The One With Joey’s Poetry

NOTE: This script continues from where "The One With the Aliens" left off. To understand it completely you’ll have to read the previous one first. Sorry but that’s the downside with continuations! Let the reading begin!

[Monica and Rachel’s. Joey and Rachel are there having breakfast]

RACH: So …How was the party?

JOEY: Nah… It was awful! Just a bunch of dorks sitting around doing nothing! And… Oh [indifferently] there was a stripper there too.

RACH: Ha… By your tone I’m guessing that she wasn’t too good.

JOEY: No… She was good! But… [staring dreamily into the void] she is nothing compared to Annette!

RACH: Wow! This Annette girl must be really good at …what she does!

JOEY: [Really intrigued] What does she do?

RACH: [A little confused] I don’t know… Stripping?

JOEY: [Shocked] Really … WOW!

RACH: Joey what do you mean? Isn’t she a stripper?

JOEY: [confused] Why are you asking me? You just said that she is!

RACH: Joey!!! How would I know! I don’t even know who she is! I just assumed that by what you said!

JOEY: Oh! …[disappointed] Damn! [Thinking] …That would have been really cool!

OPENING CREDITS

[Chandler’s bedroom! Chandler and Monica are in bed together!]

MON: So… we didn’t get to talk a lot last night!

CHAN: [With a grin] I know! [Monica gives an embarrassed smile]

MON: So how was the party?

CHAN: Ah… You know… the usual!

MON: What about the emergency?

CHAN: [confused]… The what?

MON: The emergency you had last night during the party! What was that about?

CHAN: [thinking and then realizing what she means] … OH! You mean [stressing it] the PROCESSING …emergency! It was nothing serious!

MON: [smiling and climbing on top of him] So where there any pretty girls at the party?

CHAN: Well… let me think… Well there was one who …WAS pretty … 20 years ago! But no one as pretty as a certain raven haired beauty I know!

MON: [kisses him] THAT’S what I want to hear! So… How ‘bout an early round, you know… to get a good start for the day!

CHAN: [smiling from ear to ear] You know what… That’s what I want to hear!!! [They start to make out]

[Cut to Monica and Rachel’s. Joey & Rachel are still discussing]

RACH: So… Who is this Annette girl?

JOEY: Oh… Annette is gorgeous! She’s got the most captivating eyes I’ve ever seen! [In the background "Oceans" from Pearl Jam starts playing. Joey starts to stare dreamily into the void… AGAIN!] When you look into her eyes … it’s like …it’s like… You’re staring into the bluest ocean … enticing, dangerous yet reassuringly calm …[Rachel is looking a bit shocked] …and it’s calling to you …[ Rachel is now looking shocked] … and you can’t resist diving into its blue waters, even though you know for certain that you’ll be lost forever in it’s engulfing waves! [Rachel now looks in horror]

JOEY: [snapping out of it, he notices Rachel] …What? What is it?

RACH: [At a loss for words] …Err … What you just said…

JOEY: [genuinely curious] …What did I say?

RACH: I… I… [dismissing the thought] …Nothing I must have imagined it!

JOEY: … Anyway… Annette is so sweet and kind and… [notices Rachel who is smiling] …What?

RACH: Oh my God! Joey listen to yourself! You’re in love!

JOEY: [Pretending innocently] … Who? …Me? Are you kidding… Me in love?… Can you imagine that? [ As if trying to answer his own question, he stops to think and starts to daydream! Rachel is amused]

RACH: Oh… That’s so sweet! Look at you, all in love!

[Joey is still daydreaming with a huge smile on his face!]

…JOEY!

JOEY: [snapping out of it] No… Hmm… What! …Oh! …NO! I’m not in love! [softening] I mean she’s really nice, but she likes Chand… [realizes what he was about to say]… Chan Dover!

RACH: [Looking suspiciously at Joey] You were going to say Chandler, weren’t you?

JOEY: NO! …[defendently] I said Chan …[he forgot what he said] … Donovan!

RACH: But you said Chan Dover before!

JOEY: Well… I made a mistake. I am a human being, aren’t I? [Rachel shrugs her shoulders] I am allowed to make mistakes!

RACH: O.K. … O.K. …So which one is it?

JOEY: What do you mean?

RACH: Which is the correct name?

JOEY: [trying hard to remember] …Chan … Do… Don …ington!

RACH: Listen Joey! Enough with christening imaginary people! Is there sth going on between this girl and Chandler?

JOEY: No… [panicking he looks at his watch] … Hey… look at the time… I’ve got to leave! [He starts to leave quickly]

RACH: Joey wait!

[Joey ignores her and leaves the apartment, leaving Rachel confused. Then after a while we see the door slightly opening. Joey sticks his head in, to check if the coast is clear and Rachel sees him]

RACH: [still confused] Joey?

JOEY: Damn! [quickly leaves and closes the door behind him]

[Cut to Chandler & Joey’s apartment. Chandler and Ross are talking. In the background we can hear "The one I love" by REM]

ROSS: … I mean… There MUST be sth wrong with me! Otherwise how can you explain the last 5 years! Carol left me for another woman! I found Rachel again, the woman who I was in love with since High school, but I didn’t have the guts to tell her how I felt! I moved on and found Julie who I dump in order to be with Rachel! Rachel and I had a great time and then we just broke up. Just like that! Some not meaningful relationships that each lasted for like… a day! Then Bonnie "Full Moon"! I also dump her to get back with Rachel again, only to break up, yet again. And then there was Emily. Everything was perfect and Mr. Dictionary here [indicates himself] says the wrong name on his wedding day!

CHAN: Wow! That was a …really big monologue there buddy!

ROSS: What monologue? I thought I was talking to you!

CHAN: You were? [sarcastic] Sorry I wasn’t paying attention! Could you say it again please…

ROSS: All right that’s it I’ m out of here!

CHAN: WOW… wow… relax man. I’m just teasing you. Let’s talk serious now!

ROSS: O.K. [calming down] I think still love Emily and I don’t know how to put her behind me and move on! …I’m not sure if I even want to!

CHAN: Listen man… Trust me ,you’ll get over her! You thought you’d never get over Carol, but you did!

ROSS: I know that. But that’s only because I had fallen in love with Rachel!

CHAN: That’s what I mean. You’ll find someone that you’ll love more than Emily! I mean… it seems that she wasn’t THE ONE!

ROSS: I know… You’re probably right! So who do you think could be THE ONE ?

CHAN: I’m not sure… but I let me tell you, that Duncan McCloud guy [the T.V.’s Highlander for those not familiar with that show], seems a pretty good contender for the position!

[Cut to Central Perk. Joey is there talking to Phoebe.]

PHOE: Look Joey… It’s pretty obvious that you are in love… your aura is glowing… If it had a mouth do you know what it’d say?

JOEY: What?

PHOE: [ screaming with joy] AT LAST! AT LAST!

JOEY: [confused] … I don’t get it…

PHOE: Look … let’s just say that it was about time! …So who is she?

JOEY: Even though I’m still denying that whole [motions with his hands moving in circles]… love thing. I’ll let you know about her…

PHOE: …So …tell me about her!

JOEY: She’s beautiful, sweet ,gentle and she’s a little shy! ["Where the wild roses grow" by Nick Cave starts to play in the background. Joey is staring dreamily into the void once again] … She’s like a little, beautiful, red rose bud, that still hasn’t fully blossomed. [Phoebe looks at him a bit curious] … It’s beauty is safely kept within, for the ones lucky enough to be blessed by God, with the eternal bliss of seeing, smelling, feeling this beauty, so denied to all the rest.

[snapping out of it he notices Phoebe, who is staring at him with open mouth.] …What …? What did I say?

PHOE: [momentarily speechless, then…] Marry me!

[Cut to Chandler & Joey’s. Ross and Chandler are still talking]

ROSS: …Come on man …I’m serious! Tell me …who do you think could be the One for me?

CHAN: How should I know? I spent almost 30 years of my life to find THE ONE for me! …And I know me… better than I know you… So imagine how long it would take for me to find THE ONE for you!

ROSS: [thinking] …Are you saying that my sister is your ONE?

CHAN: …[sheepishly] Well… Yeah! …I mean sorry if that bothers you man, but I can’t help it. I’m crazy about her!

ROSS: …No, …No. Actually it’s better that you told me! Now I can sleep more easily! [thinking] … What about Rachel?

CHAN: …I don’t know… She’s good and all, but she just doesn’t do the trick for me… you know…

ROSS: I mean about ME!!!

CHAN: …Oh …sorry! You should inform me, before you change the subject so quickly!

ROSS: So what do you think?

CHAN: I don’t know man… But… I don’t think so…

ROSS: …What! …Why? I said her name in the church! Maybe that was my subconscious trying to tell me sth.

CHAN: Look man… you asked for MY opinion and I told you! I don’t think that it would work! Besides you’re way too mellow for her!

ROSS: …No way! I… I can be …really …[thinking] wild and… and… naughty, if I want.

CHAN: O.K. …But try not to exhaust her ! O.K. Tiger?

