Friends
A Script by Becci Wooster
The One where it Happens Again
[Carol and Susans Apartment]
(Carol, Rachel and Ben)
Carol - So, how long is it to go?
Rachel - <Patting her bump>A week. You should see Ross. Hes running around like a headless chicken.
Carol - Yeah, Susan did the same before Ben was born.
Rachel - At least Susan was around all the time. Ross has to go to a presentation in Boston for four days. Im worried that baby wont wait.
Carol - Why dont you get him to stay?
Rachel - What??? And have him fuss over me for another week??? No, hell be much safer in Boston, where I cant yell at him!
Ben - dada go to Boss-ton
Credits
[Monicas Apartment]
(Ross, Monica and Phoebe)
Ross - .So, Im trusting you guys to look after her. Just because she doesnt live here anymore doesnt mean that she doesnt need you popping in on her. You know, making sure she has everything she wants and that she doesnt carry anything heavy around and
Monica - <interrupting> OK!!!!
Phoebe - Look, Ross. Stop being so ..so .so Plip Plop!
Ross - <Looks round at Phoebe, shoots her a glare and turns back to Monica.> Are you sure that youll take care of her?
Monica - Im sure!!! Rachels pregnant, not a leper!
Ross - OK! OK! Bye! Ill just go and say bye to her on my way to the airport.
Monica - Bye, Ross!
Phoebe - Bye Mr. Plip Plop man!
(Exit Ross)
[Ross + Rachels Apartment]
(Ross and Rachel)
Rachel - Look, will you please calm down! The babys not due till after you come back! Theres nothing to worry about!
Ross - Honey, Im sorry. Its just that you, Ben and our baby are the most important things in my life. Im leaving Ben with Carol and Susan.Im leaving you and our baby all alone.
Rachel - I can look after myself and the baby. Our wedding vows said Love, Honor and Cherish, not Love, Smother and Annoy!
Ross - Ok. I get the picture. Im being over protective, but I cant help it. I love you.
Rachel - I know you do. Im sorry. I love you too.
<They move closer together and he kisses her passionately on the lips.>
Ross - I could stay, you know.
Rachel - Ross!!!!
Ross - Im sorry. Id better go now. Are you sure youll be OK?
Rachel - Ross!!!!! Bye!!!!!!
Ross - OK, Bye!
(Exit Ross)
Rachel - At last!!!!!
[Boys Apartment]
[Next Day]
(Chandler and Joey)
<Playing Fooseball>
(Enter Rachel and Monica)
Rachel - Hey Guys! Whats up?
Joey - Hey, Rach!
Chandler - Geez! Youre huge!
Rachel - Yeah, thats called a baby!
Joey - Youre no where as big as my Mom was when she was pregnant! All seven times!
Monica - You realize how unfair it is? Joeys Mom has eight kids, Rossll have two, Rach will have one and I dont even have a boyfriend yet!
Rachel - And you dont have an aching back that keeps you awake at night, swollen ankles, sticky - out veins and breasts that are drooping around your waist. You have it easy!
Chandler - Youve just described every woman Ive been out with!
Joey - Youve just described my favorite women to go on dates with!!!
Monica - Rach, you dont understand. Id love to feel that I have a life growing inside of me and that Ill have to bring it in to this world all by myself!
Rachel - Thats gonna happen to me, isnt it? Im gonna give birth to this lump!
Chandler - Give the kid a Mensa membership!
Rachel - OH my god! OH MY god! OH MY GOD!!! <Starts to hyperventilate>
Monica - Calm down!
Rachel - Get ..Me Ross!!!
Monica - Chandler - Phone Ross, you heard what the woman wheezed!
Chandler - <On phone>Hi! Nothings happened .Of course Ill tell you ..OK! .. Well, Rachels kinda hyperventilating! ..She just realized that shell have your kid soon . Cant you calm her down? .OK, Ill tell her .Bye!
Monica - Why didnt he talk to her?
Chandler - He said to tell her he loves her and then something along the lines of "Oh my god! Im gonna be a Dad again! .Wheeze, Wheeze, Wheeze!
[Central Perk]
(Joey and Phoebe)
Phoebe - Sometimes I wish I had a baby.
Joey - Yeah. I mean, I looked after my sisters, but its not the same. When you move out, they dont follow!
Phoebe - Well, were not gonna have kids for a while yet,so
Joey - <Interrupting>Why not?
Phoebe - What?
Joey - Why dont we have a kid? Weve been going out just as long as Rachel and Ross had before she got pregnant.
Phoebe - Yeah, but theyre lobsters. Im not sure if we are yet.
Joey - So what youre saying is: No lobster,no baby!
Phoebe - Ummmm, No? Ummmm,Yeah!
Commercial Break
[Central Perk]
(Monica and Chandler)
Monica - I cant believe he hyperventilated! Hes already got Ben, whats he so anxious about? Its Rachel who has to give birth to the little thing. He just sits there and suddenly hes the proud father!
Chandler - I think Ross just realized that after all this time, he and Rachel are married and shes about to have his kid.
Monica - True. I still cant believe that my best friend has moved out and become my sister-in-law!
(Enter Joey)
Joey - Hey, guys! You seen Rachel anywhere? Ross just called for her, but I couldnt find her.
Monica - She went shopping with Phoebe. They should be back soon.
(Right on cue, enter Rachel and Phoebe)
<Theyre both carrying several bags>
Monica - Rachel, what are you doing? My brother would kill me if he found out that youd been carrying all these bags!
Phoebe - Calm down, Monica! You scare me when you get all like Mrs. Eldridge!
<The gang looks strangely at Phoebe>
Phoebe - OK, Mrs.Eldridge was my forth grade teacher
Rachel - <Interrupting> But no one will tell him, will they?
Monica - OK. But please sit down.
Rachel - <Annoyed>All right!!!<Sits down>
Chandler - In all the years Ive known you, youve never sounded so much like Ross!
<Monica glares at Chandler>
[Ross and Rachels Apartment]
[Next Day]
(Rachel)
Rachel - <To baby>Oh, lovely! Another call of nature!<Gets up off the sofa> AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!<Sits back down>OK, OK. What do I do? OK. Phone Mon. <Picks up phone and dials a number> Pheeb? Is Monica there? .Hi! Um,well,I kinda need you Im gonna have a baby! ..Of course I knew ..
[Cuts to Monicas Apartment]
(Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler)
Monica - <On phone>Oh my God!!!! Ok,well be there as soon as we can!<Hangs up phone>
Chandler - Whats up?
Monica - Rachels in Labor!
Joey - Dont be silly, Rachels not an English politician!
Phoebe - <Hopping about, waving her arms>Oh! Oh! Oh! What should we do?
Monica - All right! Phoebe, you come with me. Well get Rachel to the hospital. Joey, you phone the hospital and tell them were coming in. Chandler, you phone Ross and tell him to get his hiney back here now! ..What are you all looking at? GO, GO, GO!
[Ross and Rachels Apartment]
(Rachel)
(Enter Phoebe and Monica)
Rachel - At last! Youre here!
Monica - How are you?
Rachel - Ill be all right for another two minutes, fifty-seven seconds.
Phoebe - What do you mean?
Monica - How far apart are they?
Phoebe - What???
Rachel - About five minutes!
Phoebe - What are you both talking about?
Monica - OK. OK. Theres a cab waiting downstairs for us. Itll take us to the hospital. Joeys phoned ahead, so they know youre coming. Chandlers phoned Ross and hes coming back as fast as he can. Come on!
[The Hospital Waiting Room]
(Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler)
Monica - Where is he? Ross should be here by now! What if he misses it? He should be here, He should be here!<Starts shaking Chandler by the shoulders>You phoned him. He should be here. What can we do?
Chandler - Getting off me would be a start!
(Enter Ross)
Ross - Where is she? Am I too late? Oh god! What if Im too late?
Joey - No, Buddy. Shes in there with the doctors. You arrived just in time!
[Hospital Room]
(Rachel, Doctor, Midwife)
Rachel - Where .Is ..He?
(Enter Ross)
Ross - Hey, Honey, look whos back!
Doctor - And just as well!
Midwife - OK, Rachel. Start pushing.
Ross - RachelIloveyousomuchYouredoingreallywellComeon!!!
Rachel - Shut up!!!!!
[Waiting room]
(Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler)
(Enter Ross)
Monica - What happened?
Phoebe - Is she OK?
Chandler - Is it a boy or a girl?
Joey - Yeah, is Monica an Uncle or a Aunt?<Everybody turns at him and stares>
Ross - OK! Calm down. Rachel and the baby are fine!
Chandler - Boy or girl?
Ross - I came just in time!
Chandler - Boy or girl?
Ross - You can go see them in a couple of minutes.
Chandler - Am I invisible? Can no one hear me?
Ross - Oh, sorry. Its a girl!<He hugs Monica and kisses her on the top of her head>
Credits
Teaser
[Ross and Rachels Apartment]
(Ross, Rachel and Emily)
(Rachel is sat on the couch with Emily in her arms. Ross is sat beside them with his arms around Rachel)
Ross - Now that we have Emily, will you please listen to my idea about Scarsdale? I made some charts to show how much more money itll cost us, but in the long run .
Rachel - <Interrupting> Ross!!!! Dont you even think about it!
Ross - Just Joking!
The End