Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
Note: This fanfic takes place six months after "TOW Chandler's Work Laugh", Ross and Janice are still dating though, it's pretty serious by now. Janice (and everyone else) found out that Chandler lied and that he's with Monica now, but she's OK with it now. Joey still feels like he could rip his arm off just to have something to throw at her, and he's been trying his best to break them up. Chandler and Monica are living together, Rachel lives with Phoebe cos Denise never existed. Joey has got a part on a TV show and therefor can afford to live by himself in the apartment across the hall from C&M. OK then, let's go!
Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Everyone except Ross is there. Ross enters.
Ross: Hi.
All: Hi Ross.
Monica: Have you done all your packing for the ski trip?
Ross: Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. Um, would you guys mind if Janice came along?
[everyone groans in dismay]
Joey: Ross! Does she have to?
Ross: Well, it's coming up to our six month anniversary, and I really think we should be together for that.
Rachel: Wow. Six months. You've lasted even longer than Chandler did!
Chandler: Please, don't remind me.
Phoebe: Come on guys, Janice is Ross's girlfriend now! Isn't it better to see him happy with Janice than unhappy with Emily?
All: Yeah/I guess/etc.
Monica: Under one condition: she doesn't laugh.
Joey: And doesn't talk.
Ross: Guys, come on!
All: OK/We'll stop/etc.
Ross: Good. (heads for the door)
[everyone does an impression of Janice's laugh]
Credits
Scene: Outside Central Perk. The whole gang plus Janice is there in skiing gear. Phoebe is putting luggage in the back of her grandmother's cab.
Phoebe: OK, all the luggage is in. But how are we gonna fit all the people?
Cut to: Inside the cab. Ross, Janice, Joey, Chandler and Monica are in the back, Phoebe is driving, and Rachel is next to her. Janice is sitting on Ross's lap, Monica on Chandler's. Joey is stuck in the middle with a very unhappy look on his face.
Joey: Rachel, will you swap with me? Please?
Scene: The cab. Later. Night. Rachel and Phoebe have swapped places. Everyone in the back is asleep.
Phoebe: How much longer, do you think?
Rachel: No idea.
Phoebe: I'm bored.
Rachel: Yeah, me too. Wake Chandler up so he can tell us some jokes.
Phoebe: OK. (reaches through the window and shakes Chandler awake)
Rachel: No, Phoebes, I didn't mean-
Chandler: (sleepily) Are we there yet?
Phoebe: No, tell us some jokes.
Chandler: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Phoebe: I don't know, why?
Chandler: What do you mean, you don't know? That's the oldest joke in the book!
Phoebe: It can't be, cos I'm sure jokes were invented before roads.
Chandler: Whatever. Anyway, the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side.
[Phoebe laughs really hard. Chandler and Rachel stare at her, until Rachel almost crashes into a wall]
Chandler: Hmmm. Why did the second chicken cross the road?
Phoebe: I don't know.
Chandler: To visit his flat mate.
Phoebe: (after a pause) I don't get it.
Chandler: A flat is what english people call an apartment.
Phoebe: (after another pause) No, I still don't get it.
Chandler: OK, why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Phoebe: Cos it didn't want to go to the other side?
Chandler: (getting bored) Yeah, why not. (goes back to sleep)
Phoebe: Great. Shall we talk about something?
Rachel: Like what?
Phoebe: Um...you and Ross?
Rachel: What about me and Ross?
Phoebe: Well, you know, if you're still in love with him, if you want to get back together with him, that kind of thing...
Rachel: No, and no. I am totally over him. Let's talk about something else.
Phoebe: OK... Ross and Janice?
Rachel: No.
Phoebe: Ross and Emily?
Rachel: No.
Phoebe: Ross and...Carol?
Rachel: No, and we're here now.
[Rachel pulls the car up to a wood cabin. There's snow everywhere, and not another soul in sight. Rachel and Phoebe get out, and start waking the others up]
Rachel: Come on guys, time to wake up.
Phoebe: Yeah, Monica, I'm hungry.
[everyone gets out and goes in to the cabin. Cobwebs and dust are everywhere. There's a very old looking couch, and chairs and table that look like they might fall apart any second. A narrow passageway leads to the kitchen, there are also four bedrooms and a bathroom which have doors leading into the passageway. In short, it looks pretty bad]
Janice: Oh...my...God!
Rachel: Monica, did you ask whether it was a dump when you booked it?
Monica: They said it wasn't exactly a five star hotel, but not that it had cobwebs! Eurgh!