ROSS: Say what you want… [he gets up] I think I’m going to give it a try with Rachel and I’ll prove you wrong! After all… she’s the one I’ve been in love with for most of my life… [shouting] …AND I CAN BE REALLY WILD!!!! [he leaves]

CHAN: [imitating a growling voice] Grr… I’m ROSS ! ME STRONG AS BULL!!! [he bursts into laughter]

[Monica & Rachel’s. Monica is there doing the dishes, as Rachel enters.]

RACH: Hey

MON: Hey

RACH: What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?

MON: [with a big smile] Yes, but I took the day off! It hasn’t been so busy lately and I wanted to surprise Chandler! I even told him that I’d be at work until late! [giggles]

RACH: [looking a bit uncomfortable] Aw… that’s so sweet! Look Mon I’m not sure if I should tell you this as it may be nothing! But you’re my best friend so … here goes… I think you should better sit for this.

[Cut to the balcony. We see inside the apartment as Rachel tells Monica what Joey –by accident- told her! Monica’s face becomes very surprised. Then we get back inside]

MON: You don’t think that he is cheating on me! Do you?

RACH: Look Mon! …I don’t know… It’s not like Chandler to do sth like this… especially to you… But neither was Ross!

MON: [trying to persuade mostly herself] No, No. I’m sure that it’s all a misunderstanding! I’ll talk to him about it when he gets back! O.K. I have to do the laundry now!

[as Monica gets up to leave, Ross enters. He seems really ticked off! He has a very paranoid look on his face.]

MON: [a bit scared] …Ross …what’s wrong honey?

ROSS: [immediately turns to his normal self, and with a smile tells Monica] nothing Mon. I… was just practicing. [whispering to her ear] Did I scare ya? [smiles widely –and a bit psychotically I might add]

MON: [Looking freaked out] You’re scaring me now! [she leaves quickly, leaving Ross and Rachel alone. Ross silently locks the door and eyes Rachel mischievously, as she’s not looking at him]

ROSS: [under his breath] Grr… [he starts to make his way towards Rachel really evilly]

[Cut to Chandler and Joey’s. Chandler has already left as Monica enters. She starts to gather clothes for the laundry. She picks up Chandler’s pants –unaware that they were worn by Joey at the party- and empties the pockets. She sees a napkin falling from the pocket! She picks it up, and notices that there’s sth written on it so she reads it. Her face is filled with horror and she starts to cry. Just then Phoebe enters the apartment.]

PHOE: Monica…? Honey what’s wrong?

MON: Rachel was right! He’s cheating on me! How could he do this? How could he do this to me?

PHOE: Mon what are you talking about?

MON: The napkin! The napkin says it clearly! He’s cheating on me!

PHOE: [excited] You can read napkins?! That’s so cool!! I can only read cards, tarot, hands … oh and hair! There’s a lot of info in the hair!

MON: [still crying] You can read it too! Here… [Hands Phoebe the napkin]

PHOE: [reading out loud] Annette Porter … Alguer’s …[I don’t know any restaurants in NYC, and I saw this name in another fan fic. So unless you wanted me to put Joey on a date in Pizza Hut, you’ll have to do with this.] …High st. 139 [o.k. I also don’t know anything about NYC and its streets …so you’ll have to put up with this too!] … at 20:30.

Well… that was easy! It’s practically written out for you! But I still don’t get how you get "cheating" out of this!

MON: [between sobs] Chandler is out with this girl , and he hasn’t told me anything about it!

PHOE: Well… if he had he would have been the worst cheater ever! [Monica is now crying even louder] Are you sure though about this?

MON: [trying to calm down a bit] I… I… think so…

PHOE: So… How can you accuse him of sth you’re not sure of?

MON: [defendendly] Look… I don’t know! But then … How do you explain what Joey said … and how do you explain the napkin? The napkin never lies!

PHOE: First of all Joey has been saying a lot of weird things today… and second of all I’m sure that Chandler will have a logical explanation to give! And you’ll see you were worrying over nothing!

MON: [calming down] You’re probably right! But how come you’re so defendant of Chandler?

PHOE: I don’t believe in napkins! …They are nasty little things!

[Cut to the hall between the apartments. Phoebe goes to Monica & Rachel’s door and knocks on it. There’s no answer. She knocks again]

PHOE: Rachel!!

[Suddenly the door opens up a bit and Ross’s head pops out. His hair is all messy! There’s a big Woo… from the audience. Phoebe not realizing the implication]… Hey Ross. Can I come in for a while?

