Written by: Firestorm17
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
{In addition to the normal disclaimer, I should probably say this as well. Some of the older catch phrases used to create this fanfic do not belong to me. As far as I know, they belong to the Henderson Production Company, Miller-Milkis-Boyett Productions, Paramount Television, and whoever else has the rights to "Happy Days". Also, the Dr. Lauras of the world should not read this or any of my other fanfics. Everyone else, enjoy.}
[Central Perk. The usual gang is there, as is Robyn.]
MON: So, does anybody have plans tonight?
ROSS: Monica, for the last time, I don't want you guys to make a big deal out of my birthday. I'm a little too o- (He decides against that particular word) mature for that kind of thing.
MON: Since when have you been mature?
ROBYN: She didn't even mention your birthday.
MON: I was just making conversation.
CHAN: Yeah, man. How full of yourself can you be?
PHOEBE: I didn't even realize that it was your birthday.
ROSS: (deflated) Oh, good. I have to go to work now. (He gets up to leave.) Just remember: no party.
ALL: Okay. (Ross leaves.)
MON: Is he gone?
RACH: (She checks.) Yes, and he doesn't suspect a thing.
JOEY: This is gonna be the best surprise party ever!
Opening theme.
[Central Perk. Everyone who is not currently Ross is there planning Ross's birthday party.]
MON: Let's go over this one more time. Rachel, you are?
RACH: I'm. . . taking Ross out to dinner, my treat, and I'm supposed to have him back home at, at. . .
MON: 9:30.
RACH: Oh, right.
MON: Try to remember that. And Robyn, you're bringing what?
ROBYN: My CD players and my CDs.
MON: Without?
ROBYN: Fine, fine. I promise I won't bring my CD-ROMs by mistake. You know, they didn't sound that bad.
MON: Was that so hard?
ROBYN: Hey, did any of you guys ever think that maybe we shouldn't be doing this? Maybe Ross really doesn't want a big party, and in that case, we definitely shouldn't throw him one. (Everyone gets really quiet, but then they all laugh.) Oh, man, I can't believe I said that with a straight face.
JOEY: Yeah, who wouldn't want a birthday party?
MON: All right, let's get back to business. Chandler, you and Joey are bringing chips and dips. Phoebe, you'll be helping me with the cake and the hors d'oeuvres. And remember: nobody tells Ross.
JOEY: Then, how's he going to know what he's supposed to do? (Everybody looks at Joey like he's an idiot.) What?
CHAN: Nothing, Joe. (pause) Oh, before I forget, the Wizard called. He said he's finally found you a brain.
[The set of "Laughing Out Loud". It's a couple of hours later. Joey and Jeff are in the middle of a scene, and they are sitting on the prop couch.]
JEFF: You know, Tony, now that we've been seeing each other for a while, don't you think that it's time we, you know, firmed things up?
JOEY: Actually, I seem to remember doing that on our first date.
JEFF: Well, yeah, but that wasn't what I meant. I was talking about maybe moving in together.
JOEY: I don't know, Jamie. That's a really big step.
JEFF: (really upset) A really big step? Living with me would be "a really big step"? Well, if that's the way you feel about it, then why don't you just take your "really big step" off a short pier?! (Jeff as Jamie gets off the couch and storms out the set door.)
JOEY: Jamie, wait! (Joey as Tony tries to follow, but gets the door slammed in his face.)
DIR: Cut and print! That was great, people. Take five. (Jeff walks around the end of the fake wall and comes over to talk to Joey.)
JEFF: So, Joey, are you free tonight?
JOEY: Well, actually, I'm not. Sorry, but I'm helping throw a party for a friend's birthday.
JEFF: A party? That sounds simply fabulous. I'm there.
JOEY: Well. . .
JEFF: (frostily) Oh, I forgot. With your friends, I'm still persona au gratin.
JOEY: It's not like that.
JEFF: Then what is it like? I'm getting damn sick of having to hide our relationship. In fact, I'm putting my foot down right now! As God is my witness, I will never play hetero again!
DIR: Hey, Scarlett O'Fairy! Could you speak up? There's a couple people in Uruguay who didn't hear you. (Please don't be offended; the director's just mad because Jeff dumped him.)
JEFF: (He lowers his voice.) I'm not willing to remain in a relationship with someone who won't admit it to his closest friends. (He starts to storm away.)
