Written by Kat.

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright,
Kaufman and Crane.

(SCENE: Chandler & Monica's. It's early evening, and Chandler, Monica, Rachel & Phoebe are sitting down talking. Rachel and Phoebe look bored. Chandler is wearing a blue shirt and black trousers. Monica is wearing a little black cardigan and white jeans. Rachel is wearing brown suede trousers and a white top. Phoebe is wearing a green and purple tie-dyed floor length cardigan, with a little black top and black trousers.)

MON: So anyway, the cable guy had it all wrong. We didn't order the Playboy channel at all! Right, Chandler?

CHAN(quiet): Of course not.

MON: And you know what?

RACH(bored): What?

MON: They gave us all the movie channels for a bargain price!

PHOE(bored): Yay.

(Chandler looks at Monica adoringly)

MON: What?

CHAN: You are so sweet.

(Monica smiles, and Rachel looks disgusted.)

MON: I gotta go be a chef now, okay? See ya later, guys. (Chandler stands up) Bye you. (They kiss)

CHAN: Bye.

(He waves, while Phoebe and Rachel look even more bored, and further disgusted)

(Monica leaves)

RACH(to Chandler): Oh my god!

(Chandler sits back down)

CHAN: What?

RACH(mimicking Chandler): You are so sweet, Monica.

(Phoebe mimics Monica, and smiles back at Rachel, but over the top)

(Rachel stands up and waves at the door like Chandler did to Monica, then raises her eyebrows at Chandler)

CHAN: What?

PHOE: You're not fun anymore.

CHAN: No way! I'm fun.

RACH: No, Chandler, you're boring. Not fun, boring.

CHAN: I am so not boring!

PHOE: All you do is see anything to do with Monica, and you melt. Ew.

CHAN: I don't!

(Rachel thrusts a photo of Monica in his hand)

RACH: Don't look at it!

CHAN: Okay, that's easy.

(After a few seconds, he glances down and smiles at the photo)

PHOE: Chandler! You are so...

CHAN(bored): Boring? Predictable? Annoying?

PHOE/RACH: Yes!

CHAN: Which one?

PHOE: Um...I'd have to go with all of them.

OPENING CREDITS

(SCENE: Phoebe & Rachel's. It is morning, and a guy - PAUL- is sitting on the sofa in a dressing gown. Phoebe is sitting next to him, also in a dressing gown)

PAUL: You look hot first thing in the morning.

(Phoebe giggles)

PHOE: Well...

(They kiss)

PHOE: I'm gonna get dressed, okay?

(Paul gets up and turns on the TV)

PAUL: Whatever.

(Phoebe looks surprised, but shrugs and walks into the bathroom)

(Rachel comes out of her room. She is wearing blue pedal pushers, and a strappy white top with a blue flower on it)

(Paul watches her walk across the room. Rachel doesn't appear to have noticed him. She leans down to open the fridge, and Paul is obviously looking at Rachel's bum)

(Rachel pulls out a bottle of water, and goes to sit down. She notices Paul, and jumps)

RACH: Oh!

PAUL: Hey. I'm Paul.

RACH: Paul who?

PAUL: Paul Adams. Why?

RACH(bothered): I don't mean Paul who. I mean who are you?

PAUL: Oh. I'm Phoebe's friend.

RACH: Friend? Do you mean boyfriend?

PAUL: Whatever. (he looks at her chest, and she notices)

RACH: Hey! Cut that out!

PAUL: What?

RACH: Quit looking at me! (she shudders)

PAUL: I'm not. I'm just appreciating a well formed body.

RACH: Isn't that what Phoebe's for?

PAUL: Oh I get it. You're insecure about your body. You don't need to be. You're hot. If I wasn't with Phoebe...Well, actually it probably wouldn't make a lot of difference. What d'ya say?

RACH: I, uh, I'm gonna drink my water in my room. See ya later. (under breath) Wish I could say it was nice meeting you.

(She goes in her room)

PAUL: Well, it was very nice meeting you...

PHOE(from bathroom): Huh?

PAUL: I said, I'm coming in!

PHOE: Ooh...Okay!

(SCENE: Chandler & Monica's. Monica, Joey and Ross are there. Joey is flicking through the channels. Monica is wearing a purple 3/4 length sleeve top and dark blue jeans. Joey is wearing a green sweater and brown jeans. Ross is wearing a white shirt and grey trousers)

JOEY: Don't you guys have the Playboy channel? Chandler said he was gonna try and get it!

(Monica looks annoyed)

ROSS: Hey, I might wanna watch something!

JOEY: What?

(Ross snatches the remote off of Joey)

ROSS: Well, there's this documentary on-

JOEY: Boring!

ROSS: How do you know it's boring? I didn't even tell you what it's about yet.

JOEY: Well, first off, cos you're watching it, and second, that's all you watch anyway. Boring stuff.

ROSS: I-

MON: Cut it out! Just watch MTV or something. (the guys look sulky) And one more word, you won't have the remote.

JOEY: Looks like someone's already started playing mum.

ROSS: Yeah! Monica, you haven't had the baby yet.

MON: Right, gimme the remote.

ROSS(whining): Monica...

MON: Ross. The remote. Now.

(ROSS tuts and hands it over.)

ROSS: Mum never took the remote from me.

(Rachel enters, flustered. She is wearing the same as before)

RACH: Hi.

ALL: Hey, Rach!

MON: What's the matter?

RACH: Where's Chandler?