ROSS: NO! [he quickly closes the door and runs back in. Phoebe bangs on the door again]

PHOE: ROSS!!!!

[The door opens again! Ross’s head pops out again]

ROSS: [irritated] …WHAT?!!?

PHOE: Can you at least tell me where Chandler is?

ROSS: They called him from the office and he is going to be working a bit late!

PHOE: Did you actually hear that … or…

ROSS: [interrupting] No… he told me!

PHOE: Aw… And what…

[we hear Rachel’s voice from inside]

RACH: Ross!

ROSS: Bye Phoebes! [he slams the door and runs in]

PHOE: [wondering aloud] What’s going on in there?

[Cut to Chandler’s office. Chandler is there working as Joey walks in]

JOEY: Hey man!

CHAN: Hey Joe ! What are you doing here?

JOEY: I’ve come here so you can call Annette and tell her that I’m going out with her, instead of you, because you have to work!

CHAN: Oh… Right! The good thing though is that I won’t be lying to her too, so it’s o.k.

JOEY: What do you mean?

CHAN: I really do have to work! So I would be telling her the truth and I won’t feel too lousy about myself!

JOEY: Why would you feel lousy about yourself?

CHAN: Because I wouldn’t want to have to lie to another wonderful woman! I did this once for you to –of all people- Monica. Luckily it was a harmless lie!

JOEY: I don’t see your point? Why would you feel lousy if you lied to a woman? Wonderful or not wonderful! I do it all the time! And let me tell you sth my friend… [The main theme from Braveheart starts to play in the background. Joey says in a real parental tone] I never felt lousy about it! …You know why? Because those lies got me out from some really difficult spots! [raising his voice in a patriotic manner] YOU SHOULD USE MORE YOUR GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO LIE! If you did you’d never be where you are now!

[suddenly we hear cheers and clapping from outside the office. Joey goes and opens the door. We see a lot of guys (dorks) gathered there clapping and cheering! Joey is really pleased and bows in appreciation]

JOEY: Thank you! Thank you! [He slams the door in their faces]… so about Annette…

CHAN: So you would easily lie to Annette?

JOEY: What! I would never lie to Annette… ["February Stars" by Foo Fighters starts playing. Joey stares dreamily… well you know] I mean… when that sweet face is looking at your eyes, everything around you lose meaning. Then you realize that the warm light in her eyes is all that life is about. And once you’ve felt that you know that your quest has ended.

CHAN: [in utter horror] WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FRIEND JOEY!

[Cut to Chandler Joey’s apartment. Monica is there anxiously waiting as Phoebe enters.]

MON: So… ? What did you learn? Where is he?

PHOE: He told Ross that he had to work till late!

MON: Oh my God! [starting to break] It’s true! He’s cheating on me! I can’t believe this! [starting to cry] And just yesterday he was telling me that he loved me! He lied to me so that I wouldn’t suspect him! [crying even more] I can’t believe that he did this to me!

PHOE: MON! Come on! How can you be sure that he’s cheating on you! He might really be in his office! Why don’t you call him?

MON: [calming down a bit] You’re right… I’ll call him!

PHOE: If only you’d listen to me more!

[Monica dials the number. Then we hear Chandler’s voice on the phone!]

CHAN’S VOICE: Hello!

MON: [smiling] Hello Chandler it’s me!

CHAN’S VOICE: Hello who’s there?

MON: [confused] …Honey it’s me!

CHAN’S VOICE: Ha, Ha. I got you! Whoever you are leave a message cause I’m obviously not here!

[Cut to Chandler’s office. The room is dark and empty. We hear a beep from the answering machine which is followed by a high pitched sound. It’s Monica starting to cry.]

PHOE’S VOICE: Oh honey come here!

BEEP-

[The scene fades to black]

[Cut to later that night. Chandler & Joey’s apartment. Chandler enters. He looks drunk! He stumbles on the foosball table]

CHAN: [in a really silly manner to the foosball players] Sorry fellas! Keep up the good work! [Monica is lying on the couch. her head on Phoebe’s lap. Chandler notices them. In a fake British accent] Hello to thee fair maidens! [stops… realizes what he said and bursts into laughter]

MON: [goes over to him. With tears in her eyes- really softly] How could you do this to me!

[Chandler freezes when he realizes that she’s crying]

PHOE: [going out] All right… I’d better go now to… out of here[she leaves]

CHAN: [unsure of what’s going on] Mon why are you crying? Who hurt you? Tell me now and I’ll go over there and… [throws his hands around as if trying to hit someone, but loses balance and falls down.] Well that was fun!

MON: [DEAD serious] Just tell me … why did you tell me you love me if you were planning on cheating on me? So that you’d poison your knife?

CHAN: [really confused] What poison… what knife …what cheating… Where am I?

MON: [starting to cry , yet again] O.k. that’s it ! I’m leaving and I don’t want to see you again! [slams the door behind her]

[Chandler crawls all the way to the door , opens it and shouts]

CHAN: AND I WON’T TELL YOU THE SECRET PASSWORD FOR THE SPECIAL BAYWATCH SITE!!!! [thinks a bit] …What’s going on here?

[cut to the stairs. Phoebe is sitting there. Monica approaches her and is crying unstoppably.]

MON: [in between sobs] I… I… left… and he didn’t even care!

PHOE: Honey …at the state he is now… I don’t think he’d even care if he was sitting on a nuclear bomb… [she thinks] … which would be pretty cool… and weird!

MON: [in between sobs] Phoebe let’s go get drunk like guys do!

PHOE: Oh YAY! And maybe we could see some strippers again!

MON: PHOEBES! Not EXACTLY like guys!

[They both leave]

[Cut to Alguer’s. Joey and Annette are finishing their dinner!]

ANN: Joey… I wanted to thank you for today! It was really kind of you to fill in for Chandler! I really appreciate it!

JOEY: Forget about it! [trying to make up a story] … Although … I had an important …meeting with… with… the… err… the actors’ … err… [hesitantly] organization [Annette looks confused], as soon as Chandler asked me to fill in for him, and escort you out to dinner, I immediately said: "well… if it’s for Annette I’d be glad to do it!"

ANN: [looking touched] Oh! You’re so sweet. I can’t believe you didn’t go to your meeting to go out with me.

JOEY: Don’t even mention it! Believe me… [with a meaningful look] It’s MY pleasure!

[Annette smiles at Joey’s comment and blushes]

[Cut to a pub … somewhere. Monica and Phoebe are there talking. Monica looks a bit… well … a lot drunk!]

MON: I don’t care about what he did! He can go sleep with Janice if he wants! …[realizing what she said] Oh my GOD! I wouldn’t be able to handle it if he slept with Janice!

PHOE: Monica look… You still haven’t talked to him …soberly! Maybe you should wait and talk to him tomorrow when you’ll both be sober! Then you’ll be able to take the right decision!

MON: I don’t need to talk to anyone right now! I’ve got Jack here to keep me company.

PHOE: OK honey… You’re starting to lose it! You’re not supposed to be seeing invisible people! I’m the only one with powers to do that!

MON: Phoebe ! I’m not that drunk! I’m talking about… [looks at the label of the whiskey she’s drinking] Jack … Dan… sth.

PHOE: Look Monica… maybe we should leave! You’re not looking very well… and besides if I stay here more, I won’t have time for my meditation before I go to bed!

MON: OK Phoebe you can go! Go have your … medication. I’ll stay here a bit longer!

PHOE: I’m not leaving you alone like this!

[Suddenly we hear a voice behind Monica]

MAN: Monica?

[Monica and Phoebe both turn and look in shock at the guy who is standing there!]

[Cut to Chandler and Joey’s apartment. Chandler is there by himself drinking coffee. He seems to have come round. Joey walks in.]

JOEY: [with a big smile] HEY! [Chandler just waves his hand in recognition. He looks really lousy]… What’s wrong with you!

CHAN: You know how Doug called me and … ordered me to go out with him and those executives, for drinks.

JOEY: …Yeah!

CHAN: … Well he forgot to mention that there were going to be … buckets of drinks… so now my head feels, like I’ve been hearing Fran Drescher [I think it’s spelled like this…] … talking for the past hour!

JOEY: [shivering] …Oh No !

CHAN: And if this wasn’t enough… sth happened with Monica, that I’m not fully aware of! She left and she still hasn’t come home yet!

JOEY: [concerned] Did you guys have a fight?

CHAN: Well … if we did she must have kicked my butt. My ass is hurting like hell!

[Time lapse]

JOEY: Man… My date with Annette was wonderful! We talked… and talked … and then we … … talked some more, but it was wonderful!

CHAN: So you didn’t sleep with her?

JOEY: Usually I would have tried to, but I really, really like Ann! So I think that I will take it slow with her!

CHAN: That’s great man! I’m happy for you! [the phone starts to ring. Chandler covers his ears in horror] AH! MAKE IT STOP!! [He runs to his bedroom and closes the door]

JOEY: [picking up the phone] Hello!

PHOE’S VOICE: Hi Joey ! It’s Phoebe! I just called to check in on Monica!

