The One With Rachel’s Secret

Written By: Crystal

OK. This is the first Fanfic I’ve ever written, so I’m sorry if its not very good or believable. I’ve read a lot of fanfics so I don’t know what comes from where or whether what I think is my idea really is. I don’t mean to steal ideas, if something is similar its by accident. It was written when the last episode I’d seen was The one where they’re up all night. Oh, and Rachel has long hair (permed like she did in The one with the Nap Partners) because I prefer it down. Sorry if it’s a bit late. I would appreciate some feedback because I want to know whether to carry on. Thanks.

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. The all belong to Crane, Kaufman and Bright Productions and Warner Bros. This Fanfic was not meant for profit, just entertainment.



(all, except Joey and Monica, in normal positions)

(Enter Joey, with an ‘I’ve got really exciting news’ look on his face)

JOEY: Hey guys, what are you all doing tonight? (smiles)

ROSS & RACH(EL): Nothing.

PHOE(BE): Absolutely Nothing.

CHAN(DLER): Monica and me have got reservations at the Plaza. Why?


CHAN: Why? What’ve you got planned?

JOEY: Well, it was gonna be a really big surprise that I wanted you all to see, but if this is more important then……… well……….. (he trails off)

CHAN: Then what? Sorry Joe but we’ve had these reservations for weeks; you know how hard it is to get a table there.

JOEY: Oh, well I suppose I’ll show you and Monica tomorrow, you are free then right?

CHAN: I am, I don’t know about Monica.

RACH: Joey, what do you want us to see?

JOEY: That’s the surprise about it. But I’ll tell you something.

ROSS: What?

JOEY: Well Ross, you know that new play that’s opening in the Lucida Lortel Theatre that you really wanted to see?

ROSS: Yeah, but the tickets there are really expensive.

JOEY: Yeah, it was the play that Playboy suggested as the best play of all time! And… well… guess what? I got us 6 tickets to see it!

PHOE: Oh WOW! Cool, thanks Joey.

CHAN: Playboy do plays?

JOEY: Yeah, when was the last time you read it?

CHAN: Since Monica banned me four months ago.

JOEY: Ah. Sorry man.

RACH: Hey Joey, how could you afford it?

JOEY: Well, I’ve been working on a surprising amount of things lately, it’s the most work I’ve had in…well… EVER!

CHAN: Wow Joe, I wish I’d known you were gonna do that, you’ve wasted all that money on my ticket. I pay you back for it if you want.

JOEY: Nah, it’s ok. (Thinks about it) No you said you would, you cant take that back! You have to pay me now!

CHAN: Joe, it’s not like I wasn’t going to take it back.

JOEY: Good, coz that’s like 70 bucks you owe me!

CHAN: Now you guys are gonna see it and I’m not, your gonna brag now aren’t you.

ROSS: You can pretty much count on it.

JOEY: No don’t worry, I reserved 3 seats for tomorrow just incase any of you guys couldn’t make it.

PHOE: Where did you get all that money?

JOEY: No, I just reserved them, I have to pay before the show starts tonight if I want to keep the tomorrow ones, but hey I’ll go with you and Monica tomorrow Chandler, as there are three seats.

CHAN: Joey, why would you want to see it twice in a row, I didn’t think that you’d even like to see this play, it’s not the sort of thing you like.

JOEY: Well, maybe I’ve changed. Anyways I’m going tomorrow and there’s nothing you can do about it.

CHAN: OK but I’m paying and there’s nothing you can do about it.

JOEY: No chandler, it’s ok, I’ve got it.

CHAN: Joey, if you’ve got money you should keep it, you’ve already paid for these guys, I’ll deal with it.

JOEY: No Chandler, you won’t, you guys are always taking everyone out everywhere and I don’t want to seem like the cheap guy who comes in second always hitching a ride. It’s my turn so let me, OK.

CHAN: Sorry Joe, I didn’t know you felt that way, I was just trying to help you out, it’s really expensive and your not made of money.

JOEY: Yeah, I know. But I wish you wouldn’t, I’m not charity.

(JOEY exits looking a bit mad.)

RACH: What’s with him? He’s not normally quite so bad, I’d have thought he’d let you pay.

CHAN: Yeah, I know. Weird.

PHOE: Yeah, well, if you mess with my Joey he’ll get mad.

ROSS: Your Joey? Since when was he your Joey?

(PHOEBE looks away than gets up and walks out.)

RACH: Weird. Urgh.

ROSS: Are you ok?

RACH: Yeah, I just feel a bit sick, that’s all.


(Scene: Monica & Chandlers. MONICA, CHANDLER & RACHEL are there.)

MONI: So Rach, Joey actually bought the tickets for us as a surprise, that’s weird, he’s never usually getting us such expensive stuff. Now I feel bad ‘cause I’m not going.

CHAN: Don’t worry, we’re paying for tonight’s seats and he’s got us ones for tomorrow.

(Monica’s eyes widen.)

MONI: We’re paying? That’s quite a bit of money and we didn’t ask him to do that.

CHAN: Yeah, but we have more money anyway and we can’t just make him pay because we couldn’t come.

MONI: Hmmmm, well I suppose. But I don’t have to pay because you’re taking Tag right Rach?

RACH: Nah. I’m going off him. We’ve been going out for 6 weeks and we still haven’t made it to the bedroom, if you know what I mean. Plus he’s getting really selfish and full of himself. Also, he is 6 years younger than me, where is this going to go?

MONI: So you’re gonna break up with him?

CHAN: Sorry it didn’t work out Rach.

RACH: No, don’t be. I think a part of me didn’t want it to work out. Wow, that sounded really intense didn’t it? I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but recently I’ve been having back aches and stomach aches, and I think I’m getting a fever. May be I should go lay down.

(Monica puts a hand to Rachel’s forehead to test the temperature)

MONI: You do feel a little hot. Do you want to use our spare room to have a quiet rest to get your strength up for tonight?

RACH: Yeah, thanks Mon.

CHAN: Who says it’ll be quiet?

MONI: I was just about to go shopping and you were going to come with me because you always complain about what I get.

CHAN: Do I have to?

MONI: Yes!

(Scene: Theatre. JOEY, RACHEL, ROSS & PHOEBE are seated in a row in the audience, its packed and there are two empty seats beside them. RACHEL is by the aisle, next to PHEOBE who’s next to ROSS, and JOEY is next to the two empty seats, which are next to the aisle. It looks as if the play will start in a couple of minutes.)

ROSS: (to Rachel) Are you feeling better?

RACH: Yeah a bit. But I can’t eat ‘cause I think I’ll puke.

PHOE: SSSSHHHH, it’s gonna start soon!

ROSS: Yeah, the film weekly said it was the best play on in the tri-state area.

JOEY: Dude, I can’t believe you read that thing. You know it’s in playboy as well right?

(ROSS looks at JOEY strongly)

JOEY: All right, look I really have to pee.

RACH: Joey, the plays about to start, you can wait till intermission, and it takes to long to get there plus you’ll never find your way.

JOEY: Rach I used to work here you know? I’ll be fine. (To ROSS) It’s not really gonna start soon is it?

(ROSS nods)


(He runs off going oh no oh no oh no)

ROSS: Who’s gonna kill him?

PHOE: Probably the little Generals army. (Giggles slightly)

ROSS: Are you sure? I think something’s up.

RACH: Ross, don’t worry about it, ok? Phoebe’s right, he probably just really needs to pee.

ROSS: Ok, but he’ll never make it in time; I just heard the one-minute bell. He’s going to be annoyed that he missed the best play of the century.

RACH: Ross, I don’t think it’s going to be that good.

(They sit in silence for about one minute, each looking a bit anxious about JOEY.)

PHOE: Oh no! It’s starting and Joey not here! What do we do?

ROSS: Just sit back and enjoy it. He’ll come back soon. If he misses the beginning then it’s his fault!

PHOE: I won’t let him! I need to go get him.

(She stands up)

RACH: No Phoebe. Then you’ll miss it!

(Pushes Phoebe down)

(Phoebe makes a little groan, but stays.)

(A few scenes (of the play) later and Joey isn’t back. ROSS and RACHEL are looking rather peaceful enjoying the film, but PHOEBE is fidgeting and worried.)


(SHHHs come from the audience.)


ROSS: (Shocked) There he is!! (Pointing to the stage)

PHOE & RACH: What, where?

ROSS: On the stage! What’s he doing there?

PHOE: Oh No! He got lost and stumbled on to the stage by accident, oh Joey, Joey….

RACH: No, I think he’s in the play. Oh my god. That’s he could pay for the tickets, he got them cheap!

PHOE: How do you know he’s actually in the play?

ROSS: Phoebe, he’s saying the lines, and they sound like they’d be right.

RACH: Yeah, plus he’s smiling at us and pointing to himself.

PHOE: Wow, he does look smug!

(On stage)

JOEY: Sir, there is a young man to see you, shall I let him in?

ACTO(R): Yes Jeeves, do.

(Joey walks off to the wings, as he does so he waves slightly at RACH and co.)

RACH: And he got a fairly major part in the play doing that?

ROSS: Yeah, film weekly said the butler was, like the fifth main character, way to go Joey, this is a big play!

RACH: You know guys; suddenly I don’t feel so good.

PHOE: Oh no. How bad do you feel?

RACH: Well (takes in a sharp deep breath) I…feel (another breath) like I’m gonna…. (Another breath) BE SICK RIGHT NOW! (She runs off quickly)

PHOE: Eeesh, not nice!

ROSS: Yeah, now she can’t enjoy the play!

(Monica & Chandlers. MONICA & CHANDLER are there, it’s late. They’re both sitting down on the couch.)

MONI: Gosh, my head really hurts, they should give us compensation.

CHAN: Yeah, and I reserved a good table, not one next to the kitchen where you could get hit round the head with a waiters tray.

MONI: Yeah, a heavy tray carrying five big plates! I’m gonna have a bruise for months.

CHAN: Well, the food was good.

MONI: I can easily make better food!

CHAN: (Mutters slightly sarcastically) Hmph. Yeah.

MONI:(sits up straight quickly) What did you say?

CHAN: Of course you could!

MONI: Ok. (Smiles and sits back down)


PHOE: Yeah Joey you were AWESUM! That was great!

(JOEY kicks PHOEBE slightly and stares hard at her)

JOEY: (speaks to PHEOBE so lowly that only she and ROSS can hear.) It’s a surprise! Don’t spoil it for them!!!

PHOE: (Claps her hand to her mouth for a second and mutters) oops!

CHAN: What the…

(PHOEBE cuts him off)

PHOE: Yeah Joey, you kicked that guy’s ass!

ROSS: All the way to Uranus!

(Joey giggles)

ROSS: NO Joey, I meant the planet!

JOEY: Yeah, right!

MONI: What do you mean? Joey, did you get into a fight?

CHAN:(Sarcasticly) No Mon, he did ballet and accidentally kicked someone in the butt.

(MONICA looks at him strongly and he shuts up)

PHOE: Yeah, it was well cool, this guy told him he was really bad so Joey says “Come on, show me what your made of then? Huh?” and guess what? He did! (Giggles slightly) He was really bad!


PHOE: NO, I meant the guy you kicked the bejesus out of.

JOEY: Oh, sorry Pheebs.

CHAN: What do you mean he was bad?

ROSS: No, he meant Joey was annoying, you know really BADly annoying. (Mutters a bit-) yeah… (ROSS, JOEY & PHOEBE all look down.)

