The One With Happy And Sad Bits


Written by: The Teenage Friends Freak

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

Note:  This fanfic takes place after "TOW The Unagi". It's DEFINITELY a Chandler and Monica fanfic.

Scene:  Central Perk. The next day. Ross, Joey and Chandler are there.

Chandler:  What am I gonna do?! She's been in the bedroom all day. She's locked the door. And, she's thrown all my stuff out the window!

Joey:  Can't be all your stuff. I mean, how would she fit your closet through the window?

[Chandler takes a piece of wood out of his pocket]

Chandler:  In pieces.

Ross:  Just because you gave her a tape that you didn't make?

Chandler:  Well...

Joey:  There's something he's not telling us...

Ross:  Chandler, who made the tape?

Chandler:  I don't know...

Ross:  Chandler...

Chandler:  OK, OK. Janice made it.

Joey:  What?!

Ross:  No wonder she's mad at you.

Joey:  You didn't even bother to check what was on it?

Chandler:  Well, I was in a hurry, y'know?

Ross:  Yeah, but still, you're even worse than I am!

Chandler:  Ross, you slept with another woman. You said another woman's name at your wedding. I gave my girlfriend a tape which was made by another woman. It's not quite the same thing.

Ross:  (after a pause) Yeah, OK.


Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.

Rachel:  That's why you're so mad at him?!

Phoebe:  Because he didn't make your valentine present?!

Rachel:  But you didn't make his either!

Monica:  I know, but I didn't lie about it!

Phoebe:  What, you mean, you went like, "Here's your valentine's present, but I didn't make it, Phoebe did!" (thinks a bit) "And very kindly too!"

Monica:  No, but-

Rachel:  I bet, if he hadn't noticed, you wouldn't have told him either.

Monica:  (unconvincingly) I would have!

[Phoebe and Rachel give her a Look]

Monica:  OK, but still, Janice made it! I mean, he had to give me something made by her, his most serious girlfriend before me!

Rachel:  Honey, I don't really think any of his other girlfriends would've made him anything anyway! Well, except maybe Kathy...

Monica:  OK Rach, great way to cheer me up.

Phoebe:  But I still don't understand why you're so mad at him! I mean, he obviously didn't know that Janice made the tape, because if he did, he'd remember that she'd put her own voice on it too! Y'know, maybe he thought it was a tape that he'd mixed, and then forgotten about! He wouldn't want to hurt you, he cares about you way too much!

Monica:  Actually I'm not really mad about him because Janice made the tape, I'm more mad that he lied to me, ruined our evening! I mean, everything was gonna be perfect, and then I was gonna- (stops talking suddenly)

Rachel:  What?

Monica:  Nothing.

Phoebe:  Yeah, right. If it was nothing, your aura wouldn't have gone green.

Monica:  OK, I was gonna tell him-

Rachel:  What?

Monica:  Nothing.

[Phoebe and Rachel give her another Look]

Monica:  I was gonna tell him-

Rachel:  Yes?

Monica:  (sighing) That I'm pregnant.

[there is a long pause]

Rachel:  Oh.

[another pause]

Phoebe:  Aha.


Rachel:  Right.


Phoebe:  Yes.


Monica:  Is that all you're gonna say?

Rachel:  I think-

Phoebe:  (finishing the sentence) I understand now...

Monica:  OK, could you please try to talk normally? Cos you're starting to freak me out.

Rachel:'ll have to tell him anyway.

Monica:  (unsure) I guess...

Phoebe:  Well what else are you gonna do? If you don't tell him, he's gonna notice sooner or later. Unless-

Rachel:  (shocked) You're not having an abortion are you?

Monica:  (unconvincingly) No, of course not!

Rachel:  Monica, you can't! I mean, it's disgusting, and immoral, and-and all those other things people say!

Monica:  You don't mean that.

Rachel:  No, I just really want you guys to have a baby.

Monica:  Why?

Rachel:  Well, cos, y'know, it's so romantic, and babies, well, y'know, they're just so cute...

Monica:  And?

Rachel:  And I want to have a baby to play with without having all the responsibilities.

Monica:  And?

Rachel:  OK, and on TV the people you want to have babies hardly ever do.

Monica:  Rach, I'm not gonna have this baby just because you want it.

Phoebe:  But you want it too, don't you. Cos you've been waiting to have kids for years, and you don't really want to throw that chance away.

Monica:  I know, it's just that I don't know how to tell Chandler, especially now that I've confused him like this!

Rachel:  Well, you could start by buying him a new closet...

Phoebe:  Y'know, maybe it's better this way. I mean, if you'd've given him a shock like that when he was expecting a romantic evening, who knows what would have happened?! But if you tell him when he's expecting you to still be really mad at him, it'll be so much better than what he was expecting that he'll be overjoyed!

Monica:  Yeah, maybe you're right.

Rachel:  So are you going to tell him?

Monica:  Well, I have to, don't I?

Phoebe:  When are you gonna do it?

Monica:  No time like the present, is there? I'm gonna do it right now. Thanks for the advice.

Rachel:  Good luck!

[Monica leaves]

Phoebe:  With Chandler, she's gonna need it.

Rachel:  Why?

Phoebe:  I dunno, but that's what they always say on TV.

[Rachel stares at her]

Scene:  Central Perk. Chandler, Joey and Ross are still there. Monica enters.

Monica:  Hi guys.

Ross&Joey:  Hi.

[there is an uncomfortable pause]

Ross:  Joey, let's go upstairs.

[Ross and Joey leave]

Chandler:  Hi.

Monica:  (sitting next to Chandler on the couch) Hi.

Chandler:  Are you still mad at me?

Monica:  No, not really.

Chandler:  (puzzled) Oh. (pause) Good.

Monica:  (remembering what Rachel & Phoebe said) Well, maybe a little.

Chandler:  (now really confused) Oh.

Monica:  OK look, there's something I need to tell you.

Chandler:  What?

Monica:  Well, I was going to tell you last night, but then I couldn't, and that's why I got so mad at you.

Chandler:  Yes?

Monica:  I'm pregnant.

[there is a long pause]

Chandler:  Oh.

[another long pause]

Monica:  Aren't you gonna say anything else?

Chandler:  Well what do you want me to say? (starting to freak out) Do you want me to freak out and run around screaming (getting even more freaked out) Cos I could do that. (starts to get up)

Monica:  (taking his hand and making him sit back down) No! I just want to know how you feel about this.

Chandler:  I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a shock, y'know.

Monica:  Well at least try to give me some clue as to what you're you want me to get rid of it?

Chandler:  What? No, of course not! I, I just need to get used to the idea, y'know.

Monica:  You've got seven months. Will that be enough time?

Chandler:  It'll have to be, won't it!

Monica:  OK then.

Chandler:  OK.

[they hug]

Monica:  (pulling away) Oh my God, I just realized!

Chandler:  What?

Monica:  How am I gonna tell my parents?!

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica is begging Ross to tell their parents for her. Chandler is just standing there awkwardly.

Monica:  Come on Ross, please!

Ross:  No! You have to do it yourself!

Monica:  I can't!

Ross:  Yes you can!

Monica:  No I can't! You know how everything always sounds better coming from you!

Ross:  It doesn't!

Monica:  It does to them!

Ross:  Monica, no!

Monica:  Oh, come on! I'll do something for you!

Ross:  Like what?

Monica:  I'll, I'll clean your apartment!

Ross:  You like cleaning!

Monica:  OK, um, I'll pay you!

Ross:  No.

Monica:  I'll let you be godfather!

Ross:  (thinks about it for a few seconds) OK.

Chandler:  But-

[Monica stares at him. He shuts up]

Scene:  Ross's apartment.