JOEY: She’s not here! Why didn’t you call her apartment!

PHOE’S VOICE: I’ve been trying to, but it seems like they’ve been talking for hours. It’s always busy! I wonder what’s going on in there!

JOEY: So Phoebe… What happened between Chandler and Monica!

PHOE: Chandler… might… have cheated on Monica!

JOEY: WHAT! That’s absurd! With Who?

PHOE: With some Annette girl!

JOEY: What! … Are you sure about this? … I mean… [he realizes] …Wait a minute … I’m going out with Annette … not Chandler!

PHOE: Are you sure?

JOEY: Oh… Believe me … I’d know!

PHOE: That’s so great! She’s going to be so happy when she hears it! I just hope nothing bad has happened!

JOEY: Where could she be?

PHOE: … I don’t know… We were out drinking and she got really drunk! Then I wanted to leave but she wouldn’t, so I left her there!

JOEY: You left her alone drunk?

PHOE: Oh no! I forgot to tell you. We ran into Richard there! I left her with him!

JOEY: WHAT! You left her drunk with Richard?

PHOE: Why? … [realizes] … Oh my God! You don’t think she…

[Cut to a bedroom… It’s the next morning. Monica is lying naked on the bed (don’t get your hopes up, she’s under the covers). She wakes up and realizes she’s not home. Her face gets a horrified look!]

MON: … OH… No…

[The bathroom door swings open and Richard comes out –sounds familiar? -]

RICH: Morning!

[Time lapse. Monica is frantically trying to get dressed, repeating to herself]

MON: Oh God… Oh God… Oh God x5

RICH: What’s the matter Mon?

MON: This can’t be happening! How could I do this! How could this have happened!

RICH: Mon… honey! [reaches for her trying to calm her down] Relax! Nothing happened!

MON: Nothing…?

RICH: NO! You just slept here! I slept on the couch.

MON: Why was I naked then? …[horrified] Oh God! Please don’t tell me I did a strip show in front of the whole pub!

RICH: What! [laughing] …honey no. You were drunk, it was raining outside and you got really wet! So since you were almost unable to move, I brought you to my place, which was closer! I didn’t think you’d mind me undressing you. Besides I’ve seen you naked many times!

MON: Well… yeah but…

RICH: Look Mon… Nothing happened! Believe me! …Although… I should probably tell you, that … I really wanted for sth to happen!

MON: [surprised] WHAT!

RICH: Mon! … All this time with out you made me think! I can’t go on without you! I just didn’t know how to come to you after all this time and tell you this! [Monica is speechless] … And you know what… I would love for you to carry my child… if of course you still want to!

MON: [at a loss for words] … I… I… don’t know what to say…

RICH: Monica I love you!

[He moves closer to kiss her. Monica is about to give in, when she breaks away]

MON: No… I… I can’t do this! This is too much data all at once! System overload! I can’t handle this!

RICH: Mon! What’s the problem?

MON: Richard… I’m seeing someone else right now! Someone very special! … At least he was until he cheated on me! [realizing] … But then again… I almost cheated on him too!

RICH: [disappointed] …Oh… I didn’t realize that! Anyone I know?

MON: … Chandler…

RICH: [surprised] … What! Chandler! … As in … your friend Chandler?

MON: Well… We’re more than friends now! … Oh my God! What am I going to do? Listen … Richard! What you said… means a lot to me, but I have to think things over! So … I’d better leave!

RICH: OK … I understand!

MON: I’ll call you when I’m ready!

[Monica starts to leave]

RICH: It would be a good idea though, not to go outside without your blouse.

[Monica looks at herself and notices that from waste up she’s only wearing her bra. She gives an embarrassed smile and takes her blouse]

[cut to Monica and Rachel’s that morning. There are loud bangs on the door, and we hear from outside]

PHOE’S VOICE: Open up! Open up!

JOEY’ VOICE: Hey… I’m really hungry! Come On open the door!

[Ross comes out from Rachel’s room. His hair is a mess and he is just wearing boxers and a t-shirt. He opens the door sleepily]

ROSS: Don’t you have food at your apartment!

JOEY: Well… maybe… I’m not so… [ he notices how Ross is dressed. Phoebe notices him too]

PHOE: Are you back with Rachel … AGAIN!

ROSS: Oh … yeah! We talked about what happened the last two years, and we decided to make a fresh start!

PHOE: I suppose that this is good news then.

[Joey goes over to Ross and hugs him]

JOEY: I’m really proud of you son! [ Ross looks at him]

[Rachel comes out from her room, with a big smile on her face.]

RACH: Good morning!

