The One With the New Neighbors

Fanfic by: Arnia

This is my first fanfic but I've had to publish it incomplete due to my upcoming GCSE mocks. The complete version should be ready by March 5th. Email me with comments etc. Flames will be ignored. If you wish to criticize please do so constructively and suggest improvements. I know this seems thin on jokes but this is a serious season opener to season X.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: All the gang are there. Sounds of furniture being dragged are heard]

Monica: Anyone else hear that? Loud thud followed by indistinct swearing and cursing.

(Sound of plates smashing.)

Chandler: We heard that!


[Scene: Outside Mr. Heckles old apartment. Continued from earlier]

Joey: I think the sounds are coming from in there.

Monica: Knocking on door. Hello?

(Door opens and two well dressed men come out.)

Steve: Yes? Oh, our new neighbors! Come in. My names Steve, this is Sam. We were just making some coffee. Want any?

Rachel: No, we just wanted to check to see if everything was all right.

Sam: We were just trying to fit everything in. Sorry if we disturbed you (looks at JOEY).

Steve: Anyway, thanks for checking and giving us an opportunity to say hi! We better get back to work. (Glares at SAM)

Sam: Uh... Yeah! See you later.

(They close the door and the sounds of arguing are heard through the door.)

Monica: Does anybody else feel we have stepped on something large?

Gang: Nah...No...Not at all.

Monica: That's okay then.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's: Joey is there eating breakfast with Phoebe and Monica is talking with him]

Monica: I just think that this new job will allow me to make friends.

Joey: I thought we were your friends.

Monica: You are. I just mean new friends in my line of work.

Phoebe: Yeah, like when I was working at Helping Hands I made a lot of friends.

Monica: Thanks Pheebs.

Phoebe: Oh, and enemies. I made a lot of enemies.

Monica: Not quite what I meant.

(Crunching sound. Joey screams in pain.)

Chandler: Rushing in. What? What is it?

Joey: My tooth!! I've broken a tooth!!!

Monica: Okay we've better get you to a dentist. Do you have one already?

Joey: Yeah. My Uncle Jimmy.

Monica: Chandler will take you. Won't you?

Chandler: Why me? I always have to do this kind of thing.

Monica: Because I have to get to work and you're Joey's best friend.

Chandler: I guess...

Monica: Good I've got to go. Phoebe you're with me.

Phoebe: Oh... OK.

(Monica and Phoebe leave.)

Chandler: Okay Joey lets get you a mouth doctor.

Joey: Muffled Mmh mm.

Chandler: I'll take that as a yes.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: Rachel is there as Monica and Phoebe barge in.]

Phoebe: I'm getting some really bad feelings here. Why did you leave like, y'know, all twirly and buzzy.

Monica: Last night I got woken up by some shouting downstairs. I'm talking about really loud here.

Rachel: Perhaps they were watching TV or something.

Monica: There's more. Afterwards I heard the door slam and a car beep its horn and drive off really fast.

Rachel: Okay. That's more convincing...

Monica: C'mon you guys. It won't hurt to ask.

(Cut to outside Sam and Steve's apartment. Monica's knocking on the door. Rachel and Phoebe are with her.)

Sam: Opening door. Yeah, what is it?

Monica: My God. You haven't slept have you.

Sam: No. I better get dressed for work hadn't I. What time is it?

Phoebe: Eight thirty. Where's Steve?

Sam: You should come inside.

(They enter the apartment. Cut to interior.)

Sam: The thing is that Steve and I were a couple. Yesterday I mentioned that the Italian guy upstairs was kind of cute and started shouting at me. One thing led to another and since I own the lease to this place he left.

Monica: I sort of guessed you were gay by the way Steve glared at you and the shouting I heard.

Rachel: Perhaps you better take the day off.

Sam: I can't today is my first day and I'm a lecturer at Princeton so no one has my notes.

Phoebe: What do you teach?

Sam: Maths.

Monica: Where would Steve go?

Sam: He's got an Uncle in Nassau so imagine he's gone there but he'll be at work.

Rachel: Where does he work then?

Sam: Princeton.

Rachel: Okay, you definitely shouldn't go to work.

Sam: Is the Italian guy still here?

Monica: No. Joey's not here. Why?

Sam: Because I want to tell you something else. Promise not to tell.

Girls: Yeah of course.

Sam: Well... I think I'm falling in love with Joey.

Rachel: That is large.

Sam: I know. Please don't tell any of the others. That includes the tall one.

Monica: My brother! Well OK.

Sam: Thanks.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment: No one is there. The phone rings for a few seconds and the answering machine picks up.]

Chandler: On tape. Here comes the beep. You know what to do.

Mrs. Bing: On tape. Uh... Chandler. I'm coming to New York. I need to speak with you about something very important. I'll see you tommorow. Hangs up.

(Chandler and Joey enter with Joey holding his jaw.)

Chandler: That was fun. An hour waiting for you to unlock the toilet door so that the doctor can give you a new crown.

Joey: Ha ha. At least I can now say I have a full set of teeth.

Chandler: Okay. Can you check my messages. Walks into his room

(Joey presses a button and the machine says 'Messages deleted')

Chandler: Walking back in. Anything?

Joey: Uh... n-no messages. Why? Are you expecting someone to call because perhaps you should call them right now.

Chandler: I don't think so.

Joey: Well that's all right then.

Chandler: Well it is my turn to get to work now. I've got a lot to do with Doug's ANUS that I have to go over again. How he messed it up I can't work out.

(Chandler exits.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Next day: All of the gang are there]

Joey: Look at my new crown. Opens his mouth

Monica: Yeuw... Close you mouth!

(Sam enters, sees Joey and runs out as fast as he can.)

Chandler: What was that all about?

Monica: Perhaps he forgot his wallet!

Phoebe: Or he is scared of coffee!!

Chandler: Why would he be scared of coffee?

Joey: He could have been hurt by some when a kid.

(Nora Tyler Bing enters to find Chandler.)

Mrs. Bing: Chandler?

Chandler: Mom? What are you doing here?

Mrs. Bing: Didn't you get my message?

(Joey begins to slink away.)

Chandler: To Joey. No...

Mrs. Bing: Well, Joey, you better hear this now as well.

Joey: Hear what??

(Nora and Chandler sit down and the others gather around.)

Mrs. Bing: Chandler, your father has never been able to... perform. We just thought it was impotence until he told me.

Chandler: Interrupting. I do not want to here about that!

Mrs. Bing: Anyway. When we wanted a child we went to an adoption centre. The family you were adopted from couldn't afford to care for a very sick child, as you were till you were three, and three daughters and so gave you up. That family were poor since the father was a pipe fitter which really doesn't pay well. Their apartment also wasn't very healthy so you would have died there in Queens. Anyway we kept in touch and they had another healthier son a year later.

(Everybody turns to look at Joey.)

Joey: What? (Beat) Oh! I have a brother!

(Joey goes and hugs Chandler.)


To be continued...

All characters and names copyright Marta Kauffman, David Crane and NBC 1994.