Ross: Well, we're here now, so I guess we'll just have to make the best of it.
Chandler: Yeah, we can always pretend that we're really poor and live in the 18th century.
Phoebe: At least it's better than when I lived on the street.
Joey: But there isn't a TV! How am I gonna survive?!
Monica: We're just gonna do what we were gonna do anyway: ski. OK?
Rachel: I'm gonna check out the bedrooms. (leaves)
Janice: Ross, you told me this was gonna be fun!
Ross: It is!
Janice: How can it be fun when we're supposed to stay here?!
Ross: Hey, don't worry, I'm sure it's not as bad as it looks.
Janice: Ross, it's worse than what it looks like when my little boy has been playing all day!
Ross: It's not my fault, blame Monica, she's the one who booked it!
Monica: Hey! (coming over) Look Janice, if you wanna go back, fine, otherwise stop complaining, there's nothing we can do about it.
Janice: OK, OK. I'm going to the bathroom.
[Janice leaves as Rachel comes back]
Rachel: Those are quite possibly the most disgusting mattresses I have ever seen.
Joey: So what are we gonna do?
Monica: We'll just have to try to clean it up a bit. And someone should look in the kitchen to see if there's food like they said.
Rachel: There isn't. Well, not any that's edible, anyway. I looked after I checked the bedrooms.
Monica: Then somebody will have to go for food. Any volunteers?
[no-one volunteers]
Chandler: Scissors-paper-stone?
[they play scissors-paper-stone. Ross and Rachel do scissors, all the others do paper]
Monica: OK you guys, take Phoebe's cab and try to get some food.
Rachel: Mon, do we have to?
Ross: Come on Rach, it won't be any fun if we all starve to death.
Rachel: (giving up) OK.
[they leave]
Phoebe: Y'know, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to send those two off together.
Monica: Why not?
Phoebe: What with them still being in love.
Chandler: What?
Monica: They're not, are they?
Phoebe: OK, just think for a moment.
[a long pause. Then everyone gasps as they realize...]
Monica: Uh-oh...
[Janice comes back]
Janice: Where's Ross?
All: Uh-oh...
Scene: The cab. Ross is driving, Rachel is next to him. Both are still wearing ski suits.
Ross: I can't believe this has happened. I mean, couldn't Monica have gotten a better cabin?
Rachel: Ross, stop blaming it on Monica! It's not her fault.
Ross: Well it's not mine either.
Rachel: It's not anyone's fault, and it's happened now so there's no point complaining about it.
Ross: Yeah, I guess.
Rachel: So, how's it going with you and Janice?
Ross: Pretty good. Yeah, and the kids get on well too, so it couldn't be better!
Rachel: Even if it was me instead?
Ross: What?
Rachel: Erm...how is she in bed?
Ross: What?!
Rachel: Let's turn the radio on! (does so, but it's playing "With Or Without You". Rachel tries to change it, but just gets static. She turns it back off)
Ross: Why did you do that?
Rachel: No reason.
Ross: Can you put it back on then? I like that song.
Rachel: (sighs) OK. (stares out the window)
[suddenly the engine splutters and stops]
Ross: Uh-oh.
Rachel: You can say that again. Now what?
Ross: I guess the only thing to do is to get out and walk.
Rachel: Great. As if things weren't bad enough.
Ross: (getting out of the car and going round to open her door) Come on.
Rachel: (getting out) Ugh, it's cold. And I've forgotten mt gloves.
Ross: Here, have mine. (gives them to her)
Rachel: Thanks. They're way too big though. (holds up her hands)
[they laugh]
Ross: Let's go then.
[they set off, Rachel taking his arm]
Commercial Break
(well, the scene is set... what will happen next? I don't know myself yet, so I
can't tell you...)
Scene: A mountain road, snow everywhere, as far as the eye can see. Ross and Rachel are walking, Rachel is leaning on Ross a bit. It's a few hours later. And it's still dark. Ross has a torch, and the stars are shining down on them, so we can still see what's going on.
Rachel: I think we should go back. We're not going to find anywhere now if we haven't yet.
Ross: Um, Rach, I don't know about you, but I don't which way is back.
Rachel: (pointing back down the road) It's that way.
Ross: And after that?
Rachel: (pause) I don't know.
Ross: Well then.
Rachel: Hey look, there's a building up there!
Ross: Are you sure?
Rachel: Well it sure looks like one to me. Come on!
