Friends

A Script by BSW

The One Where Friends Make Up

Scene - Guys’ Apartment

(Phoebe, Chandler and Joey)

Chandler - Are those two still at it?

Ross - Yeah. I left after Rachel told Monica that she was starting to look chubby!

Joey - Ouch!

Phoebe - I know. It is so sad that they are fighting! They’ve only got a couple of weeks before they get split up. They shouldn’t be fighting over a man!

Ross - Hello? I am in the room!

Phoebe - Sorry. I wasn’t talking about you, just guys in general.

Chandler - Thanks for that!

Joey - I know what she means, Chandler. It’s like we wouldn’t fight over a girl just ‘cause she mentioned my name whilst making out with you, would we?

Ross - That has nothing to do with this!

[Voice of Rachel] - Look, I’m moving in with your brother. Why can’t you be happy?

[Voice of Monica] - You don’t understand, do you?

Joey - It’s too quiet. I’m worried!

Ross - Oh my god!

Credits

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

(Rachel and Monica)

Rachel - Oops.

Monica - Why did you do that?

Rachel - I don’t know. I just…

Ross - What’s happened?

Monica - Rachel threw a vase on the floor!

Chandler - You’re bleeding!

Monica - No! You don’t say! I thought it was ketchup!

Joey - No, it’s blood.

Phoebe - It looks kinda deep. We’d better get you to the hospital.

Monica - OK.

Ross - Are you OK?

Rachel - Yeah, I think so.

Ross - I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.

Rachel - No honey. Most of the stuff is about high school.

Ross - Well, now they’ve gone, shall we go into your room?

Rachel - No.

Ross - Wouldn’t you feel kinda strange doing it on the sofa?

Rachel - I didn’t mean that. Can’t we just sit and talk for once?

Ross - OK. Sure. Fine.

Scene - Central Perk

(All of the gang)

(Monica and Rachel still aren’t talking)

Phoebe - So, Monica, I guess you’ll be looking for a new roommate.

Monica - I guess.

Joey - Rachel, have you started packing yet?

Rachel - No.

Chandler - OK, guys? This is worse than the divorce, worse than the breakup and way worse than the ski trip.

Ross - Yeah, come on. Talk!

Monica - Whilst we were away, Pete asked me out again.

Phoebe - What did you say?

Joey - I hope you told him no.

Chandler - Why?

Joey - ‘Cause after that fight, he’ll never be able to have kids!

Monica - I said maybe.

Rachel - Typical!

Monica - What’s that meant to mean?

Rachel - I just meant that you never take risks.

Monica - Well maybe that’s the way I like things.

Ross - Will you two please stop arguing?

Phoebe - Yeah. I bet you don’t even know what started all this. I bet you don’t know what you’re fighting about?

Rachel - I do. It’s because a certain person is jealous that I’m happy. That I’ve found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. That my life’s moving on.

Chandler - OK, so maybe you do know. Monica, what are you fighting about?

Monica - I’m angry with her because she took my first boyfriend from me in Junior High. She slept with the boy she knew I liked. She took Van Damme and now, she’s stealing my brother.

Rachel - Woah, woah, woah! What do you mean, I’m stealing your brother?

Ross - What makes you think that?

Monica - ‘Cause you’re gonna live together, leaving me on my own. I’ll never get to see either of you.

Rachel - Don’t be silly. Of course you will.

Monica - I’m sorry if I sound silly to you.

Rachel - I didn’t mean it like that….

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

{The next day}

(Rachel, Monica and Joey)

Rachel - What do you mean?

Monica - Come on. I know you knew I liked Billy.

Rachel - I so did not!

Joey - Stop fighting.

Monica - Why should we?

Joey - Phoebe, do something to stop these two fighting!

Phoebe - OK. You two should stop fighting because my Grandma died this morning!

Rachel - Oh my god!

Joey - Yeah, that’s more like it!

Monica - Oh, Pheebs! I’m so sorry!

Phoebe - Yeah, well. She was kinda old, so….But she was my only relative I was close to. (Rachel hugs her)

Monica - But she wasn’t your real Grandma. You’ve still got your Mom!

Rachel - Yeah!

Phoebe - So? I lived with her for years. And now, she’s gone. (Cries even louder)

Ross - I can’t believe that you’ve started again! You know how hard it is to stop! (Notices Phoebe crying) What’s happened?

Joey - Phoebe’s Grandma died this morning.

Chandler - Oh! OK, need a cigarette!

Phoebe - No! There will be no smoking from now on. You guys are the only family I have left, OK? You’ve gotta start taking care of yourselves! And that also means no arguing, OK?

All - Yes. OK. Sure.

Joey - I’m so sorry.

Chandler - Yeah, me too.

Phoebe - Well it was kinda quick. But I won’t be able to go home to an empty house tonight. Could I stay here?

Monica - Yeah, of course.

Rachel - You can have my room, Pheebs.

Ross - I guess that means we’ll be at my place tonight!

Rachel - No honey. I’ll sleep on the sofa.

Phoebe - Thanks. I guess I’d better ring Grandma’s boyfriend and tell him. Monica, Rachel, no arguing!

Monica/Rachel - We promise.

Chandler - Wow.

Joey - I know! Rachel’s actually gonna sleep on the sofa!

Commercial Break

Scene - Churchyard

{A few days later}

(All of the gang)(They’ve just been to the funeral and they’re walking back towards the cars.)

Phoebe - Thanks, guys. It meant a lot to me having you all here today.

Joey - That’s all right.

Monica - Yeah, we’ll always be here for you.

Rachel - Ross, I don’t feel so great.

Ross - What’s up?

Rachel - Well for a start, I’ve got ten best friends.

Monica - You’d better lie down when we get back to the apartment.

Rachel - I don’t think I’m gonna make it that far….

Chandler - OK! We’d better get her home. I’ll help you Ross.

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

(Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey)

Monica - How’s she feeling?

Phoebe - She’s gonna die, isn’t she? I lose my friend and my Grandma in one week!

Ross - Pheebs, it’s OK. She’s gonna be fine. She cut herself pretty badly with the vase and got an infection. She just didn’t tell anyone!

Joey - Great. We missed Baywatch for this!

Chandler - Uh Joe? Baywatch is gonna start in ten minutes yet!

Joey - Good. Let’s go!

Monica - Well, thank God she’s OK.

Ross - Does that mean that you’ll stop fighting?

Monica - I suppose so.

Ross - Good. That means I only have one fight on my hands.

Phoebe - What do you mean?

Ross - If I tell you guys, you have to promise not to tell Rach. I don’t want her to worry. I can handle it by myself.

Phoebe - OK. We promise.

Monica - What is it?

Ross - Mom and Dad.

Monica - Oh.

Ross - They’re kicking up a fuss because Rachel and I are gonna live together. They think that we should get married.

Monica - Yup. I’ve already had Mom on the phone telling me off for not telling her first. She’s been calling Rachel all sort of names.

Phoebe - But I thought that you’re parents always got on well with Rachel?

Monica - Sure. When she was my friend and was rich.

Ross - Since she moved away from her parents, our parents have not been so friendly.

Monica - Especially when she got involved with their Prince Ross!

Ross - Uh-huh.

Phoebe - So what are you gonna do?

Ross - There’s nothing I can do. Except wait for them to stop. I just don’t want Rachel to know.

Monica - Don’t worry. We won’t tell her.

Ross - Thanks.

Scene - Central Perk

{Next day}

(All of gang)(Rachel has obviously been ill. The gang are busy listening to Ross tell one of his dinosaur stories. But wait a minute! They seem interested!)

Ross - So then, Tommy put his hand on his bony skull and said ‘Hello? Anyone in there, you old Diplodicus!’

Monica - Oh my god!

Chandler - So what did the dinosaur do?

Ross - He fired him!

Phoebe - I cannot believe that you actually work for a dinosaur!

Monica - Pheebs? The dinosaur is his boss!

Phoebe - Yeah, that’s what I said!

Ross - No, we call my boss the dinosaur!

Joey/ Phoebe - I don’t get it!

