The One With Quake

Written by: Aukon

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright,
Kaufman and Crane.

[Scene :M&R Place.Mon & Phoebe are talking. Joey enters. The skin around his eyes is red as though he's been crying but he is keeping a straight face ]

Joey: Hey guys

Monica: Hey Joe

Joey: (Lip trembling) Hey, are you guys, like, gonna be, you know, running at any point in the day. Because if if you are (close to tears) , can I watch (starts sobbing like a little girl)

Monica: (rushing to him) aaawww! What's the matter?

Phoebe: Did the chick and duck gang up on you again?

(Monica gives Phoebe a look) (by now Joey is sitting on the kitchen floor and Monica is trying to comfort him)

Joey: (sniff) No, they've (sniff) they've (sniff) CANCELLED BAYWATCH (he begins to sob into Monicas shoulder)


[Scene : Continued.]

Phoebe: But why would they cancel Baywatch

Joey: I don't know (sniff) they just said that they won't be showing another episode until next week

Monica: (getting up) Well that's not so bad then

Joey: (shocked) Are you crazy? A whole week without the running!! (he curls up into a ball muttering to himself) running, running. Run, Yasmine, Run!!!

Monica: Come on Joey, you can't just sit there all week

Joey: Yes I can

Monica: No you can't. Where's Chandler? Is he sobbing in his room?

Joey: No, he went to the office to catch up on some work.

Monica: Well, why don't you go in to see him. It might cheer you up.

Joey: Yeah, okay.

(Joey leaves as Ross enters)

Ross: What's up with Joey?

Phoebe: Baywatch withdrawal

Ross: oh

[Scene : Chandlers Office. Chandler is wearing a walkman and typing at his computer. Joey enters]

Chandler: Hey Joe, heard the news huh.

Joey: Yeah. Monica said I should find something to keep my mind of it.

Chandler: Well, I'll be a while. Why don't you mess around with that spare computer over there.

(Chandler replaces his headphones as Joey slouches across the room into the seat)

[Scene: some time later Chandler begins to go]

Chandler: Let's go Joe

Joey: (no sign of previous depression) Hang on a sec, DIE YOU EVIL STROGG!!

Chandler: What are you playing?

Joey: Some game I found (he hands Chandler a CD case)

Chandler: Ah, Quake 2. (checks his watch) Hey, Do you want me to play with you? ( Joey gives him a strange look ) The game you idiot.

Joey: Oh! Sure. But prepare to be whipped!

Chandler: (sitting back at his machine and starting the game) PFFFTT! I've played this game more than you have.

[Scene: Some more time later Chandlers hair is wet and on end from sweat]

Chandler: [thinking] Come on where are you? I know, ill just jump on that moving platform I saw and grab the BFG10K. Then we'll see who's whipped!

[The platform is half way to the BFG when Chandler hears the sound of a rather bigass energy weapon charge up. JOEY HAD BEEN CAMPING ON THE BFG LEDGE!]


Chandler: NO NO NONONONO YOU CAMPING $@#%&!!!!!!!!

Joey: (evil laugh) BUUH HAHAHAW!!!!! 52 frags to 25

Chandler:One more game! I know I can beat you

Joey: Well, It's your Funeral

[They play]

Chandler: [Thinking] That's right, Go get the Hyperblaster! Then ill flood the chamber with lava and ill laugh in your face

[Joey enters the glass chamber and grabs the hyperblaster]

Chandler: (out loud) YES!!!!!! (He presses the switch and the chamber seals off. Lava floods the chamber and Dr. Drake shrieks in pain but just before he dies...)


Chandler: No! (he taps the monitor) NONO! (He hits the monitor) NONONONONONONO!!! (Shakes the monitor) DAMN IT!

Joey: Dr Drake survives!!!! (He does a celebration dance) Go Draky! Go Draky! Go Draky! Going down!!

[Scene:Central Perk. Ross Phoebe and Joey are here.]

Ross: Quake 2 huh. Pretty addictive game.

Joey: Yeah! But I won!

Ross: You weren't camping were you?

Joey: Yeah I was. So what?

Ross: (disapproving sound) I have a friend at the museum who plays regularly and he says camping is very frowned on in Quake games. People tend to gang up on them.

Joey: Well its just Chandler. What's he gonna do?

[Chandler enters carrying two small suitcases. He places both of them on the table]

Ross: Going somewhere?

Chandler: Nope (he opens the cases to reveal that they contain laptop computers. He begins to set them up) Fancy a re-match?

Joey: Cool!! (they begin playing)

Ross: Well I'd better be going. Ill leave you two to your fun.

[Chandler and Joey are oblivious]

Ross: Goodbye!!

[They both wave and grunt a vague farewell]

Phoebe: Ohh Pretty colors! Ohh lookout Joey, he's behind you!!! Oh Oh Oh look out!!

[Chandler and Joey turn and look at her]

Phoebe: Whoops! I'll keep quiet.

[They nod and return to the game]

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: Phoebe and Monica are talking about Joey and Chandlers new obsession]

Monica: Two hours?

Phoebe: Yeah, and they're still playing. I left because I was feeling hungry.

[Joey and Chandler enter carrying the cases]

Monica: Hey guys, Got bored?

Joey: No, Gunther threw us out (makes "I don't know why" gesture)

Chandler: Because you shouted out at the top of your voice "In your face Crack$@#%&!"

Joey: Oh

Chandler: But that doesn't let you off the hook. I've worked out the problem, whenever we play we're in the same room.

[Scene: We first see Joey playing in J&C Place. We pan to see a cable made from a load of printer cables linked together, stretched dangerously across the hallway and into M&R place where Chandler is playing]

Chandler: This is much better. IN YOUR FACE $@#%&!

Monica: Hey!

Chandler: Not you honey.

[Scene: Hallway. Ross is reading a natural history magazine while walking. He doesn't see the cable and trips over it.]


[Joey and Chandler rush out]

J&C: Oh my God

Ross: It's alright, nothing broken.

[Joey and Chandler ignore him. Chandler repairs the break in the cable and they both rush back to the game. Monica enters and helps Ross up]

Monica: Are you alright? Anything broken?

Ross: Only my faith in humanity

Monica: This is getting ridiculous. I'm gonna do something.

[Scene: M&R place. Monica enters and pulls the power cable from Chandlers machine and from the wall socket. Chandler begins to chase her. She runs and falls onto the couch. Chandler jumps onto her and they begin wrestling on the floor for the cable. Ross and Phoebe enter.]

Phoebe: Yeah, Okay. Get a room!


[Scene: J&C place. Joey is playing and losing]

Joey: No NO NO NO BING YOU $@#%&

[Scene: M&R place. Phoebe is playing and Chandler is watching and grinning his face off]

Phoebe: Joey knows I'm playing right?

Chandler: (lying through his teeth) Sure!

Phoebe: Okay


That was my first Fan Fic Script. Tell me what you think. I might then write a sequel maybe involving a net cafe and a huge CTF Match with the whole cast.

Be seeing you!


Word of the day: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis