The One With The Subtlety
by: Liz Ackerley
[This takes place straight after TOW The Thanksgiving Flashbacks. Ive assumed that the scene with Monica, Chandler and the turkey didnt occur immediately after the previous scene after all, theyd eaten the turkey already why is Monica going to have another one ready?]
[SCENE: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's. Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.]
Chandler: Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, "Quack, quack!" Im happy all the time!
(There's a knock on the door and Chandler gets up to answer it. He opens the door to reveal Monica with a turkey over her head.)
Chandler: Nice try.
Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)
Chandler: Look, Monica
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
Chandler: This is not going to work.
Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
Chandler: You are so great! I love you!
(Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)
Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!
Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Monica: Yes, you did!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Monica: You love me!
Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)
[SCENE: Monica and Rachels apartment. Rachel and Phoebe are there, with big grins on their faces. Joey comes rushing in, still screaming]
(Ross walks in, looking a bit worried hes just seen Joey dash across the hall, screaming)
Joey: (pointing across to the other apartment) Its horrible!
Ross: (thinks Joey is pointing at him) Hey! Im getting a bit tired of you guys always going on about how much gel I use! I mean, I hardly use any at all now, I got so sick of
Joey: (interrupting) No, no! Its in there! Its got Chandler!
(Rachel & Phoebe are laughing hysterically)
Rachel: No! Joey its just Monica!
Joey: No! Its a turkey thing! Its got a little hat, and, and, its wearing glasses, and, and, its, its (light begins to dawn) Ohhh! (Laughs sheepishly at himself) Okay Im gonna go get another look I didnt get to see what I looked like when I did it I shoulda cut eye holes!
Ross: Do I take that to mean that Monica is over there with a turkey on her head?
Phoebe: (still laughing) Yeah! Weve just helped her put it on. I think its gonna take more effort to get it off again though.
Ross: Okay Monica, turkey on her head, little hat, glasses. That seems to cover it all. Oh except maybe, um, WHY?
Rachel: Oh, come on, Ross you saw how upset she was about that whole business with Chandlers toe. He was so mad about it shes trying to get him to forgive her.
Phoebe: (thoughtful) Yeah but you know shes making a real big deal about this. I mean, youre right she was really upset about him being mad. How come?
Ross: You mean you dont know?
Rachel: Know what?
Ross: Well, cant you see it? (Rachel & Phoebe shake their heads) Mon and Chandler have always been really close, ever since Mon started living here. Theyve probably got the strongest relationship of any of us six they joke about with each other, they talk to each other when theyre depressed, and they hardly ever disagree. Its no wonder Mons upset if she thinks hes mad at her.
Phoebe: My god youre right. Its like they have this, this special bond or something.
Rachel: What, you mean theyre, um oh, what did you call it? You know you said me and Ross were, um oh, something with claws! (She does the interlocked claws thing from TOW the Prom Video)
Rachel: Yeah! Thats it!
(Pause. Rachel & Ross exchange sad and slightly embarrassed looks)
Phoebe: Oh wow! No I didnt mean (Pause) Do ya think they could be?
Ross: Chandler and Monica? Lobsters? Nnnn (Pause) I dont know. Maybe.
Rachel: Oh, no! I cant see those two together! I just cant (Pause) Actually, I can!
Ross: Yeah! They are lobsters!
Phoebe: Do ya think they know that?
Rachel: No I dont think they do.
Phoebe: (excited, walking towards door) Then we should tell them! Come on!
Ross: No! Phoebe wait!
Phoebe: (Stops) What? (Suddenly suspicious) Oh, dont tell me you have a problem with this because its your sister and your best friend? Monica didnt have a problem with her brother and her best friend being lobst (sees the embarrassed looks of Ross & Rachel and shuts up) Oops.
Ross: (clears throat) No its not that. Its just well, should we tell them?
