Friends

By BSW

The One With Success

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

(Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey and Ross are eating breakfast or drinking coffee)

Phoebe - Wow. That’s really big!

Joey - Yeah.

Chandler - I don’t know whether she wanted us to tell you or not, so don’t say anything to her.

Monica - Yeah. Just pretend you don’t know.

Ross - How long did you both know?

Chandler - She told me as soon as she found out.

Monica - I’ve only known a couple of weeks.

Ross - And yet, neither of you told me!

Monica - We couldn’t. She made us promise not to.

Joey - Anyway, I’m gonna go to the Park today. There’s a really hot chick I think I might be able to pull that goes there everyday.

Ross - Do you want a drink?

Rachel - No. I’ve got to go to work now. By the way, Joey, good luck.

Joey - Thanks.

Chandler - So, what does Emily think of all this?

Ross - Who’s Emily?

Chandler - The woman you’ve been going on about all the time!

Ross - Oh my God! I totally forgot.

Joey - See? I told you it wasn’t just me who forgets who he’s going out with!

Credits

 

Scene - Guys’ Apartment

(Ross and Chandler)

Ross - I can’t believe that this is happening again. I find someone I like, then something happens with Rach, and all hell breaks loose!

Chandler - So what if she’s pregnant? It doesn’t disturb what you’ve got going with Emily!

Ross - Well….

Chandler - Unless you don’t just mean the baby!

Ross - Of course I do!

Chandler - Carol being pregnant didn’t stop you going nuts over Rachel.

Ross - That was different. Carol had Susan to look after her. Rachel doesn’t have anyone like that!

Chandler - Are you saying you wish Rachel was a lesbian?

Ross - No. It’s just that Rachel doesn’t have anyone other than me to turn to for support.

Chandler - Oh yes, just a best friend who lives in the same apartment, a couple of guys that would do anything to help her across the corridor, another best friend who she sees everyday and even the people she works with! I see what you mean. Apart from you, she has no-one!

Ross - OK, so maybe she does….but….

Chandler - You still have feelings for her, don’t you?

Ross - I don’t know.

Chandler - Yes, you do!

Ross - I don’t know……..it’s so hard, you know?

Chandler - Actually….I do!

Scene - Museum Display

(Ross, who’s talking to a fellow worker)

Rachel - Hi, Ross.

Ross - Oh! Hi, Rach!< to co-worker>OK, so you’ll correct the display by two, OK?

Co-worker - Sure, Dr. Geller!

Rachel - Dr. Geller, can we talk?

Ross - Sure, it’s about time for lunch. What did you want to talk about?

Rachel - I think you know, Dr. Geller.

Ross - We’ll talk as long as you promise to stop calling me that name. It’s not really what you’d call someone who you’ve shared showers with.

Rachel - I don’t know. Dr. Geller suits you when you’re wearing that jacket.

Ross - Come on, I’ll take you to lunch.

Rachel - OK, Geller.

Ross - OK, you’ve gotta stop calling me that, too.

Scene - Café in New York

(Ross and Rachel)

Ross - Wasn’t that great?

Rachel - Not really. We’ve been her for half an hour. I only have 15 minutes left and we still haven’t come on to the subject I want to talk to you about.

Ross - I’m sorry. It’s just that we haven’t had time like this for….months. Just you and me….talking, you know?

Rachel - I know. But…..

Ross - OK. The baby.

Rachel - Yes. I’m sorry you found out like that. I had it all planned. You were gonna find out tomorrow night.

Ross - Have you….Do your parents know yet?

Rachel - No. Yours?

Ross - Heck, no.

Rachel - This is gonna be hard, isn’t it.

Ross - Yes. I haven’t told Emily yet.

Rachel - You really like her, don’t you?

Ross - I don’t know. Right now, though, it’s you and our child that are most important. I’ll help you whenever I can and I’ll always be there for both of you.

Rachel - Ross…..We need to talk about this, you see…….

Ross - Oh, damn. I gotta get back. Can we continue this later?

Rachel - I guess.< they both stand up>

Ross - Thank you. Bye. I’ll call in tonight.

Rachel - You see, I don’t want you involved too much……

Scene - Phoebe’s House

(Phoebe and her guinea-pig)

Phoebe - Dream-Hope-Tigerlilly, it’s time for our favourite program!

Presenter - Have you got a pet?

Phoebe - yes!

Presenter - Would you like to earn some extra money?

Phoebe - Yes!

Presenter - Then call 555-9112 now! Find out how you can make your pet into a star!

Phoebe - OK!

Phoebe - 555-9112……….Hello?……..Yes, I have a guinea-pig……..Dream-Hope-Tigerlilly…Yes, DHT is fine……That’ll be OK…..9am………5th Avenue…..OK, Thanks!…Bye!

Phoebe - Wasn’t that exciting!

Presenter - All on your own?

Phoebe - Yes!

Presenter - No date this evening?

Phoebe - Yes!

Presenter - Why not go on dates and be paid for it? Call the Supreme Escort Agency on…..

Commercial Break

Scene - Central Park

(Joey and a girl)

Joey - So I go up to her and say ‘How you doing?’!

