TOW all the mess (working title)

{Intro: This is a fanfic for the season five opener – haven’t seen many of those, have you J ? take under consideration that I haven’t seen the season finale yet and note that this has nothing to do with my other two fanfics. Thanx, and enjoy the story. Feedback, positive or negative (I prefer positive J ) send to me at: anat_shallev@hotmail.com)

Priest: Shall I continue?

EMLY: (in tears) don’t bother (runs off)

ROSS: Emily, wait!

RACH: (at the audience) (to herself) oh boy…(out loud) Ross, wait! (goes and chases him off).

JOEY: (To Chandler, who’s standing next to him) You think we’ll get our presents back (Chandler glares at him)

Opening credits

{Scene: The church. Emily’s parents and Ross and Monica’ parents are there arguing)

JACK: I’m terribely sorry for this!

JUDY: It was simply a mis-understanding!

Mrs. W: a mis-understandin? Saying your ex girlfriend name while exchanging vows?

JACK: We’re sick of your attitude! We hate you!

Mr.W: Yeah? Well, at least we didn’t throw tea to water for a stupid reason!

JUDY: You call the HUGE texes you hit us with a stupid reason?

Mrs W: oh yeah? Well you live in a city that belonged, and was named by us!

JACK (to Judy) Is that true? (Judy nods)

Monica approaches them

MNCA: Okay, would you bickering for a second, all of you?

JUDY: Monica, you stay away from this!

MNCA: No, I will not! The four of you have been making it hard on both Emily and Ross. At this time you should be there for them.

Mrs.W: for what? There isn’t going to be a wedding!

MNCA: You don’t know that! Ross made a mistake, but they both love each other.

JUDY: (fake smile) well, it’s good to know that you’re not jelous.

MNCA: (screaming) URGH! Mom, I’ve had it with you (by now,everybody at the church are listening) you keep bothering me and putting me down. Everything I do is wrong! Every guy I see is a freak (pause) (more quietly) well I agree with you on that one (continues) but you need to support me and love me and not to put me down. From now on, I’m not talking to you. (Storms out of the church)

JACK: Honey…

JUDY: Let her go Jack.

CHAN: (running after her) Mon, wait!

{Scene: The church. Rachel returns, approaching Joey who’s alone)
JOEY: Hi, where have you been?
RACH: Out, looking for Ross, but I couldn’t find him. Where are everybody?

JOEY: Well, Phoebe’s home at NYC because she’s pregnant, Ross screwed up and is out looking for Emily (Rachel gives him an "I know that" look) Monica got upset with her mom and run off, and Chandler went after her. (Rachel smiles) what are you smiling about?
RACH: Joey, knock knock! I’ve got him! Ross is mine! He loves me, and I love him!

JOEY: Hold on Rach, what about Emily?
RACH: You see her here?
JOEY: You see Ross here?

(Cell phone rings)

JOEY: It’s probably Phoebe. I told her I’ll call her back. (answering the phone) Hello? Phoeebs!

(Cut to: Phoebe at NYC, at Monica’s appartment.)

PHOE: Joey, there is something I need to tell you.

(Cut to: The church)

JOEY: What is it?

(Still in the church, we hear Phoebe’s voice through the cell phone)
PHOE: ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Joey takes the cell phone away from him and Rachel hears it too.)

RACH: Oh my god! (Takes the phone) Phoebe, honey is it time?

(Cut to: NYC)
PHOE: Either that or these babies will face the Iranian team at the next world cup games.

(Cut to: Church)

RACH: Now honey, calm down.

(Cut to: NYC)
PHOE: I can’t, I’m leaking on Monica’s couch!

(Cut to: Church)

RACH: Okay, listen up. Call Frank and Alice, get a cab and go to the hospital. Me & Joey will get the next flight home honey, alright?
Phoe: Yeah!!!!!!!!!

{Scene: Monica’s hotel room. Monica’s there on the bed, crying. Chandler enters.}

CHAN: Monica (goes over and hugs her. He starts stroking her head)
MNCA: Why does she always have to make me fell miserable?

