Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
Note: This fanfic takes place about three months after my last one, "The One
With All The Moving".
Rachel and Monica are both around six months pregnant.
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are there. Chandler and Monica are getting ready to pick up their parents from the airport.
Monica: Why aren't they here yet?! We said one o'clock sharp!
Chandler: Honey, calm down! They're only two minutes late.
Monica: (going to the window) Look! They're only just going out the door! (shouting) Hurry up!
Chandler: Let's go downstairs and wait for them by the cab.
Monica: OK! (rushes out the door)
Chandler: Slow down! You know what the doctor said! You're not supposed to run! (he follows her out, but forgets to close the door)
Phoebe: Jo-
[Chandler quickly runs back and slams the door shut]
Phoebe: Never mind.
-
CREDITS
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Scene: The airport. Ross, Rachel, Chandler and Monica are sitting down, waiting for their parents.
Rachel: I hope my mom and dad don't kill each other until AFTER the weddings.
Monica: I just hope there aren't any more delays. (glares at Ross and Rachel)
Ross: Monica, will you just STOP going on about it? We were only five minutes late.
Monica: EXACTLY! Why couldn't you just have left five minutes earlier?
Ross: BECAUSE there was a documentary on dinosaurs on!
Monica: What's so special about that? Don't you know everything about dinosaurs already?
Chandler: Can we PLEASE talk about something else?
Monica: Like what?
Chandler: How about all the times when Ross and Rachel WEREN'T late?
Rachel: (relieved) Hey look, it's our parents!
[They all rush over to meet the Gellers and the Greens. They all say hello, etc.]
Judy: I can't believe you're getting married!
Sandra: Don't get your hopes up yet, remember Rachel and Barry.
Rachel: Mom!
Sandra: Sorry.
Judy: No, you're right. After all, Ross has been married before. Twice.
Ross: Mom!
Judy: Sorry. Still, three times lucky eh?
Jack: Actually the saying is "three's the charm".
Dr. Green: I think you'll find that-
Monica: (interrupting) Let's go and get the baggage, OK? We don't want to keep Chandler's mom waiting, do we?
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment, later. Phoebe is asleep on the couch. Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, Jack, Judy, Sandra, Mr. Green and Nora Bing enter.
Monica: Phoebe? (sees Phoebe on the couch) Phoebe, wake up!
Phoebe: Help! The ice is breaking! (wakes up a bit more) Hi Monica.
Monica: Phoebe, you're supposed to have dinner ready!
Phoebe: Am I?
Monica: (shouting) YES!
Phoebe: Monica, you're scaring me!
Monica: Sorry. Mood swings.
Chandler: What's the big deal anyway? Let's just order pizza.
Monica: CHANDLER!
Chandler: (scared) Y-yes M-monica?
Monica: That's a great idea! [She hugs him. Everyone looks very confused]
Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Ross, Rachel, Sandra and Dr. Green are leaving for Ross and Rachel's apartment. Monica is sitting on the couch, which is now covered in blankets, and Chandler is closing the door behind Ross, Rachel, etc. Jack and Judy are in one of the bedrooms, and Nora is in the other.
Chandler: Peace at last.
Monica: (yawning) Thank God. I really need some sleep now.
Chandler: (sitting down next to her) Are you nervous about tomorrow?
Monica: A little. You?
Chandler: A little. But I still think it's gonna be one of the best days of my life.
Monica: Only one of the best days?
Chandler: Well, the day our baby's born will be one of the best days of my life. And that night in London was one of the best NIGHTS of my life.
Monica: You're so cute. (they kiss) Goodnight. (they lie down on the couch)
Jack (off screen): For the last time, it's "THREE'S THE CHARM"!
Scene: Ross and Rachel's bedroom. Ross and Rachel are lying in bed, Dr. Green is on the couch on the living room, and Sandra is in the spare room, soon to become the baby's room.
Rachel: Are you exited about tomorrow?
Ross: Of course I am. I've been dreaming about this day for as long as I can remember.
Rachel: I just hope my cousin Stella doesn't cause any trouble.
Ross: Isn't she the cheeky one who lived at your house one year?
Rachel: That's her.
Ross: How old is she now anyway? She must have been, like, three then.
Rachel: She was fourteen a few days before my birthday.
