Friends
A Script by BSW
The One When Pete Gets Scared
Scene - Guys’ Apartment
(Chandler and Joey are eating breakfast)
Chandler - So, how did your dates go yesterday?
Joey - Great! How about you?
Chandler - Great. Let’s just say I didn’t spend the night here.
Joey - Cool!
<Enter Ross, in rumpled clothing>
Ross - Have you guys got any orange juice? This is an orange juice emergency!
Chandler - In the fridge door. So, how did last night go?
Ross - Great. I love Rachel. And I think she loves me too.
Joey - what gave you that idea?
Ross - Well, I’m making her breakfast in bed. What do you think?
<Exit Ross and the orange juice>
Joey and Chandler - Cool!
Scene - Girls’ apartment
(Monica, who’s just left her room)
<Enter Ross>
Monica - What are you doing here? <realizes> Oh!! Oh God!
Ross - Shhhh. I don’t want to wake her until I bring her breakfast.
Monica - So, should I say congratulations then?
Ross - I guess so.
<They hug>
Credits
Scene - Central Perk
(All of the gang)
<Monica comes over from the counter>
Monica - OK. there’s still no answer.
Rachel - honey, isn’t that like the sixteenth time you’ve tried to ring him?
Monica - Yes.
Chandler - what? Who? Why?
Ross - Last night, Monica told Pete that she loves him. He made some excuses, and then he’s not at home. Or at least, not answering the phone.
Monica - Oh God, what have I done?
Joey - well, you’ve scared him off, of course!
<Everyone looks at him>
Joey - what??
Phoebe - what he means to say is that maybe he got a little bit scared because you’ve been distant towards him, and then suddenly you say you love him. It’ll all be OK. You’ll see.
Monica - really? Is that what you think?
Phoebe - Oh no. I agree with Joey, but I sounded good, didn’t I?
Rachel - anyway, how did your night go, Chandler?
Chandler - Great. Amy’s great. The whole night was great. And I’ve got another date with her tomorrow night.
Monica - congratulations. You deserve some luck.
Chandler - Thanks, Monica. I appreciate it.
Ross - I’d better go now. I’ve gotta pick up Ben…<looks at his watch>…10 minutes ago. Bye, guys.
All - Bye, Ross/hurry up etc.
<Exit Ross>
Joey - So?
Rachel - so what?
Phoebe - So, what’s going on between you two?
Rachel - nothing.
Monica - You were doing nothing for a long time last night, Rachel. Spill the beans.
Rachel - You know Ross, he’s dependable. I was upset last night, and he comforted me. It was comfortable, you know?
Chandler - Does that mean you’re now a couple?
Rachel - I don’t know. I guess. We haven’t talked about it yet.
Monica - you know as well as we do that you’re gonna end up together. It’s fate.
Phoebe - the lobster theorem.
<They all look at her>
Phoebe - what?
Scene - A New York Street
(Chandler is walking down the road)
<He’s obviously happy, and he bounces along as he walks. He walks behind a woman with one of those baby carriers on her back. He smiles at the baby. The baby smiles back. Chandler offers his finger. The baby grabs it, put it in its mouth, and bites. Chandler screams out, prompting the mother to turn round. The baby starts crying, and the mother assumes that Chandler’s hurt it. She slaps him across the face. Chandler smiles at her, and begins to whistle as he skips down the street. We see the woman’s confused face, and a subtitle appears on the screen, as she says something in a foreign language>
Subtitle - I guess he had some last night!
Scene - Girls’ Apartment
(Monica and Rachel)
<Rachel is on the couch, and Monica is in the kitchen, cooking or cleaning. There is a moment of silence, broken by Rachel>
Rachel - Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?
Monica - what?
Rachel - the baby. It’s weird. I never thought about it before. What do you think?
Monica - <sitting down with her> well, a girl would be cool. I’ve already got a nephew. But if it’s a boy, it can play sports with Ben.
Rachel - it could play sports if it was a girl!
Monica - you know what I mean. Have you thought of any names?
Rachel - well, it’s kinda early. I’m only 14 weeks. But I thought Ella if it’s a girl or Charlie if it’s a boy.
Monica - Ella Geller? It doesn’t really go.
Rachel - I know. But that doesn’t matter, ‘cause it’ll be Ella Green, won’t it?
Monica - you mean you’re not gonna give it Ross’ name?
Rachel - I don’t see why.
Monica - Not even if you guys get married?
Rachel - I don’t really see that happening. It’s not a fairytale romance, by any means.
Monica - OK, but I like the names.
Rachel - thanks.
<Monica carries on with her work in the kitchen>
Rachel - you don’t think he thinks we’re gonna get married, do you?
Monica - I don’t know. You’ll have to talk to him about that.
<Rachel stares into space>
Scene - Guys’ Apartment
(Chandler, Ross and Ben)
Ross - So Ben learnt this new trick last week. He calls me Bobo now.
Chandler - Oh yes, ‘cause that’s an improvement on Geraldine!
Ross - Ha ha. But, I mean, how has he learnt that?
Chandler - Maybe that’s the secret code name that lesbians use for their children’s father.
Ross - OK, so what can I teach him to call Susan?
Chandler - So many names!!! Head going to bust!!!
Ross - I’m glad you find my life so amusing. What about that date you had? What went wrong?
Chandler - Nothing, it was perfect. Amy’s perfect, the date was perfect, the night was perfect, and she asked me out tonight too!
Ross - Way to go! So, does that mean you’re over that other woman?
Chandler - Maybe. I don’t know. But Amy’s fun, you know?
Ross - Yeah. That was how it felt with Julie. I was getting over Rachel, and she was just some fun to help me with it.
Chandler - Talking about Rachel, have you two spoken yet?
Ross - No, but I’m gonna leave it, you know?
Chandler - Wow. You’ve changed! You’re gonna be the relaxed guy? You’re not gonna go round there and talk to her today?
Ross - No! Well, not until I take Ben back, anyway.
Chandler - Phew! For a few seconds, I thought you were mature!
Ross - Tease me if you will, but I must be doing something right at last! We’re back together, aren’t we?
Commercial Break
Scene - Carol and Susan’s Apartment
(Carol)
<There’s a knock at the door, and Carol answers it. It’s Ross and Ben>
<Enter Ross and Ben>
Carol - Hey, Ben! Hi Ross. Come in.
Ross - Thanks.
Carol - So, did you have fun?
Ben - Yes.
<Ben runs into a room>
<Exit Ben>
Ross - So…
Carol - So…
Ross - Would you like to tell me why my son calls me Bobo?
Carol - What?
Ross - Apparently, I’m called Bobo.
Carol - I’m sorry, I don’t know where he’s got that from. So, how are things with you, Bobo?
Ross - Fine…OK, not so good.
Carol - wanna talk about it? How’s Rachel?
Ross - OK. We’re going for a scan in a few weeks…but she’s the problem.
Carol - What’s happened?
Ross - Well, we kinda spent the night together last night, and she hasn’t spoken to me since.
Carol - Nothing?
Ross - We haven’t discussed it.
Carol - Do you want you two to get back together?
Ross - Yeah, of course.
Carol - Does she?
Ross - that’s what I don’t know. She won’t talk to me about it.
Carol - Ah. I see. The cold shoulder.
Ross - So what should I do?
Carol - Well, either she needs time, or she’s a lesbian.
Ross - Great. History repeats itself.
Carol - I wouldn’t worry about the second option.
Ross - How do you know?
Carol - The wonders of Gaydar!
<Enter Susan>
Susan - <Without noticing Ross> Carol, I’m home! Has Bobo dropped off Ben yet? <sees Ross> Oh. Hi, Ross.
Scene - Central Perk
(Pete)
<Enter Monica>
Monica - there you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Didn’t you get my messages?
Pete - Yeah, I got them. All 37.
Monica - What’s going on, Pete?
Pete - Well, you’re obsessing.
Monica - I mean about last night. I told you I love you, and you freak!
Pete - I know…it’s just…
Monica - What? What is it?
Pete - I’m not sure I feel the same way.
Monica - Oh.
Pete - It’s just that, I like you. I like you a lot. But I didn’t realize you were that serious about us.
Monica - This coming from the guy who was worried about me having someone else!