Ross:  (on the phone) Oh yeah, and Monica's pregnant. (pretend-surprised) What? She hasn't told you? Well, now you know. Yes, she should have told you herself. Yes, she does act very strange sometimes. No, I have no idea why she didn't tell you. Yes, she probably would've waited till you noticed yourself. Or until it was born. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Mom, I really have to- yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes...

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Everyone except Monica is there. Monica comes out of the bedroom.

Monica:  OK, OK, let's go...oh my God, it's ten past three already! We're gonna be late! We're gonna be late ! We're gonna be-

Chandler:  We're not gonna be late!

Monica:  But it's ten past-

Chandler:  The clock is quarter of an hour too fast, remember?

Monica:  Oh yeah. Why didn't I remember that? Why haven't I set it properly? I'll do it now. Just wait a second. I'll do it now.

Chandler:  No you won't.

Monica:  But-

Chandler:  Let's just go, OK?

Monica:  The clock-

Chandler:  I'll change it when we get back, OK?

Monica:  (giving up) OK.

Chandler:  Bye guys.

All:  Bye/See you later/etc.

[Chandler and Monica leave]

Rachel:  Wow. She's worse than usual. What's gonna happen when the obsessive-compulsiveness stage kicks in?

Ross:  Well, we'll either have to stay out of her way, or be extremely careful not to make a mess.

Rachel:  Oh my God, this is gonna kill me...

Scene:  A waiting room. Chandler and Monica are sitting there.

Monica:  Are you nervous?

Chandler:  About what?

Monica:  The baby. I'm just so scared that there'll be something wrong with it! That's what happens in movies!

Chandler:  It doesn't happen in movies, it happens in soap operas, which, as you know, are usually not very true to life! So there's nothing to worry about.

Monica:  Yeah, I guess...

[a secretary enters]

Secretary:  Monica Geller?

Monica:  That's me.

Secretary:  We've analyzed your results, would you come through, please?

[Chandler and Monica go into the office and sit down]

Doctor:  Well, everything seems normal.

Monica:  Seems?

Doctor:  There is one small thing.

Monica:  (nervous) What?

Doctor:  Well, you know when two people are born at the same time...

[Chandler and Monica look confused]

Doctor:  By the same mother...

Chandler:  Oh my God...

Monica:  We're having twins?!

Doctor:  Yup.

Monica:   Oh my God!

[Chandler faints, making a funny "thump" noise]

Monica:  (looking at him) Oh my God.

Scene:  Central Perk. Everyone is there.

Monica:  What are we gonna do?! I mean, two babies!

Ross:  Don't worry, OK? It's just the same as having one baby, except that it costs twice as much, you need twice as much energy, you have to get up at night twice as much, they'll get into twice as much trouble...

Monica:  (sarcastically) So, just the same, really!

Rachel:  Look, it won't be that bad, I mean, we'll all help to look after them, won't we guys?

Phoebe:  Yeah, and at least it's not triplets! And I'm sure Frank and Alice will give you some of the triplet's old clothes, if you want!

Chandler:  Yeah, but we kinda wanted to but all the stuff ourselves.

Joey:  Guys, do you have any idea what one baby costs? With two, it's gonna be double!

Chandler:  I think Ross just said that, and added to the fact that we've also realized it ourselves, I think it's probably been drilled into our heads pretty well by now.

[Joey looks confused]

Chandler:  We know it's gonna cost double!

Joey:  Oh...

Monica:  Y'know, it's weird. I feel kinda exited, but scared at the same time.

Ross:  Yeah, I think that's normal.

Monica:  Oh.

Rachel:  So, do you think they're gonna be boys or girls?

Phoebe:  Or both!

[everyone stares at her]

Phoebe:  I meant one of each.

All:  Oh!/Aha!/etc.

Monica:  I think that would be best, actually.

Chandler:  Yeah, then you could have someone to help clean the apartment, and I could have someone to play foosball with!

Joey:  Yeah, and he'd probably win!