MONI: (Slowly) O.K. Anyway, it’s great you guys all had a good time.

PHOE: Nuh uh, Rachel didn’t, she’s in the bathroom puking. She started again in the middle of the play.

MONI: Oh poor Rachel. I wonder what’s wrong with her.

(Cuts to Rachel & Joey’s. Rachel is alone. She has just come out of the bathroom. She looks pale and ruffled.)

RACH: (To herself) OOOHHHHHHH! What’s wrong with me! (She rubs her back) Oooh, I’d better lye down. (Goes to lye down) No I shouldn’t! (Runs quickly to the bathroom.)

(Enter JOEY. He walks in and takes of his coat. He opens the fridge and takes a beer out then hears the noise in the bathroom.)

JOEY: Hey Rach. You all right?

RACH: (Coming out of the bathroom) Yeah, just peachy! Oh GOOOOWWWWD! What’s wrong with me? I’d say I had a stomach bug, but I have backaches and headaches and I’m sweating the Nile over here! Oh, by the way you left the fridge open. (She sits down.)

(JOEY leaps and holds his butt for a second realising he had his back touching the open door of the fridge. He closes it.)

JOEY: Maybe you should go to bed. It’s late.

RACH: Yeah, but I know that as soon as I get to bed I’ll be out of it again. (See’s JOEY’S quizzical look) Bathroom. (JOEY gets it.)

JOEY: Look Rach, just go to bed and I’ll bring you a bucket.

RACH: Thanks Joe. (She goes into her bedroom)

RACH: (O.S) Hey Joey, could you phone my doctor and make an early morning appointment for me tomorrow?

JOEY: How early is early?

RACH: (O.S) Between 8:30 and 11:00 if you could?

JOEY: But aren’t you at work at 8:30?

RACH:(O.S) I’m not going in tomorrow, I’ll sleep in. Look Joey, could you just do this please.

JOEY: Ok. What’s his number?

RACHEL: It’s in the phone book. He’s called Doctor Valenti. V-A-L-E-N-T-I. Got it.

(JOEY scribbles something down on a pad.)

JOEY: Ok, got it. I’ll phone him then bring you your bucket and something to drink?

RACH: (O.S) Sounds great. Can you make some hot Honey and Lemon?

JOEY: O.k.

RACH: (O.S) (Strained) But I might need the bucket now!

(JOEY picks something up and rushes in to Rachel room.)

(Scene: Doctors Surgery. RACHEL is sitting on a chair in front of a desk. Behind the desk is her (cute) Doctor (slightly Indian looking) (DOCT) who is questioning her.)

DOCT: So, how long have you been feeling bad for?

RACH: Well, I’ve been feeling a bit groggy for about a week and about 2 days ago the headaches started to get worse and I got quite strong stomach pains.

DOCT: What sort of pains? Quick ‘spasms’ or long pains.

RACH: Quick ‘spasms’ in which I through up at least once a minute.

DOCT: OK. Could you lye down for a second.

(RACHEL lies down on the bed next to the wall. Doctor Valenti feels her glands, around her temples, looks into her mouth and ears, listens to her heart and other doctory stuff (I don’t know much about medicine, so I’m sorry if my facts are incorrect, I have no source.) Then he stops and signals for RACHEL to sit up and he takes a step back.)

DOCT: OK then Rachel. I think I know what’s wrong with you.

RACH: You do? Oh good. (She starts to get up)

DOCT: Oh no, I think that you might want to stay sitting.

RACH: OH! That bad?

DOCT: No, not really, it’ll just be a bit of a shock for you. But I promise that I will help you through it all. But I’m sure you’ll be fine.

RACH: OK. So, what’s wrong with me?

DOCT: Well Rachel, I’m not sure, but I’m fairly certain. (RACHEL looks at him as if she’s saying ‘Well, got on with it then.’) You’ve…

(Scene switch just before he tells her what’s wrong. Monica & Chandlers. PHOEBE, MONICA & CHANDLER are there. MONICA & CHANDLER are on the couch. He has his arm around her. PHOEBE is on the Barken Lounger. The finale to a Television show that they love and watch every week (I’ll have made this up, so I’m sorry if it seems a bit naf, it’s all I could think of.)

MONI: OH MY GOD! I just can’t wait! For two weeks they’ve kept us waiting TWO WEEKS! I just have to know if John’s got cancer!

CHAN: Relax Mon it’s not a catastrophe. (Beat) But I can’t wait either!

MONI: Man, I can’t believe Ross’s missing this! If I were him I would have called in sick, class or no class!

PHOE: Oh and I hope Tina’s pregnant! That’ll be so great! Then I’ll finally be able to relate to a character on the show!

MONI: What do you mean Pheebs?

PHOE: Well you know, Jenny’s a clean freak like you.

MONI: Hey! I’m not a freak. I just like a clean place, that’s all. (Pouts a bit)

PHOE: (Ignores her) And everybody thinks Tom is Gay, like Chandler.

CHAN: HEY! I’m not gay! And you don’t still think that, do you Pheebs? I mean I’m getting married, to Monica, a girl. Plus if she’s pregnant she’ll probably have to leave the show to have and raise the baby!

PHOE: (looks away and says quieter:) Yeah Right! Well whatever you say.

CHAN: Hey! Look…. (MONICA cuts him off)

MONI: Hey look! It’s starting!

(They all turn their attention to the television screen. They settle down. A few oos and ahhs come from them, but they look like they don’t want to talk or be interrupted.)

(Enter RACHEL looking rather upset and flustered.)

RACH: Hey guys. (They shhh her.) Look, I have something really important to tell you. (Stronger shhs) Look guys this is really important! I need you to listen properly so you can show the proper amount of surprise!

