The One With Monica's Jealousy


Written by: Kat

Disclaimer: The characters and their stories belong to Bright, Kaufman, and Crane and NBC and Warner Brothers. I mean no infringement and make no profit.


(SCENE: Ross & Joey's. Joey is watching Barney the Purple Dinosaur, and Emily is just coming out of the bathroom)

EMLY: What are you watching?

JOEY: Oh, uh…(he quickly turns it over)Sports!

EMLY: Oh. Well, I don't suppose I could use your phone?

JOEY: Um, sure. No problem. You are staying here, so help yourself. Plus, I don't pay the phone bill, so…

EMLY: Thanks. I've got to book a table for dinner. Me and Ross are going out.

JOEY: Cool. Sounds good.

(Emily goes in the other room, and Joey puts Barney back on)

BARN(on TV): Now kids, stand up and say "I love Barney!"!

(Joey stands up)

JOEY: I love Barney!!

(Chandler enters at this moment)

CHAN: You have a problem.

(He shakes his head and leaves. Joey sits down, upset that he's been caught)

OPENING CREDITS

(SCENE: Chandler & Monica's. Ross has just turned up, and is talking to Monica, who is holding Caitlin. Chandler is out, and no-one else is there)

MON: So, what do I owe for the pleasure of this rare visit?

ROSS: Well, me and Emily are going out for dinner tomorrow, and we were wondering if you and Chandler would come too?

MON: Oh. I dunno. You know, what with me being Rachel's best friend. I don't think she'd like it.

ROSS: Oh come on! Do you always do what pleases Rachel?

MON: Well, it’s not just that. I'd need a babysitter.

ROSS: Well, ask Phoebs. Or Jo. Or Rachel.

MON: Joey? I don't trust Joey. Phoebe's got a date, and Rachel works late.

ROSS: Hey, I know! Remember Debbie? She had kids! Ask them.

(Chandler enters)

CHAN: Hey! What's goin on?

ROSS: You wanna go out to dinner tomorrow night, with me and Emily?

CHAN: Sure, sounds good.

MON: Chandler. We don't have a babysitter.

ROSS: I was just saying that we could ask one of Debbie's daughters.

CHAN: Yeah, it's a good idea. Why don't you call them, Mon?

MON: Because…(she shrugs)

CHAN: Oh…Is this because Nicola has a crush on me?

MON: No. It's not. She's just a little young. What is she, 8?

ROSS: Monica, she's 13.

MON: Whatever. Anyway, I told you, I don't wanna upset Rachel. So, we can't go. Sorry.

(SCENE: Rachel and Phoebe's. Monica and Rachel are there)

RACH: Are you crazy? You have to go!

MON: What?! I said no for you!

RACH: What? No, I want you to go. Then you can spy on them for me.

MON: Fine. I'll go. You'll just have to baby-sit for me.

RACH: I can't. I work, remember?

MON: So quit! I'm not asking that girl to look after Caitlin!

RACH: What girl?

MON: You remember Debbie and her kids?


RACH: Yeah? So?

MON: That Nicola girl. You remember, the one that Chandler got on really well with?

RACH(mock sympathy): Chandler got on with her? Oh my god! Boy, you're in trouble! I mean, god, she's like 13 years old! What a threat! (she raises her brows and smiles) Monica, just call her.

MON: I guess. Only cos you're my best friend.

(The phone rings)

RACH(into phone): Hello?

(Split screen with Phoebe)

PHOE: I thought I was Monica's best friend.

RACH: How do you do that?

PHOE: I dunno. I think it's cos I'm psychic.

(SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. Chandler is sitting down with Caitlin in the crook of his arms, talking to Ross, Emily, Joey and Phoebe)

(Monica enters)


MON: Hey Chandler! Hi, people who don't live with me.

PHOE: Hey!

CHAN: I called Debbie. It's all settled. Nicola's coming over about 8 o'clock, and we'll all go to dinner.

MON: Whatever.

ROSS: Hey, why'd you change your mind?

MON: I dunno, I just realised I was being silly.

JOEY: Duh! I mean, can you believe she thinks this 13 year old could take Chandler away from h…(Monica glares at him) But it's not about that.

CHAN(laughing): Are you crazy, Mon? You think I have a crush on a teenager? (he laughs again) You must think I'm some kind of freak!

PHOE: I remember last time, when she was all jealous and ooky about it.

CHAN: How come I never heard about this?

MON: I dunno. I guess I never wanted to.

ROSS: Maybe it was shame that stopped you.

EMLY: I think you should leave her alone. She's in love. Give her a break.

(Monica looks down and bites her lip, not sure what to say, and not wanting to be unloyal to Rachel)

MON: Uh, thanks, Emily. (she gives her a small smile)

(Rachel enters)

RACH: Hey guys! (sees Emily) I'm just gonna go.

MON: No, Rachel. Come on in.

RACH: I'd rather not. Thanks anyway.

(She leaves)

PHOE: It's really weird how something small can ruin the mood! Oops.

(SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. Ross, Emily, Chandler and Monica are ready to go out)

MON: See? I told you. She's late. Unreliable. I can't trust her.

CHAN: Monica, Caitlin's gonna be asleep all night. All Nicola has to do is listen out for her, and calm her down if she cry's. Would you please calm down?

(The buzzer goes off)

CHAN(into buzzer): Hello?

NIC: It's Nicola. Sorry I'm late.

CHAN(looking at Monica): That's no problem. I'll just buzz you up.

(He does so)

MON: So, where are we going?

ROSS: Sorentino's. It's an old favourite of mine.

