The One Where they go to the hospital(a.k.a. TOW it falls apart part 4)

Written by: EFN

This script is based on characters, events, and places originally created by Marta Kauffman, David Crane, and Kevin S. Bright. By the way, These characters belong to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros.   Their use is not intended for profit or as a derivative work of the NBC series Friends,only for entertainment.  and may not be reprinted for commercial usage without the express written consent of EFN.

CHAN: Look! you’ve got to help me! We need to make a plan to stop Ross and Rachel madness

MON: what?

CHAN: they are crazy!! they are insane!!

MON: ha! Ha! Ha! Good one!

CHAN: no! no! no! it’s sounds like I’m... trying to be... to be... a general or something but look! it’s not my thought in the last hour I listened to “We were on a break” favorite stories!

MON: ok... I don’t think so go to bed sleep take some aspirin and when you’ll wake up we all will laugh at you together...

PHOE: sounds like a plan...

CHAN: Joey? Would you help me?

 JOEY: sure! With what?

CHAN: the reasons to prevent Ross and Rachel madness from happening again

JOEY: sure! What's that again?

CHAN: can't you remember? You were there 5 minutes ago!

JOEY: oh!!!!!! No! I can't...

CHAN: ok! I'll remind you!

JOEY: ok...

CHAN: Monica! Pour me a glass of water! (she glares at him)...Please

MON: ok... (she does so)

CHAN: (imitating Ross): Hi! ... (he drinks) We were on a break! On a... (drinks the rest of the glass) Can you fill me up? Please? (Monica does so) Break! On a break! (drinks again) Fill me up again please (MON does so) On A Break! It's over it's definitely! Definitely! Um... what was I saying? Oh! Definitely over! (Drinks) Can you please...

MON: yea! But there is something you need to know

CHAN: in a second I’m imitating Ross ON A BREAK! BREAK! (silence)

MON: done?

CHAN: yea, now there was something you wanted to tell me?

MON: yea! That wasn’t water... that was...pure vodka

CHAN: what?

(he passes out)

MON: yea! Feminism Rules!

OPENING CREDITS

MON: you and Joey!

CHAN: what about us? (realizes) THAT about us? No! no! no! it’s not what you’re thinking!

MON: really?

CHAN: really! Now could you leave me alone? I have a huge hangover

MON: ok... ok... I understand... usually after you get drunk and sleep with someone you have a huge hangover...

CHAN: hey! That wasn’t it!

MON: then what was it? Why do you have a hangover?

CHAN: um... well if you wanna know...the real story is that Joey was drunk and... and... he fell asleep and... and then... the aliens... yea! The aliens came and... and... made me lie next... and only NEXT to him! So then they took their tools and forced me to... sleep and then... well I slept and they experimented my head and now I have a headache called by me a hangover

MON: oh, ok! I just thought that after you made us come here and imitated Ross with what you thought was water and what we knew was vodka, you fell asleep, and Joey fell asleep too so we put you next to each other... (thinks) but if you say that there were aliens...

CHAN: ha ha ha! You’re so funny! You know lately you do funny things like putting me next to Joey or telling me that you love me and run away... so funny!

MON: (shocked) what?

CHAN: what I.... (realizes quietly) just said... wasn’t that a great joke? (she glares at him) you see? The Vodka had it influences...

[silence then Ross comes in half drunk and yells]

ROSS: we were on a break!

[Ross exits]

MON: [silently, softly] I think that we need to talk

CHAN: I know that

[they get closer and kiss as... Joey wakes up]

JOEY: hey! What’s going on?

[Chandler’s eyes opens wide, then he notices that his back is in front of Joey’s face he breaks from Monica and without looking back he says in a phony voice...]

CHAN: well Miss Geller if you’ll have another problem in your room call us again... bye!

[CHAN walks out]

[Scene: The royal Suite, the phone rings and wakes Rachel up]

RACH: hello?

CLRK: hi! This is the hotel clerk and I’ve called to notice you that you owe us exactly 10,000 dollars in your American money

RACH: ok... why?

CLRK: because you hadn’t paid

RACH: ok how much?

CLRK: 10,000 dollars

RACH: ok bye

[she hangs up the phone and gets back to bed then she wakes up]

RACH: I owe the hotel one hundred thousand dollars?

