The One Where Phoebe's In Trouble






Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.


Note:  This fanfic takes place two months after my last fanfic, "TOW Stella".


Scene:  Central Perk. Stella is there, eating a gigantic piece of cake. Phoebe enters.

Stella:  Hi Pheebs.

Phoebe:  Hi. Is anyone else here?

Stella:  Nope. The married guys are looking at baby furniture and Joey's out with his new girlfriend.

Phoebe:  Joey's got a new girlfriend?

Stella:  Phoebe, Joey's always got a new girlfriend.

Phoebe:  Yeah, I guess. It's just-

Stella:  Oh no. You're pregnant, aren't you...

Credits

Scene:  Central Perk, continued.

Phoebe:  What?! No!

Stella:  Phoebe....

Phoebe:  OK, maybe, but I'm not sure. So, I was wondering, could you be there when I take the test?

Stella:  Why? Are you afraid that the others will judge you even though the exact same thing happened to them? But OK.

Phoebe:  OK, meet me at Chandler and Monica's, 6 o'clock.

Stella:  Why not now?

Phoebe:  Because I haven't actually bought it yet, and you have school.

Stella:  Pheebs, it's Saturday.

Phoebe:  I know. See you later then. (leaves)

Stella:  What a weird group of people...

Scene:  A furniture store. Ross and Rachel are looking at cribs.

Ross:  See, I think this one.

Rachel:  But it's blue and has space rockets all over it! What if it's a girl? I like this one. (points to a pink crib with fairies all over it)

Ross:  And what if it's a boy?

[Rachel sighs. Chandler and Monica come over]

Chandler:  Hi guys, how's it going?

Rachel:  Well, I like this one and Ross likes that one, what do you think?

Monica:  I think you're both being stupid. Either you get one that would work for a boy or a girl, or you wait until it's born.

Ross&Rachel:  Yeah, OK.

Monica:  Now, how about this one? (points to a plain white crib)

Chandler:  I dunno, it's a bit... Boring.

Monica:  OK then, you suggest something.

Chandler:  Well, I kinda like that one... (points to a crib with flashing lights on and a built-in CD-player)

[Monica gives him a Look]

Rachel:  Come on guys, let's settle for something more... in the middle.

Monica:  I don't think there is anything...

Ross:  Wait! Look at that one...

[Ross points at "The Perfect Crib". It's made of wood, with farmyard animals painted on it]

All:  Ooooh...

[they all rush over to it]

Rachel:  It's, it's perfect!

Monica:  Yeah! Let's buy it!

[a salesperson comes over]

Salesperson:  Are you interested in this crib?

Monica:  Ya-huh!

Rachel:  Yeah, us too!

Salesperson:  Um, that might be a problem...

Ross:  Why?

Salesperson:  Because this is the only one we have left.

Chandler:  Well, can't we just order another one?

Salesperson:  Um, no.

Monica:  Why not?

Salesperson:  They don't make them anymore. I could, however, give you a different crib for free if you buy this one...

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler, Monica, Ross and Rachel enter, followed by some delivery men carrying the crib.

Monica:  OK, just put it in there. (gestures towards Rachel's old room)

Rachel:  Tell me again why you get the nice crib...

Monica:  I won it, fair and square, OK? It's not my fault you did scissors instead of paper.

Rachel:  Yeah, but Mon... I mean, it's not a very grown-up way to settle things, is it?

Monica:  What, you want me to get my lawyer on the case? Cos I assure you, I'm gonna win it!

Rachel:  Mon, there is no case. I was only saying.

Monica:  Anyway, yours isn't that bad...

[some more delivery men enter, carrying the boring white crib]

Delivery Man:  Where do you want this one?

Ross:  Oh, um, across the street.

Delivery Man:  You could've said so! Now we've lugged it all the way up these stairs for nothing.

Chandler:  Yeah, we couldn't do that cos we were too busy arguing.

[the delivery man gives his pal a signal; they put the couch down and leave]

Ross:  Hey! Come back! (goes out for a second, then comes back in) Yeah, they're gone.

[the other delivery guys come out of the baby's room]

Chandler:  Um, excuse me, do you think you could-

[they ignore him and leave]

Chandler:  -push rudely past me?

Monica:  Hey! Hey! Get back in here, right now!

[a long pause]

Rachel:  I don't think they're coming back.

[Joey enters]

Joey:  Hi guys.

All:  Hi.

Rachel:  Where's your date?

Joey:  She's in the shower. Why is there a crib in your kitchen?

Ross:  The delivery guys left it here.

Joey:  Why isn't it in the bedroom?

Ross:  It's ours.

Joey:  You sleep in a crib?!

Rachel:  No! It's for the baby.

Joey:  OK, I'm confused.

Monica:  The delivery guys delivered our crib- (Joey gives her a look that obviously means "You sleep in a crib?!") -our baby's crib, and they left Ross and Rachel's crib here too.

