Friends

A Script By BSW

The One Without Heartbreak

Scene - Guys’ Apartment

(Joey and Heather)

Heather - So I’ll see you tomorrow, right?

Joey - Yeah, sure.

Heather - Are you trying to blow me off?

Joey - No! What made you think that?

Heather - It’s just that you’ve been acting very cool towards me.

Joey - Nothing’s wrong.

Heather - You haven’t been talking to Ross, have you?

Joey - No.

Heather - Good. I’m going now. I’m so sorry that your twin brother died, Joey.

Joey - It’s just a shame that I have to miss our date tonight.

Heather - Of course! I mean, you have to go to his funeral. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Joey - Bye ,bye!

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

(Ross, Monica and Chandler)

Joey - OK, I’m running out of relatives fast! Who can die tomorrow?

Chandler - She’s still not believing all that, is she?

Joey - Yeah.

Ross - If you hate her so much, why not just dump her?

Joey - I don’t hate her, I just don’t love her. It’s simple.

Monica - Why don’t you want to be with her, then?

Joey - I think she’s expecting us to get married!

Ross - No, that’s not it.

Joey - She’s been making me say I love her, and she’s been looking at holiday brochures. What else would she want?

Monica - A holiday?

Credits

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

{Continued}

Chandler - Ross, did last night help?

Ross - Oh, yeah.

Rachel - Hi, Monica! Hi, Joey and Chandler!

Ross - Hello!

Rachel - Hmm.

Ross - Can we talk please, privately?

Rachel - I guess.

Ross - First of all, I’m sorry about yesterday. I was a complete and utter jerk.

Rachel - No arguments.

Ross - The reason that I was like that is because I wanted to believe that you were trying to hurt me, to get back at me. Chandler would have been a good way to do that to me.

Rachel - But Chandler’s one of my best friends!

Ross - I know. I also thought that you and I had a chance. I still thought that you and I would get back together. I was hanging on to what little I had. I’m sorry for that. But, I think I’m over that. Over us. I feel I can carry on without you as my lover. Yesterday made me see sense.

Rachel - Why are you telling me this?

Ross - Like you said that night when you were drunk, I am over you. But I mean it. I want us to go back to being best friends. OK?

Rachel - I guess.

Ross - I’ve gotta go!

Joey - Bye, Ross!

Monica - Are you OK?

Rachel - Ouch. That hurt.

Chandler - But that’s good, right? He’s over you. He can carry on. So can you.

Rachel - But I don’t think I can. I’m not over him yet. He was a major part of my life, but he doesn’t want me anymore. I’m going to work now. See you later.

Joey - Bye, Rachel.

Monica - Call me when you’re there. We’ll have a chat.

Rachel - Bye.

Scene - Bloomingdales

(Rachel and Sophie)

Rachel - So it’s good, but it’s bad.

Sophie - I thought you guys had broken up and moved on.

Rachel - So did I, but I guess I liked him being hung up on me. It’s like the first time since we’ve known each other that he’s not in love with me.

Sophie - Well, at least it’s a break. There’s no feeling from him for you. That’ll make it easier.

Rachel - But it’s not a break. There will never be a break.

Sophie - What do you mean?

Rachel - Well…OK. Promise you’ll keep it a secret.

Sophie - Of course.

Rachel - I’m pregnant.

Sophie - Wow. Is it… is it…?

Rachel - Yes, it’s Ross’. Why does everyone ask me that?

Sophie - I’m sorry. I guess that kinda messes everything up, doesn’t it?

Rachel - Yup. I’ll never be separate from Ross and I’m spending every minute at work researching into pregnancy.

Scene - Guys’ Apartment

(Chandler and Joey)

Chandler - OK. But only once and you never tell anyone!

Joey - OK. Thanks, bud!

Chandler - So? Are you gonna start?

Joey - OK. Ummm. Lately, I’ve been thinking about what I want out of our relationship. I think it’s pretty clear what you want, but I’m not ready. I’m 29 and I’m not ready for that kind of partnership. I know you’ll be upset, but I can’t be with you if that’s what you want. I…I think we should break up. Do you agree?

Chandler - Well…..

Joey - I mean it. Our relationship is not going to extend to that. I’m sorry.

Ross - It’s a shame. I think you two are made for each other!

Chandler - No! It’s not like that!

Ross - Uh-huh.

Joey - Chandler was helping me rehearse.

Ross - Did you get that part you auditioned for the other day? That’s great!

Joey - No. I was practising how I would break up with Heather.

Ross - Oh. Anyway, I was just wondering if you two wanna do what we did last night?
Chandler - I’m sorry. I have to work on this big project.

Joey - I can’t believe that you’d prefer to stay in and work that go to the hottest stripping club in the city!

Ross - Come on, guys! It helped me last night. Don’t you want to help me tonight?

Joey - Man, I’m there!

Ross - Good. Chandler?

Chandler - No, thanks. But if you do see Candii, could you tell her I’m sorry that I spilt my drink on her? It’s just that I could see her boobies….they frightened me!

Ross - OK. Joey, I’m just gonna pop across the hall for a second. I’ll come back in about five minutes. Get ready!

Commercial Break

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

(Monica and Rachel)

Monica - So you’re gonna stay at home tonight, working on that stupid project?

Rachel - Yeah! I’ve got to hand this to Joanna next week!

Monica - OK! If you’re sure. It won’t be the same without you.