CHAN: Hi, your mom’s not that bad. At least she wouldn’t kiss your friend, or write bad novels, or never call you unless she needs something.

MNCA: I’m sorry honey. We’re pathatic huh?

CHAN: Y’know what? We’re not pathatic! They’re pathatic! They have a great son slash daughter and they treat us bad! I say it’s their problem!

MNCA: Yeah!

CHAN: You damn right yeah!

MNCA: Chandler, what’s going on with us?
CHAN: We share a battle against looney parents!

MNCA: No, I mean last night.

CHAN: I knew that…well…I don’t know.

MNCA: After eight years…BOOM! We sleep together. What do you think will happen at NYC? Should we tell the others or not?

CHAN: After a while, we’ll wait and see what happens at home, and then we’ll decide wether we should tell them or not. Right now, there’s something I wanna show you…

MNCA: what?
CHAN: This…(starts to kiss her passionatly)
MNCA: Oh, that! (They continue)

{Scene: A hallway, presumbly the Walthems’ residance. Ross is wandering through the halls}.

ROSS: Emily? Em? Where are you? (Suddenly stops, hears something from a room) Emily is that you? (Opens the door and sees Emily making out with her ex boyfriend Colin)
Commercial break

{Scene: The hallway, Ross went out and Emily goes after him}

EMLY: Ross? Oh, god Ross I’m so sorry. I was drunk and…

ROSS: It’s okay, I forgive you.

EMLY: You do? Usually you would’ve lost your head!

ROSS: I guess I would. Remember I told you what happened with Rachel? We took a break, I was upset and drunk and I ended up sleeping with someone else.

EMLY: Yes, I remember.

ROSS: Emily, I didn’t mean anything when I said Rachel’s name. I just looked at her, and was excited that she came!
EMLY: I understand Ross.

ROSS: You do? That’s great! (Kisses her) so, you wanna get back there and get married now or wait ‘till tommorow so that our parents will relax…

EMLY: Ross, we can’t get married!

ROSS: What? But I though you just said….

EMLY: I forgive you. And I love you. But we can’t get married. It was a very hasty decision and we both know that the two of us have un finished buisness to take care of. But we can still be friends.

Ross: (relancuantly) I guess (they hug).

{Scene: A hospital at NYC, about Eight hours later. Joey and Rachel arrive}
RACH: finally we’re here! Do you think that the indian texi driver that I hit would press charges?

JOEY: Nah. Did you take the cell phone with you?

RACH: Yep, and I left Mon a note we left. I hope she reads it.

{Scene: Monica’s hotel room. She and Chandler are at bed cuddeled)

MNCA: Hi you!

CHAN: Hi (they kiss)

MNCA: You do understand that we’ve been in this bed since last night, and it’s already morning! We’ve been here for about eight hours!

CHAN: Well it’s fun.

(A knock on the door. It’s Ross)
ROSS: Mon, are you there? It’s me Ross. I need to talk to you!

MNCA: (To Chandler, whispering) Oh man! Not again!

ROSS: Mon? Are you there?

MNCA: Ah, yeah Ross, I’m coming! (To Chandler) quick, um…to the bathroom.

CHAN: (Also whispering) Alright, alright I’m going! (Goes to the bathroom).

MNCA: (loud, to Ross) Hold on a sec.! (Opens the door) hi! Did you talk to Emily?

ROSS: Yes, she understands that I said Rachel not because of anything else but the fact that I was excited that she came.

MNCA: That’s great! So when’s the wedding?

ROSS: There won’t be any. Emily said that we both decided about it too soon and we both have un finished buisness to take care of.

MNCA: Well, honey, if that’s how she feel I guess there’s nothing you can do about it.

ROSS: I guess. (Notices something on the chair) hi what’s that (points at the chair)?
MNCA: Is that a trick question?

ROSS: (Gives her a nudge) no, I mean this (takes a pants, Chandler’s to be exact)!

MNCA: (at a loss for words) this? These are….pants.

ROSS: I know that…didn’t Chandler wear these pants? Or was it Joey?

