Written by: Jessa and Michelle Cartwright
Hi! This is my second fan fic, and err this is set 2 / 5 years in the future from now. I hope this doesnt happen, but hey! Also, I have a "little helper" for this script my friend Michelle Cartwright and I thought she deserved a mention.
[Scene: Central Perk. The gang are having a reunion. They all look older because they are now not twenty something but thirty something. Chandler and Monica are very close (they are now married) and Ross and Rachel are still not. Phoebe is meditating youll see why later]
Chandler: Well, well, well. We meet again.
Joey: Hey, is it just me or has Monica got fat?
(Chandler and Monica laugh in that snide "couple who know something we dont" way)
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, ya know, Im busy too! Now just concentrate. I know you feel stupid. Oh! You are hopeless.
Chandler: Err who is she talking to?
Rachel: Dont you know anything? Its her boyfriend or fiancé to be. That guy that was in the coma? Well he went in to a coma again, and oh its a long story!
(Chandler stutter uneasily, Monica glares)
Kathy: Oh, err dont mind me.
Monica: Anyway! So Chandler and me have some news.
Chandler: Err now honey? Why not wait.
Monica: I think we should do it now. (Monica glares in that evil way)
Chandler: (scared) Okay.
Chandler: Well Monica?
Monica: Im pregnant!
Rachel: How far gone?
Chandler: Two w-
Monica: Seven months.
Phoebe: Excuse me! Some of us are trying to communicate transatlantic here! And thats not easy without a phone!
Monica: Sorry Pheebs. Any way, did you hear our news?
Phoebe: Honey, I heard it months ago.
Chandler: Why did she know before me? Seven months! Hello, I was only told last week! I dont believe this!
Phoebe: Psychically honey, psychically!
[Scene: Joeys and Chandlers but now just Joeys. And tidy. Yes, you heard me tidy.]
Chandler: God man, this is really neat.
Joey: I did it all myself!
Chandler: Yeah right!
Joey: Me and my little friend
Chandler: Oh my god! Oh my God! Joey?!
Joey: Shes kinda hot.
Janice: Oh come on Chandler Bing, not a little jealous are we?
Joey: Okay, okay. Parties over. Janice back in your room.
Janice: Sure honey. Ill be waiting with my ticket.
Joey: The ticket never fails!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers.]
Chandler: Why didnt you tell me?
Monica: I dont have to tell you every little thing!
Chandler: That is not a little thing!
Monica: I know well, you see I just didnt!
Chandler: Just didnt?
Monica: Yeah, its like just did it, but the opposite.
(Chandler does his work laugh)
Monica: Dont you work laugh me!
Chandler: You know what? Im gonna go back to my apartment in a sulk, but I cant! I wanna go back and sit there on my couch with Joey and I cant! Because it doesnt go with your "colour scheme". Yknow and now Joeys got together with Janice-
Monica: You dont like Janice.
Monica: Do you?
Chandler: Of course I dont! Ive got you, but maybe were going too fast. Maybe I passed through the tunnel too soon and a kid! A kid I wasnt told about until seven months in to the pregnancy when its too late to do anything- (Chandler stops)
Chandler: nothing (Chandler runs out)
[Scene: Janices and Joeys:) We cant see anything but the empty room but we can hear!]
Janice: Joey! Oh Joey! Yes! Oh Joey!
(We suddenly see Chandler watching TV just like when Joey was doing it with Kathy. Chandler turns the TV up. Joey appears at the doorway having déjà vu yet? Janice follows him)
Janice: Some of us are trying to sleep!
Chandler: Not from what I heard.
Janice: Oh Chandler Bing, you are jealous. Oh-my-God!
Joey: Yknow, his coupon doesnt last forever.]
Janice: Of course, Joey-baby.
(We see Chandler acting absolutely smitten and staring after her as they go back in to Joeys bedroom)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels. Monica is very upset roll on box of Kleenex (thats tissues in case you dont have Kleenex in America)]
Monica: He just left. Yknow, he just kind of muttered something than left! It wasnt a big argument or anything, but he seemed really heft up about something and what if he never comes back? Yknow, Ill be pregnant and on my own. What am I supposed to do?