Rachel - Go on! Phoebe and you will have a great time at the cinema. Don’t worry about me.

Ross - Hi, Rachel. Monica, you know that offer you made me last week? Do you think I could take you up on it?

Monica - Yeah, sure. I’ll ask around at work.

Rachel - What offer?

Monica - Oh, nothing. It doesn’t matter.

Ross - Monica’s gonna set me up on a date. Anyway, I’ve got to go now! Jo and I are going to see some strippers!

Monica - Are you OK with that, honey?

Rachel - Why shouldn’t I be?

Monica - Well, I know you’re not over him, and I’m gonna be responsible for him going on dates!

Rachel - It’s fine, OK? Go! Phoebe will be waiting.

Monica - Fine. Thanks. Bye.

Scene - Guys’ Apartment

{Time Lapse}

(Chandler)

Chandler - Hey. Oh, what’s up?

Rachel - Need you ask?

Chandler - I know it’s hard to see Ross with other women, but don’t you think it’d be easier on you if you told him about your baby?

Rachel - Probably. I don’t know.

Chandler - Have you told your parents yet?

Rachel - Ummm, no.

Chandler - Well, when are you going to tell them? And the guys.

Rachel - Oh, god. I have to tell Monica. How can I tell her?

Chandler - Well, you’ve gotta some time.

Rachel - She won’t want me living there with a baby. I’m six weeks pregnant. That leaves me with another 34 weeks to find somewhere to live.

Chandler - You need to tell Ross.

Rachel - I know. I was afraid you were gonna say that.

Scene - Central Perk

(all the gang)

Phoebe - The movie last night was great!

Monica - Yeah, you lot really missed out.

Ross - We didn’t. Oh, Chandler, I told Candii what you said.

Chandler - And?

Joey - And she said you were a loser.

Chandler - Thanks, buddy!

Rachel - I don’t see why you guys are all so obsessed with seeing women strip!

Ross - It’s naked ladies. We’re single. If you’re single, there’s no law saying you can’t see more than one naked woman at a time!

Rachel - It’s disgusting and degrading!

Joey - So?

Rachel - Huh.

Ross - What’s up with you, anyway?

Rachel - Well, I spent a great night finishing off the project.

Chandler - Yeah, me too.

Monica - Does this mean that you’ve done it well?

Rachel - yes, Mom. As much as I hate the thought of working in maternity for the rest of my life, at least I’ll have a pay rise. That’ll come in handy!

Ross - Why?

Rachel - Ummm…

Chandler - Because the tax will go up next year!

Joey - Damn! Oh, wait a minute, I don’t pay tax!

Monica - Anyway, who’s for another coffee?

Rachel - I’d love to, but I need to go hand in the work.

Ross - On a Sunday?

Phoebe - Yeah, are you giving it to God for a pagan sacrifice, like my friend Amelia?

Rachel - No. Joanna needs to take it to the meeting on Monday.

Chandler - I’ll go with you!

Monica - Coffee?

Ross - No, not for me. I need to go now.

Joey - Why?

Ross - I’ve gotta get out of here.

Phoebe - You should tell her.

Ross - Tell who what?

Phoebe - You know.

Ross - Yeah, I guess I do. Bye.

Scene - Guys’ Apartment

(Joey and Heather)

Joey - I know what you’re thinking.

Heather - Oh?

Joey - You want me to ask you a certain question, don’t you?

Heather - Well….

Joey - I’m not gonna ask it. I’m not ready.

Heather - What do you mean?

Joey - I’m not ready for such a big step. Marriage is such a big thing!

Heather - Woah. Marriage?

Joey - Yeah, you’ve been hinting for ages.

Heather - No. I don’t want to marry you.

Joey - I know you’ll take this hard and you’ll feel embarrassed, but it’s not that bad. I’m kinda flattered.

Heather - I never wanted to marry you, Joey.

Joey - You didn’t?

Heather - No. I know this must be embarrassing for you, but…

Joey - I’m sorry, it’s just that…

Heather - I’m gonna go now.

Joey - Don’t. Please. Let’s talk!

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

(Monica, Chandler and Phoebe)

Joey - That was the best break-up I’ve ever caused!

Monica - She took it all right?

Joey - Well, we never quite got to the ‘it’s over’ part.

Phoebe - Oh yeah, I love that kind of break-up! Breaking up is the best turn on!

Chandler - You slept with her?

Joey - Thrice.

Monica - Where did you learn a word like that?

Joey - The TV Guide. The newest star of Baywatch, thrice married actress Delilah Mongol..

Chandler - She is so hot!

Joey - I know!

Ross - …really?

Rachel - Uh-huh!

Ross - Wow. That’s great!

Rachel - You’re never gonna believe this!

Monica - What?

Rachel - I did so well on that project, Joanna’s suggested I apply for the role of Public Relations Assistant! That means more pay and more power! I’ll have a person whose job is to make me coffee!

Phoebe - Wow. That’s great!

Credits

Teaser

Scene - An office at Bloomingdales

(Rachel)

Rachel - Hi, Sophie. How may I help you?

Sophie - I was just….

Rachel - …Please, sit down.

Sophie - No thanks. I was just wondering what sort of coffee you want?

Rachel - What?

Sophie - Joanna decided that we were such a good team that I should spend my life making coffee for you.

Rachel - I’m sorry. For me, it’s great, but for you, I’m sorry!

 

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