Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
Note: This fanfic takes place right after "TOW Ross And Rachel's Honeymoon", "TOW Chandler And Monica's Honeymoon", and "TOW Joey And Phoebe ALONE". And also, from this episode on Stella is included in the credits. She's played by me. I love acting. I would LOVE to play someone like her, which is probably the reason I put her in in the first place. And also because I always wanted to be on Friends. But now I'm talking to much, aren't I. So, on with the show...
Scene: Central Perk, continued from the fanfics listed above.
Rachel: (going over to the couch, angrily) What the HELL are you doing here?!
Stella: It's your turn.
Rachel: Oh no. OHHH no. (sits down on the couch)
Stella: Oh YES.
Rachel: (pleadingly) Can't you just go somewhere else?
Stella: NO. I've been looking forward to this for ages!
Rachel: Oh well. You've probably gotten someone to break in to our apartment and move your stuff in, haven't you.
Stella: Didn't have to. These guys had a key. (gestures at Joey and Phoebe)
Rachel: (really angry) You let her IN?!
Joey: She paid us!
Phoebe: Yeah, I got a new guitar! Look! (takes a guitar out from behind the chair)
Rachel: OK, never mind. I guess I'll just have to accept my fate.
Ross: Um, could someone please tell me what's going on?
[Rachel looks at him with a look of dread on her face]
CREDITS
Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier. Rachel and Stella have just finished explaining to Ross.
Ross: She's staying with us for a YEAR?!
Rachel: Unless she gets killed in some freak accident, yes.
Ross: But, but, we haven't got room for her!
Rachel: (wearily) She can sleep in the baby's room, and the baby can sleep in our room until she's gone.
Ross: OK, we'll let her stay. But I'm not happy about it! {At this point I laugh hysterically, seemingly for no reason unless you know my dad}
Rachel: And thus the nightmare began.
Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment, about a week later. Stella has moved in properly and has been accepted by the group (more or less, anyway). Ross and Rachel are eating breakfast. Stella comes out of her bedroom.
Stella: OK, bye then.
Rachel: Are you SURE you don't want us to come to your new school with you?
Stella: NO. I don't want to be seen with my pregnant 30-year-old cousin. It would ruin my image.
Rachel: You mean the image of a mean, sarcastic, spoiled little girl?
Stella: Shut up. I'm not a LITTLE girl, even if the rest is mostly true.
Rachel: OK, whatever. Have a good time.
Stella: (with an evil grin on her face) Oh, I will. I definitely will. Bye! (leaves)
Rachel: We're rid of her for a whole day! Yippee!
[Stella sticks her head round the door]
Stella: I heard that.
[she closes the door again. We hear the sound of the door locking]
Ross: (going over to the table) I'd better unlock that. (reaches for the keys, but then notices that they aren't there) But I can't. (goes to the phone) And the telephone's wire has been removed. (goes into their bedroom, then comes back out) And my cellphone's gone too.
Cut to: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler and Monica are watching TV. The camera is at an angle so that we can see out the window to Ross and Rachel's apartment, where they are waving and shouting out the window like crazy. Chandler and Monica don't notice them.
Cut to: Ross and Rachel's apartment. They look at each other and sigh.
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler and Monica are still sitting on the couch. Phoebe enters.
Phoebe: Hi.
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: Are you ready to go?
Monica: Almost.
Phoebe: Where's Rachel?
Monica: I don't know. She's NEVER late for shopping. Stella probably has something to do with it. Come on, let's go.
Phoebe: Aren't we gonna wait for her?
Monica: She knows the way to the stores, doesn't she? I don't see any point in us waiting for her if we can just as easily NOT wait for her. Chandler, when Rachel comes, tell her we've gone on ahead please.
Chandler: I DO have to go to work, you know.
Monica: OK, OK, just leave her a note. (Chandler looks at her) Please?
Chandler: OK. Have fun. (they kiss) Bye.
Monica: Bye!
[Monica and Phoebe go out the door]
Scene: A street. Stella is walking along. She takes out a cellphone, dials, and puts it to her ear.
Cut to: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is just about to leave when the telephone rings. Chandler picks it up.
Chandler: Hello?
Stella: Hi Chandler!