Rachel: Phoebe, hes right if we just go in there and say "Hey guys guess what? Youre lobsters! You should be together!" theyre just gonna, you know, freak.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, you convinced me. But we should do something! Oo, oo I know theyre lobsters, right? So well all go out for a meal, well order lobster, and leave them alone! (Pause. Then, off Ross & Rachels looks) Yeah, okay, thats a dumb idea.
Rachel: Great if were going for obvious honey, but were gonna have to be subtle. Otherwise, well mess up their friendship too.
Ross: I suppose we could start dropping hints about what a great relationship they have, and see how they take it.
Rachel: Yeah, its a start. Okay well work on Monica, you work on Chandler.
(Ross moves to leave)
Phoebe: And Joey can help you.
(Ross and Rachel exchange looks)
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Honey? Remember how we said theyd freak if we just came straight out with it? And how were going for the subtle approach?
Phoebe: (to Ross) Okay, so dont tell Joey about this yet.
[SCENE: Chandler, Joey & Rosss apartment. Chandler & Joey have got the turkey off Monicas head.]
Monica: Urghhh! I hope no-ones in our bathroom, cos I need a shower stat!
Chandler: Well, if there is, come and use ours Ill even scrub your back.
(Chandler & Monica exchange smiles)
Joey: Oh no! You know the rules just cos I know about it doesnt mean I wanna see it!
Chandler: I wasnt thinking of asking you in!
Joey: But Id know you were in there, ya know, doing stuff. Anyway, Ross lives here too now dya wanna explain it to him?
Monica: Okay, okay, Ill go use ours!
Joey: Dont forget your turkey.
Monica: What do I want that for? Im not gonna cook it now its been on my head!
Joey: Well, you cant leave it here! What would the chick and the duck think?!
(She takes the turkey and leaves. Joey gets two beers from the fridge and holds one out to Chandler)
Joey: I never thought Id see that!
Chandler: (Absently, staring at the door) What?
Joey: Monica with a turkey on her head. (Chandler still looks absent) Come on, man shes such a neat freak, she never does anything thats messy. And the inside of a turkey is pretty messy, let me tell you!
Chandler: (finally taking the beer) No kidding!
Joey: Take it from one who knows! So whyd she do it?
Chandler: To get me to forgive her over that whole severed toe thing.
Joey: What? You were still mad at her about that? It was years ago man!
Chandler: I know I wasnt mad at her, just at the whole Thanksgiving thing. Its like only bad things seem to happen to me at Thanksgiving.
Joey: Well, Monica making you laugh by putting a turkey on her head and dancing around doesnt sound like a bad thing!
Chandler: What happened next may have been. I think I told her I love her.
(Joey spits out the beer in shock)
[SCENE: Monica & Rachels apartment. Rachel & Phoebe are sitting on the sofa]
Phoebe: Okay, what sort of hints?
Rachel: I dont know. Start with the turkey thing I suppose that she was willing to do that to make him feel better, so they must have a great relationship, and so on.
Phoebe: (Excited) And then we can say theyre lobsters?!
Rachel: No! Subtle, honey, subtle!
Phoebe: Oohhhh! Being subtle takes too long! I wanna tell them now! (Rachel glares at her) Oh, okay subtle.
(Monica comes out of her room, newly showered and dressed)
Rachel: (to Monica) Better Mon?
Monica: Oh god, yes! I cant believe I did that!
Phoebe: (Brightly) Well, neither can we! Um, was it, err, really that important to get Chandler to forgive you?
Monica: Well, yeah I couldnt stand it when I thought he might not want to (realises shes about to spill the beans) err, be my friend any more. I wouldnt want to lose any of you guys!
Rachel: Umm. But you two are really close, arent you? I mean, of the six of us, you two probably have the strongest, you know, bond.
(Phoebe opens her mouth to speak excitedly, but sees Rachels glare, and closes it again)
Monica: (trying not to give away anything) What? Aww nah! Not really!
Rachel: Yes really! Can you think of any other two of us six that have ever been as close to each other?
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Umm, you and Ross?
Monica: Shes right its you two.
Rachel: Oh, please! No way I mean, after all the arguments, and fights? You think were close?
