The One With All The Good-Byes


Written by: Kat

Disclaimer: The characters and their stories belong to Bright, Kaufman, and Crane and NBC and Warner Brothers. I mean no infringement and make no profit.


(SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. Monica and Chandler are watching a movie, and drinking wine)

CHAN: Hey, this line's really good.

MON: Which one?

CHAN: The one that she just said.

MON: Well, I didn't hear it.

CHAN: That's cos you said "Which one?".


MON: Well, that' s only cos you said-

(Caitlin starts crying)

MON: Great.

(She turns off the video)

CHAN: Hey! Just cos you're going, can't I watch it? (off Monica's glare) I mean, take your time. I'll get you some more wine.

(He smiles until she disappears, and then he pokes his tongue out at her)

(Ross enters)

ROSS: Hey.

CHAN: Hey, man.

 

ROSS: Is Mon here?

CHAN: Yeah, she's with Caitlin. Go on through. Unless she's feeding her.

ROSS: Ew! (he raises his voice) Mon?

MON(from Caitlin's room): Oh hey!

ROSS: Are you feeding Caitlin?

MON: No, I'm just changing her.

ROSS: Okay. (to Chandler) I gotta talk to her. It seems Emily wants to leave sooner.

CHAN: Like when?

ROSS: Like on Friday.

CHAN: Is today Wednesday?

ROSS: Yep.

CHAN: Okay. So long as I know. So you leave in like two days?

ROSS: Yeah.

CHAN: Okay. Right. Like I said, so long as I know.

(Monica comes out of Caitlin's room, with Caitlin in her arms)

MON: Know what?

CHAN: That, uh, Fraiser's not on tonight. Bummer, huh?

OPENING CREDITS

(SCENE: Central Perk, the next day. Rachel is sitting with Phoebe)

PHOE: So, anyway, I'm just saying that I'd be a better vampire slayer than Buffy!

RACH(confused): What?

PHOE: Well, she always wears a skirt y'know?

RACH: No. You've totally lost me.

(Ross enters)

ROSS: Hey. Uh, Phoebs, can I talk to Rachel alone, please?

PHOE: Uh, sure. Bye. Rachel, I'll tell you later how I think Bill Gates really got that rich.

RACH: Sure. Bye.

PHOE: Bye.

(Phoebe leaves, and Ross sits down next to Rachel)

ROSS: Hey.

RACH: Hi.

ROSS: Um, I thought maybe we should talk.

RACH: What about?

ROSS: You know what. Look, me and Emily, we, uh, we leave tomorrow night.

RACH: Tomorrow? I thought you didn't go for a week.

ROSS: Well, Em's dad is really sick. She just wants to be with him.

RACH: Okay, I understand. Whatever.

ROSS: I know this is really hard for you. It's hard for me too, believe me. I'm gonna miss you so much-

RACH: Don't, Ross, okay? Just don't go down road, please.

ROSS: It's just, we've been through a lot, and I didn't mean for you to get hurt through all this, you know?

RACH: I know. Just let's leave well alone.

ROSS: Okay. I gotta go. Emily wants to go shopping. She's waiting outside.

RACH: Why didn’t she come in?

ROSS: She felt uncomfortable.


RACH: Good. She should.

ROSS: I'll see ya later.

RACH: Yeah. Except, soon, there won't be any later, will there?

ROSS: I'll keep in touch.


RACH(with a small laugh): You better. Bye.

ROSS: Bye.

(He leaves)

RACH: You better, Ross. I'm gonna miss you.

(SCENE: Ross & Joey's. Ross and Emily are packing in the living and Joey is watching, upset)

JOEY: Do you have to?

ROSS: Yes, Jo, we have to.

JOEY: But-

EMLY: Sorry, Joey.

JOEY: I wanted to keep the computer!

ROSS: Well, you can't. Sorry, but I need it.

(Joey frowns, when Phoebe enters with a box)

PHOE: Hi! I just thought I'd bring you a leaving present.