[Ross, drunk comes in]

ROSS: (to Rachel screaming) we were on a break!

RACH: what?

ROSS: on a break!

RACH: shut up!

ROSS: but we were on a break!

RACH: would you shut up please?

ROSS: but we were...

RACH: yea, right shut up we will fight later

ROSS: o...ok... can I sleep here until we’ll fight?

RACH: yea right, if you’ll pay me 100,000 dollar

ROSS: ok... I’ll pay you later

[he falls asleep]

RACH: you bet you will

[she falls asleep too]

[Scene: Phoebe’s hotel room she flips through the channels on t.v.]

TV Reporter: (voice from t.v.): The stolen money from the candid camera show is still missing and the suspect is still under arrest she claims: “it was my sister” but still she’s got some explaining to do if she is telling the true one of them will be: where is her sister and where is the money?...

PHOE: oh my god!

(she walks out of the room)

TV reporter: about the trick that made the trickers broke... when we get back

[Shot in the t.v. of Ursula as the title says as we get back the stolen millions]

Ursula: Phoebe!! Get me out of here!!

[Scene: Outside the royal suite, Chandler knocks, then knocks harder, then he tries to open the door and... it opens up]

CHAN: well... isn’t it nice

[he comes in and sees Ross and Rachel asleep]

CHAN: oh, my god! What happened here?

[no one answers]

CHAN: hello! (screams) WAKE UP!!!

[Ross and Rachel stay asleep, Chandler goes to the little radio in Rachel’s side and turns it on... Full volume what wakes her up]

CHAN: nice of you to wake up!

RACH: yea, let me sleep for a sec

CHAN: sure, why not?

Radio Reporter (with British accent): ...About 60 million dollars in that suitcase that the candid camera show lost, about 60 million dollars Miss. Ursula will have to pay

CHAN: oh my god! They’ve got Phoebe’sister! She’s gonna have to pay 60 dollars

RACH: so? You have to pay the hotel 10,000 dollars...

CHAN: what?

RACH: yea!

CHAN: WHAT?

RACH: what I said

CHAN: WHAT?

RACH: yea! But don’t worry Ross said that he’ll pay it

ROSS (wakes up): What?

RACH: you said that you’ll pay the hotel 10,000 dollars

ROSS: no I didn’t!

CHAN: wait a sec how come I have to pay the hotel? You used the room!

RACH: well... you rented it

ROSS: when did I say it?

CHAN: how come you won’t pay! It all falls down on me!

RACH: shut up! Both of you! (they shut up) Ross- you said it when you came to sleep over here . Chandler- I’ll help you pay... actually Ross will now, for comments first Ross then Chandler

ROSS: but I was drunk! I don’t have that kind of money!

RACH: still that was your word! ... Chandler? Your turn

CHAN: but I didn’t use the room! So technically speaking you and Ross should pay!

RACH: I’ll think about it... anymore questions?

[no one speaks or move]

RACH: I see that no... [Chandler Raises his hand] yes, Chandler?

CHAN: since you don’t have any money here as me and Ross how are we gonna pay?

RACH: um...

[Phoebe enters]

PHOE: you won’t guess!

CHAN: what?

PHOE: they’ve got my sister! You’ll never guess why!

CHAN: Ursula? Because of the candid camera thing?

PHOE: yea! How did you guess

CHAN: that’s sucks! We’re sorry!

ROSS: yea, we’ll help you through it!

RACH: sorry

CHAN: um... I know that this is a wrong time to ask but... can you give us 10,000 dollars? As a loan?

PHOE: sure? Why is a wrong time? (realizes) oh... I don’t think so...

CHAN: ok... we understand

ROSS: ok... what’s now?

CHAN: we tell the hotel we don’t have the money

RACH: that’s reasonable

PHOE: what? You owe it to the hotel?

RACH: yea...

PHOE: god you’re in trouble!

ROSS: what?

PHOE: they will kick your ass with dishes they will ripp you off with jobs they will... (looks at them) never mind!

CHAN: thanks!

RACH: ok... thanks Phoebe we’ll meet our destiny now...

CHAN: yea... we’ll go on and face them

PHOE: ok... need help?

RACH: you can? Please!

PHOE: sure! What the heck!

CHAN: ok! Let’s go!

ROSS: ok... bye!

CHAN: what?

ROSS: I’m not a part of it!

[everyone glare at him]

ROSS: but I just done my nails!

[everyone glare at him]

CHAN: we’ll talk about it later... come on!

[they go]

[Scene: MON’s room she watches t.v. as Joey is asleep, suddenly a beeper rings somewhere which makes Joey wakes up]

MON: good morning for the third time... you know I hate to say it but you have a wake up problem you woke up 3 times this morning which reminds me...

(Monica gets near him and ...slaps him)

MON: that’s for the chauvinist comments while I watched the news... now help me find the beeper

JOEY: ok... just one question... was I good?

MON: what?

JOEY: we had sex... didn’t we?

MON: no! you got drunk and fell asleep... next to Chandler if you’d like to know... and then in your sleep you...

JOEY: where’s the beeper?

[they look for the beeper]

MON: I found it! Hey... it’s Ross’s

JOEY: ok...

MON: I’ll call the numbers it’s in UK

JOEY: so you make a out of state call...

MON: no... you are in London!

JOEY: am I?

(Mon dials)

MON: hello? Oh, hi Carol! What? Ben, what? I’ll get him! Bye!

JOEY: what happened?

MON: it’s Ben!

JOEY: yea! I’ve got that!

MON: he fell down... he is in the hospital

[They run out]

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MON: when they’ll get down!

JOEY: we have no time!

MON: and waiting for the elevator to go up again is time saving.... Come on!

[They get in]

[Cut to: stairs Ross, Rachel, Phoebe and Chandler are walking down]

CHAN: that thing makes me tired

PHOE: better get used to it...

ROSS: besides I had no strength to go in the elevator with the smoking man

CHAN: hey! I quitted!

ROSS: the smoking man that was in the elevator!

RACH: oh! The poor guys that have to stand near him! Lucky we took the stairs!

[Cut to: the elevator Joey and Monica are coughing]

JOEY: Mr. can you turn this thing off?

Smoke Man: in a second

Other elevator men: no! don’t turn it off

MON: what?

GUY1: we like cigarettes

[all of the elevator men inhaling the smoke]

[Cut back to Ross etc. going down]

ROSS: here it is the final frontier the final stairs

[Cut to MON and JOEY]

MON: the final floor

[The elevator door opens and the people goes out]

MON: quick Joey press 3

JOEY: shouldn’t we wait for the smoke to come out?

[Cut to: Ross etc. going to the lobby and look at the elevator crowded with so much people and smoke]

ROSS: I told you we shouldn’t take it

[Cut back to MON trying to look beyond the people]

MON: no! come on!

[Joey presses the button as the people go and MON sees Ross]

MON: no! don’t press! (Screams) Ross! Ross!

[Ross turns around sees her and runs towards the elevator]

[Slow motions: Ross runs as the door closes we move to close up on Ross Monica and Joey ]

[The door closes]

Ross: I wonder what she wanted...

[Cut to: elevator]

MON: no!! Joey! Why did you press this button?

JOEY: because you told me to!

MON: oh! Now press the Lobby button

[Cut back to Ross]

CHAN: come on she’ll come back and we will be right there! ... only I’d be out there

ROSS: what?

CHAN: what?... nothing

[they go to the clerk]

CHAN: hey!

CLRK: hello!

CHAN: I come in peace... um... from room 450 the royal suite

CLRK: oh, yea... Mrs. Bing!

CHAN: yea... and you noticed us that we need to pay 10,000 dollars the problem is that we don’t have the money!

[The elevator door opens and Monica and Joey walks out]

MON: Ross!

ROSS: Monica! What?

MON: I’m so happy to see you all... almost

[CHAN hides behind Phoebe]

ROSS: what happened?

MON: it’s Ben!

ROSS: huh?

MON: he is in the hospital

ROSS: what?

MON: yea, sorry!

ROSS: which hospital!

MON: I’ll tell you in the way we need to get 2 cabs!

CHAN: I’ll do it!

CLRK: excuse me but you owe me money!

PHOE: shut up!

CLRK: ok...

[Chan walks out]

ROSS: is he ok?

MON: I don’t know! I went strait over here... and then I went up and got back over here! Well... you now what I meant

ROSS: ok! Let’s calm down he’s fine! Carol would of said if something really bad happened

CLRK: ok! Now about the money!