Joey:  Oh...

Ross:  So, do you think you could help us bring it over to ours?

Joey:  Yeah, sure. (picks it up easily and heads for the door, then stops) Why did you get such a boring crib, anyway?

Scene:  Ross and Rachel's apartment. Joey enters with the crib, the others follow.

Rachel:  OK Joey, just put it in our room.

[Ross opens the door for him, and a great dane jumps out, barking. Everyone jumps back in shock]

Chandler:  Since when do you guys have a dog?

Ross:  (trying, unsuccessfully, grab it by the collar) We don't.

Rachel:  (through clenched teeth) It's probably another of Stella's jokes.

Chandler:  Probably?!

[Ross manages to catch the dog by the collar]

Ross:  Let's go ask her, shall we?

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Stella is sitting on the couch as Phoebe comes out of the bathroom.

Stella:  Well?

Phoebe:  It says wait three minutes. Three minutes is too long!

Stella:  Do you want me to go and look?

Phoebe:  Uh-huh.

Stella:  OK. (goes into the bathroom and closes the door)

[the rest of the gang enter with the dog]

All:  Hi Pheebs.

Phoebe:  Hi.

Rachel:  Is Stella here? I need to talk to her about this dog.

Phoebe:  Yeah, she's in the bathroom.

Rachel:  I guess it can wait.

[they all sit down]

Monica:  So Phoebe, what have you been doing all day?

Phoebe:  Um-

[the door opens and a beautiful woman enters]

Joey:  Terry! Come over here! (as Terry comes to sit down) Guys, this is Terry.

Terry:  Aww, what a cute dog!

Rachel:  Yeah, it's not mine.

[they all get talking]

Stella:  (coming out of the bathroom with a pregnancy test in her hand and a look of disbelief on her face) P...pos...pos...positive...

Rachel:  Stella?!

Stella:  (snapping out of it) What?

[everyone stays silent]

Stella:  Oh! It's not mine, it's Phoebe's. (laughs) Do you honestly think I'm as stupid as you guys?

[everyone turns round to look at Phoebe, who is trying to hide under a cushion]

Monica:  Phoebe?!

Phoebe:  I'm not Phoebe, I'm Ursula!

Stella:  Phoebe...

Ross:  But, but whose is it?

Stella:  Joey's.

Terry:  What?!

Stella:  Yeah, when you were on your honeymoon they slept together.

[Terry gasps, slaps Joey and rushes out]

Stella:  And now I'm gonna go before one of them kills me. (whistles) Bruno!

[the dog gets up and stands next to her]

Stella:  (cheerfully) Bye!

[Stella and the dog (Bruno) leave. Everyone stares at Phoebe]

Phoebe:  What, and the exact same thing didn't happen to you?

Commercial Break

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's bedroom. The girls rush Phoebe in.

Monica:  You're pregnant?!

Rachel:  By Joey?!

Phoebe:  Yes.

Monica:  But, butbut, how?!

Phoebe:  Oh, I don't know, probably the same way you guys got pregnant.

Monica:  That wasn't quite what I meant.

Phoebe:  I dunno, it just happened, OK?

Rachel:  So, what are you gonna do?

Phoebe:  I don't know!

Cut to:  The living room. The guys are there.

Joey:  I mean, what can I do?

Ross:  Well, you could marry her...

Joey:  Ross, I don't even love her! She's just a friend, same as she is to you.

Chandler:  Then I guess you'll just have to support her as much as you can, y'know, what else can you do?

Joey:  I, I just don't think I'm ready to be a dad.

Chandler:  Neither do I, but I'm gonna be one whether I want to or not, so why fight it?

Joey:  I dunno, I need some time to think about it. On my own. I'll see you guys later. (leaves)

Ross:  Joey! Ugh, (turns to Chandler) what's he gonna do?!

Chandler:  Well, I'm guessing, maybe, what I said?

Ross:  Oh, I don't know! All these pregnancies are doing my head in.

Chandler:  Yeah, how did it happen?!

[Rachel comes out of Chandler and Monica's room]

Ross:  Well?

Rachel:  She's really upset. Where's Joey?

Chandler:  Oh, the shock overloaded his brain, so he's gone to think about it. Knowing Joey, that could take quite a long time.

Rachel:  You mean he's gone?

Chandler:  Yup.

Rachel:  Where to?

Chandler:  I don't know?

[Rachel sighs and sits down next to Ross. Phoebe and Monica come out of Chandler and Monica's room]

Phoebe:  Where's Joey, I need to talk to him.

Rachel:  He's not here.

Phoebe:  Then where is he?

Ross:  Probably in your apartment.

Phoebe:  Thanks. (leaves)

Rachel:  So, big mess they've gotten themselves into, huh?

Monica:  Rachel, don't gossip, it's not nice.

Rachel:  Yeah, I guess.

