The One With The Miming - Part 2 of 2 (continuation of TOW The American Romeos in
Written by Tina Nellis
Disclaimer: This fanfic script is based on the characters and the settings of the TV show "Friends", which is the property of Warner Bros. and Bright Kauffman Crane Productions. It is legally protected by the usual copyright laws, the names of which I don't have a clue. In other words, don't nick it without asking! If you are in any way connected with the show and want to use this script, just ask me, I'm not likely to ask for money. The only thing I will ask for is credit. Copyright ©1998 Krystina Nellis (my real name, just so you know).
Introduction: There isn't much of an introduction needed, except that this is the continuation of The One With The American Romeos in London. I'd also like to say that Jaynie, who was in quite a lot of the first part of this, TOW The American Romeos in London, wasn't supposed to be in as much of that as she was, so she's in quite a bit less of this one. Anyway, enjoy!
[A recap of what happened in TOW The American Romeos in London]
[Cut to the guys at the airport]
Phoebe: [voice over] Alright, so, we all went to London because Ross was getting married to Emily, his English girlfriend. There, we met Jaynie, who's Ross and Monica's cousin. She's only about 15 or something. Ooh, that's only a year older than I was when my mom killed herself! Anyway, her dad was like this really big entrepreneur type, and that's... all that really happened with that. But she's important, and I'll tell you why in a minute.
[Cut to the scenes with Monica and her obsessing]
Phoebe: [voice over] Then Monica saw this mom walking around with her baby, not Monica's you understand, and she started obsessing over not having a baby and all of that, and she just wouldn't let it go. And... nothing really happened with that either.
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and the entire female population of England]
Phoebe: [voice over] And then Joey and Chandler started hitting on every woman they saw, and all of them accepted. But then, they couldn't get rid of them. [beat] I don't think they wanted to either.
[Cut to a montage of scenes with Ross, Rachel, Emily, Jack, Jaynie and Matt, Emily's old boyfriend]
Phoebe: [voice over] Ooh! And then Ross's dad kept going on to Emily about how Ross
and Rachel got together, which made her call her ex-boyfriend, Matt. Then Jaynie caught
them... doing something that suggests that Matt isn't really her ex-boyfriend, but Rachel
convinced her to keep her mouth shut about it. Then at the wedding, Rachel was trying to
calm Ross down, because he was nervous, and he was trying to cheer her up because she was
upset. Anyway, he suddenly turned back and asked Rachel for one last kiss, and... well,
you can guess how that one went. Then Jaynie walked in on them. She's really walking in on
a lot this week, isn't she? She told them that she'd stay out of it, as long as one of
them said something. So now Ross has to decide if he's going to marry Emily, give it
another shot with Rachel, or not go with anyone. [beat] Ooh, I'm getting déja vú!
[Scene: The same as at the end of The One With The American Romeos in London. Ross
is still trying to decide what to do. Cut to a shot of Rachel, who is still looking
heartbroken, then to a shot of Jaynie, who is pondering over what to do, then to Emily,
who is walking up the aisle. Suddenly, the doors at the back of the church open and Matt
Matt: [calling out] Emily!
[Everyone in the church turns and looks at him.]
Entire Church: Huh?
Jaynie: God, this wedding's like a freak show!
Emily: Matt? What're you doing here?
Matt: You know why I'm here.
Ross: Well, I don't!
Matt: [to Emily, in disgust] That's the guy you're gonna marry?
Emily: [beat] Um...
Matt: Isn't it?
Ross: Yeah, isn't it?
Emily: [looks at Matt, then Ross] [to Ross, softly and tearfully] I'm sorry. I can't marry you. I just can't marry you.
[She runs out of the church, and her bridesmaids, and Matt, go after her. Everyone looks at Ross, who is taking his turn to look heartbroken. They then all start to filter out of the church. The gang and Ross and Monica's mom and dad all make their way over to him.]
Jack: Sorry, son. But, you know, [looking at Rachel] you can do better than her. You were always too good for her.
Chandler: Yeah, you don't want to be with someone who's going to run at the first sight of another offer.
Joey: [getting one of his "bright ideas"] Hey, there's no reason we can't still have the reception. After all, [to Chandler] there's gonna be tons of women there!
Chandler: [beat] See ya! [him and Joey run off]
Rachel: Trust them to do something like that!
Monica: Well, it is Joey and Chandler!
Phoebe: [getting the conversation back on track] Hey, look Ross, it wasn't meant to be, and the fact that this happened highlights that fact.