Rachel: Well, youre not exactly married, are you?
Monica: Well no. Not quite. Perhaps I should find him?
Rachel: Oh right "Hello. Im little miss desperate".
Monica: But I thought we were serious!
Rachel: You are desperate!
Monica: I am not!
Rachel: I bet you cant go two whole hours without calling him!
Monica: No! This is stupid. Im gonna go see him.
Rachel: Do you know where he is?
Monica: His apartment-oh his apartment! Thats where he said he was going.
[Scene: Joey and Janices apartment. Theres still groaning in the background.]
(Monica comes in. She hears the groaning and suspects the worst. Her eyes go wide and she rushes out she thinks that Chandler was sleeping with Janice)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels]
Monica: I cant believe it! Janice? How could he do this?
Monica: But Janice! We could have talked it out. I dont believe it! One sign of trouble and "whoosh" back to Janice. What is it with him and Janice? I mean, her voice is like a fog-horn, her laughs like a cheese grater (Time lapse - arrive back and Rachel is asleep)Ive got to be better looking. Havent I? Havent I?!
[Scene: Central Perk. Gunther is still there, cleaning coffee cups. The gang are on the sofa not including Janice. Monica and Chandler arent talking to each other]
Gunther: So, err...Rachel, do you actually want to drink anything, because you have to be a customer to sit here.
Rachel: Oh, Ill have some coffee de-caff.
Gunther: And the rest of you?
Chandler: Ill have a tea please.
Ross: Oh, I dont know just a coffee.
Monica: Nothing for me.
Gunther: Okay. (He calls to a waitress) Hey, honey, we need a de-caf coffee, tea and a coffee. (He kisses her long and hard like in those 1920s films)
Phoebe: Ah that is so good he found someone. Dont you think Rachel?
(Rachel runs off to the toilets crying)
Chandler: What was that about?
Monica: That is so typically insensitive of you! What was that about? What do you think, Mister Im-So-Smart-And-Funny? Shes upset like, duh! And you know what, because I am not totally insensitive Im gonna go and ask her whats wrong rather than saying "What was all that about?" (Monica storms off after Rachel)
Joey: What was all that about?
[Scene: Joey and Chandlers]
Chandler: So, err wheres Janice tonight?
Joey: Far far away I hope.
Chandler: What? But you did an awful lot of agreeing last night.
Joey: Yeah, well most of it was for show. Yknow, shes not really your type.
Chandler: Really? Shes pretty nice. Yeah definitely not your type.
Joey: Chandler, ya gotta get over her. You dumped her seven times now man! Seven times! Youve got Monica.
Chandler: Had Monica.
Joey: What? She seemed totally cool with you at Central Perk today!
Chandler: No, Joey, I dont think she was.
Joey: Man, you are so paranoid!
(There is a knock on the door. Joey tries unsuccessfully to crawl underneath the leather couches. He runs towards his bedroom. Chandler shakes his head and opens the door it is Monica)
Chandler: Joey, its safe. (sheepishly to Monica) Hey.
Monica: Wheres Janice?
Chandler: Shouldnt you be asking Joey that? I dont know.
Monica: Okay Joey, where is she?
Joey: Who? Is she here? Please no. Hide me! Hide me! (Imitating Chandler) No, sorry Janice, Joey isnt here.
Monica: Whats up with him?
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are close again, etc. etc.]
Joey: So, anyway, I told Janice last night.
Ross: Oh? How did she react?
Joey : Well, obviously , she was fairly upset. As any women is when they hear the love of their life has been imprisoned in Australia for high treason.
Monica: Thats worse than Yemen!
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Incoming!
(The gang gathers round Phoebe and listens. When Janice speaks, Phoebes lips move. Its very strange.)
Janice (muffled): Joey? Is Joey there Phoebe?
Phoebe: no hes in Austria.
Janice: He said he was in Australia!
Phoebe: They sound the same!
Janice: Okay, well tell him Ill be back. I know my two little love bunnies want me really and they know it. They just dont know they know it yet. Im still waiting to convert Ross. (Laughs THAT laugh)
(All three of the men shiver in fear!)