The One With The Mud Puddle


Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

Note:  This fanfic takes place in the 6th season, after Janine has moved out.

Scene:  Joey's apartment. Joey is sitting at the counter. Chandler enters.

Chandler:  Joey, have you seen my discman?

Joey:   Yeah, I- (remembers something) No.

Chandler:  Joey, where is it?

Joey:  I lost-...I don't know.

[Chandler gives him a look]

Joey:  I lost it.

Chandler:  You stole it.

Joey:  No I didn't! I was gonna put it back, really!

Chandler:  But you didn't. You took it without my permission and you didn't put it back, and now I'll have to listen to cassettes!

Joey:  Don't you have a CD-player in your hi-fi system?

Chandler:  Yeah...(shouting) I want my discman!


Scene:  A street. Phoebe and Ross are walking down it. There's a mud puddle straight ahead. It's a very big mud puddle, too big to jump over or walk around without stepping in the road. Suddenly Phoebe stops.

Phoebe:  Oh no.

Ross:  What?

Phoebe:  There's a mud puddle over there.

Ross:  Yes?

Phoebe:  It's bad luck to walk in a mud puddle!

Ross:  What? Of course it's not!

Phoebe:  (dangerously) Are you calling my mother a liar?

Ross:  (getting scared) No ma'am, of-of course not ma'am!

Phoebe:  Well how are we gonna get past it?!

Ross:  We could jump over it...

[a jogger runs past, tries to jump over the puddle, but lands in the middle]

Ross:  Or not. Well, we could walk around it. (steps into the road, but almost gets run over by a car)

Phoebe:  Or not.

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Rachel enters.

Rachel:  Monica? Are you back yet? (no answer) Monica? (still no answer) I guess not (sits on the couch. Reaches underneath her and pulls out a diary. She looks at it mischievously, checks that no-one's looking, and starts reading it)

[Monica enters. Rachel quickly hides the diary]

Monica:  OK, let's get started. I bought all the ingredients, now all we have to do is make the cake.

Rachel:  We?

Monica:  Rach, I said I'd help you make your mom's birthday cake, not do it for you!

Rachel:  Please?

Monica:  No.

Rachel:  I'll pay you.

Monica:  No.

Rachel:  (sighing) Oh, OK. (getting up) What do I have to do? (the diary falls off the couch)

Monica:  What's that?

Rachel:  (quickly hiding the diary again) What's what?

Monica:  That book.

Rachel:  Oh, this! It's, um, it's my diary.

Monica:  Oh! I thought it was mine. I have the exact same one.

Rachel:  No, no, this one is definitely mine. See, look, I'm even writing in it! (picks up a pencil and starts writing)

Monica:  OK, before we start, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. (goes into the bathroom)

Rachel:  Eraser, eraser, I need an eraser...(notices the eraser on the end of the pencil) Right, right...(starts erasing her writing) Nooooo! Why does she have to use pencil in her diary?!

Monica:  (from the bathroom) What?

Rachel:  Nothing! (quickly puts the diary down as Monica comes back)

Monica:  OK, let's start creaming the butter and sugar.

[Joey enters]

Joey:  Hi. Is there any chance of you lending me some money?

Rachel:  What for?

Joey:  I need to buy a discman.

Monica:  Well I'm not lending you money for that, but you can borrow mine...

Joey:  No, I really need- (gets an evil look on his face) Thanks Monica!

Monica:  (puzzled) You're welcome...

Scene:  The street. Phoebe and Ross are still trying to figure out how to get past the puddle.

Phoebe:  Ooh, we could get a cab!

Ross:  Yeah, great idea! Taxi!

[a taxi pulls up]

Driver:  Where to?

Phoebe:  Yeah, could you just take us to the other side of that mud puddle, please?

Driver:  What?

Phoebe:  We want to get to the other side of the puddle, can you take us there?

Driver:  You're crazy. (drives off)

Ross:  Oh well.

Scene:  Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler are there.

Joey:  OK, I got it. (hands Chandler a discman)

Chandler:  Thanks, man. Where did you get it?

[Monica enters]

Monica:  Joey, I forgot to tell you, there aren't any batteries in my discman, so if you want to use it you'll have to get some new ones.

[Chandler turns the discman over. It says "Monica Geller" on it]

Chandler:  I guess that answers my question.

[Rachel enters]

Rachel:  Mon, Joey ate all the chocolate, we need some more.

Monica:  OK, I'll get some more. (leaves)

Joey:  (puzzled) I didn't eat all the chocolate...

Rachel:  You will have by the time Monica comes back. Here. (hands him a bar of chocolate)

Joey:  Hey, thanks!

Rachel:  OK, I have a book to read.


Chandler:  Yeah, you still owe me a discman.

Scene:  The street. Ross is trying to get a guy to lend them his bicycle.

Ross:  Come on, please!

Man:  No!

Ross:  We only need it to get past the puddle!

Man:  What?

Ross:  Apparently walking through a mud puddle is bad luck.

Man:  What?!

Ross:  Look, we've been here for ages! Please just let us borrow your bicycle for a few minutes!

Man:  (hesitating) How do I know you're not gonna ride off on it?

Ross:  Um...because I'm gonna give you a hundred bucks as deposit, OK? And then when you get your bike back, I get my money back.

Man:  OK.

[Ross gives the guy a hundred bucks]

Man:  Thanks! (rides off)

Ross:  Hey! Come back!

Phoebe:  (coming up behind him) That didn't go so well, huh?

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Rachel is reading Monica's diary.

Rachel:  (reading something she obviously doesn't like) That is so not true! (erases it, writes something else in it's place) That's better. (turns the page) Blah blah blah, I think I might be- pregnant! Oh my God! (turns the page again) Took a test. It was- No! The most important word in the book and I erased it! OK, OK, calm down. Maybe the test is still here somewhere. (goes to look through the trash, finds a box) Ha! (shakes it) It's empty. It's empty, it's empty, it's empty! (puts the box back in the trash) Now what?

[Monica enters]

Rachel:  Ahhh! Oh, you scared me!

Monica:  Rach, are you OK?

Rachel:  Me? Yeah! Never been better!

Monica:  Only you're acting really weird.

Rachel:  Am I? Well, you know me. I'm always weird!

Monica:  No, that's Phoebe.

Rachel:  Um, really? Ooh, look at the time! Let's finish that cake, quick!

[Rachel rushes around the kitchen. Monica just stares at her]

Scene:  Outside Central Perk. Joey has a bunch of things in a box which he is trying to trade for a discman. A boy walks past with a discman.

Joey:  Hey, kid, wait a minute. (the boy comes back) Will you trade that discman for something in this box?

Boy:  Like what?

Joey:  Um...a ping-pong ball?

Boy:  No.

Joey:  Two ping-pong balls?

Boy:  No.

Joey:  Some chicken food?

Boy:  No! (goes away)

Joey:  Oh, come on! I'll give you a Baywatch video!

Boy:  (coming back) Does it have Pamela Anderson on?

Joey:  No.

Boy:  No deal then. (goes away again)

Joey:  Oh, come on! It has Yasmine Bleeth on!

Scene:  The Street. Ross and Phoebe are still standing in front of the mud puddle.

Ross:  Of course! Why didn't I think of that before?

Phoebe:  What?

Ross:  We'll just go down the next street! Come on!

[They go round the corner. The road is closed]

Ross:  We'll try in the other direction.

[they turn around. The road is closed there too]

Phoebe:  Let's try the next one.

[Of course, the next one is closed as well]

Phoebe:  I'm gonna play a song.

Ross:  Phoebes, you don't have your guitar.

Cut to:  A few minutes later. Phoebe is playing "Smelly Cat". Instead of her guitar she is banging a rock against the ground. It sounds kinda like this:

Phoebe:   Smelly (bang) cat, (bang) smelly (bang) cat, (bang)
               What (bang) are (bang) they (bang) feeding (bang) you (bang)...

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica and Rachel have just finished frosting the cake.

Monica:  There.

Rachel:  Perfect.

Monica:  That wasn't so hard, was it?

Rachel:  I guess not.

Monica:  D'you wanna get some coffee?

Rachel:  Sure.

Monica:  OK, I'm just gonna clear up a bit first. (gathers up some wrappers and boxes and goes to put them in the trash. Sees the pregnancy test box lying on the top and picks it up) Have you been looking through my trash?

Rachel:  What? No!

Monica:  Then why is this on top instead of under the orange juice carton and the toilet paper wrappers?

Rachel:  I don't know.

Monica:  Rach, I can tell you're lying.

Rachel:  OK, um, I dropped a, a pen in there by accident, and, I found it.

Monica:  OK then! Why did you lie?

Rachel:  I don't know. Hey, was it positive?!

Monica:  No.

Rachel:  And are you OK with that?

Monica:  Yeah, I guess so. I can wait, y'know! And Chandler...well, I don't really know how he would react if I told him I was pregnant. So it's OK. For now, anyway.

Rachel:  So, shall we get that coffee?

Monica:  Yeah, why not?

[They leave]

Scene:  Outside Central Perk. Joey is trying to trade with a woman.

Joey: original script from Days Of Our Lives, signed by me?

Woman:  Why would I want that?

Joey:  I played Dr. Drake Remoray!

Woman:  Yeah, right.

Joey:  Seriously!

Woman:  No way, he was ugly!

Joey:  (thinks for a few seconds) Hey, how you doin'?

[The Woman giggles]

Joey:  Would you trade me the discman for a date?

Woman:  Sure!

[Joey smiles]

Scene:  Joey's apartment. Chandler enters.

Chandler:  Joey, I really want my discman!

[the chick and the duck come out of Joey's bedroom, pushing a discman]

Chandler:  Hey, it wasn't Joey who stole my discman! It was you guys! Give it back! (chases them away and picks up the discman) Oh, I missed you! Bad chick! Bad duck!

[Joey enters]

Joey:  OK, here's your discman.

Chandler:  No, that's OK. I found it.

Joey:  What? Where was it?

Chandler:  The chick and the duck had it. They probably got bored of it when they couldn't find the earphones. Or maybe they couldn't get their CDs in.

Joey:  Dude! I've just spent a whole day trying to get you a new discman! All for nothing!

Chandler:  Joey, you were the one who left it where they could get it! Don't you remember why we built all the bird-proof spots?

Joey:  Yeah, OK. Hey, now I have my own discman!

Chandler:  There you go!

Joey:  And I have a date tonight!

Chandler:  Good for you!

Joey:  And you never found out about all your other things I lost! (pause) Oops.

Chandler:  OK, that is not so good.

Scene:  The street. It's getting dark. Phoebe and Ross are standing around.

Ross:  Phoebe, can't we please just walk through the puddle?

Phoebe:  No Ross! I told you!

[The jogger from before runs past again. This time, he jumps over the puddle easily. Ross and Phoebe look at each other, then, in slow motion, jump over the puddle, and run off into the sunset]


Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica is sitting on the couch. She takes her diary, opens it, and starts writing. Suddenly she notices something. She gets a really angry look on her face. Rachel enters.

Rachel:  Mon, have-

Monica:  You read my diary!

Rachel:  OK, now calm down...

[Monica gets up and chases Rachel out the door]

Rachel:  Help! Help!

The End

for this fanfic, I won: