Written by Kat.
(SCENE: Monica & Rachel's. Phoebe, Ross, Rachel & Joey are standing by the couch. A "Congratulations On Your Engagement" banner is hanging up, and there are a couple of balloons around)
RACH: Joey, are you sure about this?
JOEY: Yes!
ROSS: Are you sure?
JOEY: I heard them with my own ears, and I saw them with my own eyes. I got sworn to secrecy later on. I remember cos that's when I ran to tell Phoebe.
RACH: Okay. As long as you're sure.
(Rustling outside)
PHOE: Ooh! They're here!
RACH: Sh…
(Chandler and Monica enter)
OTHERS: Congratulations!!
MON: What? (she sees the banner) Joey!
CHAN: This is a surprise. (He glares at Joey, who smiles awkwardly)
PHOE: Why didn't you tell us?
RACH: Yeah! (smiling, to Monica) I am so mad at you!
MON: Well, we didn't wanna make a scene. It's not like we're getting married right now…
CHAN: Yeah, we're gonna wait a little while. See what happens.
ROSS: I can't believe this! I'm still getting over you guys dating…But it's great news!
MON: We think so. (She smiles, and squeezes Chandler's hand)
PHOE: So, what's next? Kids?
MON: Don't even joke about it.
JOEY: You really don't want kids?
MON: We've talked about it, and decided now is not the right time.
CHAN: Maybe in a few years.
(Phoebe walks over to the dining table, where there's food, and smiles)
PHOE: Are you guys gonna eat something?
MON: Oh yeah…I am so hungry.
CHAN: Me too.
(They pick up some food each)
RACH: I made it all!
JOEY: And I helped.
(Chandler and Monica drop the food back on the plates.)
OPENING CREDITS
(SCENE: Chandler & Joey's. Joey is making out with a girlfriend. They pull apart.)
JOEY: Lisa, you are so gorgeous.
LISA(awkward): Thanks, Joey.
(There's a silence, and Joey moves in to kiss her, but she pulls away)
LISA: Joey, can we talk?
JOEY: Sure…Later. (He moves in again, but she pushes him off)
LISA: Joey, stop.
JOEY: Sorry. What was it you wanted to say to me?
LISA: I wanna break up.
JOEY: W…why?
LISA: I dunno. I guess I just don't feel attracted to you.
(Joey looks gobsmacked)
JOEY: Huh?
LISA: I'm not attracted to you.
JOEY: Are you sure?
LISA: Okay, okay. I'm lying.
JOEY(relieved): Oh, thank god! So what is it?
LISA: I'm getting married in a fortnight.
JOEY: What? That's even worse than before!
LISA: I'm sorry. I really like you, but it wouldn't be right to continue. Am I doing the right thing.
(Joey looks thoughtful)
JOEY: I don't think you are. In fact, I think we should continue this. (smiles) Yeah…
LISA: Joey! I can't do-
(He kisses her, and she giggles)
(SCENE: Monica & Rachel's. Rachel is looking through "Bride" Magazine)
MON: Will you put that down?
RACH: Monica! I cannot believe you! Aren't you curious to see what dresses there are?
MON: Not really. I've had my fun with wedding dresses.
(Rachel laughs, and turn back to her magazine. Monica continues to wash dishes)
RACH(in reference to magazine): Ooh. (louder) Ooh. Look at this one. (she turns her head, but Monica continues to wash up) (Rachel tuts, and clears her throat) (Even louder) Ooh!!!
MON(not even turning her head): What?
RACH: Oh, nothing.
(Monica walks over)
MON: Just show me. I can tell you wanna.
RACH: Oh, alright. If you insist...
(She shows Monica)
MON: Ew! That's disgusting!
RACH: It's gorgeous!
MON: There's more material in a bikini, Rachel. I'm not getting married in that.
RACH: Okay…(she continues to look through, and Monica goes back to her washing)
(Ross enters, with a magazine)
ROSS: Hi. (he waves the magazine in front of Monica)
MON: What?
ROSS: Nothing…
(Monica sits down, and he drops the magazine in her lap. She picks it up)
MON(to self): Baby Monthly. (shocked, to Ross) Baby Monthly?! Are you kidding?
ROSS: Just a thought.
(Monica stands up)
MON: Okay, enough. Rachel, stop showing me bridal gowns. Ross, don't even think about becoming an uncle yet. Me and Chandler are going great, and if you carry on like this, it'll scare him off! And you're making me crazy!