MONI:(Not really concentrating) Rach, is it really important?


PHOE: Will we not be able to think about anything else ‘cause we’re so shocked?

RACH: Well, proberly.

CHAN: Then tell us when the shows over, because we don’t want anything to wreck the show, anything!

MONI: You wouldn’t ruin it for us Rach, would you? You are a good enough friend to not ruin it for us, right?

RACH: Urrgh! Ok. (She gives up realising she’s lost in getting their attention, and collapses on to the recliner that PHOEBE has vacated because she has sided onto the floor in excitement. About 10 seconds later the announcer (ANNO) interrupts the program.)

ANNO: I’m sorry to interrupt this sitcom, but we are bringing you live the football game.

(CHANDLER stands up in disgust and anger. He shouts:)

CHAN: A football game? A Football game???

PHOE: Chandler, you are supposed to be a man, men like football games.

(CHANDLER looks slightly embarrassed and sits down slowly.)

PHOE: But still, you’re right!!!

MONI: Oh! I’m so annoyed! How could they! At least two more hours until we find out who Debbie loves! (Rachel is looking untouched by the news, but is slowly starting to pay attention) I mean, I’m gonna have to go to work before then; I’m going to miss it! OH NO! I’M GOING TO MISS IT!

CHAN: Relax Mon. You can record it on one of your super super long tapes so that we can record the football game as well. The game I can’t watch because Rachel has something important to tell us that’ll shock me so much I won’t be able to watch it. (He mutters:) Yeah, that’ll do.

MONI: You’re right, that will work out just great actually. ( She gets up and goes to the tv. She kneels down and buisies herself in the video collection in the drawer.) So, what did you want to tell us Rach?

RACH: I’ll wait until you’ve sat down.

PHOE: Oh, that bad eh? (RACHEL nods.) (MONICA finishes what she’s doing and goes and sits down next to CHANDLER.)

MONI: (Slightly Uncaring and sarcastic) Ok, so what’s you problem then?

(RACHEL stands up)

RACH: Well, you see, it’s just the fact that….

PHOE: For the love of God tell us what’s wrong!

RACH: All right Pheebs. Ok, here goes. (They all watch her with anticipation.) I’m… Pregnant!

(Everyone looks at her amazed. No-one speaks.) RACH: Guys?

MONI: What the….I mean wha… how the…….. HOW?

PHOE: I think it’s pretty obvious how Monica! Sheesh! What we want to know Rachel is how long?

RACH: 2 months.

PHOE: And who’s the father, no wait I know that, it’s, um TAG!!! Oh, he must be soooo happy! Have you have told him, right?


PHOE: Why, Rachel you have to tell him, if you don’t that’s just irresponsible and…(she’s cut off)


PHOE: OH. (She shuts up.)

CHAN: Then who is?

RACH: That’s the really bad thing, I don’t know.

MONI: Oh. Ahh, well that’s… oooh, um..

RACH: (Shouts:) If you’ve got nothing to say then don’t speak!

MONI: (Whispers) Sorry.

(They all are silent, RACHEL is still standing up. None of them move. The camera zooms out and fades to black.)

(Scene: Rachel & Joey’s. JOEY is there alone, practicing his script. It’s about 9:00pm later that night. ROSS and JOEY still don’t know about RACHEL.)

JOEY: (In a bad British accent) Sir, there is a young man see to you. -NOPE that’s not right!- Sir, there is a young man to see you. Shall I let him in? -Yes, got it! - (Does a low voice) Yes Jeeves, Do.

(Joey walks to the door, pretending to go off stage. He waits for about 5 seconds then walks back in, pretending to have someone following him closely.) Here he is sir (Low voice again-) Thank you again. You may leave. (Joey walks to the side.) –Cool, I’m getting this right!

(The door opens and hits him hard. Enter ROSS)


ROSS: (Depressed) Hi. Sorry.

JOEY: What’s wrong man? You look like you’ve eaten….well…..something horrible!?

ROSS: I feel like it. Lucinda broke up with me.

JOEY: Oh. Sorry man. I always told you that chick wasn’t right for you.

ROSS: Joey, she works in my department.

JOEY: So. She didn’t look right.

ROSS: How can you tell by what she looks like?

JOEY: I dunno, it’s just an ability that I have, you clearly don’t have it.

ROSS: Huh! (he goes and sits down on the barker lounger.)

JOEY: So, what you planning on doing now?

ROSS: I don’t know; hang out with you and Chandler?

JOEY: Well you can hang out with me, but as you can see, Chandlers not here.

ROSS: Well go get him then

JOEY: (Has a slightly puzzled look on his face but walks out the door muttering:)Well, whatever you want.

(Cut to: Monica and Chandlers. Where you left before, but they are all starting to talk now.)

MONI: Are you sure you and Tag couldn’t have possibly….well…

RACH: For the last time Monica, NO!

MONI: I’m sorry Rach, but it has to have happened some way, are you sure it’s not a fake positive?

RACH: No, somehow I just know the doctors right. (Moans then collapses into a chair.)

MONI: Then, you haven’t you know, done anyone else right?

RACH: Don’t you think I would remember….wait a sec, I do remember waking up about, 5 or 6 weeks ago. I think….. no wait…

PHOE: What?

RACH: Well, I remember waking up on the sofa with a really bad headache and dragging myself to bed. But I don’t remember anything else; wow I must have really been drunk. I mean…(she fades off and looks up to the ceiling, she has one of those flashback things but this time it’s different. You zoom in on her face and it does the flashback music and goes all ‘swirly’ and you she about 2 second clips that flash really quickly, the camera zooms around really quickly and ‘acts drunk’ because it never films straight or focuses properly: First you see RACHEL on a couch you think you recognise opening a bear. Quick flash to: her holding the beer and chinking it drunkardly with someone you can’t see. Flash too: she’s fallen over and looking up at someone. Flash to: you see her fall onto the couch and you see someone’s legs underneath her. (You can make up more odd scenes of Rachel drunk and stumbling about if you want, but I’m done=).) Then you fade out to see her still ‘daydreaming’ and you know that she’s supposed to be thinking more things, then her eyes widen and she claps her hand too her mouth. She says:) Oh NO!!!!! (She then runs into the bathroom.)