Rachel - Honey, please stop going on about work now.

Ross - Sorry.

Joey - Hey, Rachel? Aren’t you meant to be at work in like ten minutes?

Rachel - No. I was meant to be at work ten minutes ago! Bye, sweetheart!

Chandler - Bye to you too, honey bunny!

Monica - Haven’t you got anymore to tell us?

Ross - Well, there is the one about Sheryl and Tony….

Chandler - Oh! I remember this one.

Joey - Tell us!!!

Scene - Bloomingdales

(Rachel and Sophie)

Rachel - I just can’t believe that I’ve only got a week until I move out!

Sophie - Yeah, but you’re moving in with that yummy Ross guy.

Rachel - Mmmmm. But Monica’s apartment is the place that gave me independence from my parents, you know?

Sophie - I’m 25 and I live with my parents. I have no boyfriend. No I don’t!

Rachel - I was there once. Of course, I always had a boyfriend. At 25, it was this guy Barry.

Sophie - What was he like?

Rachel - Picture Ross.

Sophie - Yeah.

Rachel - Now take off a foot in height, add 30 pounds in weight, add a balding patch, take away Ross’ personality and put in a liberal amount of greed. Voila! You have Barry!

Sophie - He sounds like my kid brother’s Orthodontist!

Rachel - And, to top it all off, he was having an affair with my best friend!

Sophie - You mean you had a friend as well as a boyfriend???

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

(Ross, Monica, Joey and Chandler)

Ross - I cannot believe it!

Monica - Well, that’s what she wants!

Chandler - It isn’t that bad. What’s it called?

Ross - Spring Blossom. This is not gonna happen!

Joey - Come on, it’s only paint. I’d like a pink bedroom.

Chandler - I’m gonna regret this, but WHY?

Joey - ‘Cause that’s what the nursery at home was like!

Monica - Honey, why?

Joey - I have seven sisters. What do you expect???

Rachel - Hey, guys!

All - Hi Rachel, Hi Pheebs!

Phoebe - You are not gonna believe what happened today!

Rachel - Come on then, tell us. I’ve been waiting since we met up!

Phoebe - OK. I went to the reading of my Grandma’s will.

Monica - I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell us?

Phoebe - I tried, but I only remembered this afternoon. Joey was in the shower, Chandler was data whatsit, Monica was at the Diner, Ross was at the museum and Rachel was at Bloomingdales!

Ross - OK. I think we get the hint!

Phoebe - Fine. OK, this is the biggest news ever! I got all of her money!

Rachel - What??? Didn’t you have to share with Ursula?

Phoebe - Nu-huh! ‘Cause Grandma wasn’t our real Grandma, she left her money to me for living with her.

Joey - That’s great!

Ross - So, how much did she leave you? A thousand, fifteen hundred?

Phoebe - That’s right! How did you guess?

Rachel - You got a thousand dollars? I can hear the ding of the cashier’s till as we speak!

Phoebe - No. I got a thousand thousand dollars!

Monica - Wow! That’s a million dollars!

Joey - That’s like a……..lot of money!!!

Phoebe - Uh-huh. According to the lawyer, about five years ago, she won the lottery. She didn’t tell anyone and put it in a bank account.

Ross - Wow!

Chandler - So, what are you gonna do with all that money?

Credits

Teaser

Scene - Girls’ Apartment

(Monica, Phoebe and Rachel)

Phoebe - What are we gonna do then?

Monica - It’s like your last night of freedom. We’ve got to plan it now.

Rachel - I don’t know. I suppose we just go totally wild!

Phoebe - We could drive to Mexico!

Monica - We could go clubbing and find as many men as possible.

Rachel - After Chloe, I don’t think that that would be very fair!

Monica - Then how about we get totally drunk?

Phoebe - Yeah, come on Rachel! You know how good you are at making drinks up!

Rachel - OK, then. We get drunk.

Scene - Guys’ Apartment

(Ross, Chandler and Joey)

Ross - OK, then. We’re gonna go out for dinner and see what happens.

Joey - Yeah!

Chandler - Sounds great!