RACH/ROSS(quiet): Sorry.
(Joey enters, flushed and worried)
ALL: Hey Jo!
RACH: What's up?
JOEY(lying, quiet): Nothing.
MON: C'mon, what's the matter?
JOEY: Well, okay. You know Lisa?
ALL: Yeah/Sure/Why?
JOEY: Well, she tried to break up with me today!
RACH(confused): Tried?
JOEY: Then she said she didn't wanna break up, but she's getting married in two weeks!
ROSS(surprised): Are you kidding? Two weeks?
MON: Wow. What are you gonna do?
JOEY: Well, my brain says keep seeing her, but my conscience doesn't seem to like that idea.
RACH(suspicious): What did you tell her?
JOEY: I kinda said I didn't think we should break up…
ROSS: And what did she say to that?
JOEY: Not a lot.
MON: Cos she was surprised? Cos she was relieved?
JOEY: Cos I was kissing her…
ALL: Joey!
JOEY: Okay, okay. I know. I have to split up with her. But I like her a lot!
RACH: But, sweetie, she's in a proper relationship with someone, okay? And she's only just met you. It makes sense.
JOEY: Yeah, okay. I'll do it now.
ROSS: Good luck.
MON: Bye.
JOEY: See ya later.
(He leaves, and Chandler enters)
CHAN: God, he looks like he just ran the marathon! What's up with that? (to Monica, soft) Hi.
MON(smiling): Hey!
(They kiss)
CHAN: So, what you been upto today?
MON: Well, Rachel's been pestering me with Bride magazine, and Ross has been just plain annoying since he came over.
CHAN: Oh. Well, guess what I did today?
MON: What?
CHAN: I went to visit my mum.
MON: W-why?
CHAN: So you can meet her.
MON: I have met her.
CHAN: Before we were dating.
MON: Wait a second here. Is this what I think it is?
RACH: Is this when you take her to your mum so she can check up on her? See if she foots the bill kinda thing?
CHAN: Well, sort of. But not as pressurised.
MON: Well, if I go see your mum, you're gonna have to see my parents.
(Chandler loses his smiles, and turns pale)
ROSS: What's so bad about that?
CHAN: Um…Th-they-they-they know me.
MON: Oh, c'mon Chandler! It's fair.
CHAN: O-o-okay. I guess.
(Phoebe enters)
PHOE: Hi! Oo, you know what?
ALL: What?
PHOE: I went to my fortune teller and you know what she said?
ROSS: What?
PHOE: She said that one of us lot is gonna have problems with their girlfriend's mother. And I figure it won't be me, Rachel or Monica, and Ross doesn't have a girlfriend, and as if Joey would meet his girlfriend's mother, so it must be Chandler.
(Chandler smiles nervously)
CHAN: Lucky me.
(Scene: Monica & Rachel's. Monica is quite smartly dressed, and is pacing)
RACH: Would you sit down?
PHOE: Yeah, my legs are tired just watching you. Can it be that bad?
RACH: Yeah, you've already seen his mum.
MON: Fair enough. But that's over and done with. You guys don't know what my mother does to my boyfriends. When she finds out we're engaged, she'll get her weapon out
PHOE: What?!
MON: Well, not literally. I mean, like, try to scare him off by saying that I've never had a serious rel-(Chandler enters) Hi honey!
CHAN: Hi! Do I look okay?
MON: You look great.
CHAN: Well, so do you. Listen, I've been thinking, and I've decided, well your mum can't be that bad!
MON(confused): Huh?
RACH(to Chandler): You've obviously forgotten every last time you met her.
CHAN: No! She used to really like me because I was friends with Ross. We used to get on really well. So why should it be different?
(Rachel and Phoebe laugh)
MON: Do you remember when I used to take my boyfriends home to mum ages ago and I came back without a boyfriend? (Chandler nods, worried) Well, that was no coincidence.
CHAN: Well, I'm not worried. (pause) Much.
MON: We better go. Don't wanna keep the witch waiting.
RACH: Good luck.
PHOE: Yeah, good luck Chandler. I hope you come out of there alive.
(Chandler's eyes go wide)
PHOE: Metaphorically.
CHAN: Okay. Bye.
MON: Bye guys. See ya later.
(They leave)
PHOE: Her mum is gonna eat him alive.
RACH: Isn't she though?
(SCENE: Chandler & Joey's. Joey is sitting on the recliner, reading Playboy.)
(Lisa enters, and he throws the magazine across the room, breaking a lamp in the process)
JOEY: Oops.