(She hands the box to Ross)

ROSS: Wow, thanks Phoebs! And right on time, too!

EMLY: That's really kind of you.

PHOE(awkward): Yeah, whatever. Uh huh.

(Ross opens it and pulls out a crystal ball)

ROSS: Thanks! I've needed a paperweight for ages!

PHOE: It's not a paperweight. It's a crystal ball.

ROSS: Like what witches use?

PHOE: No. It's for luck, and also, wherever you receive them, you have to stay there, like, forever.

EMLY: It's lovely, Phoebe. Really thoughtful. I love it.

PHOE: It's not for you. (Ross looks surprised) I mean, I mostly bought it with Ross in mind, that’s all.

(She looks at Ross awkwardly, and mouths a "sorry")

ROSS: You see, Phoebe, we're actually leaving tonight…

PHOE: Already?

ROSS: Uh huh.

PHOE: Oh. I knew something like this was gonna happen. My hair went all floopy this morning.

EMLY: Um, would anyone like a drink?

ROSS: Do we have any scotch?

EMLY: You don't drink scotch. Are you okay?


ROSS: Yeah, I'm fine. I just, I gotta talk to Monica, and Carol. So, I better go.

PHOE: I'll drive you to Carol's, if you want.

ROSS: No, that's okay. But I have to go now.

EMLY: Okay, bye.

PHOE: Me too.

JOEY: Bye, Phoebs!


PHOE: Bye, Joey! (unenthusiastic) Bye, Emily.

(They leave)

(There's an awkward silence, and Emily packs through this, with Joey watching her)

JOEY: So, Emily, what do you like?

EMLY: Pardon me?

JOEY: What do you like? Do you like sex with strange men?

EMLY(insulted): What?!

JOEY: Sorry. Just trying to fill the silence.


(SCENE: Carol and Susan's. Ross has just been let in by Susan)

SUSAN: Hello, Ross.

ROSS: Uh huh. Is Carol here?


SUSAN: Sure. (raises voice) Carol, Dino-boy's here!

(Carol emerges, with Ben)

CAROL: What? Oh, hey Ross.

ROSS: Hi. Look, I've got some news. Can we please talk alone?

CAROL: Sure. Um, Susan, can you take Ben up the park?

SUSAN: Okay. (she picks up Ben) Come on Ben! I'll buy you an ice cream.

(She leaves, and Ross and Carol sit down)

CAROL: What's wrong?

ROSS: Well, I'm back with Emily.

CAROL: That's nice. Why are you telling me?

ROSS: I'm moving to London for 6 months.

CAROL: That's not funny.

ROSS: It's not supposed to be.

CAROL: Oh. What about Ben?

ROSS: That's why I'm here.

CAROL: He's staying here, Ross.

ROSS: I know. But I'm gonna write. And phone.

CAROL: He's your son! Not a complication. C'mon, you're gonna give your friends better than a phone call! Why should you traumatise Ben so you can go do it with your girlfriend?

ROSS: Well, you're one to talk!


CAROL: Oh right, play the lesbian card. That's very mature, Ross.

ROSS: Sorry. Just tell Ben that daddy had to go on a trip, but he'll be back before he knows it, and he'll bring sweets.

CAROL: Whatever. If you're gonna run out of him, then-

ROSS: I'm not running out on him! I'm doing what's best for Emily.

CAROL: What about what's best for Ben?

ROSS: I gotta go. Tell my son I love him.

CAROL: Okay. Sure.

ROSS: Bye.

(There's no response from Carol, so he just leaves)

(SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. Monica is playing with Caitlin, and Chandler is eating a sandwich.)

(Ross enters)

MON: Hey. How come you're here?

ROSS: We need to talk about me leaving.

MON: Oh, okay. When you goin again?

ROSS: Tonight.

MON: That's not what you said before.

ROSS: Well, we've had a change of plan. I just guessed Chandler would've told you.

(At this point, Chandler starts choking on his sandwich)

CHAN(still choking): Thanks, man.