Chandler: What do you want?
Stella: Could you go and give Ross and Rachel their keys and cellphone back on your way to work?
Chandler: I don't have their keys and cellphone.
Stella: You do, they're in your mailbox. Bye! (hangs up)
Chandler: HOW are we gonna cope with this kid for another 51 weeks?!
Scene: A store somewhere. Phoebe and Monica are looking at baby clothes.
Phoebe: I still can't believe you're actually having a baby after all this time.
Monica: (obviously really happy) I know!
Phoebe: And you're married!
Monica: I know!
Phoebe: And Rachel's here!
Monica: I kno- what?
Phoebe: Over there. (waves)
[Rachel comes up looking really annoyed]
Rachel: Hi guys.
Phoebe: Hi!
Monica: What happened to you?
Rachel: Stella locked me and Ross in our apartment. I'm gonna kill her when she gets home!
Monica: That bad, huh?
Rachel: Worse.
Phoebe: Oh, come on, she's not all bad.
Rachel: (not believing her ears) What?
Phoebe: Yeah, when you were on your honeymoon she was really nice to me. I think she just bugs you cos you let her get to you.
Monica: Nice?! About what?
Phoebe: Oh, about me and- (stops suddenly) no-one.
Rachel: It's probably cos you're a vegetarian, and so's she.
Monica: Stella's a vegetarian?!
Rachel: Yeah, apparently it's OK to hurt people, but not innocent little animals.
Monica: (after a few seconds) I don't get her.
Rachel: Don't worry, nobody does. Aww, isn't this the sweetest little thing? (holds up a dress)
Monica: Yeah, but don't forget it might be a boy.
Rachel: I don't care. If it's a boy I'll pretend he's a girl and dress him up in dresses.
[Monica and Phoebe look at her like she's crazy]
Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment, later. Rachel is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Ross enters.
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi Honey.
[the phone rings. Ross answers it]
Ross: Monica wants to know if we wanna go to the movies tonight. The others all are.
Rachel: No, actually I don't feel so good.
Ross: (on phone) No, sorry. (puts it down and turns to Rachel) Why, what's wrong?
Rachel: Nothing, probably just indigestion.
Ross: OK, if you're sure...
[Stella enters with a can of beer in her hand. She takes a swig]
Stella: Hi guys.
Rachel: (in that tone grown-ups always use when they're telling you off) Stella, what's that?
Stella: Can't you tell? Is the pregnancy affecting your eyesight?
Rachel: Please put it away. You're parents will flip out if they find out.
Stella: No they won't. They don't care what happens to me! I could die and they wouldn't even bother to come to my funeral!
Rachel: Stella, that's not true.
Stella: (getting upset) Of course it is! Do you think they'd just pass me on from relative to relative if it wasn't?!
Rachel: They have to earn their money somehow...
Stella: What are you talking about?! They had enough money to retire years ago! Billions of dollars!
Rachel: Well, maybe they just really like their jobs.
Stella: Yeah, more than me. I'm just an inconvenience. No-one really wants me. (goes into her room and slams the door)
Rachel: Do you think she means it?
Ross: I dunno. Maybe you should talk to her.
Rachel: Yeah. (opens Stella's door a crack) Stella? Can I come in?
Stella: (shouting, obviously crying too) No! Go away!
[Rachel shrugs at Ross. They go to sit in front of the TV. The phone rings and Ross answers it]
Ross: (on the phone) What? Not again! (annoyed) OK, I'm coming. (puts the phone down) I have to go to work for a while. I'll be back as soon as I can.
Rachel: You're leaving me alone with her?
Ross: Yeah, I'm sorry.
Rachel: Just don't be to long, OK?
Ross: I'll try.
[they kiss and he leaves. Rachel watches TV for a while, wincing every now and then. She gets up and goes to the bathroom, you can tell that the pain's gotten much worse. We hear a crash]
Stella: (coming out of her room) Can you keep the noise down?! (no answer) Hello? (looks around the room, then opens the bathroom door) Rach?
[we see Rachel lying on the floor, unconscious, in a pool of blood. Stella gasps]
Commercial Break
Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment, continued. Stella is talking on her cellphone.
Stella: Ten minutes isn't good enough, I want it here now! (ends the call) OK, OK, call Monica... (dials, puts the phone to her ear, listens for a few seconds) No! Why tonight?! (kicks the wall, then hops around holding her foot and swearing) OK, OK, Ross's work number... I don't know it! Stupid, stupid, stupid! (kicks the wall again, then hops around again) Grrrrrr!
[there's a knock on the door and a shout of "paramedics!"]
Stella: Finally! (lets them in)
Paramedic: OK then, what happened here?
Stella: I don't know, I just came out of my room and found her like this.
Paramedic: And you're her daughter?
Stella: Of course not! What, you think she had a kid when she was my age?! I'm her cousin!
Paramedic: OK then.
[the paramedics load her onto a stretcher]
Paramedic: You'd better come too.
[they rush out]
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler, Monica, Joey and Phoebe enter.
Chandler: Was that a great movie or what?!
Joey: It was OK.
Phoebe: I liked the bit with the chipmunk.
Monica: There's a message on the answer phone. (she plays it)
Stella's voice: (flustered) Monica, you have to come to the hospital right away. And bring Ross, I don't know his number. It's urgent.
[there is a pause]
Joey: I wonder what's happened.
Monica: I don't know, but she sounded worried. We'd better get there as quickly as possible. Come on.
[they all leave]
Scene: A hospital waiting room. Stella is sitting there as the gang (minus Rachel, of course) enter.
Ross: What happened?!
Stella: I don't know. I found her collapsed in the bathroom. In a pool of blood. It was like something out of a horror movie. Except she wasn't attacked.
Monica: Well, haven't the doctors said anything?
Stella: Nope. Either they don't know anything yet, or they think I'm to young to handle it. I think it's the latter.
Ross: Oh my God...
[a doctor enters]
Doctor: OK then, who's with Rachel Green?
All: I am!
Stella: Well, I guess me and Ross the most.
Doctor: Very well then. Rachel's fine, and so's the baby.
[everyone breathes a sigh of relief]
Ross: Then why was she bleeding?
Doctor: Oh, it sometimes happens. Nobody really knows why. Would you like to see her?
[they all nod. The doctor takes them into the room where Rachel is, then leaves]
Ross: (sitting next to her and holding her hand) Hi honey.
Rachel: (weakly) Hi.
Phoebe: How are you feeling?
Rachel: Tired.
Monica: You had us really worried there, you know.
Rachel: Sorry.
Joey: So, what happened?
Rachel: I dunno, I just suddenly got these really bad stomach cramps. And then I woke up, and I was here.
Stella: So, are you coming back with us or do you need to stay here?
Rachel: I just have to stay overnight, then I can go home tomorrow.
Monica: And everything's really fine?
Rachel: That's what the doctor says.
Chandler: Why don't you just stay here until you have the baby, then you won't have to come back in a few months time!
Joey: I dunno dude, she'd get pretty bored.
Chandler: What, you mean there's no TV in here?
Doctor: (entering) Excuse me, but she really needs to get some rest. You can come and pick her up tomorrow.
[everyone says good-bye and heads for the door]
Rachel: Stella?
Stella: (turning round) Yes?
Rachel: Thanks.
Stella: (smiling) You're welcome. (follows the others out)
Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. The next day. Everyone enters, supporting Rachel, trying to help her.
Rachel: Can you please stop treating me like an invalid?!
[everyone apologizes. Ross tries to take her bag]
Rachel: Stop!
Ross: Sorry.
Stella: I, uh, got something for you. (goes into her room and fetches a bunch of flowers in a beer can full of water)
[Rachel looks at Stella and sighs]
Stella: Well, I couldn't find a vase!
Rachel: (smiling affectionately despite herself) That's OK.
[Stella smiles]
Stella: (looking at her watch) Oh, it's almost time for Star Trek! (turns the TV on and jumps on the couch, totally oblivious to everyone else)
Monica: She's quite a character.
Rachel: I know. But I think we can learn to like her.
Chandler: In the same way you can learn to like a mosquito?
Credits
Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Rachel and Stella are watching TV.
Stella: Hey, since I've been so helpful, do you think you could name your baby after me?
[Ross and Rachel give her a Look]
Stella: OK, OK, I was only asking.
The End