Ross: Yeah, I suppose.
[Joey and Chandler come running back]
Joey: Um... Ross, would it be alright if we used a couple of the limos? We've got 2
really hot women on the go!
[Scene: The reception. Joey and Chandler are talking to a bunch of women, again.]
Chandler: So, Saturday night then?
Woman 6: Sure!
[The women walk off]
Joey: This is great!
[They sit down at the same table as Jaynie, who has God knows how many empty glasses on the table.]
Chandler: Hey Jaynie, where's your dad?
Jaynie: [more than just a bit drunk] Oh, hey, guys! Daddy's just gone off in a hot air balloon. He won't be back for... uh... where did I say he went?
Joey: Off in a hot air balloon.
Jaynie: Oh, right, I knew that.
Chandler: Are you drunk?
Jaynie: More than you could possibly imagine! [beat] How, how could you tell?
Joey: We know these things.
Chandler: Plus the 200-odd empty glasses did kinda give it away.
Jaynie: Ugh, look at me. My cousin's been ditched at the altar, and I could have stopped all of this!
Joey: How could you have stopped it?
Chandler: More importantly, why would you want to?
[Jack and Judy stand behind Chandler and Joey, with their backs turned to them]
Jaynie: Well, first, I saw Emily kiss that... uhhhhh... whatever his name was who stopped the wedding... last night. And then, earlier on I saw Ross kiss Rachel.
[Jack and Judy turn around in shock]
Judy: He did what?
Jack: [beat] See, I told you that he was always more in love with Rachel!
Judy: Jack, you don't say that at his wedding reception!
Jack: But it's true Judy! You know it, I know it, our little Harmonica knows it...
Jaynie: [quietly to Joey and Chandler, slowly] Ooh, I just said too much, didn't I?
Joey: No, no. If you're lucky then he'll only go on for an hour.
[Cut to later. Jack and Judy are sitting down, and Jaynie is now totally
blotto (i.e. so drunk that she may as well be entering the Olympic drinking contest).]
Jack: [still going on] ...Annabel knows it, Rachel knows it, and Ross knows it!
Jaynie: Anyone else? Because if there is, I think I'm gonna drink until I'm paralytic!
Chandler: I think you're already running that risk.
Jaynie: Sure you don't wanna join me?
Chandler: No, no, I'm sure. [beat] Aah, you know I'm weak! Gimme a beer!
Joey: Me too!
[Jaynie reaches down the side of her chair, pulls out a couple of beers and hands
them to Joey and Chandler.]
[Scene: Rachel's hotel room, the next day. Rachel is sitting looking out of the
window when there is a knock at the door. She gets up, walks over, looks through the
peephole, hesitates and then opens it to reveal Ross.]
Rachel: [warily] Hey.
Ross: Hey. Can I come in?
[She lets him in, and closes the door. They both stand there looking at each other nervously for a moment.]
Ross/Rachel: [at the same time] Listen, I... [they laugh]
Ross: You go first.
Rachel: No, no, you can.
Ross: Um... okay, well, here goes. [beat] I've been doing some thinking.
Rachel: Me too. [beat] What were you thinking about?
Ross: You. [Rachel gives him a half smile, and he walks over and takes her by the shoulders] I mean, come on Rach, look at us. One minute we're getting along great, and the next we're tearing strips off each other. [beat] And it's not some perfect person who does absolutely everything right a hundred percent of the time, it's you.
Rachel: Are you asking me to get back together with you?
Ross: [realising that he is] Um... yeah, I guess I am.
Rachel: Oh, Ross...
Rachel: I'm really sorry. But I... I don't think that I could start going out with you again. [beat] Not unless you do something to prove that you really do love me.
Ross: [almost pleading] Well, what? I'll do anything!
Rachel: [beat] Anything?
[Cut to the hallway, where Ross is miming "You've Lost That Lovin'
Feeling", with Joey and Chandler, in their hungover state, on backing vocals. They
are also in the pilot uniforms, à la "Top Gun". Rachel is watching, along with
Jaynie, who has sunglasses on because of her hangover, and they are both almost crying
from trying to keep themselves from laughing. The guys finish and everyone applauds them,
while also laughing. (I'm really sorry. I couldn't resist having some sort of totally
stupid thing in here.)]
Chandler: [to Ross] You realise that it's probably illegal to do this sort of thing while in possession of a hangover, don't you?
Joey: Well, one thing's for sure.