PHOE: Oh… I’m so happy to hear that you guys are back together again!

[Rachel goes over and hugs Ross]

RACH: I know! I couldn’t believe it! Till the beast in Ross woke up and gave me a night I won’t forget!

ROSS: Grr… [ He kisses her passionately]

JOEY: Aww… that’s so sweet!

[Monica enters the apartment]

ALL: HEY

JOEY: Where the hell were you?

MON: [to Phoebe] HOW could you leave me at the pub drunk! And moreover leave me with Richard?

ROSS/RACH: WHAT!!!!!!!

ROSS: What’s going on here?

JOEY: Look Phoebe… Take Ross and Rachel to Monica’s room and explain to them what’s going on, and I’ll fill Monica in what we talked about.

PHOE: Fine by me! Besides my shares have obviously foundered in the Monica stock market. [Phoebe takes Ross and Rachel to Monica’s bedroom]

MON: Fill me in about what?

JOEY: Mon… please tell me that nothing happened between you and Richard

MON: Nothing happened!

JOEY: [confused]… Wait … are you telling me this because I told you to, or nothing really happened?

MON: Look… I was drunk, wet and tired so Richard took me to his place! He put me to sleep, he slept on the couch!

JOEY: Is that all?

MON: Well… he first got me naked and then put me to sleep.

JOEY: WHAT!

MON: And then this morning he told me he loved me and wants to have children with me.

JOEY: [in shock] … so what did you tell him?

MON: I told him I’d think about it. You see …I’m not a cheater like your friend Chandler.

JOEY: That’s what I wanted to talk to you about! Phoebe told me what you think. Chandler is not the one who cheated on you with Annette… I am!

MON: [really confused] … What?

JOEY: [realizing what he said] …err… I meant that I am the one who has been going out with Annette! Chandler just help… [stops as he doesn’t want to reveal that he took help from Chandler] well he gave me his services on a certain matter

MON: What! [shocked] What about him saying that he’d be working late and then when I called him he wasn’t there?

JOEY: His boss invited him to go out for drinks with some … [thinking] … important people. He just didn’t call you, because he thought that you were going to be working late that day.

MON: That’s right! I told him that! But what about the napkin I found in Chandler’s pants? It had…

JOEY: [interrupting] You found my napkin?

MON: That was yours?

JOEY: [as if it should be obvious] Of course!

MON: Oh my God! And I thought that…

JOEY: [interrupting her, and speaking a bit angrily] I can’t believe that you thought that Chandler could cheat on you!

MON: [starting to break] I… I…

JOEY: [again angrily] I mean he might have done some stupid things in his past… [thinks] well… actually, a lot of stupid things, but he’s not THAT stupid to do anything to hurt you!

MON: [with tears] But … I…

JOEY: You’ve known him for almost 10 years Monica! You’ve been together longer than anyone else! How could you have suspected him of sth like that! The guy worships the ground you walk upon!

MON: [Joey after a lot of effort did it! Now Monica is crying uncontrollably!] Oh My God! What have I done!

JOEY: [softening] Oh … I’m sorry … come here… [he hugs her]

[Chandler then enters the apartment]

CHAN: Hey!

MON: [looks at him in tears] Chandler I …

JOEY: I’d better join the others [goes into Monica’s room and closes the door]

CHAN: [goes near Monica] Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you!

MON: [still crying] I… I…

CHAN: Hey come here. [He takes her into his arms] Look… Mon. I’m really sorry, but I can’t remember yesterday as I was hammered. So if I said anything to hurt you, …well… I don’t know what to say but … I’m sorry!

MON: [trying to calm down] Chandler … you don’t have to apologize for anything. It’s not you that I’m upset with.

CHAN: [relieved] Oh Good! Who is it then?

MON: I’m upset with me! Chandler … I’m the one who should be apologizing.

CHAN: [confused] What! What do you mean?

[Cut to inside Monica’s bedroom. Ross and Rachel are pressed against the door listening. Joey and Phoebe are sitting on the bed]

JOEY: [realizing sth] Hey Pheebs! Are you having a deja-vu or what?

PHOE: What do you mean?

JOEY: You know… [indicates Ross and Rachel]

PHOE: No Joey! I don’t understand what you mean! But even if you’re right, I wouldn’t be able to have a deja-vu!

JOEY: [confused] How’s that?

PHOE: I recently discovered that I have lost that particular power!

JOEY: How did you find that out?

PHOE: I was at work and sth happened with one of my co-workers and I was certain, that the exact same thing, had once happened before! But … I couldn’t feel it. That’s when I realized I had lost my deja-vu power …you know?