[everyone laughs]

Chandler:  Yeah, only cos I'd let him!

Joey:  Yeah, right.

Phoebe:  Yeah, and of course you have to call one of them Phoebe.

Monica:  Why?

Phoebe:  Well I named one after Chandler didn't I?!

[Chandler and Monica aren't quite sure what to make of that]

Chandler:  We'll have to think about that one.

Scene:  A big department store. A few weeks later.  Monica and Rachel are shopping for baby clothes.

Monica:  Awww, look at this! (holds up a cute little dress)

Rachel:  Yeah, but you don't know if you're having girls or boys yet. Or both.

Monica:  But it's so cute! I'm gonna buy it just in case. (puts it in her basket, which is already more than full)

Rachel:  Haven't we got enough yet?

Monica:  No. Babies need lots of clothes, cos they throw up all the time. Oh yeah, I still have to buy some clothes for them to throw up on! Anyway, I thought you loved shopping!

Rachel:  Yeah, for clothes I can wear! I'm never gonna fit into these! (holds up a pair of tiny jeans)

Monica:  Awww, cute! (grabbes them and puts them in the basket)

Rachel:  Can you afford all this?

Monica:  Chandler can!

Rachel:  Are you sure?  I mean, you still have to do their room...

Monica:  Joey's doing that for us.

Rachel:  Joey?!

Monica:  Yes?

Rachel:  Don't you remember the last time he tried to make something?  (Monica looks confused) The entertainment unit?

Monica:  Oh my God, I forgot all about that! I have to tell Chandler not to let him do it! (takes out a cellphone and starts dialing)

Rachel:  Since when do you have a cellphone?

Monica:  Chandler bought it for me in case I go into labour.

Rachel:  Yeah, in like four months!

Monica:  Well why shouldn't I have one?

Rachel:  It's not that you shouldn't have one, it's just (mumbles something)

Monica:  What?

Rachel:  I want one!

Monica:  Then get one!

Rachel:  I can't, it would cost way to much!

Monica:  Rach, kids have them nowadays! What do you spend your money on so that you don't have enough for a cellphone?!

Rachel:  Clothes, duh!

Monica:  Figures. Stop it!

Rachel:  What?!

Monica:  Not you, the babies are fighting again! I said stop it! OK, I'll get you some food. (to Rachel) I'm hungry.

Rachel:  Uh-huh, I can see that.

Monica:  I just want to get a few more things. (puts some more clothes in the basket)

Rachel:  How about these? (puts some tiny shoes in the basket)

[all the clothes fall out of the basket]

Rachel:  Oops.

Monica:  Pick them up!

Rachel:  Why me?!

Monica:  Because it's your fault, and anyway, I'm getting too big to bend down. (tries to bend down, but gets stuck  halfway) See?

[Monica stays bent down for a while]

Rachel:  Aren't you gonna get up?

[a pause]

Monica:  Actually I could do with some help.

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica and Rachel enter, carrying loads of shopping bags. Monica is also eating a candy bar.

Monica:  Hello? Chandler?

Chandler:  (from the babies's room, a.k.a. Rachel's old room) Not yet not yet not yet!

Monica:  What?

Chandler:  I'm not done yet, could you just wait out there a second?

Monica:  OK...

[Monica and Rachel put all their bags down and sit down at the table. After a few seconds Monica gets up and goes to the fridge. It's empty]

Monica:  Why is the fridge empty?

Chandler:  We were hungry.

Monica:  (looking through the cupboards) So hungry you ate all the flour?

Chandler:  No, we didn't have enough paint so we mixed some flour in.

Monica:  Do you want me to get some more food?

Chandler:  No, Joey's gone. (we hear a big crash from the hallway) That must be him.

[Joey enters. He's carrying lots of "food", if that's what you want to call it]

Joey:  Hi guys.

Monica:  (looking at the stuff he's bought) Beer, beer, beer, candy, potato chips, and more beer. Is this supposed to be food, or are you trying to kill yourself?

Joey:  What?

Monica:  It's all junk food! Where are the fruit and vegetables?

Joey:  Fruit and vegetables? Ha! (going over to the babies's room) Chandler?  Here's your beer.

Chandler:  (coming out) Thanks man. (drinks it all in pretty much one gulp) Monica, Rachel, do you want to see?

Rachel:  Yeah!

[They all go into the babies's room. Let's just say it looks pretty good. There are two cribs, and animals painted on the wall, stuffed toys everywhere, etc.]

Rachel:  Wow.

Monica:  It's beautiful!

Chandler:  Glad you like it.

Monica:  How did you do all this?!

Chandler:  With a little help from my friend Joey. (pats Joey on the back)

Monica:  (obviously not really believing him) Really.

Chandler:  You know "Home Improvement"? Joey's kinda like Tim Taylor.

Monica:  Oh...

Joey:  (confused) But I don't have my own show...It would be cool though!

[Everyone stares at him]

Rachel:  Yeah...

Chandler:  Anyway, I thought, y'know, when we've decided on names, we could have, like little signs with their names on, above the cribs...

Monica:  I love you.

Chandler:  I love you too.

[they hug. And kiss. And start ripping each other's clothes off]

Joey:  Um, guys...?

[they ignore him]

Rachel:  Maybe we should leave...

[they rush out]

Scene:  The department store, three months later. This time, Chandler and Monica are shopping for baby clothes.

Chandler:  I thought we'd already done all this.

Monica:  No, we've done all the shopping for normal, everyday clothes. Now that we know we're having a boy and a girl, we need clothes for sleeping in, clothes for outside, clothes for special occasions, bathing suits...

Chandler:  Mon, we don't know their sizes yet, what if all the clothes are to big or too small?

Monica:  That's why we're buying everything in five different sizes. (puts five fancy baby dresses in her basket)

Chandler:  Don't you think we should be saving up on money a bit?

Monica:  We'll leave all the labels on, and when they're born, we can give everything that's too small back.

Chandler:  Yeah, but-

Monica:  (snapping) Chandler, do you want our children to be well dressed or not?!

Chandler:  Of course I do, I'm just saying-

[someone taps Monica on the shoulder. Guess who]

Richard:  Monica?

Monica:  Richard? Hi! (they hug) How have you been? I haven't seen you in over a year!

Richard:  I'm OK. I see you've been busy. (gestures towards her stomach, which is now very big)

Monica:  Yeah, it's twins!

Richard:  Twins? Wow!

Monica:  Yeah! Anyway, what are you doing in the baby section?

Richard:  Oh, just buying some new clothes for my grandchildren.

Monica:  Oh yeah, I keep forgetting. You're a grandpa.

Richard:  Hey, don't worry, you're almost a mom!

Monica:  (giggling)  Yeah, I guess.

Richard:  OK, well nice seeing you again, but I have to go. I'll see ya.

Monica:  OK, bye!

[Richard leaves. Monica turns back to Chandler, who has been watching the whole encounter with a horrified look on his face that I really can't describe]

Chandler:  What was that?!

Monica:  What was what?

Chandler:  The flirting!

Monica:  What flirting?

Chandler:  (in a deep voice) Hey, don't worry, you'll be a mom soon! (giggles in a high-pitched voice) Yeah, I guess!

Monica:  Chandler, that was not flirting!

Chandler:  Oh yeah?! Well it sure sounded like it to me!

Monica:  If you can't tell the difference between flirting and normal conversation, and get upset at the slightest little thing, maybe I shouldn't bother with you any more! (puts her shopping basket down and rushes out onto the side walk)

Chandler:  Monica, wait!

[This bit is in slow motion: Monica steps off the sidewalk into the road, just as a car comes round the corner. Of course, she gets hit and goes flying. If you saw the episode of EastEnders when Tiffany was killed, imagine it like that, except it's not dark and Monica doesn't get killed. (Oh come on, you didn't think I'd actually do that did you?) She is, however, unconscious and badly hurt. The driver gets out of the car just as Chandler reaches her. Guess who]

Richard:  Oh my God, Monica!