Ross: Then she must be grown up enough now to behave herself.
Rachel: Don't count on it. Last month she drove her uncle's car into his pool. Said she was trying to re-create the cover of the Oasis album for a school project.
Ross: She won't cause any trouble, cos we won't let her. So stop worrying and go to sleep. We've got a big day tomorrow.
Scene: A room in a chapel somewhere. The sun is shining, birds are singing, all
your usual "perfect wedding day" stuff. Chandler, Monica, Ross and Rachel are
welcoming people, Joey, Phoebe and all the parents are also around somewhere.
Rachel's cousin Stella enters.
Rachel: Oh my god, there she is.
Ross: Don't worry about it. What could she do?
Rachel: You obviously have no idea what she's like. I mean, sometimes she's really nice, and understanding, and like a real friend! But at other times,-
Stella: (coming over) Rach! (she gives her a hug, a bit too hard. Rachel winces) How are you? I can't believe you waited so long to get married!
Rachel: What do you mean?
Stella: Well, let's see. About four years ago, Rachel Karen Green tells me she's with the most amazing man in the world. One year after that, it's her and "the most amazing man in the world's" anniversary. Great time to get married. Unfortunately she ruins it by spending too much time at work and making "the most stupid man in the world" believe she's having an affair with her hunky co-worker Mark. (Rachel gasps) Then, four months later, they get back together, only for her to ruin it again by trying to make "the most unreasonable man in the world" take the blame for everything that went wrong in their relationship, when obviously it was mostly her fault. Two years after that, she and "the kindest man in the world" get very drunk and get her pregnant. About a month after that, she tells "the most understanding man in the world" that she is pregnant. Four months later, she's getting married to the person who is, once again, "the most amazing man in the world". Why did you have to lose all that time when you could have married him the FIRST time he was the most amazing man in the world?
Rachel: Ow!
Ross: What is it?
Rachel: Just the baby kicking.
Stella: The baby kicked? Lemme feel!
[Ross and Rachel look at her angrily]
Monica: (coming over) Rach? Can you come and help me put my wedding dress on? (to Stella) Hi Stella.
Stella: Hey Monica. I thought you were thinner than you used to be. Rachel's lied to me again.
Rachel: Stella, she's pregnant too.
Stella: What? Why didn't you tell me?!
Monica: I don't really think it's any of your business.
Stella: You're kidding, right? Everything is my business!
Rachel: Come on Monica! Gotta get that dress on!
[they take a few steps]
Monica: My God, she's even worse than she used to be!
Rachel: That's probably because she now has a much larger vocabulary and a lot more experience at being nasty. Now come on before she decides that Ross is much less fun than I am!
[Cut to: Ross and Stella]
Stella: So why, exactly, are you getting married to Rachel?
Ross: Well, cos I love her, and cause she's carrying my child...
Stella: Interesting... (quietly, to herself) Jerk. (walks away)
Scene: Another room in the church. Rachel and Phoebe are helping Monica put her wedding dress on.
Rachel: Oh, you look so beautiful!
Monica: Really?
Phoebe: Uh-huh! You look like you're about to get married!
Monica: Phoebe, I AM about to get married.
Phoebe: Oh yeah! Sorry, I forgot.
Rachel: How could you forget something like that?
Phoebe: I thought I dreamt it.
Rachel: You know, it's gonna be pretty weird, me and Ross married, Chandler and Monica married, and you and Joey just the same as ever.
Monica: Hey Pheebs, maybe you should marry Joey!
Rachel: Ha! Joey, married?
Monica: Good point. Anyway, are you SURE it looks OK?
Rachel: Yes!
Monica: Really?
Phoebe: Yes!
Monica: Really?
Rachel & Phoebe: YES!
Rachel: Now come on!
Scene: The chapel. The big moment for the Chandler and Monica fans is here! I'm gonna skip the whole walking down the aisle and "to love, cherish, etc." bit, it just takes up space, and anyway, it's better to imagine it for yourself. OK, Chandler and Monica are standing at the altar, Rachel and Phoebe are bridesmaids, and Ross and Joey are best men. The minister is in fact the Vicar of Dibley (played by Dawn French for those of you who don't know) I have no idea why she would be performing a ceremony in America, but I thought "who cares, this is MY fanfic" so I put her in anyway. Anyway, let's get down to business...