Monica: Yes! No matter what your relationship is right now, you know each other better than most people ever know someone else! You know you still care for him, otherwise why did you fly to England to stop the wedding? Why did he say your name instead of Emilys? And in the end, it was because he didnt want to give up you that the marriage ended!
Monica: Look Im not saying that you should go over there now and have a big reunion. You said yourself, hes gonna be screwed up about Emily for a long time. And after all, "you dont date recently divorced guys".
Phoebe: What?! (To Rachel) You said that?! What about Joshua?!
Rachel: I just meant
Phoebe: Oh, I get it! Now hes available, you dont want him! You only want Ross when hes with, with Julie, or Bonnie, or Emily!
Rachel: No! No its not like that! I mean I only found out how I felt about him when he was in China I wouldve told him as soon as he got back, but he came back with Julie. With Bonnie and Emily, I guess it was seeing him happy with someone else that shocked me to my senses.
Phoebe: Well, what about that "newly divorced" thing? You dated Joshua before he was divorced!
Rachel: (to Monica) Your memory is too good. (To both) That was just an excuse I didnt even want to tell you guys the real reason I wasnt going to be trying to get Ross back.
Monica: So what is the real reason?
Rachel: All my life, Ive usually got what I wanted and who I wanted. And I know Ive been selfish "Rachel wants, so Rachel gets". Yeah?
Rachel: Dont deny it (smiles). Well, what Rachel wants more than anything in the world is Ross. But I told him how I felt when I came back off his honeymoon. And he didnt know how to deal with it, and I realised how stupid Id sounded.
Phoebe: But he was still trying to make it work with Emily then thats over now!
Rachel: Its still too soon. This wasnt just a girlfriend Emily was his wife. Thats too much baggage to take straight into a relationship and expect it to work. And if he ever wants that sort of relationship with me again, I want it to work. So Ill wait hes worth it.
Monica: Oh, wow! That is so, so
Rachel: Unlike me? (smiles). Brand new Rachel Green, ladies and gentlemen. I cant help it I love him. (shrugs)
Monica: I was gonna say beautiful. (Getting emotional) Oh, I need a kleenex.
(Monica goes to her room)
Phoebe: Oh, come here, you! (Hugs Rachel) And its not if but when you guys get back together.
Rachel: You think?
Phoebe: Yeah! Hes your lobster! (They laugh, then Phoebe stops and points at Monicas door). Oh!
Rachel: (Points as well) Oh, we were supposed to be talking about
(They groan at the missed opportunity)
[SCENE: Chandler, Joey and Rosss apartment. The three guys are watching TV. Phoebe opens the door]
Phoebe: Ross? Your moms on the phone and wants to talk to you after Monica.
(Ross gets up and leaves with Phoebe)
Joey: Okay now what the hell were you saying when Ross came in?
Chandler: I said "I think I told her I love her".
Joey: Oh my god! What happened then?!
Chandler: Well, I panicked I tried to say I hadnt said it but I think she knows I did.
Joey: If you tried to say you hadnt said it, why did you say it in the first place?!
Chandler: I dont know! She was dancing about, and I was laughing at her, and I thought she was so great to do that to try to make things right between us, and it just slipped out.
Joey: Dude "I love you" is not a phrase that should ever just slip out.
Chandler: I know! But now it has, what do I do?
Joey: You talk to her!
Chandler: But what would I say?!
Joey: That depends.
Chandler: On what?!
Joey: On whether you meant it!
Chandler: I do love her. But I didnt mean to tell her!!
Joey: Why not?!
Chandler: Because then shed know!
Joey: Thats the point of telling people things!
Chandler: But it would mean, you know, (shudders) commitment!
Joey: (shudders too) Ooooh! The Tunnel!
Chandler: (pacing backwards and forwards) Why am I freaking about this? This is Monica were talking about Monica who you all know, who you all like. Its not like with Janice, where none of you could stand her! And I went through the Tunnel with her! Why am I scared to go through with Mon?!
