Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
Note: This fanfic takes place at the same time as "TOW Ross And Rachel's Honeymoon" and "TOW Chandler And Monica's Honeymoon". You can read all three, just two, or only one, you will still get the most important parts. So, enjoy!
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Joey and Phoebe enter.
Joey: Wow. A whole week without Ross, Rachel, Chandler or Monica! (gets a sad look on his face) I miss them!
Phoebe: Joey, you saw them just a few minutes ago. On the other hand, we're not gonna see them again for a whole week. (gets a sad look on HER face) I miss them too!
[they hug, looking sad]
CREDITS
Scene: Central Perk. The next day. Joey is on the couch, Phoebe on the chair. Both have a cup in their hands and sad looks on their faces.
Joey: This place seems so EMPTY with just us here. (Phoebe nods in agreement) I miss them! I want them back! I'm gonna call Chandler.
Phoebe: No! They told us not to call them except in an emergency.
Joey: (disappointed) OK... Oooh, wait, I've got an idea!
Cut to: Later. Phoebe and Joey are sitting in the same places, but there are also four dolls sitting on the couch, wearing Ross, Rachel, Chandler and Monica's clothes.
Phoebe: So, how were your honeymoons?
Joey: (in a squeaky voice, holding the Rachel doll) Oh, it was great!
Phoebe: OK, that does NOT sound like Rachel.
Joey: I suppose. (gets all sad again)
Phoebe: And are you sure they won't mind us using their clothes?
Joey: Hey, if they hadn't left us here all alone we wouldn't have HAD to!
Phoebe: There, there, Joey. (she hugs him)
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are watching a movie. Phoebe is close to tears.
Phoebe: Joey, do we HAVE to watch this?
Joey: Pheebs, I have to see if I suck.
Phoebe: But you said you only had a small part right at the end!
Joey: But if we turn it off, I might miss it!
Phoebe: (unwillingly) OK...
[she sees something on the TV and starts sobbing hysterically. Joey hugs her, comforting her. She looks up at him. Then, slowly, they lean in for a kiss. They stop for a second, looking at each other. Joey turns the TV off and they go back to kissing each other hungrily]
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment, the next morning. There is a knock at the door. Phoebe enters with a sheet around her and opens it. Stella stands in the doorway.
Stella: Phoebe, why do you have a sheet around you?
Phoebe: I was, erm, sleeping! Yes, I was sleeping!
Stella: And you sleep naked?
Phoebe: Um, yeah!
Stella: In November?
Joey: (coming out of the bathroom) What's going on out here?
Stella: Oh my GOD! Not you two as well! What is it with you people?!
Phoebe: Us two what?
Stella: Having sex! Making love! Doing it! Whatever else you want to call it!
Phoebe: We weren't having sex!
Stella: Oh yeah?! How else do you explain the fact that you're both standing here wearing bedclothes?!
Phoebe: Um...
Stella: You know what, never mind. Is Rachel back yet?
Joey: No, why?
Stella: It's her turn.
Phoebe: Turn for what?
Stella: Her turn to have me live with her for a year.
Phoebe: What? Why?
Stella: It's very complicated, so maybe you could let me in?
Phoebe: Oh!
[she lets her in and closes the door. Stella goes over to the couch and jumps on it, landing so that she takes up the whole of it. Joey sits in the chair, Phoebe on the floor]
Joey: So why do you have to stay with Rachel for a year?
Stella: Well, see, my parents both have these really cool, high paying jobs, BUT they have to travel a lot, so ever since I can remember I've been living with different relatives every year. And now it's Rachel's turn.
Phoebe: But what if she doesn't want you?
Stella: She HAS to take me. Anyway, Rachel couldn't refuse if she tried! (laughs) SO, I guess I'll have to stay with you guys until she gets back.
Joey: Woah, woah, woah, what if we don't want you?
Stella: Oh, I'll pay you.
Joey: How much?
Stella: Let's negotiate a price after we've gotten my stuff out of the limo and into Rachel's apartment, shall we?
[Joey and Phoebe look at each other]
Joey: Let's get that stuff out of the limo!
[they rush out]
Scene: Central Perk. Later. Stella and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Stella is eating a HUGE slice of cake.
Phoebe: OK, HOW can you eat so much and stay so thin?
Stella: Dunno. It could be cos I work out for three hours every day, I s'pose.
Phoebe: THREE HOURS?! How do you manage that?
Stella: Well, I get loads of energy from all this food. (pauses) I guess it's kinda like a devil's circle, but in reverse! Anyway, what's the story with you and Joey?
Phoebe: What story?
Stella: You mean, you just hopped into bed with him?
Phoebe: Look, we didn't sleep together!