MON(smiling): He went to the store for me.

(Joey coughs and at the same time he says "whipped")

MON: What was that Jo?

JOEY: Oh, nothing.

MON: Rachel, what's wrong? I can always tell when something is wrong. Especially with you.

RACH: Okay, but you promise you won't freak or tell Phoebe. (they all nod) Okay, well, her boyfriend was looking at me.

ROSS: You know, Rach, that's not actually an offence.

RACH: Yeah, but he was looking at me.

JOEY: I don't get it.

MON: He was looking at you? Oh my god!

JOEY: What did he do?

MON: He looked at her, y'know, looked at her.

JOEY(realising): Ohh! Oh. Rach, are you okay?

ROSS: What'd he do?

RACH: He was staring at my breasts, Ross.

(Ross blushes)

MON: Ahh, he's blushing. How cute. (pause) God, what a baby!

ROSS: Shutup, Mon.

MON: You shutup!

ROSS: Make me. (Monica raises her eyebrows) Not really, not really!

(Chandler enters, with a brown bag. He is wearing one of his two-tone shirts, this one is red and blue, and blue jeans)

CHAN: Hey! Hey, Mon.

MON: Hi!

(Chandler kisses her cheek, then hands her the bag)

CHAN: There's a surprise at the bottom.

MON: Oh, what?

CHAN: You'll see.

MON(reaching the bottom): Chocolate! Chandler, that's so sweet! Thankyou!

JOEY: Oh yeah, I need some of that!

CHAN: It's not for you!

JOEY: Man...

MON: I've gotta go to work, honey. But I'll see ya later. (she kisses him)

CHAN: Okay!

MON: Bye, guys. We'll talk later, okay Rachel?

RACH: Sure, whatever.

(She leaves)

JOEY: Man, he never bought me chocolate when we lived together.

RACH: Well, he never got you pregnant either! (pause) Or that's what Chandler would have said, if he hadn't had a personality removal.

CHAN: Okay, would you cut that out! I am not boring! Not even close!

RACH: Oh, please!

ROSS: She's right!

CHAN: Well, you would say that!

ROSS: What's that supposed to mean?

CHAN: You know exactly what it means! And so does Phoebe. (pause)If she were here.

JOEY: What's going on?

RACH: Yeah!

ROSS: Nothing. Chandler's having an episode.

RACH: Well, it'd have to be a boring one if Chandler was having it.

CHAN: Okay, I am not not not boring! I'm just in love. So shoot me. I can't help it! I'll be funny guy again! Just get off my case!

RACH: Sorry. God, I thought Ross was the baby.

ROSS: Hey...

RACH: Sorry. Both of you.

CHAN: I'm sorry, too.

JOEY: Finally. Now, Chandler, about this TV. Where the hell's the Playboy channel?

(SCENE: Phoebe & Rachel's. Rachel is sitting on the sofa, looking nervous. Phoebe is opposite. Rachel is wearing the same suede trousers and top. Phoebe is wearing a white strappy dress with sunflowers on it.)

RACH: So, anyway. Phoebe, do you remember when Paulo touched you?

PHOE: Wait one second. (pause) Yeah, I remember. Was that in 1600?

RACH: No, in this century.

PHOE: Oh, yeah. See, I knew another Paulo a while ago. Pretty cute...

RACH: Phoebe! Anyway, you know how hard it was for you to tell me that he hit on you?

PHOE: Uh huh.

RACH: Well, okay. Paul, well um, he, um, he hit on me. Well, not exactly hit but he definitely took a good look. I'm sorry.

PHOE: Huh?

RACH: I know it's hard, but...

PHOE: No, I didn't hear. I was watching TV.

RACH: Paul hit on me!

PHOE: What? He hit on you? When?

RACH: The other morning. He kept looking at me, or well, not me, but, y'know, me.

PHOE: Oh god. I can't believe that creep! I told him not to do that!

RACH: He's done it before?

PHOE: Well, only once. No, no, twice. My mistake.

RACH: And you're still with him? Phoebs, he's a jerk!

PHOE: I know, but he's so cute. Plus, I get to hit on whoever I want.

RACH: Well, that does sound okay...But that's not the point! Lose him, Phoebe! For me!

PHOE: Okay, okay. I guess you're right. Plus, his aura was dark brown.

RACH: Is that a bad thing?

PHOE(straight away): Yes! Yes, it's very bad! Rachel, use your head!

RACH: I'm sorry...

PHOE: Oh, now you're aura's all messed up!

(They hug)

(END SCENE: Ross & Joey's. Ross is standing in front of the mirror in his room. He is dressed as before)

ROSS(to mirror): Hey. Look, I know it's been a while, Rach, but I was wondering if you'd like to go out some time. (pause) No...Hm. Rach, do you wanna go out some time? No, no before you say no...(pause) No, that's stupid!

(Joey enters)

JOEY: Maybe you should add in "How you doin?". Oops.

ROSS: Joey!

JOEY: So, you like Rachel again?

ROSS: A little...

JOEY: You know, you are never gonna sleep with more than 4 women if you keep falling in love with the same ones!

ROSS: Shutup! And get out!

JOEY: Sorry. Just remember, Joey knows all. Who was the first to find out about Chandler and Monica dating? Joey. Who was the first one to know about them getting engaged? Joey was.

ROSS: Okay, but get out! (Joey leaves, and Ross turns to his mirror) So, Rachel, what d'ya say? You wanna go to an island and get married? Really? Me too!