CHAN: Hey, didn't you take Rachel there on your fi…I'm just gonna go check if I still have a brain, okay? I won't be long.


EMLY: It's okay, I don't mind. You can talk about Rachel.

(Knock at door)

CHAN: But not right now, cos the babysitter's here!

(He opens the door)

NIC: Hey!

CHAN: Hey, come on in! Welcome to our happy home!

MON(to Chandler, under breath): I just hope she isn't a vampire. She's always welcome now, you know.

NIC: Hi, Monica.

MON(frosty): Hello.

NIC: Hey, Ross.

ROSS: Hey Nicola! How's your mom?

NIC: She's fine.

CHAN: Okay, so we'll be back in a couple of hours, and all you have to do is calm Caitlin down if she cries. Rachel might come over later, so you'll have some help.

NIC: Okay. Sounds easy to me. What could go wrong? (she laughs)

CHAN: Bye.

ROSS/EMLY: Bye.

MON(mean): Bye.

NIC: Bye!

(They leave)

 

(Nicola sits down, reaches over to pick up the TV Guide and knocks over a glass of juice that's been sitting out)

NIC: Oops.

(SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. Nicola is watching TV, and as far as we know Caitlin is fast asleep. The door handle rattles suddenly and Nicola jumps. There's a knock)

JOEY(outside): Mon? Chandler? It's Joey! Let me in!

(Nicola goes to open the door, and as she does, Joey screams, and this makes Nicola scream too)

JOEY: Who the hell are you?!

NIC: I'm the babysitter! And you are?!

JOEY: I'm Joey!

NIC: Ohhh…You're the dumb (stops herself)…the actor.

JOEY: Uh huh. You impressed?

NIC: Not really.

JOEY: Oh. Well, tell Chandler I called and that I want my CD's back.

NIC: Okay…

JOEY: Bye.

(Nicola closes the door)

NIC: Oh my god. What a freak.

(SCENE: Sorentino's. Chandler, Monica, Ross and Emily are seated at a table)

CHAN: And then the peacock bit me!

(Emily smiles, but Monica and Ross look bored)

EMLY: So, when did you two get together? (looks at Chandler and Monica)

MON: Uh, well, we got together at the wedding actually. So it wasn't all bad!

EMLY: Wow. You've been together ages then.

CHAN: We sure have.

EMLY(to Ross): I thought you said Chandler was gay.

ROSS(lying): No, I did not.

CHAN: Okay, what is it with this gay thing? Ross, you of all people should be able to tell if someone is gay. I mean, you married a lesbian.

(Monica has been looking at the opening of the restaurant for a few seconds during the conversation)

MON(whispering to Chandler): Is that Rachel?

CHAN(whispering): Where?

MON(whispering): At the entrance. Right there. (she points discreetly)

CHAN(whispering): You could always check.

MON(whispering): Yeah, I think I will. (normal voice): I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a sec.

(She gets up and walks over to the entrance, where Rachel is trying to get into the restaurant. She is talking to the manager -MNGR)

MNGR: If you don't have a reservation, you can't come in!

RACH: Well, I want to! (she spots Monica) Look! There's my friend!

(The manager turns to Monica)

MNGR: Do you know this lady?

MON: Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do. (she turns to Rachel): Can I talk to you outside for just one second?

RACH: Uh, sure.

(Monica drags her outside)

MON: What are you doing here?

RACH: I just came for dinner. I didn't know you were gonna be here.

MON: Oh c'mon! Is this because Emily and Ross are here?

RACH: No. I swear, it's not. I'm meeting a date here, okay. I didn't wanna say anything.

MON: Why not?


RACH: Because I knew you'd think I was just using him to get to Ross.

MON: Wow. You do know me. So, who's the guy?

RACH: Uh, a guy from work. That's all.

MON: Oh. Well, have fun. I should probably get back. I mean, they're gonna think I fell in the toilet.

RACH: Huh?

MON: Nothing.

(END SCENE: Monica & Chandler's. Nicola is lying on the sofa, drinking a bottle of NAYA water- the one with the sports cap- and Caitlin is asleep in the nursery)

(Monica and Chandler enter, and Nicola jumps up)

NIC: Hi!

CHAN: Hey!

NIC: Uh, Caitlin just went to sleep, so…(she shushes him)

MON: Okay, so you can go now. Here's $10. Go crazy. (she hands her the money)

NIC: Can I just call mum? She said she'd pick me up.

CHAN: Sure. Go right ahead.

(Nicola walks over to the phone, and Chandler drags Monica over to the kitchen area)

MON: What?

CHAN: How'd it go with Rachel?

MON: Oh, she was on a date.

CHAN: A date? Already?

MON: I know, but she insisted that it wasn't to spite Ross. And I believe her. (looks at Nicola) Is she phoning long distance?

CHAN: What? No. (he pauses) Are you still jealous of her?

MON(babbling): I'm not jealous. Believe me, if I was gonna be jealous of someone, it wouldn't-

CHAN: Monica. Calm down, okay?

(Nicola puts down the phone, and it rings straight away. Monica rushes to pick it up and the screen splits. On one side it's Monica, on the other Phoebe)

PHOE: Yeah. Calm down. It's not like Chandler's the king of Aruba and Nicola's a Turkish prostitute called Lacy Aroma.

MON: What? Is that you, Phoebs? And what are you talking about?

PHOE: Nothing. It's not like it ever happened to me. Honest.

MON: Okay. Bye. (she hangs up confused, and the screen goes to normal but showing Phoebe)

PHOE: Phew. Wow, if only they knew the truth.

END