CHAN: Well, that was fun.

PHOE: I wonder what happened, I wonder who the father is. I really hope it’s someone she knows well.

CHAN: Why?

PHOE: Because then its easier, because you can have help and support and they have to help pay child support.

MONI: I think that’s only if they were married.

PHOE: Are you sure? I don’t think it its.

MONI: I thought that’s what…. maybe not…. oh I don’t (she gets cut off by JOEY walking in.)

JOEY: Hey, (Looks at Chandler) hey man, you doing anything?

CHAN: Well, I don’t think…(gets cut off)

JOEY: Good, come on then. (Points to the door.)

CHAN: (unsure:) O.K (he gets up) But first I think there’s something Rachel’s got to tell you

(RACHEL comes out of the bathroom and hears this. She says:) No, I’m good, you gus don’t mind me resting in your spare room do you?

MONI: Well…….

RACH: Good, don’t wake me up. (she walks into PHOEBES old room.)

(They just stand there for about to second then JOEY says:) Come on Chandler! Oh yeah, and remember the play tonight.

(Fades out.)

(Joey and Rachel’s. ROSS is on a Barker Lounger. Enter JOEY and CHANDLER:)

CHAN: K, what’s up? What did you want?

ROSS: You remember Lucinda?

CHAN: What? That boring chick in your department. Sure.

ROSS: Hey, she’s NOT boring. (Mutters fondly) She taught me all about carbonised Septanaurus fossilisation in mammals.

JOEY: Ok, like anyone cares Ross.

CHAN: What’s the deal with her then?

ROSS: She broke up with me.

CHAN: You were going out? Since when? And why didn’t anyone tell me?

ROSS: Yes. Two weeks. And we forgot to tell you.

CHAN: just forgot…..? how…, Why? Why don’t you guys tell me stuff anymore?

JOEY: We do. Just not everything.

CHAN: (Sarcastically) Well that’s just great. (Starts to walk out.)

JOEY: Chandler, I still tell you more then Ross. (CHANDLER walks out.)

ROSS: Well that’s just…. How much more?

JOEY: Wouldn’t you like to know.

(Cut to: Monica & Chandlers. RACHEL & MONICA are there. Both sitting on the couch.)

MONI: You have to tell us! Who is it?

RACH: I’ve told you. I don’t know!

MONI: Stop lying. I know you know.

RACH:(Shouts) Just stop it OK? I’m really getting annoyed with your incessant questions!

MONI:(Quietly:) Sorry. (Louder:) But you have to tell Ross and Joey.

RACH: Oh, well. I don’t know.

MONI: If you don’t tell them they’ll notice anyway. Unless you have an abortion.

RACH: No way Monica! You know I’m against abortion. I just don’t think I could deal with Joey’s sex comments and Ross’ awful shock. It’s just too hard.

MONI: I know It’ll be hard sweetie, but only as hard as telling me, Chandler & Phoebe.

RACH: I don’t know, I just don’t want to tell them. (JOEY walks in while she’s saying this:)

JOEY: Don’t want to tell who what?

(RACHEL looks desperately at MONICA who looks sternly back:)

(RACHEL stands up and MONICA stands a little behind her.)

RACH: Ok Joey, don’t freak out or do some odd thing. Ok? (JOEY nods unsurely.) Well, I’m Pregnant. (Silence.) Joey?

JOEY: What? Oh yeah. Wow…Rach. How? No I know that. Who with?

RACH: Oh it’s…… I don’t know.

JOEY: Who’s that? Weird name. No wait you don’t know who it is right? (RACHEL shakes her head slowly.) AHHH. Well… wait a sec! Am I the last to know?

MONI: No she hasn’t told Ross yet, though I really think you should Rach ‘cause (she gets a stern look from RACHEL) Well, this is really your story, you should be telling it. (She sits down.)

JOEY: When are you gonna tell Ross? (RACHEL shrugs.) Oh, why haven’t you?

RACH: Well, I’m just waiting for the right time you know? And, well it’s just..

JOEY: Because of your history and you’re scared of how he’ll react and he might be jealous and he might start to be distant and (RACHEL cuts him off:)

RACH: I think you just about’ve got it there Joey! It’s just because I haven’t seen him yet.

MONI: You have seen him! It was (RACHEL glares at her) Ok I’ll shut up now.

RACH: (Through gritted teeth:) OK then.

JOEY: Then why haven’t you told Ross yet? (Just as he says that ROSS walks in behind him.)

ROSS: Haven’t told me what? (ROSS can’t see JOEY’S face, but he looks like you do when you’ve just accidentally spilled a big secret you weren’t supposed to.)

MONI: Well, um…. I haven’t told you that I may be going away for the weekend.

ROSS: Without Chandler?

MONI: Urgh…Yeah. Hey Joey, can you help me pack?

JOEY (Keenly:) Yeah. (They walk into Monica’s room.)

ROSS: (Goes to the Kitchen and gets a drink from the fridge.) Wow, I wonder how long she’s been planning this? Oh well, you know Monica.

RACH: Yeah I do. (Silence.) Actually I don’t.

ROSS: What? You don’t know Monica?

RACH: What? Oh no. It’s just that she’s not going away for the weekend.

ROSS: She isn’t? Then why would she say that? What did she want to tell me?

RACH: Nothing

ROSS: Then why did Joey ask why she hasn’t told me yet?