Chandler & Joey: (together) Ross and Rachel!
(Chandler bangs his forehead on the counter)
Chandler: Oh god! Thats it! Whatever happened between them affected everyone else! If I make a commitment to Mon, Im making it to all of you! Oh, this is too hard!
(Continues to bang his head (not too hard!) on the counter)
Joey: Dude dont do that! (Pause) Thats where the duck was sick!
[SCENE: Central Perk. The gang are all there. Phoebe is doing her usual spot.]
Phoebe: (singing) go off with whoever! Salmon and pike, mate how they like! But the lobster stays faithful forever!!
(Rachel and Ross look at each other and roll their eyes while people applaud. Phoebe comes to sit with them)
Ross: (sarcastic) Nice one Pheebs!
(Phoebe grins at him, then starts chatting to Monica, Joey & Chandler)
Ross: (aside to Rachel) As subtle as a pile of bricks.
Rachel: (aside to Ross) Dropped from a very great height. (Pause) Have you managed to talk to Chandler yet?
Ross: (aside to Rachel) No Joeys been there. How bout you?
Rachel: (aside to Ross) We tried, but we ended up talking about um, something else. But we may not need subtle hints if Phoebe keeps going like that!
Monica: (to everyone) Any one eaten yet? (Chorus of nos) Thanksgiving leftovers? (Chorus of urgh noises) Its that or the turkey I had on my head.
(Chorus of Yum!, Great!, Leftovers! Lovely! etc)
Monica: Ill go start getting it ready you guys come up in a while.
(She leaves, but when the others cant see, indicates with her head to Chandler that she wants him to come, and indicates 5 minutes with her hand.)
Rachel: (Nudges Ross and glances at Chandler) You know, um, maybe one of us should go help her.
Ross: Huh? (Catches on) Oh, yeah maybe she could do with a little help.
Phoebe: Oh, oh Chandler could go!
(Ross & Rachel glare at Phoebe)
Joey: (to Chandler, thinking about their earlier conversation) Yeah, you could go and talk to her while you help.
Chandler: (surprised) What? Is this about the severed toe again? Ive forgiv there was nothing to forgive, alright? I was never really mad at her. (Realising that this is a good excuse to follow Monica anyway) But if it makes you guys any happier, Ill go have another talk with her.
(He leaves quickly)
Rachel: (to Phoebe) Subtlety, honey! Subtlety!
Joey: Okay whats up?
Ross & Rachel: Nothing!
(Phoebe is bursting to say something, but Rachel & Ross keep glaring at her to stop her. She finally gets up to move away to stop herself telling Joey)
(She moves to the counter)
Joey: Really, whats up?
Ross: Really, nothing!
Rachel: No, nothing at all!
Joey: (not fooled) Okay. (Downs his coffee quickly) Oh look, Im outta coffee. Hey, Phoebe!
(He moves to the counter to where Phoebe is)
Rachel: (resigned) Shell tell him.
Ross: Bye-bye subtlety hello the Tribbiani Tornado method!
Rachel: Maybe itll work better than our efforts so far.
Ross: Well, I hope something works!
Rachel: Wow, Ross, youre really into this, arent you? I mean, at first I thought Phoebe was right when she thought youd have a problem with your sister and your best friend. But you dont! You are totally okay with this!
Ross: I know! It would be a little weird at first, I think, but I dont think I have any right to say who my sister and my friends should and shouldnt be with. (Pause. A little shyly, unsure whether he should be saying this) They never gave me anything but encouragement with you.
Ross: Rache I just want you to know that, when alls said and done, I, I still think youre my lobster. But Im a mess right now, and when you told me you still loved me, I
Rachel: (putting her hand on his cheek) Ross, honey, its okay, I understand. Its too soon for us. Im not asking for anything. (Pause) You waited, how many years for me? Ill wait for you. (Smiles) Ill wait until youre bright red!
Rachel: Its how you know your lobster is ready!
(They laugh and hug)
[SCENE: Monica & Rachels apartment. Monica & Chandler enter]
Monica: Wont the guys wonder why you followed me so quickly?