MON(getting up, to Chandler): You knew about this?

CHAN: I'm choking here!

MON: You knew he was leaving tonight?

CHAN: I'm choking!

(Monica slaps him hard on the back, and a piece of sandwich goes flying)

MON: You knew?

CHAN: Only this morning. It's not my fault Ross lands all his problems on me. And I was gonna tell you, but you went to the store, and then you got a manicure and you were busy with Caitlin! And, and you went to the church to postpone the wedding! So, I tried. I really did.

MON: Okay, okay. I forgive you.

ROSS: Wait, you postponed the wedding?

MON: Yeah, we're gonna wait awhile. It's already May, and we have nothing done, so we're gonna wait till October. You'll be back then, right?

ROSS: Uh, I should be.


MON: That's great! I guess you wanna tell the others about you leaving, then, so I won't keep you.

ROSS: Uh, I already did.

MON: You told me last? I'm your sister.

ROSS: Sorry. But I don't wanna fight. I'm leaving soon.

MON: Are you gonna come over later? You and Emily, I mean. I can have some kind of party.

ROSS: No. I don't wanna make a fuss. I'll just come over and say goodbye on the way to the airport.

MON: Okay.

ROSS: I gotta go, okay?

MON: Okay.

ROSS: And I'll stop by later.

MON: Okay.

CHAN: You know, Mon, if you search your vocabulary, there are other words.

MON: Shutup!

CHAN: Told ya.

(SCENE: Later that night, at Chandler & Monica's. Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler, Joey and Monica are there)

RACH: Do you really think I should be here? Is Emily gonna want me here?

MON: Sweetie, the main thing is if you wanna be here. Emily isn't gonna care. She'll just be glad that you're not mad.

RACH: Oh, I am mad. I just wanna say goodbye to Ross.

PHOE: Do you think Emily will mind my being here?

CHAN: Why would she?

PHOE: I dunno. I thought that was what we were doing, that's all.

(Ross and Emily enter)

ROSS: Hey.

ALL: Hey!

ROSS: We just came to say goodbye. Wow, you're all here. Rach, you came.

RACH(standing up): Of course I came. I'm gonna miss you so much.

ROSS: Come here.


(They hug and have a little kiss on the cheek. They pull away, and Phoebe walks upto him and Emily)

PHOE: It won't be the same without you.

CHAN: Yeah, none of us will talk proper.

ROSS: Properly.

(Joey starts sniffing and wipes a tear from his eye)

JOEY: Oh, man! You can't go!

(He runs over and hugs Ross, who shrugs him off. Phoebe hugs him goodbye)

(Chandler walks over to him)

CHAN: See ya in 6 months, man. Don't miss the wedding, okay? I want you there.

ROSS: Wouldn't miss it for the world.

(They shake hands, then hug)

(Monica walks over to him, and smiles, trying to hold back tears. I'm sure all you readers are too!)

MON: I guess this is it. Your last scene in this crazy drama, huh?

ROSS: I'm sure I'll have plenty of drama to come.

MON: I'm gonna miss you. How am I gonna get by without my big brother, huh?

(They hug for about 10 seconds, then Emily taps Ross on the shoulder)

EMLY: Ross? We have to catch the plane now.

ROSS: Oh. Right.

(He pulls away, and kisses Monica on the cheek)

ROSS: I'll just say goodbye to Caitlin.

CHAN: Uh, I just put her down. Sorry.

ROSS: Say goodbye for me, Monica.

MON: Will do.

EMLY: We better go now, or we'll miss the plane.

ROSS: Bye guys.

ALL: Bye.

(A tear trickles down Monica's cheek, and Rachel looks close to tears too. Chandler and Joey stand together, looking upset. Phoebe stands with her arm round Rachel and swallows back a tear)

(Ross hugs Monica once more)

ROSS: I gotta go. Bye.

(Ross and Emily leave, and there is a long silence. The gang sit down.)

END