The One With All (Literally All) the Cereals (5th season premiere)
[Scene: the Church, everyone is shocked and is waiting for Emily's reaction]
Priest: Shall I go on?
Emily (hesitant): No no I can't do this . (runs out of the church)
Ross: Emily!! Wait! (runs after her)
(Rachel gets up from her seat not knowing wait to say, just looks after at Ross)
Joey (still on the phone with Phoebe): Uh Phoebe, I gotta go! (quickly hangs up on her)
Phoebe (on the phone): No! Wait!! (gets cut off) [cut to Mon/Rach's place] Ok I hate to do it, but I'm gonna have to kick Joey's ass too.
[cut back to the church]
Rachel (goes over to Monica): Monica, I think I should go. I have to be back home soon um I have to go back to work and I hate to have left Phoebe alone.
Monica: Rachel, don't you think you need to stay and talk to Ross.
Rachel: No, I think I've caused enough damage already.
Monica: That's not true. (Rachel begins to leave the church) Rachel! (Monica starts to go after her but thinks it's best to just leave her alone)
Chandler (goes up to Mon): How's Rach?
Monica: I'm not sure, but she's clearly upset about this.
Chandler: Hey what are we gonna do about all these guests they seem to be getting restless.
Monica: Oh yeah you're right. (they go over to Joey)
[cut to the front of the church Ross' parents are fighting w/ Emily's]
Mr. Waltham: Now look what your son has done. He's broken my daughter's heart!
Mr. Geller: Hold on a sec, don't blame our son. It was wrong from the start for both of them to rush into things, and you know it!!
Mr. Waltham: Ok that's it! Right now, we're gonna finish this right here! (puts up his fists)
Mr. Geller: Oh you wanna fight huh?! Ok let's go! (puts up his fists and they start to circle each other)
[Monica, Chandler, and Joey rush over]
Monica: What's going on here?! Will you two stop it, you're both acting ridiculous! (gestures to the wedding guests) These people didn't come here to see a fight!
[Mr. Waltham and Mr. Geller put down their fists ashamed]
Monica (to the guests): I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, but it seems like there won't be any wedding today. But I'm sure Ross and Emily thank you for coming.
[guests start to get up and leave]
Mrs. Geller (to Monica): I'm really impressed how you took charge and handled this responsibility.
Monica (touched): Really, thanks Mom. That's the nicest thing you've said to me during this whole trip.
Mrs. Geller: I know, but if you can only use that to latch onto a man.
[Monica frowns, Chandler pats her on her shoulder.]
[One of the guests come up to them]
Guest: Excuse me, do you think I could get my gift back?
(Scene: Later on in the church after all the guests have left. Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Felicity are still there.)
Monica: Do you think we should wait here any longer for Ross?
Chandler: No, Mon we should go back to the hotel, I mean why would he come back here, anyway.
Monica: You're right, we should get Joey and go.
(Joey who's with Felicity, gets up and goes over to Monica and Chandler)
Joey: Hey Mon, do you think you could get a ride back with Chandler. I'm gonna spend another night homesick with Felicity. (gets all excited)
Chandler: Down, boy.
Monica (uncomfortably looks at Chandler): Um, ok Joe. I don't mind getting a ride with Chandler. I mean he's just my friend, right? It's ok when friends give friends a ride. I mean I mean!...
Joey (slowly): Okay. (goes over to Felicity)
Chandler: Real smooth, Mon.
(Scene: Emily's apartment. Ross still in his tux, shows up and knocks on the door)
Ross: Emily?! Emily!
(Emily, changed out of her wedding dress, slowly opens the door)
Ross: Emily I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry. Emily I would never hurt you.
Emily: Well you did Ross. (long pause) But I do forgive you Ross.
Ross: Oh, that's great I mean we can still go on with the wedding.
Emily: Just hold on. Ross, I can't marry you. I care for you deeply, but I think we just rushed too fast into this. I know there's still some feelings between you and Rachel.
Ross: No there, isn't! It's just (at a loss for words)
Emily: Yes there is. I see it in you. Ross, you need to deal with those feelings first before we can even think about jumping into marriage.
Emily: Ross please I'm letting you go don't make it harder than it already is (leans in and kisses him on the cheek) Good-bye, Ross. (slowly closes the door)
(Ross is left standing there)
(Scene: Felicity's place, Joey and Felicity are in bed together)
Felicity: Oh Joey, talk New York to me again.
Joey: Ok um you talkin' to me? You must be talkin to me cause um cause...
Felicity: Oh Joey, you're wonderful!
(Joey's pleased with himself)
Felicity: You're so much better than my husband.
Joey (starts to freak): Your husband!!
Felicity: Yes, but you must keep your voice down, he's sleeping in the next room. Shhh!!
Joey: Wha I didn't know you were married!
Felicity: Oh come now Joey, you don't seem like the type of guy who's never slept with a married woman before.
Joey (thinks): True
(Scene: Monica's Hotel Room. Monica is in bed wearing a black slip. Chandler is in boxers and a T-shirt jumping on the bed)
Chandler (still jumping on the bed): So, Mon? Does this get you in the mood?
Monica (frowning): No not really, stop it! You're gonna hit your head on ceiling.
Chandler (stops and sits down on the bed): What's wrong, Mon?
Monica: I'm just thinking about Ross and Rachel, I wonder what's gonna happen between them. I mean this must be a huge, overwhelming thing for both of them. Will he go ahead and still marry Emily? I'm worried about Rachel. I can't seem to find her and she hasn't checked in yet.
Chandler: Don't worry, I'm sure everything will work out. Maybe Ross and Rachel will realize that they still love each other.
Monica: I hope so. (thoughtfully) Chandler, do you think this is stupid?
Chandler: What is?
Monica: Us! I mean this us sleeping together what is this all supposed to mean? We're just friends. Friends who sleep together?
Chandler: Monica, I think this is a little more than that. We're not just two people who got drunk and had a one night stand. I really care about you Monica. And I care about this (gestures) us.
(Monica smiles, she leans in and gently kisses him on the lips, they fall back under the covers)
(Scene: Back in New York at Mon/Rach's place. Phoebe is on the couch making sundaes.)
[She is opening a bottle of chocolate syrup, but it won't come out.]
Phoebe: Come on
[She squeezes it really hard and the syrup comes out fast and flies onto Monica's armchair.]
Phoebe: Oh sh Monica is gonna kill me!
[Phoebe quickly tries to get up, she rocks back and forth to get the momentum to get up. She gets up too fast and nearly falls forward on her face. She gets up and goes to the kitchen and grabs a roll of paper towels, as she makes her way to the armchair the paper towel keeps rolling making a line from the kitchen to the living room. Phoebe attempts to wipe the stain, but just manages to make it a big splotch stained unto chair. So Phoebe just covers the stain with a big pillow.]
[She goes to sit down on the couch and sits down on her big bowl of ice cream she left on the couch]
Phoebe: Oh no
(Scene: Hallway in a Hotel. Rachel with all her luggage steps out of one of the rooms, just as Ross comes running down the hallway)
Rachel: Ross? What are you doing here, how'd you find out where I was staying?
Ross (out of breath): It doesn't matter. Rachel ok hold on (puts his hands on his knees bends down to catch his breath) ok better I need to talk to you.
Rachel (long pause): Where's Emily?
Ross: That's what I needed to talk to you about. I can't marry her. I've done a lot of thinking and I still love you Rach. I just I just tried to push aside those feelings and I tried to move on to quickly with Emily. But I knew that was wrong, I couldn't do that I couldn't do that to another person, to myself, and especially not to you.
Rachel (starts to tear up): Oh I love you Ross.
(they kiss and hug)
(Scene: Hotel Lobby. Chandler and Joey are waiting)
Chandler: So, how'd things go with you and Felicity.
Joey: I don't know I don't think it'll work out
Chandler: What just because she lives like in a whole another country? And gee, because long distance relationships just aren't exactly your thing.
Joey: No! She's married.
Chandler: Really? Well that's never stopped you before!
(Joey is at a loss for words)
[Monica comes back from the front desk.]
Monica: They said Ross checked out early this morning. (looks at her watch) Gee I hope he didn't leave without us. Or if he didn't, then where could be he be? We're gonna be late for our flight! (starts to panic)
[Just then Ross enters with Rachel]
Ross (happily): Hey guys!
(They're shocked to see them)
Mon/Chan/Joey: What is this? What happened?! So you guys are back togther?!
Rachel: Yeah, we're back together again.