RACH: He didn’t.

ROSS: Yes he did, I heard him.

RACH: No, he wasn’t asking Monica, he was asking me.

ROSS: Oh, well, what did you need to tell me?

RACH: Nothing.

ROSS: Yes you did Rach. What is it?

RACH: I don’t really want to…It’s just that..

ROSS: (Sternly:) Rach?

RACH: Well, you see, It’s a slight problem but I’m sure it’s ok.

ROSS: What???

RACH: Well, I’m Pregnant. (Long Silence.)

ROSS:(Very very shocked:) Oh.

(Fade to Monica’s room. JOEY & MONICA are there, JOEY on the bed & MONICA on a chair next to the door:)

MONI: Wow. She told him.

JOEY: How did you know?

MONI: I can hear them.

JOEY: No, about Rach.

MONI: She told me.

JOEY: And…

MONI: Phoebe and Chandler.

JOEY: Oh, why me last?

MONI: You’re not last. Ross is.

JOEY: Oh, ok. That’s better then. Do you know?

MONI: No Joey. Just shut up.

JOEY: I wonder how she is

MONI: Well she’s shocked, and upset. (Slightly sarcastically:) Poor, poor Rachel.

JOEY: Mon, whats wrong?

MONI:(Standing up) It’s just not fair!

JOEY:(Also standing up:) What?

RACH: Well she hasn’t even got a proper boyfriend and she’s not engaged or married and she’s already pregnant! style='mso-tab-count:1'> It should be me! It’s not fair. She’s cheating. (JOEY hugs MONICA.)

JOEY: It’s ok, it’s not her fault Mon. She didn’t want this or ask for it.

MONI: So. She’s gonna have it before me, and I’ll be the last.

JOEY: But the best.

MONI: (Pulling away and looking at him.) What?

JOEY: Because you’ll have it with Chandler, someone you love.

MONI: I suppose.

JOEY: Mon, what you need to do now is support Rachel, not be jealous.

MONI: You’re right.

(Cut to CENTRAL PERK. About two weeks later. Everyone is presant except ROSS. We assume ROSS took the news fairly well.)

PHOE: Listen Rach, if you need any help or information, just come to me.

RACH: (slowly) Thanks Pheebs, I’ll remember that.

(Enter ROSS:)

ROSS: I just had the worst day at work!

RACH: Oh, why?

ROSS: Well at first some student in my lecture chucked a Ham Sandwich at me! (They all look slightly amused.) Then in the hall, a group of boys kept lauging at me and saying: “Hey, Asshole!” Why, why do they do that? What have I done?

RACH:( Trying to keep a straight face:) Well, Ross honey it might be because of this:( She reaches behind his back and pulls something off. She shows it to him. It’s a piece of paper sayin: Hi, I’m an asshole who likes Ham Sandwiches.)

ROSS: Oh my God! Why would any one do that?

PHOE: I know! Imean, why ham sandwiches? If they wanted something to make people throw at you, they should have use thai sauce or something!

ROSS: Not quite the reaction I was looking for Pheebs! (PHOEBE looks srangely at him for a second then gets it.)

PHOE:Oh, sorry.

ROSS: It’s just recently I’ve been having a really hard time at work.

RACH: Oh ,Ross, speaking of work. Can you do something for me?

ROSS:(Sitting down:) Depends what it it is.

RACH: Well, I have to give these papers to someone at work tonight, but as it turns out I’ve got a very important docters appointment at the same time that I can’t change.

ROSS: Tonight?

RACH: Yeah, I know weird time, but he just got back from his honeymoon and he really needs them tonight, so we organised to meet, and he has to get them. So I was hoping that you could do a pregnant woman a favour and take them to him.

ROSS: Ok, sure Rach. Where and when.

RACH: Top of the Empire State building at 9:00. (ROSS looks very shocked.)

ROSS: of the Empire state Building? At nine?

RACH: Yeah I know, but he’s just getting back and he wanted to take his wife there, so we arranged to meet there.

ROSS: (Slowly:) O.k.

RACH: Plus I’ve never been up there, so I didn’t mind.

ROSS: O.k. Why at nine?

RACH: Well, only time he could make it, and the only time I could get an appointment.

ROSS: So, how do I know who he is?

RACH: If you come to my place about 8 and I’ll give you the papers and a photo so you know what he looks like.

ROSS: (Slowly and unsurley:) O.K then. See ya then! (He walks out quickly.)

MONI: Would you care to explain what that was about?

PHOE: Weren’t you listening?

MONI: Yes I was! Why didn’t you ask me?.

RACH: Sorry Mon, it’s just that he had a bad day.

CHAN: And this is supposed to help him?

MONI: Shut up Chandler.

CHAN:( Feigning sadness:) Fine, I’m obviously not wanted here! (Walks out.)

MONI:(Beliving that he’s upset:) Oh, I’m sorry honey! (Gets up and goes after him.)


RACH:That was weird.

PHOE: It was?

JOEY: Not as weird as you and Ross.

RACH: What?

JOEY: Oh come one Rach. That story is soo unrealistic.

PHOE: He’s right you know.

RACH: No he isn’t.

PHOE: Yes he is! You can always get docters appointments.

RACH:(Getting up:) Not with this docter! And I would never do that to Ross! You’re so mean to think I would. (She walks out.)

PHOE: Do you belive her?

JOEY: Not one tiny bit.

(Time lapse. Joey & Rachels. It’s about 8:oopm and RACHEL’S alone. She’s rushing about in her bedroom and drawers are upturned and books are open etc… basically the place is a mess. She is muttering while looking.:) A picture of a guy he hasn’t seen, I need a guy he hasn’t seen. (she looks up for a second.) Eww. Ohh, I think I’ve found it! (She is holding a small portrait, you cant see whos on it. There’s a knock at the door. She grabs an a envelope and the photo and rushes to the door. She opens it, it’s ROSS.:) Hey.