MNCA: (too quickly) Chandler’s. (Ross’ eyes widened) wait it’s not what you think! Um Chandler’s…taking a shower here! Yep! The run of water in Joey and Chandler’s room isn’t working.

ROSS: Then how come I don’t hear any water running?

MNCA: That’s because he already finished his shower, but You know Chandler – always has to dry his hair with a towel 27 times before he comes out…his dad taught him that. (Loud, so Chandler can clearly hear) Chandler? Are you done drying your hair 27 times after you took that shower?

CHAN: (from bathroom, realizing and co operating) Why Monica, I’m just on my 23^rd time. Hi Ross.

ROSS: How did he know I was here?

MNCA: Probably just heard you! (Phone rings)(Underneath her breath) saved by the bell.

ROSS: What?
MNCA: Nothing (Answers the phone) Hello?

(Cut to: Hospital in NYC. Rachel’s talking on her cell phone)

RACH: Hi Mon!

(Cut to: Monica’ hotel room)

MNCA: Rachel, where the hell are you?

(Cut to: Hospital in NYC)

RACH: Me and Joey are at NYC! Didn’t you get the note I left you on your bed?

(Cut to: Monica’ hotel room)

MNCA: (twists face) no! I wasn’t even near bed.

(Cut to: hospital in NYC)

RACH: Well, it’s been over then eight hours we’re not there! Didn’t you notice?

(Cut to: Monica’ hotel room)

MNCA: I was kinda busy!

(Cut to: Hospital in NYC)

RACH: Doing what?

(Cut to: Monica’ hotel room)
MNCA: NOTHING!

(Cut to: Hospital in NYC)

RACH: Never mind. We’re here because Phoebe is in labours. I’m talking for the hospital.

(Cut to: Monica’ hotel room)
MNCA: Oh my god!

ROSS: What? What is it?

MNCA: (loud) Phoebe is having the babies!
ROSS: That’s (cuts by Chandler running in enthusiastic with nothing but a towel around his waist and below. I guess that like me the girls and maybe some guys in the crowed would go wild).

CHAN: Did she have them yet? (Starts jumping up and down)

ROSS: Oh my god – stop doing that! (Chandler stops)

MNCA: (to Rachel) Rach, tell Phoebe me Chandler and Ross love her and that we’ll get on the first flight home!

(Cut to: Hospital in NYC)

RACH: Wait, Mon, what about Ross and Emily? Are they getting married?
(Cut to: Monica’ hotel room)

MNCA: No. See ya (hungs up) Ross, go packing (to Chandler) Chandler, you too (Chandler nods) and you better get dressed too

CHAN: Right!

MNCA: Though, like this you’ll make a lot of new friends.

{Scene: An airport in London. Ross, Monica and Chandler are there. Ross and Monica’ parents arrive}

JACK: Hi guys! (Various greetings)

JUDY: Ross, explain again what you couldn’t over the phone. Why are we flying home now?

ROSS: Well, Phoeebs si having her babies and Emily broke up with me…( Jack and Judy hug him.)

JUDY: oh honey…

MNCA: Escuse me for a minute…(walks off)

JUDY: God, what’s up with her? She’s been acting like a volcano these last couple of days! It’s not my fault she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

CHAN: (gets mad, about to explode) Mrs. Geller, will stop it already? You have no idea how much you’re hurting her! You’re always criticizing her, giving her a hard time about everything in her life, her love life espicially, treating her like she was the black sheep in the family.(Judy tries to speak, but Chandler cuts her) She’s doing all she can trying to please you but you still don’t care! You’ve got an amazing daughter and you don’t even know that or give her a chance! And you (points to Jack) just sit there, think about how you’ll be barried at sea, and do nothing!

JACK: Now, that’s not true!

CHAN: The heck it does! I know Monica for eight years now, and I know her probably better than you! I bet that right about now she’s come back (Monica returns) and apologize to you! See? Mon, come on let’s go grab a snack.

MNCA: Okay (the two of them go together)

JACK: Ross, what was that all about?
ROSS: (still stunned) I don’t know. (Pause) maybe about drying your hair 27 times.

