TOW Pheobe's Babies  

by: Sqira

(Phoebe's Apartment. Phoebe is on a couch, eating chips while chatting on the phone)

Phoebe: I know! It's so boring lying here all day and just stuffing myself. Mind you, I hope these babies know that they're staying in there for FAR too long!

Monica (on the other line at her workplace, covered with flour and what-not): Pheebs, count yourself lucky that you're not smeared with flour and stuck doing the 'Spanish Hokkien Surprise'. Besides, the doctor said that it will be anytime now.

Phoebe: Yeah I know but, it's been a week! Many stuff happens in one week... people make babies even shorter than that!

Monica: C'mon honey, you gotta stay cool. Maybe the babies like you so much that they don't wanna leave.

Phoebe: Yeah right, and I'm their Aunt Phoebe!

Monica: Honey...  you are!

Phoebe: Ohhhh!

Monica (panics): What?! What is it?! You're okay Pheebs?

Phoebe (laughs): Nah, that's my chips falling to the floor. Oh Ohh....

Monica (smiles): Don't tell me? That's you falling?

Phoebe: No Mon... That's the real one. Is 911 the number to call?

(Monica faints, causing a racket through the phone)

Phoebe: Mon? You okay? I thought I was having the babies... Mon? Mon?

(Opening credits)

(Maternity Wing, Hospital. Shot of Monica rushing in)

Monica: Hi! Has Phoebe Buffay checked in yet? She's gonna give birth any minute now.

Nurse: Everybody who checked in here IS gonna give birth. Who's the girl, Phoebe what?

Monica: Buffay, B-U-F-F-A-Y!

Nurse: I'm not deaf, but just to make sure, I'll check my ears next time.

Monica (embarrassed): Sorry, I'm just... Uh, has anybody else come for her?

Nurse (checks her register): No, you're the first. She's in ward 5... so she's the one. Tell Miss Buffay to stop screaming  and stating her rights to a phone. She's not in prison you know.

Monica: Okay, thanks. Please tell my friends where to go.

(Ward 5, Maternity Wing, Hospital)

Phoebe (sweating profusely): Damn doctors! Don't they know anything... (throwing a pillow at the door)

Monica (comes in and ducks the pillow): Hey! Did I miss a pillow fight? I'm sorry I'm late Pheebs, fainting, changing clothes and catching a cab takes time.

Phoebe (moody): Do I look like I care?! Where ARE you guys? I can't give birth without you guys...

Monica: Don't worry Pheebs, I called everyone and they said they'll be here really soon. Please don't be mad, you're scaring me.

Phoebe: I'm not mad, I'm just in pain okay! Sorry Mon, I can't stand it!

Monica: They'll be here, I promise. (Holds Phoebe's hand) ease up on the hand Pheebs... Pheebs!
(Frank Jr., Alice and Rachel come in)

Frank Jr.: Hey Big-Half-Sister! How's the babies?

Phoebe: How should I know? Do you see them here?

Frank Jr.: Uh, no... help!

Alice: It's all right, dear. Phoebe, tell us what to do.

Phoebe: For starters, stop blocking my focus!

Rachel (to Monica): So, what happened to 'Cool Aunt Phoebe'? Doesn't look too happy.

Monica: What do you think? She's in labor, having triplets and she didn't have lunch. Need I say more?

Phoebe (seeing Rachel & Monica talking): Hey! I could use some help here. My feet need rubbing.
(Shot of Frank Jr. bringing her water and Alice fluffing up her pillows)

Monica: Wow, the queen of She-Ba beckons.(To Phoebe) I'm gonna go out and get the guys okay? I'll be right back! (To Rachel) Good luck! (Exits)

Phoebe (looking at Rachel): What are you waiting for? An invitation?

(Waiting area outside Ward 5, Maternity Wing, Hospital. Joey & Chandler)

Chandler: I'm telling you, this is the right place.

Joey: Well, do you see any pregnant women around? Nooo...

Chandler: Well, pregnant women give birth here Joey, not 'get' pregnant!

Joey: Hey, you don't know that (points at Chandler)

Ross (comes up to meet them): Hey, we're here. Phoebe's at Ward 5.

Joey (passes by a nurse): Hey, check out that uniform. Bet I could use one of those.

Chandler (to Ross): Let's pretend we don't hear that.

Monica (upon seeing the guys): There you are! Where have you guys been? Didn't you get my message? Did you get lost?

Joey: One question at a time please! Searching for the ward, yes and kinda yes and no for the last one.

Chandler: Yeah, Joey mistakes the 'maternity' for the 'fraternity'. He even hits on the clean-up lady!
Joey: Hey, she said she has 3 daughters!

Phoebe (off-camera): Where's my ice?! The last time I check, I'm the one giving birth!

Ross: Is that Phoebe?

Monica: Uh huh, up close and personal. You guys go right in. I'm gonna find the doctor. I think it's time. Oh, and Phoebe's a bit moody...

Ross (upon seeing a pillow flying out): You don't say...

(Commercial Break 1)

(Waiting area outside Delivery Room 1, Maternity Ward, Hospital. Evening. Everyone except Phoebe, Frank Jr. and Alice are there)

Chandler: De-ja-vu huh?

Monica: Yeah, but you're more annoying then, then again, I might be wrong...

Rachel: How long do you think this might take? You know, labor and all.

Ross: Well, no 2 women are the same. Carol took like more than 10 hours...

Joey (staring at a vending machine): Could someone get food, PLEASE! Staring just hurt too much!

Ross: You know Joey, buying would be an option but c'mon let's get real food. Anybody else's coming?

Rachel: Yeah, I'll come. My butt is falling asleep. Mon?

Monica: I'm staying. I'll get you guys when Phoebe's, you know, giving birth... eventually.

Chandler: And I'll stay in case Monica went down to get you guys and they need a guard or Phoebe needs an assistant... just get me a tuna sandwich 'kay?

Ross: Okay, we'll get you guys something, call us if anything, if ANYTHING happens.

Joey (taking off with Ross & Rachel): Do you think they'll have a buffet in the cafeteria? What about fish-sticks?

Chandler: Well, just the 2 of us, hmmm... what would we do? (trying to put his arm over Monica's shoulder)

Monica (smacking Chandler's arm away): Stop it! We're here for Phoebe, remember?

Chandler (pissed): Okay, that's it! I don't deserve this. At least I'm trying to be civil to you but you treat me worse than dirt! (Stands up and face Monica) I tried so hard to talk to you and I wanna tell you so much. I kinda miss my best friend okay?!

Monica (shocked): I'm sorry Chandler, I dunno how to react to what happened between us. I know it was stupid of me to shut you off. I mean, it was a one-night thing and truthfully, I dunno what it means to me... or to you.

Chandler(sits down): I'm not sure either. I thought by talking to you, I'll know what to do. Soo... what now?

Monica: I guess, we leave things as there are, and we'll see... (Laughs) I mean, who knows, we might be stuck with one another anyhow.

Chandler (chuckles): Nah, we wouldn't want that... would we?

Frank Jr. (appears out of the delivery room, in surgeon's uniform, holding a baby): Hey guys, look at this cute little thing, and Phoebe has another 2 on the way. (Baby starts to cry) Um, okay, what do I do with her... (checks the bay) um, him?

Chandler: Oh wow, bay, baby... uh, Mon, you stay here while I'll get the guys. Um, tell Phoebe to 'way to go'! You know, 'go go go'!

Monica: I get it, just get the rest! (Chandler starts to go off) And Chandler! I missed you too...

(Commercial Break 2)

(Ward 5, Maternity Wing, Hospital. Everybody is there)

Rachel: So Pheebs, you need anything else now? Ice? Massage? Juice? Whip?

Phoebe: No, no... that's just the devil in me talking. You won't see her again! She only appears during labor.