RACH: later!

[CHAN comes in]

CHAN: the cabs are waiting outside!

ROSS: ok! What are we waiting for!

CHAN: let’s go!

[They walk out]

[Scene Outside]

CHAN: hold it!

RACH: what?

CHAN: how can we pay for these cabs?

JOEY: what do you mean?

CHAN: me, Ross and Rachel have no money and Phoebe won’t spend her money

JOEY: Ok! I have money upstairs in my room

MON: me too

ROSS: then go and get it! we will split up for the cabs!

JOEY: got it!

[Joey and Monica go up]

ROSS: ok! Let’s split!

RACH: ok! Ok! (everyone go in except for Ross)

ROSS: now everybody out!

(everybody gets out)

ROSS: we need to pick the cabs carefully. On the first cab will be me, because I’m the father, Monica ‘cause she is the aunt and... (thinks) Chandler

CHAN: what? Why?

ROSS: ‘cause you are my friend (Chandler glares at him) because we need you to relax us with jokes on the cab... and we need you to scream on the driver

CHAN: I don’t think so Monica is much better screamer and besides I’d just be slow and be behind. BUT I can give you an alternate person...Phoebe! She’s tall so she’ll spot Carol and Susan from distance!

ROSS: um... you’re right! Phoebe you’re in our cab!

PHOE: but I want to be with Joey!

ROSS: you’ll have time... later!!

PHOE: but Ross!

ROSS: no but!

PHOE: ok... (thinks) wait a second! who decided to make you the head... decider? I want to decide too! who supports me?

[Chandler and Rachel raise hands]

ROSS: hey! Wait a second! this is my son!

[Chandler and Rachel bring their hands down]

PHOE: so what? (nobody moves) it’s our right! (nobody moves) ok...

ROSS: come on! In the cabs... now!

[They go into the cabs]

[Cut to: elevator Monica and Joey]

MON: got the money for the cab?

JOEY: yea, you too?

MON: yea! As the door opens run as fast as you can!

JOEY: ok!

[The door opens, Joey and Monica run to the door they get over there together so Joey comes in first]

[Cut to: the cabs Joey is in front of them]

PHOE (in the back sit of the first cab): Jo! Come here!

CHAN (in the back sit of the second cab): over here Joey!

MON: (behind Joey): move it!

JOEY: I... I can’t decide!

CHAN: come on!

PHOE: Joey!

MON: MOVE IT!

JOEY: ok! Ok! (he goes to Phoebe’s cab)

PHOE: yea!

(MON goes to the other cab back sit)

CHAN: hi...

MON: hi...

Cab driver #2: where to?

MON: um...

[Cut to the first cab]

Cab driver #1: where to?

ROSS: um.... I don’t know!

(suddenly the second cab moves)

ROSS: after that cab!

Cab Driver #1: ok!

[Cut to: the second cab]

RACH: so... Chandler, Monica, what’s going on between you to?

CHAN: um... nothing going on between us!

MON: nothing should happen

RACH: but... but... Chandler you told me that.../

CHAN: what?

RACH: that you

CHAN: Yea?

RACH: that you l...

CHAN: that I like her? I still like her!

MON: and I like him!

RACH: whatever

[Cut to: the first cab as we focus on Ross hearing the giggling of Phoebe]

ROSS: Phoebe? Is there something you and Monica want to tell me?

PHOE (Voice from behind): no..

(the giggling continues)

ROSS: are you sure?

PHOE: yea!

(the giggling becomes louder)

ROSS: uh.... Phoebe? What’s going on in here?

PHOE: what do you mean?

(she keeps giggling)

ROSS: nothing

[Cut to: the second cab]

CHAN: so... how are you Monica

MON: I’m fine thank you and how are you?

CHAN: fine thanks

[Cut back to the first cab the giggling are loud]

ROSS: Phoebe? Why are you laughing?

PHOE: ‘cause I feel good?

ROSS: oh...

[Cut back to the second cab]

CHAN: how much money did you bring?

MON: 100 dollars

CHAN: ok

MON: do you think I had to bring more?

[Cut back to: the first cab, Phoebe still giggles]

ROSS (to the driver): can you tell me what are they doing back there?