Chandler: Nah officially, they thought someone should come and help you. But it was obvious that they all thought I should come and talk to you. They think Im still mad at you. (Pause) Well, Joey thinks I should talk to you about something else too.
(Monica is starting to get things out of the fridge)
Monica: (feigning ignorance) Oh? What?
Chandler: Come on, Mon you know what. (Pause) I told Joey about what happened when you were dancing about with the turkey on your head.
Monica: What? You just said you thought I was great. I had a turkey on my head I couldnt hear much else.
Chandler: (not buying it) Its okay, Mon you dont have to pretend you didnt hear it.
Monica: (in a slightly hurt voice) But you pretended you didnt say it.
Chandler: I know. And Im sorry. It slipped out when I wasnt expecting it to. And as Joey said, its not a phrase that should just slip out. When you say it, you should mean it. (He takes a bowl out of Monicas hands and puts it down, then cups her face in his hands) I love you.
Chandler: Do you remember that Metaphorical Tunnel?
Monica: (smiling) The one with the C word?
Chandler: Thats the one. (Holds his hand out to her and takes a deep breathe) Do you want to come through it with me?
(Monica puts her hand in his)
Monica: I love you too, Chandler.
(They kiss (again!) )
[SCENE: As before, a little later. Monica has nearly finished preparing the food, Chandler is ferrying things about for her. They are busy all the time they are talking.]
Monica: Chandler? Do you think we should let the others know about us now?
Chandler: You think its time?
Monica: Maybe. (Reassuringly) Im not pushing you into anything Im just wondering. If you dont want to yet, thats okay.
Chandler: I dont know part of the fun has been having a secret.
Monica: I know like an illicit affair.
Chandler: But this isnt just an affair now, is it? We dont need to have a secret to keep it fun any more!
Monica: No just chocolate mousse and peanut butter!. (Pause) To be honest, Ive thought about this before I think deep down Ive been relieved that the others didnt know that they didnt have any expectations. After Ross and Rachel
Chandler: That was what scared me about the Tunnel.
Monica: That was why you panicked?
Chandler: (Nods) I dont want us to be like them whatever was happening between them affected us all. Im just thankful they seem to have got it out of their system and settled down as friends. (Pause) Is that selfish? To be happy they dont have anything between them any more because of how it affected us?
Monica: No not if youre happy that theyre not arguing. There sure is a nicer atmosphere around here lately. But dont make the mistake of thinking theyll stay just friends.
Chandler: You think theyll end up together somehow too?
Monica: Yeah and when they do, it should be better than ever. Ross must realise by now that no-one will ever mean as much to him as Rachel the whole break up with Emily was just a matter of time. And Rachel well, me and Pheebs were talking to her.
Chandler: She admits she still wants him back?
Monica: More than that shes willing to wait.
Monica: I know Ive never heard her sound so, so
Monica: Well, mature. Its like shes taken a step back and had a good look at herself, then thrown away what she didnt like. And when Ross sorts himself out, I dont think the rest of us will be pulled into it all again like we were.
Chandler: Well, we cant affect that but lets promise whatever happens between us, well not make the same mistakes.
(They start to hug)
Monica: So do we go public, or what?
Chandler: How do you think the others will react?
Monica: By others, you really mean Ross, dont you?
Chandler: Mainly. Is he likely to get freaked about one of his best friends seeing his little sister? Am I gonna have a close relationship with a baseball bat in a dark alley?
Monica: Hed better not freak! Its only like him and Rachel from my point of view. (Pause) So what dya say?
(The apartment door opens and Joey, Rachel, Phoebe and Ross enter. Chandler and Monica pull apart quickly.)
Chandler: (to Monica) Itd be kinda nice not to have to keep doing that!
Monica: (nods) Well tell them.
