The One With All The Love
Written by: Mr. Magoo
"Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment."
(This takes place the day after Monica and Chandler get married)
[Opening Scene: Ross and Joey are at Central Perk, both looking pretty tired]
Ross: Man, I am so tired, I couldnt sleep after the wedding.
Joey: Yeah, and me and that stripper couldnt keep our hands off each other last night.
Ross: What stripper?
Joey: The one from the strip club!
Ross: Joey! You went to a strip club after a wedding!?
Joey: Why not? I needed something to help me stop crying!
Ross: Thats just (thinks) awesome dude!(giving a thumbs up)
Joey: Yeah, and were meeting again tonight.
Ross: Wait! Youre dating her?
Joey: Why not? (with a laugh)Shes really good in bed.(giving the Joey look)I think she could be the one. (looking at a woman over his shoulder) How you doin?
[Scene: Hawaii, Chandler and Monicas honeymoon suite, they are both in bed, and naked]
Chandler: I cant believe Im lying here next to my wife, the most beautiful woman in the world. That was the greatest sex Ive ever had, I love you so much.
Monica: (with a worried look on her face) Yeah, that was umm, I love you too, honey.
(Chandlers eyes go wide)
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Rachel and Phoebe are there, not so tired]
Phoebe: So, let me get this straight, that wasnt Monicas pregnancy test in the garbage, it was yours!?
Rachel: For the last time Phoebe, YES!
Phoebe: Well, this is too huge, whos the father?
Rachel: I I cant tell.
Phoebe: Why not!
Rachel: Because I cant, Phoebe!
Phoebe: O.K. You dont have to get all squirky!
Rachel: I wasnt .squirky! I just dont want to tell anyone who the father is right now!
Phoebe: Uh, oh! I bet its Ross!
Rachel: Its not Ross, Phoebe!
(Ross enters, Phoebe nudges Rachel as he does)
Ross: Whats going on guys?
Phoebe: Nothing at all. (under her breath as she exits) Dad.
Ross: Rachel, you know, after Chandler and Monicas wedding, I started thinking about us, and-
Rachel: (interrupting) Ross! There is no us! Okay?
Ross: I know, Rachel, but I was thinking, what if we did get back together, would it be so bad? I mean, we have slept together, no surprises there. And and, oh god this is hard. I love you Rach, Ive always loved you.
Rachel: Ross, I I dont think I can deal with this right now. Im going out with Jason now, and-
Ross: Rachel, I cant help how I feel for you, its just, when I see you with all these other guys, I dont know, it breaks my heart. Like with Tag, he was a great guy, but he was also, what, your your secretary-
Rachel: Not secretary! Assistant!
Ross: Okay, youre assistant, and, what, if youd have gotten married, hed have had you in the old folks home by the time hes 30! And when we were together, I just, I dont know, it was great!
Rachel: Well, Id love to stay and talk, (sarcastically) really! But I have to go, I have to do some not this right now.
(She leaves leaving Ross with a depressed look on his face)
[Scene: Hawaii, Chandler and Monicas honeymoon suite. They are busy getting dressed]
Chandler: How can you not call that great sex!? Those were some of my best moves!
Monica: If those were your best moves, I dont want to have a baby!
Chandler: What is wrong with my moves? Could you be anymore discreet?
Monica: Well, just promise me that, when we get home, lets not try those moves again, shall we?
Chandler: Come on, I thought about those moves really hard to please you! Youre telling me not one worked?
Chandler: (as only Chandler can say) Oh come on!
Monica: There was that one where you (whispers in his ear).
Chandler: That!? That pleased you? I wasnt even trying there.
Monica: (kissing him) Well, you want to not try some more?
Chandler: Now? Were about to leave? But ok, why not?
Monica: Thats what I like to hear! Now get back out of those close Bing!
Chandler: Okay Bing!
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, you can see the covers moving but no heads]
Joey: Thats it! Right there Jessica!
Jessica: You like that?
Joey: Yeah I do!
(Joey looks over and sees Hugsy, his Bedtime Penguin Pal)
Joey: (with wide eyes) umm, could you hold on a second?
Jessica: Why? Isnt this great?
Joey: Yeah, but I got to, ummm, (thinks) do some laundry.
Jessica: (with a confused look) Okay, hurry back!
(Cut to Joeys living room, Ross is there)
Joey: (with a towel around his, well, you know, little general, and Hugsy, his Bedtime Penguin Pal behind him) What are you doing here?
Ross: I came with girl problems. Is that the stripper?
Joey: No, thats the girl I met at the coffee house, remember?
Ross: Oh, yeah. You and the stripper broke up?
Joey: No, Im seeing her tomorrow.
Ross: Joey! Not again!
Joey: Whats your problem?
Ross: Its Rachel-
Joey: Ross, I cant get into this right now, I know you were on a break, but I really cant do this. Im doing something else.
Ross: Okay, sorry Joe, go play with your coffee house playmate.
(Joey throws Hugsy his Bedtime Penguin Pal into Rachels room, and goes back into his room)
Jessica: (through the door) Yay!
Ross: Look, I know I scared you with all that talk of me and you, us, but, I cant help how I feel. And I just want to say-
(Rachel interrupts by kissing him passionately)
Ross: Whoa! What about Jason?
Rachel: Well, he hes still outside, I just had to see you, and you werent at your apartment, so I came here.