Stella: Phoebe Buffay, you can't fool me! I'm psychic and I know exactly what going on in that head of yours! (pauses) OK, maybe not EXACTLY. Some of it is pretty confusing. I mean, what's the deal with this frozen lake?!
Phoebe: OK, you are NOT psychic! I'm the psychic one round here!
Stella: Oh yeah? Well then how else could I know that, when you were three, you peed on the carpet while your mom was cooking dinner and then blamed it on your twin sister Ursula, who, according to you, is a bitch?!
Phoebe: OK, OK, I rest my case.
Stella: SO, what are you gonna do about Joey?
Phoebe: What do you mean?
Stella: Well, are you gonna start dating him? Forget about it? Marry him?
Phoebe: MARRY him?!
Stella: Well, that's what the other four did!
Phoebe: I don't know. What do you think?
Stella: Well, based on the fact that Joey is, well, Joey, I think the best course of action is to forget all about it.
Phoebe: You think?
Stella: Look, Joey is the kind of guy who can only be in a relationship for about A WEEK before getting bored and moving on to the next girl. And dating him would only end up hurting you and ruining your friendship. So, yeah, forget all about it and tell Joey to do the same.
Phoebe: Thanks. Hey, y'know, Rachel is always going on about how awful you are, but I don't think you're that bad.
Stella: Yeah, well, I'm only awful if I feel like it. Sometimes it would just be, well, mean! Now you go and talk to Joey, OK?
Phoebe: OK. (starts to leave, then turns around) Oh, and I don't care what you say, Ursula IS a bitch!
Stella: (innocently) As in a female dog? (pretend-confused) But I thought she looked just like you?
[Phoebe leaves, exasperated. Stella leans back and finishes her cake with a smug look on her face]
Scene: Joey and Phoebe's apartment (the one that used to belong to Chandler and Joey, in case you don't remember). Joey is watching Baywatch. Phoebe enters.
Phoebe: Um, Joey, could I talk to you for a second?
Joey: Sure.
Phoebe: Um, well, you know what we did last night?
Joey: Yeah.
Phoebe: Well, could we just, forget all about it? Cos I just think that, if we don't, one or both of us is gonna get hurt. And I don't really want that to happen, y'know.
Joey: OK.
Phoebe: Um, well, I'm gonna go over to Monica's then. To do some...cleaning.
Joey: OK.
Phoebe: Um, right then. (she leaves)
Cut to: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Phoebe rushes in, and collapses on the couch, crying. Stella watches from the doorway of the spare room (the one that used to be Rachel's room).
Scene: Chandler and Monica's, the next day. Phoebe and Stella are sitting on the couch, eating.
Phoebe: Hey, thanks again for the advice. And could you PLEASE not tell anyone else about me and Joey?
Stella: Sure, whatever.
[Joey enters]
Joey: Chandler and Monica should be back by now!
Phoebe: You don't think anything's happened to them, do you?
Stella: (closes her eyes for a few seconds) Nah, they're just stuck in a traffic jam. I'm gonna have nap now, if you don't mind. (goes into the spare room and shuts the door)
Phoebe: OK, Joey, before anyone gets here, could you promise me something?
Joey: Sure. As long as it doesn't involve not watching Baywatch anymore. Or not buying the Playboy anymore. Or-
Phoebe: OK, I get the point. But could you please not tell anyone about us, y'know, doing it together.
Joey: Yeah, sure, no problem.
Phoebe: Thanks.
[they hug]
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Joey is sitting in the armchair, Phoebe is lying on the couch. Both are sound asleep, until-
Monica: (bursting in) I can't believe there was a traffic jam! I can't believe we got stopped three times! I can't believe it's over!
Phoebe: (waking up) Help, the ice is breaking! (wakes up some more) Hi guys.
Monica: What is it with you and ice, anyway?
Chandler: It's simple! The land on top of the ice is the land of dreams. The land underneath the ice is the land of, well, non-dreams, or reality. Now, every time she wakes up, Phoebe falls from the land of fluffy bunnies and unicorns, through the ice, and into the land of bad hotels , traffic, and dinner.
[Stella comes out of the spare room]
Stella: HI!
Monica: (dismally) What's SHE doing here?
Stella: I've come to stay.
Chandler: What?!
Monica: For how long?
Stella: A year. See, it's Rachel's turn to have me.
Monica: What?
Stella: I'll explain when we're all here. Want some coffee?
CREDITS
Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Stella are there. Chandler and Monica are telling everyone about their honeymoon. Ross and Rachel come in, Phoebe notices them and clears her throat. Stella turns around.
Stella: Hi Rach!
Rachel: Oh my God...
THE END