Driver #1: it’s non of my business but... (looks in the mirror ) they are having fun... if you know what I mean...

ROSS: I think I do... I did it again

[Cut back to: the second cab]

MON: did you do something different with your hair?

CHAN: yea

MON: what?

CHAN: I forgot to comb it...

[Cut to the first cab Phoebe keeps giggling Ross turns around]

ROSS: now that’s it!

[Ross sees that Joey and Phoebe is behind]

ROSS: where is Monica?

JOEY: in the other cab

ROSS: that’s what I wanted to know

[Cut to the second cab]

CHAN: so everything is good?

MON: yea! ...you?

CHAN: yea!

MON: that’s good!

RACH: yea! I think that I’ve got the idea - you are friends only friends! Just stop it!

MON: that’s funny

CHAN: I didn’t know that we are bothering you

MON: yea, if you want us to stop

CHAN: we will

MON: after all we’re friends

CHAN: only friends

Cab driver #2: shut up!

MON: sorry

CHAN: yea

RACH: (to the driver) thank you

Cab driver #2: you’re welcomed... so... are you involved with anyone?

RACH: me? No! I had this relation but it’s over! We’re friends. Only friends. Just like them

CHAN & MON: yea, we’re friends... only friends

Cab driver: ok got it! Tell me when you’ll be free... really free from this relation ship

[Scene: near the hospital the cabs stops and the 6 friends start running towards the reception desk, when they get over there they see that the clerk (CLRK2) is talking on the phone]

ROSS: um.. excuse me?... excuse me?

CLRK2: in a second

ROSS: do you mind I’m kind of in a rush you see my son...

CLRK2: in a second!

ROSS: ok...

MON: let me do it! (screams) EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CLRK2: in a second

MON: in a second? In a second say to other losers like him (points at Ross) not to me I’m in a hurry and I’m in a hurry NOW and I want service NOW

CLRK2: (looks at Monica’s stomach) wow! And you’re not even pregnant yet! What do you want?

MON: I’m looking for Ben....

ROSS: Willick-Geller- Bunch

CLRK2: in a second... (types in the computer) no! there is no Willick-Geller-Bunch

ROSS: then try... (quietly) Willick-Bunch-Geller

CLRK2: (loudly) Ben Willick-Bunch-Geller? On the way! (types) poor kid... who gave him that long name? I’d prefer Willick-Bunch

ROSS: well that’s not your call or your son!

CLRK2: sorry! We don’t have Ben Willick-Bunch-Geller here, but we do have Ben Willick-Bunch...

ROSS: where is he?

CLRK: orthopedics room 6... it’s on floor 2!

ROSS: ok! Thanks! Come on!

[they run towards the elevator]

ROSS (to Chandler): I’ll talk to them about the name later...

CHAN: I bet you will

[they reach the elevator]

ROSS (presses the button) come on! Come on! Come on!

[the door opens and the friends get inside with a smoking man]

[Cut to: floor 2 the elevator door opens and the smoking man gets out leaves the friends coughing, then suddenly the door closes as the friends shout]

ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

[Scene: later at floor 2, the elevator door opens and the friends go out]

CHAN: I never knew that this building can have so much floors

ROSS: tell me about it

MON: I don’t want to interfere but does the words Ben and room 6 tells you something

ROSS: oh, yea (gets into panic) RUN!!!!!

[They run into orthopedics and see next to room 6 Carol and Susan]

MON: where is he?

ROSS: how is he?

CAROL: he is fine

ROSS: then where is he

SUSAN: inside resting

ROSS: what the hell happened?

CAROL: we were in the hotel in our room and he bend from the window and...

ROSS: he fell down?

SUSAN: no... he saw a balloon seller so we went down to bring it to him and

ROSS: you left him alone in the room?

CAROL: no he came with us! Anyway he took the balloon and it flew away

ROSS: and he ran to the highway and...

SUSAN: no! we bought him a new one but then as we went to the parking where our rented car were...

ROSS: a car hit him?

CAROL: no! we got into the car and his balloon flew into the front seat...

SUSAN: and then he put off the seatbelt to take it and BOOM! Before Carol even moved from the parking

CAROL a car hit us

SUSAN: and he felt pain everywhere especially in the head so we went over here

CAROL: so they checked him and said

ROSS: NO! NO! he is going to get through it!

SUSAN: yes he’s gonna get through it... he broke his arm

ROSS: that’s it?

CAROL: yes!

ROSS: yes! (he hugs everyone including Susan)

ROSS: sorry about that

SUSAN: never mind...

CAROL: hi Rachel... Joey.... Chandler.... Phoebe... did you call the navy too? Are your parents here?

ROSS: no! they came to the hotel too! It’s a funny story you see Rachel and Chandler came to our hotel in the recommend of...

SUSAN: can you tell the funny story later we’ll have 3 years to hear you story and we’re a bit tired

ROSS: ok

RACH: excuse me, Susan what did you just said?

SUSAN: that we’re tired what’s so wrong with that

RACH: no... no... before of that

SUSAN: that we’ll have 3 years to listen to the story and...

RACH: that’s it! What do you mean by three years?

SUSAN: well.... Ross decided he should spend some time with us while we’re out of state... 3 years!

CHAN & JOEY & PHOE & RACH: WHAT?

ROSS: I guess I forgot to tell you...

CHAN: oh... thanks for telling us now .... Susan

JOEY: are you leaving us?

PHOE: for three years?

ROSS: um... yea!

CHAN: I can’t believe it!

PHOE: me neither

ROSS: but you’ll cope with that... won’t you?

CHAN: I don’t know

JOEY: I don’t think so

PHOE: really don’t think so

ROSS: what about you Rach?

(Silence, the doctor comes and for the surprise of everyone it’s DR. Franzblau (from TOW the birth)]

FRNZ: hello

EVERYONE: hi

ROSS: dr. Franzblau hi! How are you! Can you tell us where is our Dr.

FRNZ: it’s me!

ROSS: but you’re a... a... obstetrician

FRNZ: I was but after I talked to um... your roommate... lesbian... friend I realized that my job is destroying all of my relationships and I moved to London to find my fortune

ROSS: oh... who is the lesbian

RACH: it’s me!

(Ross looks at her)

ROSS: well.... how is Ben?

FRNZ: he is fine we thought he had a concussion but he doesn’t shows symptoms of concussion although he did hit his head badly... it seems he is used to that kind of... hits when I checked him he said... Monica Bang!

[everyone glares at MON]

MON: please continue!

FRNZ: it’s just a broken hand and in this case we will give it to the orthopedics dept. but I’ll be back for some checks

ROSS: ok... thank you

RACH: bye... I’ll talk to you later

FRNZ: ok... bye bye... lesbian

RACH: it’s Rachel!

FRNZ: ok! Goodbye lesbian Rachel...

ROSS: um... Dr.?

FRNZ: yea?

ROSS: when can we see him?

FRNZ: anytime but I offered his... Moms to stay out until he’s awake... boy! you really have luck with lesbians

ROSS: tell me about it! Well bye! I don’t want to keep Rachel wait for her lover... Michele

FRNZ: bye!

(everyone glare at him)

ROSS: what? Can’t I tell a joke?

Closing Credits

CHAN: if I were you I won’t try

MON: why is that?

CHAN: Rachel? Explain...

RACH: well... when he worked with women he wasn’t so thrilled to touch their bodies not in work now when he works with kids...

MON: got it!

CHAN: funny but I didn’t thought about that aspect

MON: what do you mean

CHAN: I thought about the last name aspect

MON: you mean Franzblau?

CHAN: yea! It’s such a weird name! there is no name that can top this name in weirdness!

MON: I have an idea for a name weirder and stupider

CHAN: what?

MON: BING!

CHAN: thanks a lot!

JOEY: would you stop it? You act like a married couple! What’s happening between you too?

CHAN: nothing is happening! Um... right Mon?

MON: yea, we’re just friends!

CHAN: only friends!

MON: not anything else

CHAN: not at all

EVERYONE IN THE ROOM: shut up!

To Be Continued  Next on that fan-fic "Friends" episodes: What about Chandler and Monica? What about Ross and Rachel? Will Ursula stay ok? Will Phoebe reveal herself to the US police? What with the Chick and The duck?! Will they ever get back to their apartments? Will Ross and Monica stay in London? Will Joey and Phoebe break up? Will Dr. Franzblau want to have kids? And finally WILL THIS THING END?