man! This is going to be so funny!(takes off his shirt) I can’t wait to tell the others!

Ross: (V.O.) Then we had sex.

Rachel: And now I’m pregnant with Ross’ baby!

Phoebe: You guys do everything when you’re drunk. Are you sure you’re not drunk right now?

Ross and Rachel: For the last time Pheebs, YES!

Monica: This is so great, I’m home with the best man in the world, my husband, and all my friends, everything is going how its supposed to. Except for one thing. Phoebe?

Phoebe: Yes?

Monica: Remember when I said you could live here alone while Chandler and I were gone?

Phoebe: Yes.

Monica: Well, I kind of thought that cleaning up was implied!(For the first time you see beyond the kitchen and it is a disaster!) Clean this up Phoebe!

[Scene: Joey’s apt. Phoebe enters.]

Joey: Phoebe! I got something I need to say to you!

Phoebe: Oooh! Let me guess! Ummm, you’re giving me Hugsy?

Joey: No, its about when you came over yesterday.

Phoebe: Oh.

Joey: I thought about that thing you read, and just have one thing to say….How you doin’?

Phoebe: Yay! (kisses him deeply and passionately just as the others come in)

Others: Oh my God!

[Scene: All enter, each couple holding hands]

Chandler: Hey, you know what we should do? We should all switch!

Ross: Chandler, that is the stupidest thing you’ve ever said. I get Phoebe.

(The girls switch so its Chandler and Rachel, Joey and Monica, and Ross and Phoebe, just as Monica and Ross’ parents walk in]

Joey: (to Monica) How you doin’?

Chandler: Joey!

Joey: Dude sorry!

Mrs. Geller: Oh my god. Who got married? (she faints on the floor)

Mr. Geller: Chandler! How could you cheat on my little harmonica? And right in front of her face! And Monica! Way to go! 2 guys, that’s my little harmonica! (they all have a disgusted look on their face)