[everyone stays silent for a few seconds]

Monica:  OK, I was kidding.

[everyone starts talking excitedly. Phoebe enters]

Phoebe:  OK, he's not there.

Chandler:  Try the coffee house.

Phoebe:  Thanks. (leaves again)

Rachel:  What do you think they're gonna do?

Ross:  Well, I guess they'll have to work it out somehow.

Monica:  Maybe she'll get an abortion.

Chandler:  Um, excuse me, have you just met Phoebe?! The chances of her getting an abortion are about the same as the chances of Joey secretly being a woman.

Rachel:  That's a good point.

[Stella enters with Bruno]

Stella:  Hi guys.

Rachel:  Stella, you know you can't keep that dog.

Stella:  But I've had him for years! He's my best friend.

Chandler:  If you've had him for years how come he's only just got here?

Stella:  It takes a long time to get an animal from England to the USA, y'know.

Monica:  Wait, you were in England?

Stella:  Yeah, last year. I stayed with one of my cousins on my mom's side.

Ross:  And how come you never mentioned it?

Stella:  You never asked. Phoebe's coming back up, by the way.

[Phoebe enters]

Phoebe:  He's not there either.

Stella:  Of course not, he's gone to his grandmother's.

Rachel:  How do you know that?

Stella:  I met him in the hallway, just now.

Phoebe:  OK, where does his grandmother live?

Stella:  How should I know?!

Monica:  Try looking in his address book.

Phoebe:  He doesn't have one!

Ross:  Then you'll have to wait 'til he comes back...

Phoebe:  What if he doesn't come back?!

Stella:  Oh, I just remembered, I know one of his sisters.

Rachel:  How?

Stella:  She's married to a relative of mine. Do you want me to call them?

Phoebe:  What do you think?

Stella:  I don't know what I think, my thoughts are to complicated to understand.

Phoebe:  OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO CALL THEM!

Stella:  (totally calm) OK then, I'll call. (picks up the phone starts to dial, and then pauses) I'm not gonna pay for this call, y'know.

Phoebe:  JUST GET ON WITH IT!

Stella:  It's not good to get too upset when you're pregnant, so stop it.

Phoebe:  I'LL STOP IT IF YOU MAKE THAT CALL ALREADY!

Stella:  OK, fine. (goes into Chandler and Monica's bedroom)

Rachel:  So Pheebs, what'cha gonna do?

Phoebe:  Oh, I don't know! I have to talk to Joey.

Chandler:  Well, look on the bright side, the kids will all be the same age.

Phoebe:  Oh, yeah, that's totally overshadowed all the bad stuff.

Monica:  Honey, it's gonna be OK.

Phoebe:  Yeah, whatever.

Ross:  Chandler's right, it's good for kids to grow up with others the same age.

Rachel:  Pheebs, we're all here for you, you know that.

Phoebe:  (getting all emotional) Thanks you guys!

Stella:  (coming out of the bedroom) OK, here you go. (hands Phoebe a piece of paper)

Monica:  How did you get it that fast?

Stella:  It's a knack. Well Pheebs, what're you waiting for? Go!

Phoebe:  OK, OK, I'm going! Thanks. (leaves)

Stella:  So what's gonna happen?

[everyone starts talking excitedly again]

Scene:  Joey's grandmother's house (the one who doesn't speak english). It's by a lake. Phoebe pulls up in her grandmother's cab, goes up to the house, and rings the bell. One of Joey's sisters comes to the door.

Joey's sister (actually I'm just gonna say it's Dina):  Joey doesn't want to see you. (starts to close the door again)

Phoebe:  Wait, wait! Just five minutes?

Dina:  He doesn't want to see you.

Phoebe:  Please? Look, it's really important that I talk to him! You can eavesdrop if you want.

Dina:  (thinks about it) Yeah, OK!

Phoebe:  Thanks.

Dina:  He's upstairs.

[Phoebe goes inside and upstairs, into Joey's room. He's sitting on the bed by the window, looking out onto the lake]

Phoebe:  Hi.

Joey:  D'you like the view? This used to be my room when we came to visit nonni. My sisters all shared a room, but I was up here all by myself. It was my favorite place on Earth.

Phoebe:  Joey, we really need to talk.

Joey:  I know, it's just...Phoebe, I'm scared.

Phoebe:  (sitting down next to him) I know Joey, so am I. But we're just gonna have to accept it, cos we're gonna be parents. And I just think it would be easier for both of us if we tried our best to support each other.

[a pause]

Joey:  OK, I'll try.

Phoebe:  Thanks.

[they hug, then look up as they hear a noise. We see Dina, listening from behind the door]

Dina:  (in tears) That's so sweet!

Credits

Scene:  Ross and Rachel's bedroom. Night. Ross and Rachel enter and pull the covers up. They're about to get into bed when they notice that the dog is lying there.

Ross&Rachel:  (angrily) STELLA!!!

The End