JOEY: Jeff, wait!
JEFF: What is it?
JOEY: Do you want to go to a party with me tonight?
Commercial.
[Ross, Rachel and Monica's apartment. It's about 8:30. Everyone except Ross and Rachel is there, setting up for the party.]
JOEY: Hey, guys. Is it okay if I bring somebody to the party.
MON: Sure, bring whoever you want to.
JOEY: Great, because I already invited somebody.
MON: Joey! What if I'd said no?
JOEY: You didn't! (Monica rolls her eyes.)
CHAN: So Joe, who's the lucky girl?
JOEY: I don't think you guys know her.
CHAN: We might.
JOEY: You don't.
CHAN: Okay, then what's her name?
JOEY: Her name?
CHAN: You know, that thing people call her instead of "Hey, you!"
JOEY: I know what a name is. Her name's Je- Her name's Jessica.
CHAN: Does she have a last name too, Joe?
JOEY: Of course she does. It's (long pause) It's Rabbit.
CHAN: You're dating a girl named Jessica Rabbit?
JOEY: Uh-huh.
CHAN: Doesn't that tick off her boyfriend Roger?
JOEY: That's real funny.
CHAN: Come on, tell us about her. What's she like? (At this point, Robyn, who has been setting up the stereo, accidentally-on-purpose turns on the radio really loud.)
RADIO: "Macho, macho man! I gotta be a macho man. Macho, macho man-" (Robyn quickly turns this off.)
ROBYN: Sorry. I must have hit the wrong button. (She gets up.) Chandler, can I see you for a minute? Now? (Chandler follows her out into the hall. Robyn closes the door.) Okay, what the hell is wrong with you? From the way you're acting, I'd almost think that-
CHAN: What? That I know about Jeff?!
ROBYN: Oh, God. How did you find out?
CHAN: (He's trying not to act upset. It's not working.) He came to see me at work. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my boyfriend.
ROBYN: You don't have a boyfriend.
CHAN: (He loses his temper.) I know!
ROBYN: Try to calm down.
CHAN: Calm down? That's easy for you to say! Nobody came to your office and outed your best friend! (He makes odd sounds.)
ROBYN: (completely calm) Joey's your best friend?
CHAN: Yeah-huh.
ROBYN: Then why don't you act like it?
CHAN: What?
ROBYN: You know what you went through when you were hiding your relationship with Monica? Having to hide that you loved someone because of what people would think?
CHAN: How could I forget?
ROBYN: Don't you think that's what Joey's going through right now?
CHAN: There's a really easy way to fix that. He could tell us.
ROBYN: On a completely unrelated note, have you told your friends you're engaged yet?
CHAN: (He opens his mouth and then shuts it.) Oh, shut up. (He goes back in.)
ROBYN: What's his problem? (She goes back into the apartment.)
[Ross, Rachel and Monica's apartment. It's about half an hour later. The apartment is pretty much ready for the party. Many more guests have arrived.]
PHOEBE: Someone's coming!
MON: Damn it; they're early. Quick, everybody hide. (Everybody hides. Someone turns off the lights. The door opens. The lights come on, and everybody jumps out.]
ALL: Surprise!
JEFF: (He's the one who just came in the door.) That would be an understatement!
JOEY: Everybody, this is my friend Jeff.
ALL: Hi, Jeff.
JEFF: ( to Joey) Is this when I'm supposed to say I'm an alcoholic? (Everybody laughs. The awkward moment is over.)
PHOEBE: So how do you know Joey?
JEFF: (The awkward moment is back.) Oh, pretty well.
ROBYN: Hey, someone's coming. (Everybody hides again.)
[Out in the hall, Ross and Rachel have returned from their date. Rachel is stalling Ross.]
RACH: So, did you have fun?
ROSS: I was with you, wasn't I? (He kisses her, and while he is doing so, she sneaks a peek at her watch.)
RACH: What exactly did you like?
ROSS: The whole evening. (He goes to open the door, but Rachel gets between him and it.)
RACH: So nothing just jumped out at you as fun?
ROSS: Well, there was one thing.
RACH: Go on.
ROSS: No, it'll sound stupid.
RACH: No, I want to hear this.
ROSS: All right. I liked that it was simple, how you didn't try to make some big deal out of my birthday.
RACH: (She's trying to sound as if nothing has just gone terribly wrong.) Oh?
ROSS: Absolutely. The last thing I need today is some big- (He opens the door.)
ALL: (except Ross and Rachel) Surprise!
ROSS: (stunned) -party.
Commercial.
[Ross, Rachel, and Monica's apartment. Ross is still shocked.]
ROSS: What- What is all this?
MON: It's your birthday party, silly.
ROSS: You guys didn't have to do this.
ROBYN: It really wasn't any trouble.
ROSS: No, I mean you really didn't have to do this.
MON: We wanted to. (The gang steers Ross over to the table with the cake. Monica lights the candles.) Take it away, Phoebe. (Phoebe gets her guitar.)
PHOEBE: (Author's note: "Happy Birthday" is still under copyright. That is why this isn't it.)
Oh, today is your birthday, the day you were born,
Your very first night and your very first morn.
All those many years ago, you were a child,
And now that you're older, it's time to go wild.
So open your presents; have cake; eat your fill.
Ignore those who say that you're over the hill.
And though no one knows what the world has in store,
We all wish that you will have thirty-one more. (She stops singing. Everyone applauds.) Happy Birthday, Ross.
MON: Blow out the candles. (Ross tries to do this, but thirty-one candles are a few too many for him. Eventually, his friends help him out. Everybody cheers.)
ROBYN: Why don't I go put on a CD so Phoebe can take a break? (She goes off to do so.)
ROSS: Guys, this is all very nice of you and everything, but you didn't have to make a fuss about my turning thirty-one.
MON: What's wrong, big brother? You feeling old or something?
ROSS: Old? Me? Don't make me laugh. Right, Rach? (This is the point when Robyn turns on the CD player. Unfortunately for everyone, it's cued to Paul Anka's "Diana".)
STEREO: "I'm so young and you're so old. This, my darling, I've been told-"
ROBYN: (She quickly stops the CD player.) Sorry.
[The party. It's about fifteen minutes later. Ross has calmed down. Robyn has finally found appropriate music for a paleontologist's birthday: "Walk the Dinosaur" by Was (Not Was).]
JOEY: Ross, I'd like you to meet my friend Jeff.
ROSS: Hello, Jeff.
JEFF: Meased to pleet you.
ROSS: Right. So, how do you know Joey?
JOEY: Just from work.
JEFF: Yeah, but what a job! Can you believe that the network actually pays us to make out? (Joey turns white.)
ROSS: (He doesn't get it.) Okay. I'm going to go somewhere else now.
MON: Ross, get over here. It's time to open your presents. (Ross goes over to the big pile of presents, where Monica is standing.) Open this one first. (Monica hands her brother one of the presents. Everyone crowds around to watch.)
ROSS: (He opens the card.) "Ross, we're sorry we couldn't be there for your birthday. Enjoy the gift. Carol, Susan and Ben." (Ross unwraps the present. It's a sweatshirt. He holds it up to show that it says "World's Greatest Secondary Caregiver".) This is really great.
ROBYN: Open mine next. (She hands him a smaller gift.)
ROSS: (He opens the card.) "Ross, I know that you like dinosaurs. Probably because when you were a kid, they ruled the earth." What does "jk" mean?
ROBYN: "Just kidding."
ROSS: Thanks, but what does it mean?
ROBYN: It means "Just kidding."
ROSS: Oh. "Anyway, I thought that you might like this. Happy B-day. Robyn." (He unwraps the present.) Oh, The Lost World. Thanks.
JOEY: Here you go, man. Happy birthday.
ROSS: Hmm, it looks like a video. (He unwraps it.) Intercourse with the Vampire?
JOEY: It isn't really my thing, but it's perfect for someone like you who's (He stops himself before he says the wrong word) mature.
ROSS: Thanks, I guess.
MON: (She hands him another present.) This one's from Chandler and me.
ROSS: (He opens the card.) "Ross, we know you like this in college. Even though disco's dead, you keep stayin' alive. Happy birthday. Monica and Chandler." (He opens this present, too.) Thanks, guys; I love the Bee Gees.
RACH: Honey, why don't you open mine? You're going to love it! (Ross opens Rachel's present. It's a sweater that is reminiscent of "Mr. Rogers". Ross doesn't look happy.)
CHAN: (to Monica) Uh-oh. Looks like it isn't a beautiful day in his neighborhood.
ROSS: How nice, a sweater.
RACH: Really? I saw it, and I just thought of you. (Ross looks very uncomfortable.) Then, the salesman said that his grandkids really love his. . .
ROBYN: (She's trying to get Rachel to stop before Ross erupts.) Why don't you read the card?
ROSS: All right. (He opens it.) "Ross, happy birthday. It's so great to be dating you again. Recently, I've been looking for a little excitement. (Ross starts looking happier.) Thank God I came to my senses. (Now, Ross is less happy.) I love being with a nice, stable guy-" (Ross is sick of this.) Stable guy? This is what I am to you? The stable guy?!
ROBYN: Hey, it worked for Jim Carrey. (Everybody looks at her like she's insane.) Stable guy, cable guy; Jim Carrey was the- (This isn't helping.) I'll shut up now.
ROSS: Since everyone here seems to think of me as an old man, I'm going to take out my teeth and go to bed. (He storms off into Rachel's room and slams the door.)
RACH: Ross, wait. We can't go to bed angry.
ROSS: Fine, I'm sleeping on the floor!
JEFF: (to Joey) Do your friends know how to throw a party or what?
Commercial.
[The party is winding down. It's almost 10:30. Rachel is trying to get Ross to come out of her room.]
RACH: (through the door) Come on, Ross. You can't blow off your own birthday party.
ROSS: You're going to have to speak up. I haven't gotten my hearing aid yet!
RACH: You can't stay in there forever.
ROSS: I wasn't planning on that. In fact, tomorrow I'm going to go to the museum. Did you know that they have some fossils there that are almost as old as I am?
RACH: Ross, open this door! (She starts pounding on the door.)
[In the meantime, Jeff is trying to talk to the rest of the friends.]
PHOEBE: I probably should have said this earlier, but it's great to meet you, Jeff.
JEFF: Really?
MON: Yeah. Usually when Joey brings someone from work over, it's some bimbo that he's so obviously sleeping with.
JOEY: Well, that's definitely not what's happening now. (Everybody laughs, except Jeff and Chandler.)
CHAN: (with extreme sarcasm) Well, I don't see why not. I think you two make a really cute couple. (Everyone who doesn't know what's going on laughs.)
ROBYN: I'm going to get some punch. (She gets up and, in doing so, kicks Chandler.)
CHAN: Ow!
ROBYN: Sorry. Want to come with me and get some punch?
CHAN: Well, actually-
ROBYN: Sure you do! (She pulls him to his feet and leads him over to the punch bowl. When she speaks again, it's in a whisper.) What the hell is wrong with you?
CHAN: I don't know what you're talking about.
ROBYN: Then, let me spell it out for you: (really slow) you're tormenting your best friend.
CHAN: So? He's lying to his best friend.
ROBYN: Yeah, I can really see how you'd be upset. Especially since you never lie to your friends.
CHAN: That's different, okay? Monica and I are just waiting to tell everybody on our own time.
ROBYN: Then why don't you let Joey and Jeff tell everybody on their own time?
CHAN: (ashamed of himself ) Well, when you put it that way. . . It won't be easy, though. I don't think I've let a joke go by since the nipple incident.
ROBYN: The nipple incident?
CHAN: (He suddenly remembers that Robyn doesn't know.) Trust me; you don't want to know.
ROBYN: You're right; I really don't. (She gets her punch and rejoins the others.)
[Central Perk. It's the next morning. Rachel, Chandler and Monica are there having coffee.]
MON: So then the first guy says, "Did you really think I wished for a ten-inch pianist?" (Everybody laughs.)
CHAN: I wish I had one of those.
RACH: A magic lamp?
CHAN: Well, yeah. That too. (Everybody laughs again.)
MON: So, Rachel, how is Ross handling being thirty-one?
RACH: Pretty well, I guess. Last night, he was really upset, but this morning, he seemed okay with it. (At this point, Ross enters. The others can't see him because their backs are turned. He's wearing a leather jacket and very tight jeans.)
ROSS: Hey, guys. What's up? (Everyone looks at him and tries not to laugh.)
CHAN: Well, I don't know about everyone else, but I'm meeting Ralph and Potsie at Arnold's. (Everybody laughs.)
ROSS: What?
MON: Ross, you're my brother, and I love you, but that outfit makes you look like the Fonz.
ROSS: Fine, you laugh all you want because I know I look cool.
RACH: Actually, now that you mention it, that look is kind of sexy on you.
ROSS: It is; is it?
RACH: Oh, yeah. In fact, why don't you and I hop on your motorcycle and go up to Inspiration Point? (Everybody laughs. Monica gives Rachel a high-five.)
ROSS: Okay, why don't we get an unbiased opinion? (Robyn walks in the front door and over to the couch.) Hey, Robyn. (She looks up and at Ross.) What do you think of my new look?
ROBYN: (She looks him over with a completely straight face and then gives him two thumbs up.) Ayyyy!
ROSS: (He's so not amused.) Sit on it, will you? (He starts to leave.)
ROBYN: Hmm, I guess this isn't one of his happy days. (Ross, who is on his way out, runs in to Jeff and Joey.)
ROSS: Hey, dudes. What do you think? (Jeff and Joey notice Ross's ludicrous attire.)
JEFF: (He's trying very hard not to laugh.) Well, bless my soul. (He winks at Joey.)
JOEY: Yeah, you must really love that rock 'n' roll, huh? (Ross decides that he's insulted and leaves. Jeff and Joey laugh at their own joke and join their friends.) What a guy.
JEFF: Really makes you cry.
ROBYN: (joining in) Believe me; we did. (Robyn, Jeff and Joey all laugh.) Judging from that joke, I'd say you two caught the midnight movie last night.
JEFF: You're not going to believe this, but Joey had never seen a midnight movie before.
ROBYN: Really?
JOEY: Never.
CHAN: Wow, Joey. I bet you've been doing a lot of things you've never done before. (Robyn elbows him in the ribs.) Okay, somebody else talk now.
RACH: You know, Joey, my friend Cassie was at the party last night.
JOEY: Oh, that's good.
RACH: I think you met her.
JOEY: Maybe. I don't know.
RACH: Well, she told me that she thought you were kind of cute. So I was thinking that maybe-
JOEY: Okay, you can stop right there.
RACH: Why? You're so obviously not seeing anybody. I mean, you came to Ross's party with Jeff!
CHAN: Yeah, how pathetic is that? (Robyn and Jeff glare at him.) It's not pathetic at all.
JOEY: I've just decided to- to- (He pauses to find a good excuse) swear off dating for a while.
ALL: What?
MON: You'd think the weather forecast would have said something about Hell freezing over.
JOEY: I'm just trying to focus on my acting.
ROBYN: Well, good for you, Joey.
RACH: (She's very confused.) Okay. What about you, Jeff? You seeing anybody? Because Dana from work was asking about you. . .
JEFF: Actually, I am seeing someone.
CHAN: Really? Do we know (pause) her?
JEFF: (He notices Joey giving him a look.) Just someone from work. Speaking of which, we're going to be late. Let's go, Joey. (They leave.)
Commercial.
[Ross, Rachel and Monica's apartment. It about five o'clock. Ross is in Rachel's room. Rachel, Robyn, Chandler and Monica are waiting for him to come out of there.]
MON: Come on, Ross. You've been in there for over an hour.
RACH: How can we see how good you look if you don't get out here?
ROSS: You promise you're not going to laugh?
CHAN: Who's going to laugh?
ROSS: I don't know; maybe you!
CHAN: The man's got a point.
ROBYN: We promise we won't laugh.
ROSS: All right, I'm coming out. (He emerges from Rachel's room, dressed completely in leather.)
ROBYN: (under her breath) Well, that's a bad choice of words.
ROSS: What did you say?
ROBYN: Nothing. Not a thing.
ROSS: So, how do I look?
ROBYN: Um-
RACH: Er-
MON: Well-
ROSS: Come on; be honest with me.
CHAN: Let me put it this way. (Ross turns to look at Chandler, allowing the others to give Chandler the signals for "no", "don't", and "stop", with surprisingly little effect.) Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine with all the chicks? (Everybody who is not Ross cracks up.)
ROSS: (very hurt) You promised you wouldn't laugh.
MON: We lied. (Ross goes into Rachel's room and slams the door.)
RACH: I'll go after him. (She gets up and goes into her room.) Ross?
ROSS: Yeah, it's me. The stable guy. Mr. No Excitement.
RACH: You know that wasn't what I meant.
ROSS: Then what did you mean?
RACH: I meant that I know you'll still be there in the morning. I meant I know you're not going to hit on my friends. I can depend on you. You're my rock.
ROSS: Really?
RACH: No, you're better. You're my Ross.
ROSS: So, you don't think I'm old and dull?
RACH: You could never be dull. And you know what?
ROSS: What?
RACH: I meant what I said about Inspiration Point. (She kisses him really good.)
[Back in the living room, things have gotten really quiet.]
ROBYN: I wonder how it's going in there.
RACH: (off camera) Oh, Ross. Oh, Ross. (The people in the living room get their coats.)
CHAN: (to Robyn) You asked. (They all leave to give Ross and Rachel privacy.)
[Central Perk. It's half an hour later. Everybody is there, except for Ross and Rachel. Robyn is telling them all a story.]
ROBYN: Anyway, after my boyfriend came down with the flu, I had to find someone else to take to the MTV party. Since I couldn't find a date, I asked my assistant Cindy. Really big mistake.
MON: What happened?
ROBYN: Well, Cindy isn't all that comfortable being around celebrities, and to make a long story short: it's never a good idea to ask Eminem whether he melts in his hand. (Everybody laughs. Ross and Rachel walk in. Ross has changed his clothes.) Hey, guys. Everything work out all right?
RACH: Yeah, it did.
ROSS: Uh-huh.
MON: Hey, you're wearing the sweater Rachel gave you.
ROSS: So I am. (He and Rachel take their seats. Jeff walks in the door and comes over to the friends.)
JOEY: Hey, Jeff. What's up?
JEFF: Hey, Joey. I'm going to get some coffee. Want to join me?
JOEY: No, I'm good.
JEFF: I said, "Do you want to join me?"
JOEY: Oh, right. (He gets up and follows Jeff over to the counter.) What's going on?
JEFF: Joey, we need to talk.
JOEY: Okay. What do you want to talk about?
JEFF: No, I mean we need to talk.
JOEY: Oh.
JEFF: This just isn't working. You're still in the closet, and you know I can't lie about who I am. It was nice while it lasted. Good-bye, Joey. (He starts to leave.)
JOEY: Jeff, wait.
JEFF: What is it?
JOEY: Can I have everybody's attention for a minute?
JEFF: What are you doing?
JOEY: Hi, my name is Joey Tribbiani. I hang out in here a lot. This is Jeff Donovan. (He puts an arm around Jeff.) We're on "Laughing Out Loud" together.
JEFF: Oh, God, what are you doing?
JOEY: And we're gay. (The coffee house, which had gotten very quiet, suddenly fills with activity. Phoebe, who happened to have a mouthful of coffee, does a spit take. Rachel drops her cup on the floor.)
MON: What?
JOEY: Jeff isn't just my costar. He's my partner, and I love him. I can't say that enough. I love you, Jeff.
JEFF: Joey, that was so beautiful. (He kisses Joey.)
ROBYN: (under her breath) I knew you could do it, Joe. (She starts clapping. Then, Chandler joins her. People keep joining until everyone there is applauding. Author's note: to see what this would look like, I recommend that you watch "Three to Tango". It's a really good movie, and Matthew Perry is great in it.)
[The scene changes to a close-up of a TV screen. A news anchorwoman is talking.]
ANCHOR: The truth is finally out on "Laughing Out Loud". Patrons of a Greenwich Village coffee shop were stunned today when actor Joseph Tribbiani announced of himself and costar Jeff Donovan:
JOEY: (on TV) We're gay. (The camera pulls back to show Jeff and Joey, watching TV in bed with the lights off. Joey speaks.) I really didn't know that was a hidden camera.
JEFF: Shh. (He switches off the TV.)
Commercial.
[Teaser: Rachel's room. Ross and Rachel are in bed in pajamas.]
ROSS: That was quite a day, huh?
RACH: Yeah, so many things happened.
ROSS: I know. I can't believe how dumb I was acting.
RACH: You mean the (pause) costumes.
ROSS: Yeah. What was I thinking? I can tell you right now: Ross Geller will never wear anything that ridiculous again.
RACH: Really? Because I was thinking maybe- (She whispers something to him.)
ROSS: Hold that thought; I'll be right back. (He goes into the bathroom and returns in his Fonzie outfit. "Happy Days" by Norman Gimbel and Charles Fox plays while Ross strikes various "cool" poses. When he gets to the Fonz's traditional "two thumbs up" pose, Rachel gets out of bed and kisses Ross.)
THE END