Monica: Omigod! (hugs Ross and Rachel) I'm so happy for you guys, but if we don't (quickly) get out of here, hail a cab, put our luggage in the cab, get into the cab, and make it to the airport right now, we're gonna miss our flight!!!! Come on people, let's go, let's go, let's go!!
Chandler (looks at Monica): Ok I'm sitting next to her on the plane.
(Joey gives him a weird look)
(Scene: Mon/Rach's place. They all enter.)
All: Hey Phoebe's we're home!
(no Phoebe in sight)
(they hear a toilet flush and Phoebe comes out of the bathroom)
Phoebe: Hey guys!! Good thing you guys came in time, I almost got stuck in the toilet again. (she goes over to hug them, sees Ross and Rachel together) Omigod, you (points to Rachel) and you (points to Ross) together?!!!
Phoebe: Oh that's so great! And to think if I wasn't pregnant I would have been able to stop Rachel from going to England in the first place. (pats her belly) You should thank the babies.
(Scene: Joey/Chan's place. Looks like they haven't started unpacking yet, all their luggage is strewn in the living room.)
Chandler: Man with our vacation cut short, there's nothing to do.
Joey: (comes out of his bedroom): Ahh I missed my room. (looks at the TV) I missed the TV. (looks at the chairs) I missed the chairs! (jumps up and sits on one of them)
Chandler: Joey, listen to me, there's nothing to do. I'm bored!
Joey: We could start unpacking.
(They look at each other and start laughing hysterically.)
Chandler: Good, one Joe.
Joey: I know, hey I'm hungry. Do we have any cereal?
Chandler: Yeah, we have tons. Like 5 boxes. Why do we buy so much cereal anyway? (light bulb goes on) That's it!
Joey: What's it?
Chandler: We should eat every kind breakfast cereal out there.
Joey: What?! Why?
Chandler: Well can you think of any better to do? Besides I'm sure there's some kind of record to be broken here. And you know how much you always wanted to get your picture in the Guinness World Book of Records.
Joey (smiles): Oh yeah, let's do it!!
Chandler: Yeah, baby!
[They start to grab all their cereal boxes.]
Chandler: When we're done with these we'll go out and buy some more!
Phoebe: Hey guys! (looks at all the cereal boxes) What are you doing?
Joey: We gonna eat lots of cereal!
Phoebe: Oh cool! Can I help?
Chandler: No with those babies you'll consume all of it and they'll be none left for us.
Joey: Yeah, we want all the glory!
(Phoebe gives him a look)
Phoebe: Ok fine. Well anyway the reason I came over here was because I was wondering if you guys know a good way I could get some excerise?
Joey: Why Phoebs? You look okay, except that little extra weight around your belly.
Phoebe: Those are the babies, Joey! (pause) It just that it's good for expectant mothers to get exercise.
Chandler: Why don't you just go walking?
Phoebe: A pregnant woman walking around the village?!
Joey (snaps his fingers): I got it! Why don't you just walk around and around Monica's apartment. You'll still be walking around getting the exercise you need.
Chandler: The man has a point there.
(Scene: Later on in Joey/Chan's apartment. Chandler and Joey are still eating cereal.)
Joey: I need to take a break.
Chandler: Aww, don't quit on me now, man.
Joey: I'm not, I just need a break. (looks at their luggage) Come on, we should unpack our stuff sometime this month.
Chandler: Yeah ok.
[They start to pick up bags. A pocket in Chandler's bag is open and when he swings his bag up over his shoulder something comes flying out.]
Joey (bends down to pick it up): Hey something fell out of your bag. (it's a black bra) What's this?!
Chandler (casually): Oh yeah that's Monica's. I better give it back to her.
[Joey's eyes widen with surprise. Chandler starts towards the door, then realizes what he just said and stops and turns around.]
Joey: What do you mean that's Monica's?! What are you doing with Monica's bra?!
Chandler (trying to think of an excuse) Well you see she she was she wanted to Ok I can't even talk my way out of this. Ok I'll tell you but you swear on your lucky underwear that you won't tell!!
Joey: Whoa, I never swear anything on my lucky underwear! I'll swear on my grandmother's grave.
Chandler: Ok well, Monica and I sort well y'know SEX! What do I have to spell it out for you. We spent the night together.
Joey: I knew it!! No wonder you guys were acting so strange!
Chandler: Yeah well now you know. And you won't tell a soul, alright? (Joey nods) Now if you excuse me. (puts the bra in his pocket and goes over to Monica's.)