LISA: Hi! What did you wanna talk to me about?
JOEY: Well, we kinda gotta break up.
LISA: Why? Is this cos of Sam?
JOEY: Who?
LISA: My fiancé.
JOEY: Yeah. I can't see a married woman.
LISA(joking): Why? Do you have an eye problem? (she laughs)
JOEY: It's not funny. I just can't to that to someone. Even if I don't know the guy.
LISA: Well, you do know him! He went to high school with you.
JOEY: He did?
LISA: Sam Compton. You were in his class.
JOEY: Compton? Are you kidding? I've been seeing a girl who's marrying one of old buddies?! Well, you have to go…
LISA: Joey, don't be such a baby. He'll never know. (she kisses his neck, but he pushes her off)
JOEY: I think you should leave.
LISA: Okay! God, I thought you were different. Well, goodbye Joey. Don't expect to see me again. (she starts to walk out)
JOEY: Except at the wedding.
LISA(turning around): What?
JOEY: Well, Sam called me this morning and asked me to go to the wedding. I accepted.
LISA: Didn't you realise?
JOEY: Not at the time. But I do now, so I'll see you soon.
(Lisa's mouth drops open, and she walks out the door, slamming it)
(Joey sits back down, looking hurt. He picks up the phone, and dials)
JOEY(into phone): Hello, Amie? Are you doing anything next Saturday? (pause) It's just I'm going to a wedding, and I need a date. (pause) Great. See ya there. (he hangs up)(to self) You still got it, Jo.
(SCENE: Outside Monica's mum and dad's house. Monica and Chandler are standing outside, and Monica rings the bell)
MON: You nervous, sweetie?
CHAN: Kinda…
MON: It'll be okay.
CHAN: Did you tell her who your boyfriend was?
MON: Um, well, no.
CHAN: You're kidding!?
(Monica shrugs)
(Her mum -JUDY- comes to the door)
JUDY: Hello Monica. Oh, hello Chandler! What are you doing here? (to Monica, looking around) Couldn't your boyfriend make it?
MON: Um, well, actually, mum, he's right here.
JUDY: Where? (realises) Oh, surely you don't mean…(sees Monica's face) Oh my goodness, you do.
MON: Uh-huh.
CHAN: Yep.
JUDY: One second. I'll just get your father. Jack! Come here! Monica and (pause) Chandler are here!
(JACK comes downstairs)
JACK: Hi Monica. What's Chandler doing here?
MON: Well, he's my boyfriend. So when you said you wanted to meet my boyfriend, I kinda had to bring him.
JACK(slowly): Okay. Well, um, how are you Chandler? I haven't seen you since the funeral.
CHAN: I'm fine. You?
JACK: Fine.
(Moving into living room)
JUDY: Why don't you come and sit down?
MON: Actually, we probably should sit down. We have more news.
JUDY: Oh god, you're not pregnant?
JACK: Judy!
MON(laughing, embarrassed): No!
CHAN: No, actually we're engaged.
JUDY: Oh my…(she faints)
(Monica and Chandler smile nervously)
(END SCENE: Monica & Rachel's. Rachel, Phoebe, Joey and Ross are there)
RACH: I wonder how Chandler and Mon are doing.
ROSS: Where are they?
PHOE: They went to see your mum.
ROSS(serious): Without me?
RACH: Uh-huh. Joey, what did you do about Lisa?
JOEY: We broke up. I'm going out with Amie now.
ROSS: Amie the Adventurous?
JOEY: You know it!
ROSS: Cool!
(Monica and Chandler enter, talking to each other)
CHAN: Honey, it wasn't that bad…
MON: Chandler, she fainted! Okay, fainted!
RACH: Hi, guys!
PHOE: How'd it go?
JOEY: How's the mother-in-law?
CHAN: Recuperating, and don't ever say that again.
ROSS: Recuperating?
MON: We told her we were engaged, and she fainted.
ROSS: Is she okay?
MON: She's fine. It actually went a little better than I expected.
RACH: So is Chandler the model boyfriend according to your parents?
MON: Not quite. Dad really likes him, but mum still isn't used to it yet.
ROSS: But did he get approval?
MON: I think so. He did well. (she kisses his cheek)
CHAN: So, Jo! How'd it go with Lisa?
JOEY: We broke up. I'm going out with Amie…
CHAN: Wow! She's hot! (off Monica's glance) But not as gorgeous as Mon!
END