Girl - You’re so funny…..What did you say your name was?

Joey - Joey Tribbiani. But you can call me by my stage name, Holden McGroin.

Girl - So, you’re an actor. My name’s Karen.

Joey - What do you do?

Karen - I’m a waitress.

Joey - Isn’t that a crime?

Karen - What? To wait tables?

Joey - No, to be so pretty and not be a model!

Karen - Actually, I’m a topless waitress.

Joey - Cool. So, you doing anything tonight?

Karen - No.

Joey - How about you come out with me? I’ll pick you up at 8.

Karen - Here’s my address. Bye!

Joey - Cool.

Joey - Hey, how you doing???

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

(Rachel, who’s sat in the kitchen, eating ice-cream)

Monica - Hey, Rach….Oh, no. Another bad day at work?

Rachel - Oh, no. Work was fine. It’s just me and that idiotic brother of yours.

Monica - What’s happened now?

Rachel - He thinks that ‘cause I pregnant, we’re gonna get back together.

Monica - Oh no, the bastard!

Rachel - It’s not funny.

Monica - Well, I don’t see the problem.

Rachel - I don’t want to be with him!

Monica - OK, fair enough. But there’s no problem. He’s with Emily. He won’t dump her on a whim that he’s got you.

Rachel - Honey, this is Ross we’re talking about.

Monica - He wouldn’t do that. Trust me.

Rachel - OK.

Chandler - Guess who’s got dates for every evening in the next two weeks?

Monica - I’m pretty safe guessing not you.

Joey - Correct! It’s me!

Rachel - Congratulations, Joey! What’s she like?

Joey - Well, tonight there’s Karen, then tomorrow it’s Joanne, the after that it’s Louise…..

Monica - You mean there’s different girls for every night?

Joey - Ya-huh!

Monica - That’s gross!

Joey - No. If I was to go out with them all in one day, that’d be bad. But, this way, no-one knows that they’re not gonna be an item with me.

Rachel - I hate guys!

Chandler - Hey! We’re not all like that! I haven’t had a date in months!

Rachel - OK….makes you sadder….never tell us that sort of thing!

Phoebe - Hey guys! Wanna hear my new song?

Monica - Yes. Please!

Phoebe - OK? Now I can’t do it!

Chandler - Why not?

Phoebe - ‘Cause now there’s too much pressure!

Chandler - OK. Sorry I asked!

Phoebe - That’s all right. It was Monica’ s fault!

Monica - Hey!

Rachel - Calm down, will you? You’re all so noisy!

Joey - What’s eating her?

Monica - He’s about so tall (gestures with her hand) and wears a lot of gel!

Chandler - What’s he done now?

Monica - She’s worried he’s gonna break up with Emily for her.

Phoebe - Wow, Monica. You’re physic too!

Monica - No….we were just talking about it!

Phoebe - Of course. That was gonna be my next explanation!

Chandler - Anyone wanna get some coffee?

Monica - Like you wouldn’t believe!

Ross - Hey, guys!

Joey - Oh-oh. I know that hey.

Chandler - What’s up, man?

Ross - I just broke up with Emily.

Monica - I’m sorry.

Ross - No, it’s for the best. Is Rach in?

Phoebe - Yeah, she’s in her room.

Ross - Guess what?

Rachel - What?

Ross - I broke up with Emily.

Rachel - Oh. Why are you telling me this?

Ross - ‘Cause……I just wanted you to know.

Rachel - Well, I’m sorry for you.

Ross - That’s all right.

Chandler - guys? We were just about to get some coffee. You wanna come?

Rachel - Yup.

Ross - You know, you shouldn’t really be drinking caffeine when you’re pregnant.

Rachel - Shouldn’t I?

Ross - …..But if you want to…then…..

Scene - Corridor

{Later that evening}

(Chandler and Monica)

Chandler - So…..have you thought anymore about that thing that you were gonna think about?

Monica - Yes.

Chandler - And?

Monica - And…I don’t know. You’re like a brother to me. Yes, there’s chemistry, but….

Chandler - OK. If there’s chemistry and you feel like my sister, then what the hell do you do with Ross?

Monica - That’s what I love about you. Your sense of humor. But…you can’t talk seriously to me.

Chandler - Now that’s only partially true.

Monica - No, Chandler. It’s a fact.

Chandler - You’re saying that you’ll only give us a chance if I suddenly act all serious with you?

Monica - Yes….no…..I don’t know.

Chandler - You realize you’re driving me crazy, don’t you.

Monica - How?

Chandler - You’re this smart, sexy, beautiful woman. You like me. You know me and you still like me! But, you and I aren’t together.

Monica - It’s not a case of whether I have feelings for you. It’s whether they’re stronger than my feelings for Pete.

Chandler - So I’m competing with a billionaire, am I?

Monica - No. You’re competing with Pete. My boyfriend. Goodnight, Chandler.

Chandler - Night.

Credits

Teaser

Scene - Ross’ Bedroom

(Ross, who’s asleep)

Cut to Rachel’s Bedroom

(She’s also asleep)

Cut to Joey’s Bedroom

(He’s asleep)

Joey - (In his sleep) Hey, Candii, How you doing???

The End

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