Pete - I know, but I just thought we were having some fun, you know? I’m not looking for a wife.
Monica - But after you tried so hard to get me…
Pete - We’ve spent too much time together. And I’ve learnt that there is such a thing as too much of you. It was cute at first, you having to sleep on the same side of the bed every night, and switching the lights on and off seven times. But now it annoys me.
Monica - I annoy you?
Pete - Yeah, but that’s normal, isn’t it? I must annoy you sometimes.
Monica - Never.
Pete - Look, I’m gonna go now, OK?
Monica - So this is it?
Pete - Yeah.
Monica - Then go.
<Pete gets up, and leaves. Monica sighs>
Scene - Restaurant
(Chandler and Amy)
Amy - Really?
Chandler - Yes!
Amy - Your mother is really Nora Bing?
Chandler - Unfortunately.
Amy - No, that’s really cool. I’ve read every book.
Chandler - Including Mistress Bitch?
Amy - <laughing> Yup.
Chandler - <sarcastic>Oh! I’m so glad!
Amy - come on, you should be proud. She’s a great woman.
Chandler - But as a mother, she’s useless.
Amy - OK. We’ll leave this subject alone. So…
Chandler - My friends want to meet you.
Amy - they sound great. Why haven’t I met them already?
Chandler - Because I’m insecure and I think you’ll leave me for Joey.
Amy - Well, he does sound cute…<sees Chandler’s expression> Chill! I was only joking.
Chandler - I don’t want to share you with them.
Amy - I like you, Chandler, but you’ve got to relax.
Chandler - I like you too, Amy.
Amy - good. It’s good to have a boyfriend who likes you.
Chandler - Well, who couldn’t?
Amy - You’re sweet, Chandler.
Chandler - I know.
Scene - Girls’ Apartment
(Monica, who’s in the kitchen, eating raw cookie dough)
<Enter Rachel and Phoebe>
Rachel - Hey, Mon.
Phoebe - Hello.
Monica - <unhappy> hi.
Rachel - What’s wrong?
Monica - Spoke to Pete. He doesn’t love me. He dumped me. He said I annoy him. Eating.
Rachel - Oh, honey.
Phoebe - But you know, maybe that’s good. His aura was orange, and it clashed with your purple.
<Monica and Rachel look at her>
Rachel - Wanna have a girl’s night in? We could watch the Brad Pitt movie marathon that’s on.
Monica - Yeah. But most of all, I want to eat.
Phoebe - Funny, ‘cause I want to play pool.
Rachel - Pheebs? Could you not talk?
<Phoebe acts like she’s zipping her mouth up>
Monica - Cookie dough rocks. I haven’t eaten it since I was a teenager.
Rachel -Ok, you should stop eating, Monica.
Phoebe - Yes, because food doesn’t fill the whole in your heart.
Rachel - Ricki Lake?
Phoebe - Might be.
Monica - No, it was Montel. I saw that one.
Time Lapse
<all three are watching TV, and also moaning about their lives. Monica is depressed.>
<Enter Chandler>
Chandler - Hey, girls!
Rachel - you look happy!
Chandler - Yeah, well, I’ve just had another date with Amy! She’s the coolest! I know it’s early, but she could be the one! I’m gonna go and watch Baywatch now!
<Exit Chandler>
<Rachel looks sympathetically at Monica>
Monica - Great.
<Rachel hugs her, and then Phoebe joins in>
Credits
Teaser
Scene - Central Perk
(Ross and Gunther)
<Ross is reading off a list to Gunther, who’s not really interested>
Ross - So, we’ve narrowed it down to Ninny, Goblin Breath, Puke Voice or Diplodicus.
Gunther - whatever.
Ross - Come on, I need you help!
Gunther - Why don’t you get him to call your ex-wife’s lesbian life partner something like Stuart?
Ross - Yeah, That could work…
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++OK! I’m sorry to you all for taking so long, but I’ve got caught up with School and writing Dawson’s Creek Fanfic. I’ve been writing non stop, but I promise I’ll finish off this series. Thanks go to all those who e-mailed me, and especially Eric for being so patient. Season Five starts here in England on Thursday, so I’ll probably write a bit quicker!