[Rachel starts running towards it, but slips up and falls into a pile of snow, pulling Ross down with her]
Ross: (getting up and brushing snow off himself; he's now soaking wet) Woah Rach, be careful!
[no answer]
Ross: Rachel?
[still no answer. Ross kneels down next to her and brushes the snow away from her face. She's unconscious]
Ross: Rach? Come on Rach, wake up.
[she doesn't. Ross checks her pulse, picks her up and heads for the building]
Scene: The building. It's a much more expensive version of the cabin they just left. Ross kicks the door open and enters, still carrying Rachel. He puts her down on the couch and tries to wake her up.
Ross: Rach? Come on Rach, wake up.
[Rachel groans]
Ross: That's right, come on...
Rachel: Cold...
Ross: You're right, it is... (sees the old fashioned fire place) Ah.
[Ross throws a few logs which are conveniently lying next to it on, then lights it. Big blazing fire in a matter of seconds. Well, it is supposed to be TV land]
Ross: There.
[Rachel shivers. Ross starts taking her ski suit off]
Ross: My God, you're freezing! Oh-, wait a second... (leaves for a second, then comes back) OK, come on.
[Ross picks her up and takes her into the bathroom, where he has started running a hot bath. He strips her down to her underwear and puts her in, then takes his own ski suit (and a few other things, not too much though) off]
Rachel: (weakly) Ross, what's going on...
Ross: You got too cold and passed out.
Rachel: Oh... where are we?
Ross: That cabin you saw. In the bathroom.
Rachel: Why?
Ross: Because I thought the best way to warm you up again would be to put you in a warm bath. So here you are.
Rachel: Bath? (opens her eyes a bit more, looks around) You took my clothes off?!
Ross: Well, I didn't want you to warm up again and then get all cold again because your clothes were wet. I was about to put them in front of the fire.
Rachel: What fire?
Ross: The one in the living room, I told you.
Rachel: But, won't anyone mind?
Ross: I don't know, there's nobody here. I'm going to put these things in front of the fire.
[Ross goes back into the living room and starts hanging the wet things on chairs in front of the fire. He looks up and sees a black and white photo of a young couple hanging over the fireplace. Rachel comes in with a towel wrapped around her]
Ross: Does that guy look familiar to you?
Rachel: What guy?
Ross: There, on the photo.
Rachel: (looking at the photo) Yeah...
Ross: Do you know who it is?
Rachel: I dunno... I get the feeling I've seen him recently. (shrugs) So, what now?
Ross: Well, I guess we just stay here until tomorrow and then try to find our way back...
Rachel: Is there a telephone?
Ross: I don't know, I hadn't thought of that. I'll take a look.
[Ross leaves. Rachel sits down in front of the fire, trying to figure out where she's seen the guy in the photo before. Then she goes to get her clothes, they're still wet. She makes a disgusted face and moves the couch closer to the fire so she can sit on it. Ross comes back]
Rachel: Well?
Ross: No telephone, no TV, no electrical appliances whatsoever.
[Rachel sighs. Ross sits down next to her]
Ross: Hey, you're still cold! You should dry yourself properly. (starts drying her with another towel) There.
[they look at each other. And then... You know what happens next, right? That's right. They kiss]
Ross: (breaking away) No, no we can't do this.
Rachel: No, we really shouldn't.
Ross: I mean, I'm with Janice now, y'know?
Rachel: Yes.
Ross: Right.
Rachel: Exactly.
[and then they kiss extremely passionately]
Scene: The cabin, the next morning. Ross and Rachel are lying in front of the fireplace, completely naked (don't worry, there's a towel covering them). They wake up. We can hear voices outside, which can only mean one thing...
Ross: Uh-oh...
[the door opens. Ross and Rachel quickly pull the towel over their heads, and the camera stays on a close-up of them, for reasons I'm about to disclose...]
Female voice: At last! I am completely knackered. {I'll give you a clue... Everyone hates her, and she's not Janice...}
[We hear footsteps. They stop suddenly]
Female voice: What a mess! Has anyone else been up here recently?
Male voice: Not that I know of...
Female voice: How strange... I wonder- (the woman has obviously noticed the two people under the towel) Aha!
[we see a hand reach down and pull the edge of the towel back. Then...]
Emily: Ross!
Ross: (shy) Hi...
Rachel: (pushing the towel back so we can see her too) Who- (sees Emily) Oh my God...
[they stare at each other]
Commercial Break
Scene: The cabin, continued from before. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the floor with towels around them, looking like they'd really like to be somewhere else.