ROSS: Hey. You have it?

RACH: Right here. (She hands him the package.)

ROSS: Thanks, I’ll go now.

RACH: It was nice doing buisness with you.

ROSS: Same. (He walks off.)

(Scene: Empire State Building. It’s about 9:10 and ROSS is standing alond holing the envelope by his side and the photo to his face, he’s looking around and looks a bit frustrated.)

ROSS: Where is he! I could kill Rach!

(Time Lapse of about 15 minutes.)

ROSS:(Anrigly) I am so DEFINITLY gonna kill Rachel!

WOMAN:(From behind him.) Why? (ROSS turns around and sees RACHEL standing there.)

ROSS:( Pointing at RACHEL and looking mad.:) You! You set me up! There is no guy!

RACH: You think I set you up?

ROSS: Yeah!

RACH: What? Where is he?

ROSS: Why are you here?

RACH: Well, he cancelled my appointment so I came up to see how it went.

ROSS: Well the jerk didn’t show up!

RACH: Oh Ross honey, come here. (she hugs him and he looks annoyed but doesn’t move.) Hey, how about we have a soda and enjoy the veiw while we’re up here. We can also look out for Mark

ROSS: The guy was called Mark. The Mark? That’s why he stood me up!

RACH: For starters, it’s not the Mark, and it wasn’t a date.

ROSS: Not a date? It was a set date to meet! And he didn’t come.

RACH: Ok, look Ross, don’t hate me ok?

ROSS: What? Why?

RACH: Well, just after you came he phoned to say he couldn’t come. That’s why I’m up here.

ROSS: That’s just great Rach. Why didn’t you phone my mobile?

RACH: Coz I don’t know your number. Look, lets just enjoy this ok? I love the veiw!

ROSS: (Giving up:) Ohh k. But you pay for my soda. (RACHEL smiles at him.)

(Time lapse: They’re walking around with sodas quite close to the edge looking over at the veiw.)

RACH:(Dreamiliy:) Isn’t it pretty?

ROSS: (Forgiven her:) Yeah. It’s quite something. You know Carol and I used to come up here all the time. We used to….(cut off.)

RACH: I don’t think we want to know about this now Ross.

ROSS: K. Should we sit down?

RACH: Ok. (They go and find somewhere to sit down.) Oh and Ross…(he doesn’t quite hear her.)

ROSS: (Cuts RACHEL off:) Oh, they make the nicest (Realises that RACHEL was trying to say something:) Oh I’m sorry Rach, what were you trying to say?

RACH: Oh, nothing. It doesn’t matter.


(They stare off to the distance for a minute. RACHEL seems to be thinking hard.)

RACH: Ok Ross, there was something I had to tell you.

ROSS: Oh really? What is it Rach?

RACH: Ok. I promise you that I’m totally serious about this. It is not a joke.

ROSS:(Seriously:) Sure Rach, I promise. What’s wrong?

RACH: Do you remember about 3 months ago, waking up with a bad hangover?

ROSS: I don’t know. I don’t think so Rach.

RACH:(Surprised:) Oh, really, you sure that you didn’t wake up on your couch all drousy.

ROSS: I’m not sure, why Rach. Wait a sec, maybe I do remember. Yeah, I think I might of. It was a long time ago Rach. What? How would you know?

RACH: Well, I remember coming over because I was really upset about something, I don’t remember what though.

(We go into a flash back scene. It’s Ross’ place. He’s sitting on his own watching some film about dinosaurs with a beer in his hand. There is a knock at the door. ROSS goes to open it. It’s a very depressed looking RACHEL.:)

ROSS: Rach, hi. What are you doing here.

RACH: I don’t know. (She walks in straight past him.)

ROSS:(Closing the door:) Rach whats wrong?

RACH: Well, I was having dinner with Tag at my place, it was all romantic and everything. Then I asked him if he wanted to move to the bedroom and he said no, this is moving too fast! Then he said he had to go! I mean, is there something hiddeously wrong with me? Why? What is it? Is he just really baddly fridged? Oh god. I just need a drink. (She goes into the kitchen.) (O.S) Oh Ross, turn off that dinosaur crap on the T.V.

ROSS:(Turning off the T.V:) I’m sure there’s nothing wrong woth you Rach. Your gorgeous and nice. Come on, I even went out with you.

RACH:(O.S) That’s why I’m worried!

ROSS:(Doe’s the ‘Ross upset/annoyed look at the camera:) There’s no chance you could fetch one of those for me is there Rach?

RACH:( Comes out of the Kitchen with 2 beers and a bottle of wine and 1 of whiskey.) This o.k.

ROSS:(Very surprised:) Wow! Rach? What…wha…what are you trying to do?

RACH:(In a ‘duh’ voice:) Get seriously pissed. Gonna join me?

ROSS: Are you sure? Do you remember what happened the last time we got drunk together? Married Rach. Married!

RACH: Ross, we aren’t in Vegas any more anyway.

ROSS: Yeah, but…

RACH: Ross, when was the last time you had a date?

ROSS: I think there’s more beers in the kitchen!

(RACHEL nods and smiles slightly.)

(Time Lapse: ROSS and RACHEL are on the couch, even more drunk then they were in Vegas.)

ROSS: Heee.e.ey. Do ya wanna dohaho summthin wild?

RACH: We betta ‘ave dun it beffffore coz I don’t wanna try sumthin new.

ROSS: Oh we’ve definitly dun it before…298 timesssss! (hic ups. He cups RACHEL face in his hands and kisses her clumsily. She looks at him and says:) Yeah baby!

(Back to the present:)

ROSS:(Janice style:) Oh My God.

RACH: I know. I woke up in my apartment. I spent the whole day in bed! I don’t even know how I got back!