{Scene: A hospital room. Phoebe’s about to give birth at any second and Rachel’s in there with her}

RACH: Honey, relax.

PHOE: (Shouting) Don’t you tell me to relax! I’m not your dad having a fit after you borrowed his car when you were sixteen! I’m giving birth to three little twerps who’re not even mine! Oh god, URGH!!!

{Scene: The hospital waiting room. Joey, Frank Jr. and Alice are present. They hear Phoebe’s scream)
JOEY: (to a nurse) what was that?
NURSE: Um, sir, there’s a nine month pregnant woman with triplets in there, what do you think she does, play racket ball? (Goes away)
ALICE: I feel so bad for Phoebe.

FRNK: Joey, can you please shout to me through the window if anything happenes? I gotta go put money in the meter near the relaxi-cab.

JOEY: you came here in the van? Why didn’t you just get a texi dr?

FRNK: Hi, I’m scared of texi drivers! They ran down my imaginery childhood friend pissaussie (gets emotional, and runs off)

ALICE: (to Joey) It’s very hard on him (Joey nods)

{Scene: The plane. There are two rows of seats. Chandler and Monica are sitting on the right row together while Jack, Judy and Ross are sitting on the left fow. They are not making any contact}

MNCA: What did you tell them?
CHAN: I only said what you and I talked about. I’m sorry if I messed things up.

MNCA: You didn’t! They did. All you said was helping me. Thanx.

CHAN: well, I am the Bing of the hour.

MNCA: Is this joke catagorized under the stupid jokes file along with the blue glazer black and how to squeeze four Clintons in a car?
CHAN: Hi that was funny!

MNCA: Fat chance Bing. (Gets green) I think I’m gonna be sick!
CHAN: Again? This is like the ninth time?

(Monica runs off to the bathroom)

{Scene: The hospital room. Phoebe and Rachel with some nurses and a doctor)
DR.: Okay, one more push!
RACH: (repeating) One more push!

DR.: You’re doing great!
RACH: You’re doing great!

PHOE: Rachel, you do realise I’m gonna have to hit you!

RACH: Sorry.

PHOE: (while pushing) Y’know, it’s not at all like I’ve been picturing me giving birth.

RACH: Oh yeah? What’s the difference?
PHOE: Well, first they’re not mine, second it’s three babies instead of one, and third, I thought that Bruce Willis will help me give birth.

{Scene: Waiting room. Joey’s reading a magazine, Alice and Frank Jr.(who returned) are just pacing around nervously. The Gellers plus Chandler arrive)
ROSS: Hi! (They all greet)

MNCA: Did she have them yet?

JOEY: Well, not yet. But once they’ll be born, you’ll hear Phoeebs.

JACK: Where’s Rachel?
ALICE: She’s in there with Phoebe.

MNCA: Oh, god! (Runs off)

JUDY: (To Jack, quietly) I didn’t say anything now, did I?

ROSS: (approaches Chandler) Chandler, you were right, I’m sorry. You were right about everything.

JUDY: what? Ross, what are you talking about?

ROSS: This! Mom, you’re always treating me like a prince and Monica like the…poor maid. Like on the plane, she ran to the bathroom eight times and you didn’t even make sure that she was okay! Which I’m about to do right…

(Rachel comes out excited)

RACH: She had them! Phoebe had the babies!

(Everybody (except for Monica who’s not there) are excited)(Nurse comes in)

NURSE: You can see your friend now.

(They all enter. Phoebe’s holding two of ‘em (two boys) and another nurse is holding the girl)

ALICE: Oh my god, my babies! (Nurse hands her the girl)(To the baby) Hi Lesly!

PHOE: Here Frank, take Frank Jr. Jr. (and him) and Chandler, will you hold Chandler for a minute?
CHAN: Sure (holds him) it feels so good to hold a baby. Hi there little Chandler!

NURSE: Escuse me, but Phoebeand the babies need to rest. If their parents will come with me…

ALICE: Yes, ofcourse…

{Scene: Later at the waiting room. Chandler, Joey, Ross and Rachel are sitting down. Jack and Judy Geller are not seen.}

CHAN: Where the hell is Monica? I’m worried about her!