JOEY: Actually… No! What the hell are you talking about?

PHOE: You know what Joey? You lack powers! … You don’t even have the ability of perception!

ROSS: Shut up you guys! We can’t hear a thing!

[Cut to outside again. Chandler is now sitting on the sofa. Monica is sitting next to him with tears in her eyes]

CHAN: [shocked] … So… What did you tell him?

MON: I told him that I would think about it! But at the time I had been thinking that you had cheated on me. Otherwise I wouldn’t have even been there.

CHAN: [put down] I can’t believe this!

MON: Please Chandler you’ve got to believe me nothing happened! [starts to cry again] I’m sorry!

CHAN: [softly] Mon I believe you! I know you too well to think that you would do sth like that! But … you know what! Now that Richard wants you back… what will you do?

MON: I’ll tell him no! I’m with you now!

CHAN: …And if you weren’t?

MON: It doesn’t matter what I’d do if I wasn’t with you!

CHAN: Mon please… Just humor me!

MON: I… don’t know. I… mean…

CHAN: Look Mon… ["Breaking the girl" by Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing]As I told you before I have never felt like this for a woman before! I love you so much that it hurts! In fact, it’s the first time in my life, that I can honestly say, that I’d rather go through hell, than see another tear in these eyes! [he wipes the tears from her eyes, but Monica is still crying] I want you to be happy! So… I think that we should maybe…

MON: [interrupting] … Chandler please don’t say it!

CHAN: … Take some time off from each other! [Monica is crying uncontrollably] I think that you should think this through! If even a small part of you still loves Richard, then maybe you should think about it! Cause if you don’t do this now… and later on you change your mind… you’ll hate yourself for it! [Monica is still crying and looking down] And even though it hurts a lot, I think it will be for the best! [he leans forward and kisses her gently on her head. He gets up and starts to leave.]

MON: [lashing out] Why do you have to make it so difficult?

CHAN: Because … I love you more than you’ll ever know, and you deserve the best! Whatever the best may be! [He smiles weakly at her … and then he leaves. Monica is still crying when the others come out from her room. Their eyes are all red from crying.]

JOEY: [Whispering to Phoebe] You take care of Monica and I’ll go check up on Chandler!

[Joey leaves the apartment. The others gather around Monica and hug her. She breaks away and without a word goes to her room and closes the door]

[Cut to Joey and Chandler’s. Joey enters the apartment and sees that Chandler has broken down. In the background we can hear the refrain from "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls: "… And I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d understand. When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am …" (at least I think that’s what it says). Chandler is sitting on the floor, with his head in his hands. He lifts his head when Joey enters and we see that there are tears in his eyes]

JOEY: Oh man! [goes over and hugs him] If you didn’t want it, why did you do this?

CHAN: … I don’t know… I… I think that it was the right thing to do … for her!

JOEY: But she says she wants you!

CHAN: She may be saying that so that she doesn’t hurt my feelings because we’re friends. She has a very good heart.

JOEY: How can you…

CHAN: [Interrupting and about to break into tears] Listen man… I would like more than anything to storm in there, grab her kiss her and forget about everything else, but that wouldn’t be fair for her. …Maybe Richard is better for her!

JOEY: Hey… I think that that’s her decision! Besides what does Richard have more than you… besides the moustache?

CHAN: [hesitantly] … I’m afraid, he has her heart!

[ The tune from "More than words" starts playing, played only by a guitar. It’s slower and a bit more melancholic. Joey doesn’t know what to say to Chandler. He sits down on the floor next to him depressed. The camera stays on them for a while and the scene fades to black along with the song]

CLOSING CREDITS

[Annette’s apartment. Joey and Annette are there talking]

ANN: So… Joey… Do you like reading books?

JOEY: Well… If there’s a cool actor staring in it … yeah, totally.

ANN: [confused] like… give me a for instance…

JOEY: Err… The SHINING!!! A classic!! Jack Nicholson is so good in it!

ANN: [really confused now] … Err… Anyway… What about poetry?

JOEY: Basically… I try to avoid stuff that confuse me. But recently somebody gave me a book about poetry. William Shakespeare is so good in it! [Annette seems confused] Anyway… this book has inspired me a lot!

ANN: [excitedly] You mean… You can write poems?

JOEY: Sure Totally! Do you want me to think of one right now?

ANN: That would be fantastic!!

JOEY: OK… Here goes… [straightens his voice, and starts to think] "… you … are so… … … beautiful… … to … me… … …" I’m out! [straight to the point] Wanna go to bed?

To be continued…