Emily's uncle, Mr. Waltham: What are you doing in our cabin?
Rachel: Look, Mr. Waltham, I can explain...
{By the way, Rachel is still working for Mr. Waltham at Bloomingdales because in this universe she never left}
Ross: Wait... You're the guy in the photo!
Mr. Waltham: I don't see what that has to do with anything.
Ross: Nothing.
Emily: Could you please just leave?
Mr. Waltham: With no car and no clothes? I hardly think that's wise.
Emily: Well, just put your clothes on and, and I'll drive you back.
Ross: OK.
Rachel: OK.
[they stay like that for a while]
Ross: Could you please not look?
Scene: The cabin, a little later. Emily is sitting on the couch. Ross enters.
Ross: Where's Rachel?
Emily: Who cares?
Ross: (sitting down next to her) Listen, I'm sorry about all this.
Emily: That's OK, it... It just brings back bad memories, that's all.
Ross: What, all your memories are bad?
Emily: Well... Not all of them...
[uh-oh... Yeah, you guessed it, they kiss]
Emily: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.
[Ross is staring at her with his mouth open, you can tell he doesn't completely agree with her...]
Ross: Uh-huh...
[we suddenly notice that Rachel has been watching them for quite some time...]
Ross: Uh-oh...
Cut to: Emily's car. She's driving, Ross and Rachel are both in the back, Rachel trying to stay as far away from him as possible.
Scene: The other cabin. It's a bit less disgusting now. Rachel storms in, followed by Ross, then Emily.
Monica: Finally! We were getting worried about you! (suddenly notices Emily) Ross, what's Emily doing here?
Ross: I, I'll explain later. (rushes out)
Rachel: (starting to cry) Yeah, me too.
Monica: (to Chandler) Guy talk/girl talk?
[Chandler nods, grabs Joey, and runs after Ross, Monica grabs Phoebe and goes after Rachel, so that Emily and Janice are left alone in the living room]
Emily: Hi.
Janice: Hello.
Emily: You've got a strange accent.
Janice: What, and you haven't?
Scene: Ross' bedroom. Ross is sitting on the bed, Chandler and Joey are standing on either side of him.
Chandler: You did what?!
Joey: Why?!
Ross: I don't know, OK?
Chandler: You are in deep doo-doo, man.
Ross: I know!
Joey: The question is, what are you gonna do about it?
Scene: Rachel's bedroom. It's exactly the same as Ross', but the girls are there instead of the guys.
Monica: What?!
Rachel: And then I saw him kissing Emily!
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Rachel: I know!
Monica: So what are you gonna do?
Rachel: I don't know.
Phoebe: Well, you'll just have to wait and see who he picks...
Rachel: I guess...
Cut to: Ross' bedroom.
Ross: Three to choose from, whom shall I pick? How shall I pick?
Joey: Well, I don't like Emily, and I hate Janice, so I think you should go for Rachel.
Chandler: On the other hand, You've been going out with Janice for six months now, and you were married to Emily...
Joey: Dude, what are you doing?
[Chandler shrugs]
Cut to: The living room. Emily and Janice seem to be getting along quite well...
Janice: I'd love to!
Emily: Great! Do you want to come now?
Janice: You bet I would! Let's go!
[they start heading for the door]
Emily: Wait, what about Ross?
Janice: Oh, leave him for Rachel. I'm bored of him anyway.
Emily: You're right. Come on!
[they leave. We hear the sound of a car driving off just as the rest of the girls enter]
Monica: Where are they going?
Phoebe: Or, more importantly, who was it that left?
[the guys enter]
Ross: OK, I have an announcement to make... Where are the others?
Monica: They left.
Ross: (confused) Oh. In that case, Rachel, could I have a word with you?
[she comes over to him]
Ross: I'm sorry.
Rachel: I know you are.
Ross: Does that mean, you forgive me?
Rachel: (nodding her head, putting her finger to his lips) Shhh.
[that's right, they kiss]
All: Aww!
Ross: That was kinda supposed to be a private conversation.
[everyone just shrugs in a "we know, but who cares" kind of way]
Credits
Scene: The cabin, later that evening. Everyone is sitting in front of the fire.
Chandler: Uh-oh.
Monica: What?
Chandler: I've just remembered that we're up a mountain, in the middle of the night, in the snow, with no food, no car, and no telephone.
[everyone just stares at each other with looks of shock, fear, and "oops" on their faces]
The End
for this fanfic, I won: