The One with the Mother and Child, Part 1

Originally writted by Susan Daneem
Converted to HTML by Austin Hedeman

Introduction:

The following script was e-mailed to me from the "Friends" and associates of Susan Daneem. It takes place somewhere between episodes 222 (Two Parties) and 224 (Barry and Mindy's Wedding). Please send comments to the writer or me. We are both anxiously waiting comments. This is Susan's first attempt at writing Friends fanfic, but it doesn't show. We are all anxiously awaiting another script from Susan. :)
-Austin
[Scene: Monica & Rachel's apartment. Monica is sitting reading the paper at the kitchen table. Rachel & her mother enter with hand luggage]

MONICA: Hi! You're back early!!!

RACHEL: Hi! Yeah, there was a snow storm warning and we decided to fly back in case we got stuck.

SANDRA: Mmmm...that....and Rachel was pining for Ross.

RACHEL: Mo-om! I was not!!

SANDRA: Dear, if you had "pined" any more you would have sprouted branches!

MONICA: Actually he's in the bathroom. He spent the night here cause they're fumugating his building. I'll tell him your back.

[Monica starts to go towards the bathroom]

RACHEL: No! Wait till he comes out I want to surprise him!

[Rachel and Sandra put their hand luggage on the table]

MONICA: This can't be all of your luggage!?!

SANDRA: No, that nice Mr. Treeger is bringing up the rest for us, I think I'll go see how he's getting on.

[Sandra leaves]

MONICA: So, did you two have a good time?

RACHEL: Yeah, I guess. Skiing was good and Mom is really getting her confidence back around men. One or two hit on her early on and by the time we left she was practically chasing anything that had testosterone around the slopes.

SANDRA: [from the hallway] Here let me help you....

MR. TREEGER: [also from the hallway] YIPE! Yo Lady watch the hands!!!

RACHEL: See?

OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Monica & Rachel's apartment. Rachel is standing beside the bathroom door and Monica & Sandra are seated at the kitchen table.]

ROSS: [shouting from the bathroom] Hey, Mon! Just to let you know, you're all out of shampoo!

MONICA: What! How do you manage to use so much shampoo on so little hair!!

[Ross comes out of the bathroom, dressed, ready to continue talking to Monica]

RACHEL: Hey!

ROSS: Hey [he does double take] HEY! You're Back!!!

[Ross runs up to Rachel, hugs her and picks her up swinging her around]

ROSS: Ooh, I missed you sooo much!

[Ross puts her down]

RACHEL: Really? How Much?

ROSS: This much..[goes to kiss her, but sees Sandra over her shoulder] Oh!

Hey, Mrs. Greene!

SANDRA: Hello Ross, don't let me stop you.

RACHEL: Yeah. Don't let her stop you. [grabs him by the tie and pulls his head down to her]

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica & Mrs. Greene are drinking tea in the kitchen, while Ross & Rachel nuzzle up to each other in the bay window]

SANDRA: Oh, it was beautiful up there Monica, you and Richard should head up some time, the skiing is wonderful...

MONICA: I'd love to, if I ever get a job that'll pay enough...

SANDRA: [patting Monica's hand] You will, dear. You're a wonderful cook, you can do things to a salmon mousse that I wouldn't have thought.....erm...possible!!

ROSS: So....d'ya miss me?

RACHEL: No, not really.

ROSS: Hmm...I suppose you uh...were chasing after all those ski..type..guys..up there.

RACHEL: No. Didn't have to..they came after me!

ROSS: So..do I have competition from Franz & Klaus?

RACHEL: [rubs her nose against his] Naah...I told them I already had my snow bunny.

ROSS: Ohhhh. [they hug again]

SANDRA: Ross is very very sweet.

MONICA: Yeah, he's the greatest. He really loves her, always has.

SANDRA: You know I had to physically keep her away from the phone, she was acting like a teenager all over again, you could see her twitch every time she saw a receiver! She was never like that with Barry...come to think of it I was never like that with her father. [sighs] I can understand her feelings though, I mean he's thoughtful, intelligent, loving...and he has incredible buns! [Monica chokes on her tea] .....I wonder if there is a Ross out there waiting for me.

MONICA: [sighing wistfully] Yeah...[Mrs Greene looks at her oddly]

...ahem...not that I would want a Ross....after all...he's my bro....em I mean I have Richard...er...More tea?!

[Monica hops up and goes to the kettle. Ross and Rachel get up and walk over to the table hand in hand.]

