(SCENE: Monica & Rachel's. Rachel is looking through a magazine, and flicking channels on TV at the same time)

RACH: (about TV) Boring, boring, boring…(looks at magazine)That dress is so cute! $150? (back to TV) Who the hell is that? He looks like he had a poker stuffed up his ass!

(Monica enters)

MON: Hi!

RACH: Hi! You look happy!

MON: I am! There's a new chef at work, and he's a gem! I'm telling you Rach, he is the best chef ever! Aside from me.

RACH: Is he cute?!

MON: I dunno. I didn't look.

RACH: How could you not look? (remembers) Oh yeah. Chandler.

MON: Yes, Rachel. Chandler.

RACH: So, this chef. What's his name?

MON: Michael Greer.

RACH: Is he young?

MON: About our age, I guess. I didn't really pay much attention.

RACH: Oh.

MON: That reminds me. You're gonna have to cook for yourself tonight, Rach. I'm going out.

RACH: With Chandler?

MON: Nope. With Michael.

RACH: And does Chandler know about this?

MON: Why would he?

RACH: You should tell him. He might get mad otherwise.

MON: Not if he doesn't find out.

RACH: You sound like you're meeting your secret boyfriend or something. Are you sure you didn't notice what he looks like?

MON: I'm perfectly sure.

RACH: Okay…What time are you going out?

MON: In about an hour. I have to get ready.

(She goes in her room)

RACH: She totally has a crush on this guy.

OPENING CREDITS

(SCENE: Chandler & Joey's. Joey is on the phone.)

JOEY: Yeah, I wanna order a large pizza, extra pepperoni and 3 toppings. (pause) That's not right! That's not the price! It should be $9.95! Not $10.50! (pause) Oh? Well, sure. I am looking for a job…(pause)That sounds great! Okay, bye.

(Chandler enters)

JOEY: Hey! Guess what?

CHAN: What?

JOEY: I just got a job!

CHAN: Really? Doing what?

JOEY: Delivering pizzas!

CHAN: In a movie?

JOEY: No.

CHAN: In a TV show?

JOEY: No, in real life!

CHAN: So let me get this straight. You’ve gone from acting in a movie with Morgan Freeman to delivering pizzas at Go-Go Pizza?

JOEY: Well, I know. But it's work and I need the money!

CHAN: To pay rent?

JOEY: No! For dates and stuff. Important things.

CHAN: Like?

JOEY: Beers and strippers.

(Monica enters)

MON: Hi!

CHAN: Hey sweetie!

(They kiss)

MON: Okay, don't get mad.

CHAN: Why would I?

MON: I can't go out tonight. Is that okay?

CHAN: Sure, I guess. Why not?

MON: I'm going out with the new chef.

CHAN: That sounds nice. Is she fun?

MON: He's really nice.

CHAN: H-he?

MON: Yeah. You're not jealous, are you?

CHAN (gulping): N-n-no! Why would I be?

MON: Exactly. (to Joey) You'd really like him, too. He used to do modelling work before he was a chef!

(Chandler is obviously not happy about him being a model)

JOEY: Oh, cool!

CHAN: Modelling?

MON: Yeah.

CHAN: Oh…

MON: Anyway, I have to go. Bye sweetie. (She kisses him) See ya Jo.

CHAN/JOEY: Bye!

(She leaves)

CHAN: A model?! She's going on a date with a model slash chef!

JOEY: So? No-one said he was good looking or sexy or anything!

(Rachel rushes in)

RACH: Oh my god!

CHAN: What?

RACH: Monica's friend just picked her up and he is gorgeous! I mean, drop-dead-over-the-top-sexy-fireman-guy gorgeous!

JOEY: Really? That sounds great! (sees Chandler's very worried looking face) But bad for you buddy!

(Phoebe enters)

PHOE: Who's that guy I just saw Monica with? He looks like a guy out of this show I saw once!

CHAN: Freak show?

PHOE: No, The World's Most Gorgeous Guys show!

CHAN: Oh…

(Ross enters)

ROSS: Who's that guy with Monica? Did she win him?

RACH: No, it's her work-mate.

PHOE: Isn't he yummy?

CHAN: Okay! Are you doing this on purpose?? Are you trying to kill me?

RACH: What's wrong?

JOEY: He's jealous.

RACH: Aw…That's sweet.

ROSS: Don't worry, man. He's not that nice. Average.

PHOE: Yeah, in a gorgeous kind of way.

CHAN: Okay, stop with the gorgeous now!

RACH: Calm down. It's not like she's at all into him!

CHAN: She's not?

RACH: No! She told me she hadn't even looked at him in that way.

CHAN: She said that?

RACH: Yes. Because she has you.

PHOE: She loves you.

JOEY: Totally.

CHAN: Okay. Thanks guys. I feel better. I'm gonna go out and get Mon a present.

ALL: Okay, bye.

(Chandler leaves)

RACH: Were you all totally lying?

ALL: Oh yeah!

PHOE: She totally likes the guy.

(SCENE: Hallway. Monica and Michael are just back from their date)

MICH: I had a great time.

MON: Me too.

(He moves in to kiss her, but she pulls away)

MON: Michael…Don't.

MICH: Why not?

MON: I have a boyfriend. He lives just there. (she points)

MICH: Oh. I'm sorry. Have I just ruined the evening?

MON: No! I had a great time. I'll see you tomorrow.

MICH: Bye.

(Michael leaves)

(Monica goes inside)

RACH: Thank god you're back!

MON: Why? What happened?

RACH: Nothing. I want details!

MON: Details? Of what?

RACH: The date!

MON: It wasn't a date.

RACH: Oh yeah. Chandler.

MON: Yes!

RACH: Did he try to kiss you?

MON: I dunno…

RACH: He did?! Did you kiss him back?

MON: No. I pulled away.

RACH: Why?! Are you mad?

MON: No, I have a boyfriend.

RACH: Are you kidding? I would turn down Brad Pitt for that guy!

MON: Which goes to show how dumb you are!

RACH: Monica, he's hot! Not just hot, he's drop-dead gorgeous!

MON: So? I love Chandler. I'm not gonna ditch him for some nice looking guy.

RACH: Crazy. I waited up for nothing. I'm going to bed, okay?

MON: Yeah. Night.

(Rachel goes in her room)

RACH (from room): So you don't love him?

MON: No!

RACH: Is he single then?

MON: Yes!

RACH: Can you do me a favour?

MON: What?

RACH: Put in a good word for me?

(SCENE: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the sofa, drinking coffee alone)

(Monica enters)

MON: Hey!

CHAN: Hey.

MON: What's wrong?

CHAN(slowly): Nothing…

MON: C'mon, what is it?

CHAN: Rachel just left. She spent a half hour raving about this Michael guy.

MON: So? Why are you so upset?

CHAN: She told me he tried to kiss you. Is that true?

MON: She said that? I'm gonna kill her!

CHAN: So it's true? Did you kiss him?

MON: No! I pulled away. Because I love you.

(Chandler smiles)

CHAN: Really?

MON: You know I do.

CHAN: Yeah. I just like hearing it. Did you have fun last night?

MON: I did. Mostly because I spent the whole time talking about you!

CHAN: You did?

MON: I think by now Michael could name all your relatives and friends of those relatives.

CHAN: Cool!

MON: Also, he could tell people all your accidents and how old you were when they happened.

CHAN: That's sweet. I love you, Mon.

MON: Good. That's what I expect. Now, I'm get some coffee, and I'll be back in a sec.

(She goes over to the bar)

(Ross enters)

ROSS: Hey Chandler. How ya doing?

CHAN: I'm good. (He smiles)

ROSS: Why the smile?

CHAN: I have the best girlfriend ever.

ROSS: My sister?

CHAN: No no, Claudia Schiffer.

ROSS: So, I guess her date went okay, otherwise you would've been on the news by now.

CHAN: Ha ha. I would've have hurt Mon!

ROSS: I'm not talking about Monica. I'm thinking of Michael.

CHAN: Oh. Well, that makes sense…

(Monica comes back)

MON: Hey Ross!

ROSS: Hi! How was last night?

MON: Fine. I had a great time.

CHAN (quietly, to Ross): See?

ROSS: Did he try anything?

MON: Don't be silly! Of course not!

ROSS: Lying.

MON: Okay, okay. So I'm lying. Can I help it if every guy thinks I'm immensely attractive?

CHAN: Shutup! It's true though.

ROSS: I'm gonna leave you two alone now. I can feel a kiss coming.

MON: Well, you're right.

ROSS: Okay, bye!

(He dashes out, in the process knocking over a mug and pushing a girl out of the way)

CHAN: God! You're gonna kiss me now, right?

MON: Right.

(They kiss)

(END SCENE: Pizza Go-Go. It's Joey's first day, and he looks frustrated. He is talking to Phoebe)

PHOE: How's it goin?

JOEY: This job is very hard!

(A guy comes upto the till)

GUY: Can I have a-

JOEY: Hey, do you mind? I'm talking.

GUY: Fine!

(The customer storms out)

PHOE: Joey! You were just rude to the customer!

JOEY: He's not a customer. He's the boss. He was only testing me!

PHOE: But, Joey…

JOEY: He won't mind.

(His boss comes back)

BOSS: You're fired, Tribbiani! Get out!

JOEY: Damn!