Chandler: (gazing lovingly at Monica) I do.
[Rachel starts eating her bouquet]
Phoebe: (whispering) Rachel, what are you doing?!
Rachel: I dunno, I suddenly have this weird craving for flowers...
[the Vicar clears her throat]
Rachel: Sorry.
[the Vicar says the whole "do you take this man blah blah blah" bit]
Monica: (gazing back) I do.
Vicar: I now declare you husband and wife. (to Chandler) you may kiss the bride.
[something totally unexpected happens...only kidding! Chandler kisses Monica, they walk down the aisle, etc., etc., etc.]
Scene: Chandler and Monica's wedding reception. Everyone from the wedding is there (duh!). And everyone is just wandering around. Chandler and Monica are standing in a corner by themselves.
Monica: I still can't believe we're married.
Chandler: I know! I hope I'm not dreaming. Pinch me please.
[Monica pinches him]
Chandler: Ow! (sees Monica looking at him) I mean, ow yes! I'm NOT dreaming!
[the rest of the gang come over]
Phoebe: So how's our married couple doing?
Chandler: You tell me, you're the one that's psychic.
Phoebe: OK, wait a second.
[she closes her eyes and hums to herself for a few seconds]
Phoebe: (opening her eyes) You're doing good!
Rachel: Really? I'd never have guessed.
Monica: So Rach, are you nervous? We're not gonna have a repeat of your last wedding are we?
Chandler: Y'know, it would actually be kinda cool if we did. We'd have our very own Runaway Bride!
Rachel: OK, can you just PLEASE let that go? It was five years ago!
Ross: Honey, I don't think anyone's ever gonna let it go.
Chandler: Yeah, just like we're not gonna let it go that Ross married a lesbian.
Ross: See what I mean? If you do something like that you're gonna be hearing about it for the rest of your life.
Phoebe: But not in the afterlife cos everyone there's much nicer.
Rachel: Yeah, well unfortunately I don't plan on getting to the afterlife for quite a while yet.
Stella: (coming over) Hey Rach, you want me to get the horse ready? Or would you prefer the truck?
Rachel: Ohh God, I really am never gonna hear the end of it am I?
[the others all nod their heads]
Scene: The chapel. Everything is the same as before, except Ross and Rachel and Chandler and Monica have switched places. And Stella is sitting in an aisle seat holding a horse by the reins, the horse is standing in the aisle, so that when everyone walks down it they have to squeeze past. Rachel and her Father are walking down the aisle.
Rachel: (sees the horse) Oh my God, she really meant it.
Mr. Green: I've rarely heard Stella say something she DIDN'T mean.
Rachel: I bet there's a truck outside too, just like the one in the film.
[they squeeze past the horse. Stella grins at them]
Dr. Green: Just don't take any notice. She's just trying to get to you, just like she's always done.
Rachel: Yeah, and she always succeeds.
Dr. Green: You'll be fine, don't worry.
[they arrive at the altar]
Vicar: Friends, family, we are gathered here today (blah blah blah). Do you Ross (blah blah blah).
Ross: I do.
Vicar: Do you Rachel (blah blah blah).
Rachel: (glancing at Stella, who is still grinning) I do.
Vicar: (blah blah blah)
[blah, blah, blah, I presume everyone knows what happens at a wedding, so just imagine
it OK? If I did write it you'd probably just skip it anyway]
Scene: Ross and Rachel's wedding reception. Ross and Rachel are walking around.
Ross: That wasn't too bad was it?
Rachel: I suppose not. I'm glad it's done now and we can move on to the fun parts.
Ross: Well, maybe not quite yet.
[he points at Stella, who is approaching them on the horse]
Stella: Hi!
Rachel: (annoyed) Hi.
Stella: Are you sure you don't want the horse? She's really fast you know.
Rachel: Stella, just go away. Please?
Stella: (disappointed) OK. See ya. (rides away)
Ross: How come she gave up so easily?
Rachel: She's probably found somewhere else to wreak havoc. I don't really care, as long as she doesn't come back here. Let's go find the others.
CREDITS
Scene: Ross and Rachel's wedding reception. Stella has indeed found somewhere else to wreak havoc, because she is letting the horse eat the wedding cake. The last shot is of Stella with a very mischievous grin on her face.
THE END