JOEY: Hi, don’t worry, I’m sure she’s fine. Hi, maybe she’s just stuck in a storage room!

CHAN: Help me find her will ya? (They both take off)
RACH: So, Ross, what hapenned with um, Emily?
ROSS: Well, she said we weren’t ready to get married yet. But she understood that I said your name and not hers, simply because we’re good friends and I was happy that you arrived and not because I’m still inlove with you. (pause) which is not true.

RACH: (sad, but hiding it) Oh. (Pause) you really loved Emily didn’t you?
ROSS: Yes I did. Y’know what I miss?

RACH: What?

ROSS: Us, before the relationship. The way we used to talk. NOT that I didn’t enjoy my relationship with you or anything. I did! You and Emily are the best relationships I’ve ever been at, but I miss our friendship.

RACH: Me too.

ROSS: Oh, come on (hugs her). I’ll be right back, nature calls.

RACH: (after he’s gone)(smug) he still wants me!

{Scene: Still the waiting room. An hour passed. All present except for Monica who still hasn’t returned. Phoebe’s sitting with all of them on a wheel chair. Rachel holds Lesly, Judy holds Frank 3^rd and Joey’s holding little Chandler}

JUDY: Oh, they’re so darn cute! (Everybody nods in agreement)
(Monica arrives. Chandler goes over to her).

CHAN: Where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you?

MNCA: In a sec.

ALICE: Monica, since you’ve always been so kind to me and Frank, and we know how much you’d like a baby, we’ve decided to make you the god mother.

MNCA: Wow, that’s really sweet of you, but that won’t be necessary.

RACH: Honey, are you sure?
MNCA: Yes. During all the time I was away, I’ve been thorwing up in the toilet. So I figured hi, I’m feeling lousey, this is a hospital….I’ll go and see a doctor!

JOEY: Figures!

MNCA: Anyway…he took some blood tests and….

ROSS: and…?

MNCA: I’m pregnant!

They’re all stunned

PHOE: Um, okay, question time: Don’t you need a boyfriend or just a guy to get your pregnant?

MNCA: Well…

CHAN: Don’t answer that. Rachel, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, Alice, Mr. & Mrs. Geller, Chandler, Lesly, Frank 3^rd

FRNK: It’s Jr. Jr.

CHAN: whatever. There’s something I wanna declare in fromt of you. For eight years I’ve been a fool. I knew something but instead of just recognize and do something about it, I’ve hided from it. Ross, in London when you ran in my room in the morning and when you got to Monica’s room, she was under the sheets and I wasn’t taking a bath. Me and Monica slept together. And, I wasn’t sure wether to tell you or keep it a secret, but after experiencing feelings that I’ve never had for a woman before, I’m certain I want you all to know.

(Monica huggs him)
(Everybody but Ross) oh…

Ross: (clinching his fists, angrily) OH! (Gets up and chases Chandler. Chandler runs away, they’re now out of sight).

JUDY walks to Monica
JUDY: Honey? I’m so sorry for everything! You and Chandler were absoluetly right and I was a fool. I hope you could forgive me and I wish you all the best with chandler. He’s a wonderful young man, and perfect for you.

MNCA: Thank you mom. I forgive you

(They hug)
CLOSING CREDITS (finally!)

{Scene: Central perk. All the gang is there, Joey on the table, Monica and Chandler (who are by the way hugged) with Phoebe on the couch, Ross is on the chair with Rachel on the hand of the chair. None of them is speaking, but we can see what they’re thinking, marked in Italics}

MNCA: I’m going to have a baby!

CHAN: I wonder if Ross will shoot me
ROSS: I’m going to kill Chandler! I’m going to kill Chandler! I’m going to kill Chandler!
RACH: God, Ross is so darn cute when he’s angry. God, I WANT HIM!

JOEY: We’re all going on a…..
PHOE: Summer holiday….

JOEY & PHOE: tum ti ta la la la….