[SCENE: Monica & Rachels apartment, a little later. All six are there, Chandler & Monica still sorting out food in the kitchen, the rest watching TV and talking. Monica goes and stands behind the sofa and leans down to say something to Ross. Joey looks around, then goes over to Chandler in the kitchen. Their conversation is too quiet for the others to hear]
Joey: Hey! Did you have that talk with Monica?
Chandler: And what talk would that be, Joey?
Joey: You know! The talk!
Chandler: Do you mean that one where I apologise for panicking and acting like a jerk, and then tell her I love her?
Joey: Thats the one! (Realises what Chandler said at the end) Whoa! It slipped out again?!
Chandler: It didnt slip out.
Joey: But you just said you told her
Chandler: Joey I meant it this time.
Joey: But what about (gestures dramatically) the Tunnel?
Chandler: The views nicer on this side.
(Pause while Joey works this out looks of confusion, deep thought, then understanding on his face. Meanwhile, Monica has rejoined them.)
Joey: Awwww! (Gesturing the two of them) Isnt that sweet?!
Chandler: Stop that. (Pause) Anyway, weve decided to tell the others.
Joey: (disappointed) Its not going to be our secret any more?
Monica: No so you can forget any blackmail plans.
Chandler: (to Monica) Although even after what you said, Im still worrying about how Ross will react.
Joey: Oh, hell be fine!
Chandler: How can you know that?
Joey: Because he said so!
Monica: He what?!
Joey: Yeah the others think youre lobsters!
(Monica & Chandler exchange confused looks)
Chandler: Okay Joey were gonna need the whole story here this is making no sense.
Joey: Okay the others have decided that you guys would make a great couple. But they dont know what I know they think you still need to find out. So theyve been dropping hints, but you guys are making it such hard work!
(Realisation is dawning on Monica & Chandlers faces)
Monica: Rachel was talking about how great our friendship was
Chandler: "Someone should go and help Monica Chandler"!
Monica & Chandler: Phoebes lobster song!
Monica: I thought she was doing that for Ross and Rachel.
Chandler: (to Joey) So why didnt you tell us earlier?!
Joey: Ive only just found out! They werent going to tell me, cos they said I wouldnt have any subtlety. (Nods sagely) But I worked it out.
Monica: Who couldnt keep quiet?
Joey: (sighs) Phoebe. (Pause) But hey if youre going to tell them, let me have a joke with them first. Go on please! I kept your secret for you now do this for me!
(Chandler & Monica exchange glances. Monica shrugs, as if to say your call.)
Chandler: (to Joey) Just dont be too cruel, okay?
Joey: I promise I just want to get them back for thinking I cant be subtle. Play along with me, okay, then tell them after.
(Joey returns to the TV)
Monica: Oh god what have we just unleashed?
Chandler: "Joey Tribbiani tactful missile"!
[SCENE: Same scene, a little later. The gang are sitting and standing around the table helping themselves to the food.]
Joey: (looking in the dishes) Hey, Mon! Did you say there was seafood here somewhere?
Monica: (confused) Um, no because these are Thanksgiving leftovers, and thats why theres turkey.
Joey: (acting innocent) Oh, I just thought someone had mentioned lobsters, that was all.
Monica: (catching on, and acting dumb) No, mustve been somewhere else. Ross is allergic to lobster, so I dont usually have it anyway.
(Joey gives Ross, Rachel & Phoebe a look as if to say, "How about that for a hint?", and pretends not to notice the glares they give him.)
Joey: (to Chandler) Its good to see that you and Mon have made up after that severed toe thing.
Chandler: (playing along) Oh, you know, it was a long time ago
Joey: Yeah, but it was still your toe, man! I mean, you must think a lot of Monica if you can forgive that.
Chandler: Hey itd be the same if itd have been any of you guys.
(Ross, Rachel & Phoebe are giving each other looks as if to say "Stop him!" but none of them know what to do.)
Joey: And Mon I still cant believe that you did something as gross as putting a turkey on your head! And just because you didnt want to have Chandler mad at you! You two really have got a close
(Ross has wandered over to the other side of the room. He interrupts Joey)
Ross: Hey Joey! Come and look at this!