Joey: And how do you know that?

Phoebe: Do you see her now?

Ross (holding one of the babies, Leslie): You know guys, these babies could be Ben playmates! (Looking at Joey) Not Playboy!

Monica (holding another baby, Chandler): Hey Chandler, here's your namesake. He sure has your hair, all right.

Chandler (taking the baby from Monica): Boy, he's really something huh? (Baby starts to cry) Oh c'mon, don't tell me babies found me unappealing too?!

Nurse (comes into the ward): Okay people, visitors' hours are up. Please leave in an orderly fashion. (Going up to Joey) And you, here's the phone numbers of the nurses... here's for this shift, and here's the ones in the next. It seems that the nurses here phoned the rest... they have a thing for you all right.

Rachel: What does he have that I don't? What? (Everyone stares at her) Okay, okay, it's a no-duh question. (Looks at Phoebe) Ok honey, I'll see you tomorrow okay? Sweet dreams okay. (kisses Phoebe)

Ross (hands Leslie to Frank Jr.): Yeah Pheebs, take care 'kay. We'll see you tomorrow (kisses Phoebe)

Joey (looking at the phone numbers): Yeah Pheebs, though I might come later or earlier... you know (flashing the numbers), inter-communicating and all. Bye Pheebs (kisses Phoebe)

Chandler (handing Chandler to Alice): Yeah, keep a seat for me. I'll be back tomorrow. (Kisses Phoebe) Wow, Pheebs, you still smell nice after all that labor.

Phoebe: Of course, it's the 'after-labor-glow'. Okay, I'll see ya guys 'kay?

Monica (kisses Frank Jr. Jr.): Bye Pheebs, I love you. See ya (kisses Phoebe)

Phoebe: Mon? Thanks for coming you know. I know how much you want these (motioning the babies), you'll be a great mum then.

Monica (smiles): Thanks Pheebs. I hope so too.

(The whole gang left, leaving Alice & Frank Jr.)

Frank Jr.: Well, Sis, thanks you know... I mean for all the 9 months and the pain and these 3 cute guys and girl. You're the best Sis ever!

Phoebe: Yes and don't you forget that. Can I still see them, you know now and then?

Alice: Of course! Who else would babysit them when we're off for a surprise rendezvous?

Phoebe: Surprise huh? Okay.

Alice: We gotta go too okay, we'll see you tomorrow too (kisses Phoebe)

Frank Jr.: Yeah, Sis, we owe you so much, we'll do anything for you (hugs Phoebe)

Phoebe (hugs back): Just don't be a stranger 'kay?

Alice & Frank Jr. (put the babies in their cradles): Thanks Pheebs, bye!

Phoebe: Yeah, bye... and don't you ever move away!

(Closing credits)

(Ward 5, Maternity Wing, Hospital. The babies are 'lined up' in front of Phoebe on the bed)

Phoebe: Okay guys... and girl, I'm your Aunt Phoebe (shakes each of the babies right hand). Nice to meet you too. (smiles) Don't I just look great on the outside? Anyway, I'm just telling you guys that I'm still gonna be around, though not like the past 9 months but you know, when you can't stand your parents or some kid messes up your hair or when you just an extra 5 bucks. (Pointing to Leslie) hey, I have a very cool guitar, you could use that too. I'll teach you... all of you! See? I'm I cool or what?

Nurse (enters): You got 5 more minutes okay? (exits)

Phoebe: I'll miss you guys being in me. I can't hold you as much as I want to, or even see you all the time. I hope you guys will love me as much as you love your parents (tearfully) 'coz you know, you guys are part of me too... I love you so much, so much that I can't bear to let you guys go. But, you're gonna have parents who love you more and be there for you all the time! I'll be there... I'll just gonna be late at times 'kay?

Nurse (enters): They gotta sleep some time you know. Don't worry, you'll see them again soon enough. (Takes the babies with 2 other nurses)

Phoebe (sadly): Yeah, but just not enough.
 

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