A Script by Becci Wooster

The One where it Happens Again

[Carol and Susan’s Apartment]

(Carol, Rachel and Ben)

Carol - So, how long is it to go?

Rachel - <Patting her bump>A week. You should see Ross. He’s running around like a headless chicken.

Carol - Yeah, Susan did the same before Ben was born.

Rachel - At least Susan was around all the time. Ross has to go to a presentation in Boston for four days. I’m worried that baby won’t wait.

Carol - Why don’t you get him to stay?

Rachel - What??? And have him fuss over me for another week??? No, he’ll be much safer in Boston, where I can’t yell at him!

Ben - dada go to Boss-ton


[Monica’s Apartment]

(Ross, Monica and Phoebe)

Ross - ….So, I’m trusting you guys to look after her. Just because she doesn’t live here anymore doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need you popping in on her. You know, making sure she has everything she wants and that she doesn’t carry anything heavy around and…

Monica - <interrupting> OK!!!!

Phoebe - Look, Ross. Stop being so…….so ‘Plip Plop!’

Ross - <Looks round at Phoebe, shoots her a glare and turns back to Monica.> Are you sure that you’ll take care of her?

Monica - I’m sure!!! Rachel’s pregnant, not a leper!

Ross - OK! OK! Bye! I’ll just go and say bye to her on my way to the airport.

Monica - Bye, Ross!

Phoebe - Bye Mr. Plip Plop man!

(Exit Ross)

[Ross + Rachel’s Apartment]

(Ross and Rachel)

Rachel - Look, will you please calm down! The baby’s not due ‘till after you come back! There’s nothing to worry about!

Ross - Honey, I’m sorry. It’s just that you, Ben and our baby are the most important things in my life. I’m leaving Ben with Carol and Susan.I’m leaving you and our baby all alone.

Rachel - I can look after myself and the baby. Our wedding vows said ‘Love, Honor and Cherish, not ‘Love, Smother and Annoy!

Ross - Ok. I get the picture. I’m being over protective, but I can’t help it. I love you.

Rachel - I know you do. I’m sorry. I love you too.

<They move closer together and he kisses her passionately on the lips.>

Ross - I could stay, you know.

Rachel - Ross!!!!

Ross - I’m sorry. I’d better go now. Are you sure you’ll be OK?

Rachel - Ross!!!!! Bye!!!!!!

Ross - OK, Bye!

(Exit Ross)

Rachel - At last!!!!!

[Boy’s Apartment]

[Next Day]

(Chandler and Joey)

<Playing Fooseball>

(Enter Rachel and Monica)

Rachel - Hey Guys! What’s up?

Joey - Hey, Rach!

Chandler - Geez! You’re huge!

Rachel - Yeah, that’s called a baby!

Joey - You’re no where as big as my Mom was when she was pregnant! All seven times!

Monica - You realize how unfair it is? Joey’s Mom has eight kids, Ross’ll have two, Rach will have one and I don’t even have a boyfriend yet!

Rachel - And you don’t have an aching back that keeps you awake at night, swollen ankles, sticky - out veins and breasts that are drooping around your waist. You have it easy!

Chandler - You’ve just described every woman I’ve been out with!

Joey - You’ve just described my favorite women to go on dates with!!!

Monica - Rach, you don’t understand. I’d love to feel that I have a life growing inside of me and that I’ll have to bring it in to this world all by myself!

Rachel - That’s gonna happen to me, isn’t it? I’m gonna give birth to this lump!

Chandler - Give the kid a Mensa membership!

Rachel - OH my god! OH MY god! OH MY GOD!!! <Starts to hyperventilate>

Monica - Calm down!

Rachel - Get…..Me……Ross!!!

Monica - Chandler - Phone Ross, you heard what the woman wheezed!

Chandler - <On phone>Hi!……Nothing’s happened…….Of course I’ll tell you…..OK!…….. Well, Rachel’s kinda hyperventilating!………..She just realized that she’ll have your kid soon……. Can’t you calm her down?……….OK, I’ll tell her……….Bye!

Monica - Why didn’t he talk to her?

Chandler - He said to tell her he loves her and then something along the lines of "Oh my god! I’m gonna be a Dad again!……….Wheeze, Wheeze, Wheeze!

[Central Perk]

(Joey and Phoebe)

Phoebe - Sometimes I wish I had a baby.

Joey - Yeah. I mean, I looked after my sisters, but it’s not the same. When you move out, they don’t follow!

Phoebe - Well, we’re not gonna have kids for a while yet,so…

Joey - <Interrupting>Why not?

Phoebe - What?

Joey - Why don’t we have a kid? We’ve been going out just as long as Rachel and Ross had before she got pregnant.

Phoebe - Yeah, but they’re lobsters. I’m not sure if we are yet.

Joey - So what you’re saying is: No lobster,no baby!

Phoebe - Ummmm, No? Ummmm,Yeah!

Commercial Break

[Central Perk]

(Monica and Chandler)

Monica - I can’t believe he hyperventilated! He’s already got Ben, what’s he so anxious about? It’s Rachel who has to give birth to the little thing. He just sits there and suddenly he’s the proud father!

Chandler - I think Ross’ just realized that after all this time, he and Rachel are married and she’s about to have his kid.

Monica - True. I still can’t believe that my best friend has moved out and become my sister-in-law!

(Enter Joey)

Joey - Hey, guys! You seen Rachel anywhere? Ross just called for her, but I couldn’t find her.

Monica - She went shopping with Phoebe. They should be back soon.

(Right on cue, enter Rachel and Phoebe)

<They’re both carrying several bags>

Monica - Rachel, what are you doing? My brother would kill me if he found out that you’d been carrying all these bags!

Phoebe - Calm down, Monica! You scare me when you get all like Mrs. Eldridge!

<The gang looks strangely at Phoebe>

Phoebe - OK, Mrs.Eldridge was my forth grade teacher……

Rachel - <Interrupting>…But no one will tell him, will they?

Monica - OK. But please sit down.

Rachel - <Annoyed>All right!!!<Sits down>

Chandler - In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never sounded so much like Ross!

<Monica glares at Chandler>

[Ross and Rachel’s Apartment]

[Next Day]


Rachel - <To baby>Oh, lovely! Another call of nature!<Gets up off the sofa> AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!<Sits back down>OK, OK. What do I do? OK. Phone Mon. <Picks up phone and dials a number>……Pheeb? Is Monica there?…….Hi!……Um,well,I kinda need you…I’m gonna have a baby!……..Of course I knew……..

[Cuts to Monica’s Apartment]

(Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler)

Monica - <On phone>Oh my God!!!! Ok,we’ll be there as soon as we can!<Hangs up phone>

Chandler - What’s up?

Monica - Rachel’s in Labor!

Joey - Don’t be silly, Rachel’s not an English politician!

Phoebe - <Hopping about, waving her arms>Oh! Oh! Oh! What should we do?

Monica - All right! Phoebe, you come with me. We’ll get Rachel to the hospital. Joey, you phone the hospital and tell them we’re coming in. Chandler, you phone Ross and tell him to get his hiney back here now!…..What are you all looking at? GO, GO, GO!

[Ross and Rachel’s Apartment]


(Enter Phoebe and Monica)

Rachel - At last! You’re here!

Monica - How are you?

Rachel - I’ll be all right for another two minutes, fifty-seven seconds.

Phoebe - What do you mean?

Monica - How far apart are they?

Phoebe - What???

Rachel - About five minutes!

Phoebe - What are you both talking about?

Monica - OK. OK. There’s a cab waiting downstairs for us. It’ll take us to the hospital. Joey’s phoned ahead, so they know you’re coming. Chandler’s phoned Ross and he’s coming back as fast as he can. Come on!

[The Hospital Waiting Room]

(Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler)

Monica - Where is he? Ross should be here by now! What if he misses it? He should be here, He should be here!<Starts shaking Chandler by the shoulders>You phoned him. He should be here. What can we do?

Chandler - Getting off me would be a start!

(Enter Ross)

Ross - Where is she? Am I too late? Oh god! What if I’m too late?

Joey - No, Buddy. She’s in there with the doctors. You arrived just in time!

[Hospital Room]

(Rachel, Doctor, Midwife)

Rachel - Where….Is…..He?

(Enter Ross)

Ross - Hey, Honey, look who’s back!

Doctor - And just as well!

Midwife - OK, Rachel. Start pushing.

Ross - RachelIloveyousomuchYou’redoingreallywellComeon!!!

Rachel - Shut up!!!!!

[Waiting room]

(Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler)

(Enter Ross)

Monica - What happened?

Phoebe - Is she OK?

Chandler - Is it a boy or a girl?

Joey - Yeah, is Monica an Uncle or a Aunt?<Everybody turns at him and stares>

Ross - OK! Calm down. Rachel and the baby are fine!

Chandler - Boy or girl?

Ross - I came just in time!

Chandler - Boy or girl?

Ross - You can go see them in a couple of minutes.

Chandler - Am I invisible? Can no one hear me?

Ross - Oh, sorry. It’s a girl!<He hugs Monica and kisses her on the top of her head>



[Ross and Rachel’s Apartment]

(Ross, Rachel and Emily)

(Rachel is sat on the couch with Emily in her arms. Ross is sat beside them with his arms around Rachel)

Ross - Now that we have Emily, will you please listen to my idea about Scarsdale? I made some charts to show how much more money it’ll cost us, but in the long run….

Rachel - <Interrupting>…Ross!!!! Don’t you even think about it!

Ross - Just Joking!

The End