Ross: What's that?
Joey: I'm off to ask out at least one of those women over there! [indicates a group of women standing where we can't see them]
Chandler: I'll join you! [they walk over to the women]
Jaynie: [to Rachel] Thank God they don't do this sort of thing for a living!
Ross: [walks over to Rachel] So?
[Scene: The hotel kitchen, which Monica has taken over.]
Monica: [yelling] Alright, people, let's move! [to some guy who is chopping up potatoes] What the hell is that?! That is not the way we slice potatoes! People, listen! If you don't improve, like, right this minute, then you will have even more incidents like the one 2 nights ago when those two guys started choking because the food was so bad!
Guy: [yelling] Hey, who are you to tell us that we're not doing our job?
Monica: [yelling] I'm your saviour! I personally know the guys who nearly died 2 nights ago because of eating this crap, and they're considering suing this hotel!
Guy: [yelling] Well, I'm Michael, and I won't let you talk to me like that!
Monica: [yelling] Yeah, well, I'm Monica, and I'm gonna talk to like this whether you like it or not!
Michael: [aka Guy] [yelling] Yeah, well, do you wanna go out tonight?
Monica: [yelling] Yeah, my room number is 275!
Michael: Fine! I'll see you then!
Monica: Good! [Michael starts to walk off] And don't be late!
[Scene: Ross's hotel room, at night. Ross is sitting on the bed, watching TV,
Ross: I can't believe the idiot I made of myself down there. [changes the channel] My God, the crap they have on TV here...
[Someone knocks at the door, and he gets up to answer it.]
Ross: Yeah, yeah, alright, I'm coming.
[He answers the door, and it's Rachel.]
Ross: [surprised] Hi.
[They look at each other for a long moment]
Ross: [breaking the silence] Do you wanna go for a walk?
[They walk out of the room, and Ross shuts the door behind him.]
[Scene: Somewhere in the city, that has a big bridge. Ross and Rachel are walking
along the bridge.]
Ross: Rach? You okay?
Rachel: [caught up in her thoughts] Huh?
Ross: You haven't said anything since we left the hotel. What's up?
[They stop walking]
Rachel: I think...
Ross: [finishing her sentence] We need to talk.
Rachel: Yeah, that and I'm cold. [Ross, taking the hint, gives her his coat] Look, Ross, what you did earlier was really sweet and everything, but...
Ross: I still want to get back together with you.
Rachel: You... do?
Ross: Yeah. [beat] Why... don't you?
Rachel: I... I still don't know. [Ross starts to turn away, but she puts a hand on his shoulder, and he turns back] Look, when... [takes a deep breath, and continues] when I kissed you yesterday, I'm not sure what I was feeling. [beat] I know that that letter was a bit harsh... alright, a lot harsh, and that it was out of order for me to ask you to take responsibility for everything that went wrong with us. But I don't know, maybe we should just give each other some space for a day or two, just to figure out what we want.
Ross: [takes her hand] Well, I already know what I want, and I don't need a day of space to figure it out. [Rachel gives him a look that shows him that she does] [reluctantly] But... if you need some time alone, then sure.
Rachel: Alright, then... I'm gonna go now. [beat] I'll see you... tomorrow, or whenever. [starts to leave, but Ross is still holding her hand] Ross?
Ross: [thinking that she's made up her mind] Yeah?
Rachel: You gotta let my hand go!
Ross: What? [notices] Oh, right!
[Ross lets go of Rachel's hand, she starts to walk off, and he looks down at the
water dejectedly. Rachel looks back at Ross for a second, then walks away.]
[Scene: A movie, where Monica and Michael are on a date.]
Michael: So, do you like the movie?
Monica: [lying] Yeah, it's great. It'd be better if the woman didn't sleep with every single guy in the film, though.
Michael: [laughs] Milly wanted to see this film.
Monica: [thinking the worst] Who's Milly?
Michael: My daughter. I thought I told you about her.
Monica: [irked] No, you didn't.
Michael: Oh, well, I have a daughter.
Monica: It's a bit late now!
Michael: Monica, people are starting to look.
Monica: Wha... yeah, okay. [looks at the screen] God, she's gonna sleep with him now as well!
Michael: You don't like this film, do you?
Monica: [confessing] No, not really.
Michael: Hey, tell you what. Why don't we leave now, and go get something to eat?
Monica: As long as it's not at the hotel restaurant, then okay!
[They get up and leave]
[Scene: A restaurant (not the hotel restaurant). Monica and Michael are eating
(well, what else would you be doing in a restaurant? :)]
Michael: I gotta hand it to you. You really know how to pick 'em.
Monica: Yeah, well, after about five hundred failed relationships, you kinda become a magnet for them.
Michael: Oh, I don't believe that for a minute.
Monica: You will after you hear the rest I've been out with! Let's see, there was John from St. Paul...
[Michael begins looking bored. *Extremely* bored.]
[Scene: Rachel's room. Rachel is on her bed reading a book, and listening to a
romantic song on the radio, which is making her more and more depressed by the second. (I
can't be bothered to think of a song that hasn't already been used in the show at some
point, so think of a romantic song that you like and imagine it's that!)]
Rachel: [in her head] Okay, let's weigh up the pros and cons. Cons first. He cheated on me... he cheated on me... uh... he looks really cute when he does those puppy dog eyes... God, get a grip on youself, Rach! You're supposed to be weighing up the reasons *not* to be with him, not why you're in love with him... aggggghhhh! [puts the book over her head in frustration, then takes it off again] Alright, seeing as we're not succeeding in the cons department, lets weigh up the pros! There's the puppy dog eyes thing... he's really sweet to me... he's great in... [smiles to herself] um, I think I'd better leave that one out of it!
[She looks at the door, then slams her book shut, gets up and starts heading over
[Cut to Ross's room, where Ross is looking out of the window and listening to the
same song on the radio that Rachel was listening to. He, too, looks at the door, gets up,
walks over and opens it.]
[Cut to the hallway, where both Ross and Rachel walk out from their rooms and shut
the doors at the same time. Both are surprised to see the other, and make their way
towards each other, Rachel smiling, Ross preparing himself for a major begging session.]
Ross: Listen, you've gotta give us... me... another chance. I know that the whole "break" thing is no excuse for what I did, and that you'll probably never forgive me, but we can't just pass something as good as this...
[Rachel puts a finger over his mouth to shut him up and looks up at him]
Rachel: Shush, you...
[She puts her arms around him and kisses him.]
Ross: [jokingly] Oh, well, I had a whole speech prepared, but if that's the way you're gonna be...
[They kiss again]
Ross: Just outta curiosity, I'm not gonna have to do that miming thing again, am I?
Rachel: Maybe, but only in private!
[They laugh and kiss again.]
[Scene: The airport, a few days later. Chandler is talking to yet *another* woman.]
Chandler: I promise, when I'm next in London, I'll look you up.
[The woman smiles and walks off.]
Chandler: I love England!
[The woman walks back, with God knows how many other women behind her, all of whom are *not* looking happy.]
Chandler: [confused] What? Is it a crime to say that you love something?
[The women start advancing on him]
Chandler: I guess it is!
[He turns and starts running, terrified.]
[Cut to Ross, Rachel and Joey, who are sitting in the waiting room of the gate.]
Ross: [playing with Rachel's hair] I love you.
Rachel: And I love you. I'm just sorry it took all this... crap... to realise that. [they kiss]
Joey: [in false proud father mode] Ahhh, now isn't that cute! Now, you two kids get a room before you make everyone else in here sick!
[Chandler runs up to them]
Chandler: Run Joey, run for your life!
Rachel: What's going on?
Chandler: The women... have turned! They're back to their usual selves!
Joey: [beat] [in horror] No!
[The group of women from before walk over to Chandler and Joey]
Joey: Uh, Chandler, they don't look happy.
Chandler: Really? Y'don't say? I thought that they'd taken lessons from Perky and Peppy!
[The women start advancing on them, much like they did before.]
Joey: Okay, I think now would be a good time to run!
[Chandler and Joey start running, and the group of women go after them.]
Ross: I don't even wanna know what that was about!
[We see Joey and Chandler running in the background, with the women following them]
Chandler: [still running] HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP!!!
[Cut to Phoebe and Monica, who are being kept at the check-in point by a grouchy
Monica: I'm telling you, it's written down that she's pregnant!
Officer: I'm sorry, madam, but my list has no reference to the fact that your friend here is pregnant!
Phoebe: But it must! I told you 3 days ago when I rang to check that we still had our tickets!
Officer: Sorry, m'am, but it's not written down here, so you have to stay here until you have your baby.
Phoebe: [putting emphasis on the "s" part] Babies.
Monica: Alright, listen buddy. I'm sure that you're... being totally wrong here by not letting her past. In fact, isn't it illegal to keep someone who isn't a citizen of the country here for more than 90 days, unless they've broken the law? And how many months pregnant are you, Pheebs?
Phoebe: Uh... about 4?
[They look at the officer in a way that lets him know that he's been caught out.]
Officer: [beat] Go on in! [lets them past]
[Chandler, Joey and the women run past]
Officer: Now excuse me, I've got far more important things to do. [running after the
guys] HEY, YOU KNUCKLEHEADS, GET YOUR BEHINDS BACK HERE NOW!!!
[Cut to Monica and Phoebe walking over to Ross and Rachel, who are still at the
nauseatingly cute stage of the "new" relationship.]
Rachel: [looking up] What took you so long?
Monica: Well, let's just say that it took a lot of threats to get past.
Phoebe: Yeah, that and we messed with his aura real bad! [puts up her fists like she was going to fight someone]
Ross: Oh, what a nice story.
Monica: What's happening with the guys?
Ross: The entire female population of the Central London area ganged up on them.
Monica: Oh, nothing out of the ordinary, then.
Ross: [getting up] I'm gonna go see what's taking so long with the flight.
Rachel: I'll miss you.
Ross: Miss you more!
[He kisses the top of her head then walks over to the information desk. Rachel looks after him with a dreamy expression on her face, and Phoebe picks up on this.]
Phoebe: [imitating Rachel's thoughts] I think that Ross is so dreamy! [Rachel looks at her, confused] I wish that we'd come to England sooner!
Rachel: Oh, come on, cut it out!
Monica: Yeah, give her a break. [beat] [fake gooiness] After all, she's so in love with him that she can't think straight!
[We see Chandler, Joey and the officer.]
Joey: [in terror] Call 911!
Chandler: No-one here knows what 911 is!
[Rachel, Monica and Phoebe laugh at the sight of this. Cut to Chandler and Joey, who
stop running in front of a duty-free store.]
Joey: Well, I think we got rid of...
[The officer comes flying into the back of Joey, who then goes crashing into the back of Chandler, who falls down.]
Chandler: [getting up] I'm always the one who has to fall down, aren't I?
Officer: Alright, I want passports from the both of you.
Joey: Why? We were running for our lives!
Officer: From who?
Chandler: The women who were sent by the devil! You know, Satan, 666, that sort of thing!
Officer: [enquiringly] You dated a woman from here!
Joey: Yeah, tons of them!
Officer: And you had to run away from them because...?
Chandler: Didn't you hear me? They were sent by the devil!
Joey: They had our luggage blown up! They told the flight attendant that we were explosives experts who were planning to blow up the plane! They were...
Chandler: [interrupting Joey] They were tampering with our sanity!
Officer: Gentlemen, welcome to England. All English women are like this!
[Chandler and Joey give the officer a sarcastic "You don't say?" face. (Note: I know that all English women are like the example given here. And I should know. I *am* one, after all.)]
Joey: I'm never dating an English woman again!
Chandler: Yeah, well, after this, I'm never dating any woman ever again, period!
[Scene: The airplane. Ross is sitting next to Rachel, who is looking incredibly
bored and sitting next to Monica, who is looking out of the window and not paying
attention to Ross and Rachel, who, even though they are bored, are still doing the
horrificlly cute thing.]
Rachel: I'm bored.
Ross: [with a mischiveious grin on his face] Well, I can think of something to do!
Rachel: What are you up to now?
[Ross whispers something in her ear, and she giggles.]
Rachel: We can't do that! Not here!
Ross: [kissing Rachel's ear] You know you want to...
Rachel: Oh, you know me too well!
[They get up and start heading towards the bathrooms. Jack and Judy walk out, hair dishevelled and all.]
Jack: [all perky] Well, hello there son!
Judy: And Rachel, our dear sweet Rachel.
Ross: Uh, what's up with you... [realises] Never mind, I don't want to know!
[Ross and Rachel go in the door that Jack and Judy, who are walking back to their seats, just came out of. Cut to Chandler and Joey, who are sitting on the opposite side of the plane.]
Chandler: Well, I'm glad that we finally managed to get away from those women.
Joey: Yeah, me too! But don't you get the feeling that... um... we haven't?
[They look around and see that apart from their friends, all the passengers of the plane are the women that they dated while in London, who all wave at them from their seats. Cut to an outside shot of the plane.]
Chandler/Joey: [screaming from inside the plane] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Copyright ©1998 Tina Nellis