ROSS: Mrs. Greene? I was wondering if perhaps you and Rachel would like to accompany me to dinner this evening? I have something special in mind.

SANDRA: Why Ross! That'd be lovely, thank you.

ROSS: O.K! I'll make the reservations and pick Rachel up at 7.30 and we'll pick you up at your hotel O.K? It'll be kinda swanky, so get out your best party frocks girls!

SANDRA: Wonderful. [looks at her watch] Oh! I'd better go, my hotel reservation was for 12.00, I've got to check in.

ROSS: Yeah...um...I'd better go too, I've got to the museum for an hour or two. If you'd like Mrs Greene we can share a cab..

SANDRA: Yes. That'd be nice. [picks up her hand luggage]

ROSS: Oh! Let me help you with your luggage. [picks up a suitcase]

SANDRA: Thank you! [walks out the door with just the hand luggage, leaving Ross to struggle with the 2 other suitcases and the skis]

ROSS: [balancing himself] Ooook...

RACHEL: [stopping him as he shuffles towards the door] That was nice honey.

I'll see you this evening, and I'll give you your present when we get home.

ROSS: Present?

RACHEL: Yeah. [gives him a lingering kiss, then struts to her bedroom]

ROSS: Wow!

[Skips out the door as if the luggage weighed nothing at all. Monica goes to close the door, but before she does, there's a loud crash and thump as something falls down the stairs.]

MONICA: Ross?

ROSS: [In a very faint voice] I'm O.K.

[Scene: Department Store. Children's clothes. Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are browsing.]

PHOEBE: Oooh Oooh look! Baby booties, baby booties, baby booties!!

CHANDLER: Wasn't that a hit for Run D.M.C a couple of years back?

JOEY: Hey, Chandler how about this? [holds up a baby tuxedo]

CHANDLER: Uuuh, No. I don't think so.

JOEY: Why not? It's great!!

CHANDLER: I don't really see him having a lot of use for a tuxedo over the next few months do you Joey?!! Besides...I don't have one of those..

PHOEBE: When is Ben's birthday again?

JOEY: Two weeks time.

PHOEBE: Wow! He's gotten so big, so quickly. You remember when we first saw him?

JOEY: Yeah, he was like this..teeny tiny little red puffy face, with teeny weeny little fingers and teeny weeny toesies....and his teeny tiny wink...

CHANDLER: [interuppting] O.K! I thought I told you never to do that again!

[They move off separately looking through the clothes, Chandler kneels down behind a counter to tie his shoelace, leaving only his head and shoulders visible. A woman with a baby in a pram passes by]

CHANDLER: [looking from the baby up to the mother. Still kneeling] Janice?!?!

JANICE: Chandler!! [seeing only his head and shoulders]

CHANDLER: [smiling] Hey Janice!

JANICE: [looking a little uncomfortable] What are you doing here Chandler Bing!?!!?

CHANDLER: Well...you know ever since I contracted that shrinking disease, this is the only place that carries clothes that I feel suit my svelte figure!

JANICE: Very funny, Chandler. [he stands up]

CHANDLER: C'mon! You know you loved me for my superb wit...[flexes his muscles] as well as of course my studly body!!

JANICE: Yeah right.

CHANDLER: [Looking down at the baby in the pram] Hey this yours!?

JANICE: No Chandler. I just swiped him from the Buy a Baby counter. Of course he's mine!

[Joey and Phoebe come over to join them]

PHOEBE: Oh! Cute baby, cute baby!

JOEY: Yeah..Nice going, Janice!

JANICE: Thanks guys. [starts to look uncomfortable again, when Chandler kneels down beside him]

CHANDLER: Y'know...he kinda reminds me of someone...sandy hair, blue eyes, that nose...

JANICE: [hurriedly] Well we really gotta go NOW! We've got to go meet Daddy don't we sweetums...[tries to move, but Chandler is blocking her way]

CHANDLER: [his eyes beginning to narrow] I know who this little guy reminds me of!!!

JANICE: NO! No! You Don't!!

CHANDLER: Yes I do! It's my Uncle Toby's kid!!! [looks at Joey] Y'know the Uncle with the huge house and the 25 year old wife...

JANICE: Yeahyeahyeah...well great seeing you guys...there's my husband gotta go BYE!

[Janice pushes the baby through the store and they watch her meet with her husband. Who's black and looks nothing like the baby. They kiss and walk off arm in arm.]

CHANDLER: That's great. I'm glad she's happy, cute kid too. [Phoebe & Joey look at each other]

JOEY: Y'know Chandler that....that kid..he..he sorta..looked a little bit like...

CHANDLER: Like?

JOEY: ...nothin...lets go.

CHANDLER: [looking at more baby clothes] Yeah. It's great that she's found someone and has a family...I'd have never been able to give her that...

PHOEBE: I wouldn't be too sure of that...

CHANDLER: I mean did you see that guy, he's a great looking fella...and the baby....the baby....the ba...looooooksss NOTHING like HIM!!!

The...the....the...baby...ba-by llllooks lllike...[starts to hyperventilate]

JOEY: Relax man....relax...

PHOEBE: Deep Breaths...deep cleansing breaths....

[they help him out of the store]

[Scene: Interior of a taxi cab. Ross & Mrs Greene on the way to her hotel]

SANDRA: I don't know Ross, sometimes my life seems like such a ....a waste!

I spent all those years devoted to a man I guess I never really loved and I suppose who never really loved me...we married each other because it was expected of us...he was a young doctor, I was the daughter of a rich well respected member of the community....God it sounds like a Harlequin novel!

[She looks sadly out of the cab window] ...I wonder if I'll ever find someone who will love me for me.....

ROSS: [uncomfortable] Mrs. Green...

SANDRA: Call me Sandra, Ross I think we know each other well enough for that....

ROSS:....Sandra. I know you'll find someone. [takes her hand] You're a beautiful, smart, caring, funny woman. As soon as you get out into the big bad world again you'll find the men lining up outside your door!

SANDRA: You think I'm beautiful? Really?! [Ross doesn't notice the way she is smiling at him]

ROSS: Absoulutely! Sandra you are one of the most attractive women I have ever met. Really!

[Cab pulls up outside Mrs Greene's hotel, Ross hops out and holds the door open for her. She steps out and kisses him on the cheek]

SANDRA: Thank you Ross. You are a very sweet man.

ROSS: [doing his best "aw-shucks-Ma'am-t'wern't-nothin" face] I'll be by to pick you up around 8.00. SANDRA: I hope I have something suitable to wear for this grand occasion.

ROSS: [playfully gallant] Sandra...whatever you wear you'll look stunning!

SANDRA: [seriously] Oh. [Turns and goes into her hotel]

ROSS: [immensely pleased with himself] Way to get to on the girlfriend's Mothers good side Ross Man!!!

[A man tries to dive into the cab, while Ross is still holding the door! He cooly grabs the mans coat tails and yanks him out again, then steps into the cab]

ROSS: Nice try fella...but today there is no stoppin' the "ROSSMEISTER"!

[cab drives off leaving the guy standing there]

GUY: .....Geek...

[Scene: Interior of Nunzio's, a very exclusive restaurant. There is a dance floor, and band playing in the background. Ross enters in tuxedo alone. The Maitre D eyes him suspicously.]

ROSS: Geller reservation, Table for 3 please.

MAITRE D': [Looks around] For 3?

[Rachel and Sandra enter. Rachel has an off the shoulder black satin gown on and Sandra is dressed in a low cut dark green evening dress. Nearly all the men in the restaurant turn to look. The Maitre'D's eyes bug a little as each take one of Ross's arms.]

MAITRE D': [most impressed] For 3 Sir! This way! [leads them to their table]

RACHEL: [being seated by Ross] Ross, this place is amazing! How did you arrange this so quickly?!

ROSS: Well...I know a guy who knows a guy...I figured my two ladies would appreciate a cultured evening out [seats Sandra]

SANDRA: Our very own knight in shining armour..hmm Rachel?

[Waiter hands them their menus]

RACHEL: My God! The Prices! Ross?!?!

ROSS: Don't worry about it I've got it all covered, order anything you wa...[indicates to the waiter, who bends down beside him, whispers] You do take American Express don't you? [waiter nods] ...Yes! Anything you want!!

[turns all smooth] Waiter? Will you bring us a bottle of champagne. I'll leave the vintage to your discression.

WAITER: At once Sir.[Ross looks very pleased with himself]

[Scene: Some dive of a bar in the city. Chandler is face down on the bar with a shot of whiskey beside him. Phoebe is rubbing his shoulders for him, singing a medley of her songs to him. Joey comes in through the entrance.]

JOEY: O.K! I've finally got us a cab, lets go...[looks at Chandler] ....how many of those has he had?!! PHOEBE: Huh...OH!...None, thats his first.[starts humming]

JOEY: Wha....None?! Then why is he.....

PHOEBE: I don't know..he's been like that ever since I sang him my new song to cheer him up..

JOEY: [warily] Ahem...your new song?

PHOEBE: Yeah! Yeah!!....I just composed it!! It's called "Unexpected Baby Burping Blues"!!!!

CHANDLER: Uhhhhhhhh JOEY: [yanks him off the bar] O.K man lets go home.....c'mon....c'mon....

[Phoebe and Joey lead him out the door]

[Scene: Restaurant. Table]

ROSS: [stands up] If you'll excuse me ladies....[heads to the bathroom]

SANDRA: [watching him go] Oh Rachel...Ross is amazing! [she takes Rachel's hand] When I was at your birthday party I thought you were dating a carbon copy of your father, but he's nothing like him at all!!! I never knew a man who could make you feel so good about yourself!

RACHEL: [smiling at her Mother's enthusiasm] Yeah...he is pretty good at that isn't he? I know you'll get a guy like that soon.

SANDRA: Oh my god! Isn't that Ivana Trump?!

RACHEL: Yes!!!

SANDRA: Don't you just hate the way the tabloids won't leave the poor woman alone? Always carping on about how bad she looks....

RACHEL: Yes..it's terrible...

[They both study her intensley for a moment]

SANDRA & RACHEL: Doesn't she ever change that hairstyle......That dress is hideous!

[Scene: Time Lapse. Restaurant. Dance floor, Ross finishes a dance with Rachel and they make their way back to the table. Where Mrs Green is just finishing her 4th Highball]

ROSS: Sandra? Would you like to dance?

SANDRA: [slightly the worse for wear] Love to!

[they move out onto the floor]

ROSS: You look very lovely tonight Sandra.

SANDRA: [exactly like Rachel] Ohhh...Thank you Ross, you look very lov..uh...I mean handsome tonight yourself.

[Ross looks over her shoulder and sees a handsome well dressed middle aged man watching Sandra in undisguised admiration]

ROSS: I think you have a secret admirer.

SANDRA: [looking up at Ross, ignoring his nod towards the man] I think he does too.

[Ross again doesn't get the implication, but when she moves closer to him he steps on her foot]

ROSS: Oooh! Oooh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

SANDRA: It's alright...it's O.K...[reaches up and straightens his tie, then moves into his arms, only this time she snuggles up to him, and closes her eyes]

[Ross raises his eyebrows a little, and glances over at Rachel, who indicates the empty highball glasses and smiles a little embarrassed, he smiles back and they dance on]

[Scene: Chandler & Joey's apartment. Phoebe & Joey enter still holding up Chandler]

CHANDLER: Noo...No..No..No...It can't be.....

JOEY: Relax pal..relax...maybe the baby takes after someone on Janice's side of the family!

CHANDLER: [straightens up eagerly, to Phoebe] You think, you think you think?

PHOEBE: [absently] Naaaa...OH! OH! I mean Yeah! YEAH!

CHANDLER: [running around the apartment] But she said it wasn't mine!!!

PHOEBE: Uhhh...actually..what she said was "You wish!" CHANDLER: [falling to his knees, staring at the ceiling, hands clasped in prayer] But I didn't wish!!! I DIDN'T WISH!!!!!

[Scene: Hotel lobby, Mrs Green leaves Ross & Rachel alone when she goes to get her key from the front desk. Rachel hugs Ross.]

RACHEL: That was wonderful. Thank you.

ROSS: Enjoy yourselves?

RACHEL: That was the best date my Mom and I have ever been on! [shudders]

Oooh...flashback to MacDonalds, when I was 12....

ROSS: I hope she did enjoy herself, she deserves some good times, she's a special lady.

RACHEL: Ya think?

ROSS: Absolutely! She reminds me of someone I know...[kisses her on the nose] How could I help but love her...

RACHEL: Welllll...we really are Sir Galahad tonight aren't we!

ROSS: [does elaborate bow and kisses her on the hand] At your service Milady. RACHEL: Ahuh-huah...[grabs him by the lapels] O.K! Who are you and what have you done with Ross Geller!?!

ROSS: [laughs] O.K! How about you get the porter to get us a Taxi, while I "escort" your mother to her room, just to keep my "Knightliness" in practice!

RACHEL: O.K, but I'll be glad to get home and have a Knight to remember!

See if I can get under your armour, you old smoothy...[kisses him langurously]

[They break, Ross appears unruffled, smooths down his jacket, gives her a raised eyebrow smooth smile and walks casually towards the front desk.

Trips on a rug, hits a waiter, who spills his tray of drinks onto some guys head. Ross grabs Sandra and makes for the elevator at a sprint]

RACHEL: [affectionately] Now that's my Galahad!

[Scene: Hotel hallway, outside Mrs Green's room. Ross & Mrs Green stand at the door]

ROSS: [a little out of breath] Well, goodnight Sandra. I hope you had a good time?

SANDRA: Very. You know I remember when you were a teenager hanging around with Monica & Rachel, when they'd let you, all lanky and awkward...and clumsy...[takes the handkerchief from his lapel pocket and wipes off some moisture from his arm] ....not everything changes I see. [puts the handkerchief back but leaves her hands on his chest] I never thought to grow up to be the man you are. [Ross shifts uncomfortably] Handsome, clever, charming, sweet...sexy.

ROSS: [Blushing badly, and trying to back away] Well g'night San...

[Mrs. Greene reaches up and plants her hands on either side of his face, pulling his head down, kissing him much the same way Rachel did downstairs, only Ross is bolt upright with his eyes open in shock. She slowly breaks and turns going into her room a contented smile on her face]

SANDRA: Goodnight Ross...

[She closes the door, leaving Ross still standing bolt upright, eyes wide open staring at the door. He stands there for a long long long time]

[Scene: Chandler & Joey's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are whispering together at the counter while Chandler paces. They nod their heads in agreement and come over to him. Guide him to the couch and sit on either side of Chandler trying to keep him from getting up]

JOEY: [with conspiratorial smile to Phoebe] Look man..relax..forget about it..Janice wouldn't lie to you about this! It's too big, ya know?!

PHOEBE: Yeah honey..Janice is too connected to her wind to give off foul air to her sheltered... [Chandler stares at her]...what he said.

[Chandler thinks about it for a moment, then grins sheepishly]

CHANDLER: Yeah..you guys are right...I'm just paranoid...lets just forget about Baby's and stuff...I know!... Let us subscribe to the panacea for all Ills!!! The cure for all worries. Cotton wool for the delicate ego. The Intellecutal stimulii for the ill at ease...Lady & Gentleman I give you.....T.V!!!

[Phoebe & Joey exchange triumphant smiles, while Chandler gets the remote, switches on the T.V and settles down between them]

T.V ANNOUNCER: Channel 5's Movie Tonight: 3 Men and a Baby!

[Chandler looks at the other two and they half laugh...Chandler changes the channel]

T.V ANNOUNCER: ..tonight: Look who's Talking! [Chandler changes]

T.V ANNOUNCER: ...the moving, emotional: Who will love my Children....[Chandler changes forcefully]

AD BREAK: ..to make your skin soft as a newborn...Johnson's Baby Lotion. [A woman and child appear on the screen, seen through Chandler's eyes they look remarkably like Janice & the baby. He snaps the T.V off and flings the remote away, eyes wild.]

CHANDLER: Music! Music is good!....Nice and relaxing...we don't listen to enough radio anymore ya know?! [turns on the stereo]

["Baby Love" by the Supremes is playing. Chandler panicking, switches. "Be my Baby" comes on, switches.]

D.J: ...on this very special day we'd like to send our congratulations to Nicki & Bob, it's been quite a time for you two guys...[Chandler relaxes into a smile] ....this is a very special request from your parents...they say "We're so glad to be Grandparents at last!" ...here's Cat Steven's "Father and Son"!!!

[Chandler tries to grab the stereo and throw it across the room. Joey leaps off the couch onto him]

[Scene: Monica & Rachel's apartment. Monica & Richard are sitting on the couch watching Scooby Doo on T.V.]

MONICA: I am telling you there is no way that Velma is related to Dana Scully!

RICHARD: Wha?...How can you say that?! It all fits! She's Scully's....

[Rachel & Ross enter, hand in hand, though he looks dazed.]

MONICA: Hey Big Spender! How'd it go!!

RICHARD: Yeah! I hear Nunzio's is a pretty classy joint...

ROSS: ....huuuuh?

RACHEL: It was fabulous! There were soo many celebrities there, it was unreal! De Niro walked in as we were leaving!!!!

MONICA: Robert?!?!?!

RACHEL: Yea....No, Arnold....Of course Robert!!!! Ohhhh, It was so amazing, the food, the wine, the people!! [takes Ross's arm] You want some coffee, Sweetie?