ROSS: Iknow. God, we should never get drunk again.

RACH: Ross there’s more.

ROSS: What?

RACH: Well, because of that, and the reason I was there. (ROSS looks quizzical.) Tag.


RACH: Gives me reson to believe, well that…..

ROSS: Yeah.

RACH: That you’re the father of my baby.

ROSS:(More shocked then when Carol told him she was pregnant.:) Oh.

(Fades out: Monica & Chandlers. CHANDLER & PHOEBE are there on the couch. Enter JOEY:)

JOEY: Well that’s it. My plays finished. Now I have to find more work. This part really sucks.

CHAN: Well if it helps, I thought you were great.

PHOE: Yeah, a real star.

JOEY:(looks happy, but then looks sad again.:) But still. It sucks.

PHOE:( Standing up:) Oh come here honey. (Opens here arms and JOEY hugs her. Enter MONICA:)


JOEY:(Breaking the hug.) My plays finished.

MONI: Oh, sorry Joey. But if it’s any consolation I thought you were great out there.

JOEY:(Smiling:) Oh, thinks Mon.

MONI: No problem. I wonder where Ross and Rachel are. They’ve both been gone a long time.

(Switch to ROSS and RACHEL in the same positions as before but a little later.They’ve started talking again.)

ROSS: Well Rach…wow! I’m gonna be a father a second time! And it’s good that were, you know friends. Coz it’s bad to have it with 1 first date guy you’ve never met.

RACH: Yeah, ‘spose. But it still sucks! (She starts to cry.)

ROSS:(Hugs her.:) Oh honey don’t cry! It’s gonna be ok. You’re gonna be a Mom! That’s the greatest bit.

RACH: I know, it’s just that, I always thought that the guy I had my first baby with I would be in love with, and we’d be married. And now…….it turns out to be you.

ROSS: Oh….I see. Well it was like that for me. Remember with Carol?

RACH: You see? You’re used to this! Oh, I wish we were still together, coz then it would be ok.

ROSS:(Thinks for a bit:) You know what Rach, we could be together.

RACH: What? Ross your crazy!

ROSS: No Rachel I’m not. We’re gonna have a baby together. It couln’t be more perfect!

RACH: I know. (ROSS cups her face in his hands.) Look, Ross, I’m with you so far. But there’s one problem. I don’t love you any more.

ROSS: I know. I don’t love you like that either. But we started off without love and we gained it, and I’m sure, if we were given time, I could love you too.

RACH: Really? Oh, you’re right. I think I could love you to Ross. But I’m not sure about this.

ROSS: Didn’t you always think that we’d get back together some where along the line?

RACH: Well, yes..but.

ROSS: And now I think it’s perfect. For us and for our kid.

RACH: Oh Ross your right! But we could fight. And it’ll all break up, and be even harder for our baby!

ROSS: But we wouldn’t know if we don’t try.

RACH: I suppose. But how do I know I can trust you?

ROSS: Oh Rach! I’m sorry about Chloe, God knows I’m killing myself over it! But this is now and I need you Rach.

RACH: Oh god. I need you to Ross. (They kiss very passionately.) Oh my God. (She smiles.)

ROSS: I know.

RACH: Lets take a walk and enjoy the veiw.

(Cut to: Monica & Chandlers. It’s the morning after. All are there except ROSS & RACHEL. They’re all sitting except for MONICA.)

MONI: Where is she! I know Ross came home last night but Rachel never called. Are you sure she wasn’t there Joey?

JOEY: Well I came home with Cindy at about 1:00 and she wasn’t there then. I checked to make sure we wouldn’t wake her up. And she wasn’t there in the morning.

MONI:(She sits down next to CHANDLER on the couch.) Oh god! I hope she’s ok.

CHAN: (Putting his arm around her.) I’m sure she’ll be fine sweety. Don’t worry.

MONI: You think?

CHAN: Yeah. (She smiles.)

(Enter RACHEL.)

RACH:(Happily:) Helllllo.

MONI: (Ges up and walks over to her quickly:) Where the hell have you been?

RACH: Don’t worry honey. I’ve been..(At this point ROSS walks in.)

ROSS: Hey.


PHOE: Ok Rach, where were you?

RACH: Ok guys, sit down.

(MONICA sits down in the same place as before but ROSS stays standing.:)

JOEY: Ross, she said all of us.

ROSS: No it’s ok Joe, I’ll stay standing.

MONI: Ok, let’s just get down to what Rach wanted to say.

(RACHEL walks into the centre of the seating area and ROSS follows.)

RACH: Ok guys. Fistly, Ross and I are back together! (Takes ROSS’S hand.)

M/C/J/P:Oh my god/really/ wow/congrats…etc…..

PHOE: Why?

RACH: Well that’s the best bit! (To ROSS: Honey do you want to tell them?)

ROSS: K, The main reson is that…well….her baby is mine.

MONI: WHAT!!!!????

RACH: Well, we got drunk a while back, and…well.

JOEY: Wow! Guys this is huge. (All except MONICA get up and hug them.)

ROSS: And you know what. If all works out, well get married beforethe baby’s born! (P/J/C hug them again.)

RACH: Mon, are you ok?

MONI:(Truly happy.) Oh yeah, this is great I’m so happy for you!

CHAN: But?

MONI: Well, it’s just that….(she gets up and angrily says:) Thunder being stolen! (She walks out.)

RACH: What???

Well, that’s it. My first Fanfic. Did you like it? Please PLEASE tell me what you think. Please send feedback to I just want to know if I should write another one.

By the way, I know this was mainly a Ross and Rachel fanfic but I’m actually a Monica and Chandler fan, so sorry R&R fans but if I write another it’ll be more a Monica and Chandler fic.

C ya and thanks for reading it.