Ross: Well, Rachel, I cant take this. You have to choose, me or Jason?
Rachel: Umm, I dont I dont know, I really like Jason, but I love you, you are my best friend, and my soul mate. So, Im going to break it off with Jason, but first (kisses him again, as Ross grabs her but and smiles)
Ross: (smiling) Really?
Rachel: Yes, and dont worry, your new baby (pats her stomach) will be much happier with this arrangement.
[Scene: Coffee House, Phoebe is there, drinking a cup of coffee (wow!) and reading a women's magazine.]
Phoebe: (reading out loud) Your true love could be right under your nose and you not even notice. Hmmm. Joey! (laughs at her own joke) Hehehe. (facial expression changes to that of acknowledgement) Oh my God!
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Phoebe enters, Ross and Rachel are gone, and Jessica is gone from Joeys room.]
Phoebe: Joey! Joey! Joey!
Joey: (entering from his room) What? Im trying to sleep!
Phoebe: Why are you sleeping at 4:00 in the afternoon?
Joey: Well, Im tired, I got very little sleep last night, and a lot of action earlier.
Phoebe: Joey, I want to talk to you.
Joey: Cant it wait? Im trying to get to sleep! (looks around as if wondering what hes missing) (runs into Rachels room, and comes out with )
Joey: Thats right baby!
Phoebe: Joey, we have to talk, stop acting, oh so yum!
Phoebe: Okay, I was reading something earlier that said, "Your true love could be right under your nose and you not even notice," and I immediately thought of you.
Phoebe: Dont you get it?
Joey: No, I dont. I always think of you, Pheebs.
Phoebe: You dont understand. Ugh. Just go back to bed!
Joey: Okay, good night, bye.
(Phoebe leave, Joey goes into his room. Cut to Joeys room, he is still carrying Hugsy his Bedtime Penguin Pal.)
Joey: Your true love could be right under your nose and you not even notice. Hmmm. Phoebe. (laughs at his own joke) Hehehe. (facial expression turns to one of acknowledgement) Oh my God!
[Scene: Ross apartment, there is a knock at the door, and guess who it is.]
Rachel: (coming out of Ross room with only a robe) Im just going to get the door.
Chandler: (surprise!) Rachel! (thinks about it)Rachel!? You two back together?
Rachel: (proudly) Yes!
Chandler: Congratulations. Ross is here, isnt he?
Rachel: Yes he is, hold on. Ross!
Ross: (entering in only his skivvies) Yes? Chandler! You guys are back! As are we.
Chandler: I have some news. Monica isnt pregnant. That wasnt her pregnancy test, but we dont know whos it could be.
Ross: We know.
Rachel: Its mine.
Chandler: Youre pregnant!? Oh my god! Who is it?
Rachel: Well, its ummm, its someone you know very well (puts an arm around Ross waist).
Chandler: Gunther? Gandolf?? Who!??
Ross: Its me!
Chandler: How its .I dont when?
Rachel: Well, hold on, lets tell Monica, too. And Pheebs and Joey.
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas apt. everyone is there, in the kitchen]
Rachel: Well, it happened like this.
(Flashback, scene in Ross apt.)
Rachel: (Voice Over) A month ago it hit me. You guys were doing your vows and I had no one to be with.
Ross: (V.O.) And Chandler wasnt going to easy with his vows, so I had gotten drunk.
Rachel: (V.O.) And then I had gotten drunk. Then we bumped into each other. In Ross living room.
Ross: Rachel! Yay Rachel I love Rachel!
Rachel: I love Ross. Hey, yknow what would be really funny? If we(whispers in his ear)(they both start laughing hysterically)
Ross: (running into his room with Rachel in tow) Man! This is going to be so funny!(takes off his shirt) I cant wait to tell the others!
Ross: (V.O.) Then we had sex.
Rachel: And now Im pregnant with Ross baby!
Phoebe: You guys do everything when youre drunk. Are you sure youre not drunk right now?
Ross and Rachel: For the last time Pheebs, YES!
Monica: This is so great, Im home with the best man in the world, my husband, and all my friends, everything is going how its supposed to. Except for one thing. Phoebe?
Monica: Remember when I said you could live here alone while Chandler and I were gone?
Monica: Well, I kind of thought that cleaning up was implied!(For the first time you see beyond the kitchen and it is a disaster!) Clean this up Phoebe!
[Scene: Joeys apt. Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Phoebe! I got something I need to say to you!
Phoebe: Oooh! Let me guess! Ummm, youre giving me Hugsy?
Joey: No, its about when you came over yesterday.
Joey: I thought about that thing you read, and just have one thing to say .How you doin?
Phoebe: Yay! (kisses him deeply and passionately just as the others come in)
Others: Oh my God!
[Scene: All enter, each couple holding hands]
Chandler: Hey, you know what we should do? We should all switch!
Ross: Chandler, that is the stupidest thing youve ever said. I get Phoebe.
(The girls switch so its Chandler and Rachel, Joey and Monica, and Ross and Phoebe, just as Monica and Ross parents walk in]
Joey: (to Monica) How you doin?
Joey: Dude sorry!
Mrs. Geller: Oh my god. Who got married? (she faints on the floor)
Mr. Geller: Chandler! How could you cheat on my little harmonica? And right in front of her face! And Monica! Way to go! 2 guys, thats my little harmonica! (they all have a disgusted look on their face)