ROSS: ...huh?...Oh....yeah..I guess..maybe..O.K.

[Richard walks over to him, as Rachel & Monica make the coffee and talk about Nunzio's]

RICHARD: What's up Ross? The size of the bill only hitting home now?

ROSS: What...what?

RICHARD: Not to worry my boy! [indicates a humming Rachel] You can dine out on this for many a night to come...if you know what I mean.

MONICA: [coming over] O.K..you are spending waaaay to much time with Joey!

RACHEL: [noticing Ross's mood] Are you O.K? You hardly said a word on the way home.

ROSS: [finally focuses] ..hmm? Yeah! I'm Fine! I just gotta go..next door..for a minute...I gotta thing...to..do...[leaves]

[Scene: Chandler & Joey's Apartment. Chandler is breathing into a brown paper bag when Ross enters completely panicked]

ROSS: You guys!...Sand..Mrs Gree...Rachel's Mom.....[starts to breath very heavily]

[Phoebe looks him up and down seriously. Stretches out one hand to Joey without looking at him and becomes Dr Phoebe.]

PHOEBE: Another brown bag Nurse Tribbiani! STAT! [he slaps one into her hand] Owwww!! Ow!Ow!Ow!OWW!

JOEY: Sorrr-rrry!

PHOEBE: Prepare a tincture of 500 cc's of pure caffeine, double strength, to be taken orally by the patient!

JOEY: Huuuh?

PHOEBE: Cup of coffee, black, strong.

JOEY: Oh.

[Scene: Chandler & Joey's apartment. Ross is sitting beside Chandler finishing his story after hearing Chandler's, Joey and Phoebe listen from the counter. Chandler is now rocking back and forth on the couch with his head in his hands.]

JOEY: I can't believe you!

ROSS: What!?!

JOEY: What did I tell you about mother kissing! [indicates Chandler]

PHOEBE: [putting 2 & 2 together] Wha..What?! What, did you kiss Chandler's mom?!

ROSS: I don't think this is the time to be getting into that Phoebs..[Phoebe hits Joey]

JOEY: OW! What was that for?

PHOEBE: I can't believe you never told me!!

JOEY: Well...you know it's very hard to find an opening for the subject of mother kissing in your average conversation....but Ross would appear to be fast becoming the world's resident expert on the subject!

ROSS: Shadd--up! I didn't kiss her! She kissed me!

[Chandler & Ross both groan, Ross joins Chandler in rocking back and forth with their heads in their hands]

ROSS & CHANDLER: WhatamIgointodo, WhatamIgointodo, WhatamIgointodo, WhatamIgointodo?

[Phoebe & Joey look from one to the other and then at each other]

PHOEBE: [annoyed] O.K! O.K! O.K! That's enough you Weenerweenies!! [they stop and look up at her] Alright I've had enough of this "I'minsoomuchtroublehelpmehelpme" crap! We can't help you! You must confront your destiny....confront your demons...cleanse your innermost depths, communicate your problems....Confront and Communicate, with these women!

[Ross & Chandler recoil from her in horror, and curl up on the couch. Phoebe looks confused]

JOEY: Nice going Phoebs, you've just named 2 of the 3C's.... The average male's abbreviated guide of what NOT to do with women. Throw in "Commitment" and their heads would'a exploded!

CLOSING TITLES [Scene: Monica & Rachel's bathroom. The next morning. Getting ready to confront Mrs Green, Ross is shaving himself looking in the mirror, trying to steady his hand]

[Scene: Chandler & Joey's bathroom. Chandler is getting ready to meet Janice trying to button his shirt buttons, takes him ages then he vaguely realises he's put it on inside out.]

[Ross is in the kitchen. Pours coffee into a juice glass, O.J into a coffee mug and butters a glazed donut. Puts it on a tray and carries it into Rachel, who's still in bed. She sits up smiling]

RACHEL: Thank you...[looks at the tray]...honey..

[Ross kisses her on the top of her head and walks out of the bedroom and then out of the apartment, where he meets Chandler coming out of his apartment. They stare at each other for a second]

ROSS: ...huh?

CHANDLER: ...huh!

ROSS: [nodding sagely] Uhhhhh

[They walk down the hallway, Ross looks down and stops Chandler]

ROSS: [pointing] ...huh.

[Chandler looks down, sees he's wearing no shoes, and one of his socks is yellow the other purple]

CHANDLER: ...Hu-uh...[thankfully to Ross] ...huh...[goes back into his apartment , Ross walks down the stairs]

END