(He is holding his hand cupped as though holding something small in it)
Joey: (going over and looking at Rosss hand) What?
Ross: This! (He slaps Joey in the head) What are you doing?! Youre gonna blow the whole thing. Were trying to be subtle!
Joey: (innocent) But I am being subtle!
Ross: Joey, if Phoebe had put a verse of "Chandler and Monica are lobsters" in her song, it would still have been more subtle than you! Sending them wedding invitations to their own wedding would be more subtle than you!
Joey: (pretending to understand) Okay, okay, I got you. Less obvious hints needed.
(They go back to the kitchen. Rachel raises a questioning eyebrow to Ross, and he puts his thumb up to reassure her. She relaxes a little)
Joey: So, Rachel, you seeing Danny again sometime?
Rachel: Oh, I dont think so.
Joey: How come? I thought you were crazy about him?
Rachel: Well, I was interested, but not really crazy, y know? (Exchanges a smile with Ross) Therere other things Im more crazy about.
(Ross & Rachel hold each others gaze for a while, smiling. When they break the look, they see everyone else watching them, and laugh a little)
Ross: Just for the record, no, were not back together. Not yet.
Rachel: (putting her hand on Rosss) But maybe someday.
Phoebe: Oh, that is so great! I always knew you were lobsters!
Joey: Oh, oh, and you know what?! (Pointing at Chandler & Monica) You guys! Youre like lobsters too! You should be together!!
(Ross, Rachel & Phoebe are shocked and dont know what to say)
Chandler: (playing along) You mean me and Mon
Joey: (nodding excitedly) Yeah! What dya think?!
Monica: (slowly) I dont know I mean, were good friends and everything
Chandler: But more than that
(Ross, Rachel & Phoebe are looking disappointed and worried)
Monica: Maybe its not a good idea
(Chandler & Monica suddenly leap into each others arms and start passionately kissing)
Chandler: (in between kisses) Do ya wanna give it a try?
Monica: (in between kisses) If you think its worth it!
(Ross, Rachel & Phoebe are now looking completely surprised. Joey moves behind them as they all look at Chandler & Monica kissing, and leans in between Ross & Rachels heads)
Phoebe: (to Ross & Rachel) Its not fair! You wouldnt let me say that! You said we had to be subtle!
Joey: Well, you see, guys, sometimes you can use subtlety, and sometimes you get quicker results from the obvious approach.
Rachel: But Joey that couldve gone horribly wrong!
Ross: Yeah what if theyd been, you know, freaked out by the thought, or something?!
Joey: Nah I knew itd be okay. You see, I happen to know that theyve been sleeping together since London!!
Ross, Rachel & Phoebe: (shocked) WHAT?!!!
(Joey steps back with a grin on his face, and makes a "Tah-dah" gesture with his hands)
[SCENE: Monica & Rachels apartment, later, after the explanations. Chandler & Monica are curled up in one chair together, Rachel is dozing on Rosss shoulder, while he has his arm around her. Phoebe & Joey are in the kitchen]
Joey: So, if Monica & Chandler are a couple, and Ross & Rachel are headed that way, that just leaves you and me, Pheebs.
Phoebe: What? Youre not seriously suggesting
Joey: Not seriously. But havent you thought about it? Almost as if everyone will expect it.
Phoebe: Nuh-huh. The difference here is that we have two pairs of lobsters over there (points over to the others), while you and me are, well, were not seafood!
Joey: What?! Pheebs Im insulted! You dont think I got what it takes to be a lobster?
Phoebe: Oh, I dont mean that! But (laughs cynically), youre not mine, thats for damn sure! I mean, I like you, youre my friend, but Im not attracted to you or anything.
Joey: (grinning) I bet you could be!
Phoebe: Oh, I dont think so!
Joey: Sure you could be!
Phoebe: (realising what hes thinking) Oh no! Joey, dont!
Joey: (looks her up and down) Hey! How you doin?
Phoebe: (giggling and blushing) Joey, stop it!