(Scene: Mon/Rach's place. Phoebe is walking around. Chandler and Joey are eating cereal at the table.)
Chandler: Ah c'mon Joey, just eat it!
Joey: No! I can't, Grape Nuts are gross!
Chandler (pours some into a bowl): Just eat it! It won't kill ya!
(Phoebe walks by them)
Monica: Are you guys still eating cereal? Can't you guys find something better to do?
Chandler [gets up, goes over to Monica, and looks into her eyes] (in his fake voice) Why Monica what do you have in mind?
[Monica laughs and takes Chandler's face in her hands and kisses his nose. Chandler sits down pleased with himself. Monica goes to her room]
Joey (mouthful of cereal): You two are sick.
Chandler: I'm sick? You just ate Grapes Nuts!
(Joey makes a gagging face.)
(Phoebe walks by again. Joey/Chan stare at her)
Phoebe: What? Ya never seen a pregnant woman walk around an apartment before?!
(Joey/Chan quickly look away from Phoebe and concentrate on eating their cereal.)
Chandler: Mood swings.
Joey: Oh yeah.
(Scene: Later at Monica/Rach's place. Everybody's there except Ross and Rachel)
(Rachel soon enters in a huff)
Monica: Rachel, what's wrong?
Rachel: Your stupid brother is what's wrong!!
Phoebe: Oh no, not again. Did he give you another rendition of his hit "We We're on a Break"?
Rachel: Worse than that!!
Monica: What exactly happened?
Rachel: Well it all started when we went to his place to unpack .
[6 hours pass while Rachel tells her long story. Monica and Phoebe are listening intently, while Joey and Chandler are in disbelieve from the loooonnnnggg story and are sitting at the table with their mouths hanging open.]
Rachel: Well, so anyway he had the nerve to call me selfish. And we just started arguing about everything that went wrong in our relationship. It was just turned into this huge shouting match. I mean it's like a side of him I've never seen before. I just had to leave.
Monica: Oh I'm sorry honey. (Hugs Rachel)
Rachel: Yeah .
(Scene: Later that evening at Mon/Rach. Monica is straightening the kitchen. Phoebe is walking around the balcony. Chandler enters.)
Chandler: Hey, Mon. (puts his arms around her) Ya busy tonight?
Monica (smiles): No I don't think so
Chandler: Are we alone?
Monica: Oh yeah . Phoebe's busy outside walking and Rachel stepped out so yep we're all alone
(Chandler smiles and leans in to kiss her)
(Chandler rushes to the bathroom before Ross could see him)
Monica: Ross! What! What? (tries to act casual) Um, what are you doing here?
Ross: I'm sure Rachel told you what happened.
Monica: Oh yeah, Ross I'm sorry things couldn't work out for you guys.
Ross: That's the thing. I mean I love being with Rachel, but I think I've realized that I can't stand being with her sometimes. Maybe we just don't click together anymore. I think I'm in love with the idea of always being with Rachel. I used to think we we're perfect together
Monica (hugs him): Oh Ross.
Ross: I'll be okay, I just need sometime. I hope Rachel's okay too. I really want us to be friends again. Like the way it used to be, just talking and stuff.
Monica: I'm sure it will be.
Ross: Yeah. (Gets up and goes towards the bathroom)
Monica: Where are you going?!!
Ross: Um to the bathroom. Why, can I not do that?
Monica (laughs nervously): Well um of course you can use the bathroom. I mean why would it be a problem. Um it's just (goes in front of Ross and blocks his way to the bathroom) It's just that the BATHROOM (loudly so Chandler can hear) is filthy.
Ross: C'mon on Mon. Your bathroom hasn't been filthy in over 5 years.
Monica: Um what's that?! (points to the wall in the kitchen)
Ross (looks): What?
(Chandler takes the opportunity to run out of the bathroom and into Monica's room.)
Monica: Um um that hole I made look at that huge hole I made
Ross: What hole? I don't see any hole.
Monica: Oh you're right, um must've disappeared well (yawns loudly) I'm beat, I'm gonna go to bed. Ok g'night Ross! (runs to her bedroom)
(Ross looks at Monica with confusion)
(Phoebe enters the apartment from the balcony and walks past Ross)
Phoebe: Hey Ross.
Ross (looks at her): Hey Phoebe.
(stares at her walking around)
Ross (quickly): Nothing