Chandler:  You!

Richard:  Chandler, quickly, call an ambulance!

Chandler:  I've got a better idea: You call an ambulance, while I stay with my girlfriend!

Richard:  (disbelievingly) Your girlfriend?! You mean-

Chandler:  Look, do you want me to hit you? Cos I'd really like to do that right now!

Richard:  OK, I'm calling right now!

Scene:  An emergency room. Monica is being rushed in on a stretcher, Chandler and Richard are following closely behind.

Chandler:  (panicky) She is gonna be OK, isn't she? And the babies, they're gonna be OK too, right?

Paramedic:  We don't know yet. Could you please go and wait in the waiting room?

Chandler:  But, I wanna be with her!

Richard:  Yeah, me too!

Chandler:  Hey, she's my girlfriend, and if it wasn't for you everything would be fine!

Richard:  Oh yeah?

Chandler:  Yeah!

[Chandler punches Richard. Predictably, Richard punches back and they get into a fight. One of the paramedics tries to pull them apart as Monica is rushed through a door and out of sight]

Paramedic:  Stop, stop, that's enough!

[Chandler and Richard calm down a little]

Paramedic:  (to Chandler) Now, you're the boyfriend, right?

[Chandler nods]

Paramedic:  (to Richard) Then I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave, sir.

Richard:  (hesitates, then, reluctantly) All right.

[Richard leaves, just as the rest of the gang enters]

Ross:  Where's Monica?!

Rachel:  What happened?

Phoebe:  Why is Richard here?

Joey:  (in tears) Is she gonna die?

Chandler:  Ross: In there. Rachel and Phoebe: He was driving the car. Joey: (starts to cry) Please don't say things like that! (sits down on a chair, sobbing)

Rachel:  Chandler, honey, don't worry!

Phoebe:  Yeah, she'll be OK!

Ross:  Yeah, but she's pregnant, y'know? I mean, the babies...

Rachel:  Ross, shut up! Everything's gonna be fine, OK?

Phoebe:  Yeah, nothing bad would ever happen to Monica!

Chandler:  But do bad things happen to Jamie and Olivia?

Rachel:  No, they'll have inherited that from Monica, won't they?

Chandler:  I guess.

Joey:  (crying hysterically) I can't believe this is happening!

Chandler:  (starting to get hysterical too) I know!

[the others comfort them. After a while, a nurse enters]

Nurse:  Which one of you is Chandler Bing?

Chandler:  I am. (starting to panic) Why? What's wrong?

Nurse:  Well, there's some good news and some bad news.

Chandler:  (obviously terrified) Yes?

Nurse:  The good news is that Monica's going to be fine.

[everyone breathes a sigh of relief]

Chandler:  But?

Nurse:  (taking a deep breath) But one of the babies was killed in the crash, and in order to save the other one we need to do a caesarian section right now.

Chandler:  Oh my God...

Nurse:  Monica wants you to be there, so, if you could follow me...

Chandler:  (shakily) OK...

Scene:  An operating theater. Monica is lying on the table surrounded by doctors and nurses, who are already cutting into her. She's conscious, though. Chandler and the nurse enter.

Monica:  (weakly) Chandler...

Chandler:  Oh my God, aren't you supposed to be unconscious?

Monica:  They can't give me a sedative cos it would harm the baby. {I don't know if this is true, by the way. If it's not, I can't help it, I don't know anything about medicine}

Chandler:  But, but won't it hurt?

Monica:  No, they gave me some painkillers. I'll be OK.

Chandler:  Do you know which baby, (gulps) died?

Monica:  That one. (nods in the direction of her stomach)

[Chandler looks round. One of the babies has been removed. You can tell it's dead]

Nurse:  (softly) Would you like to hold him?

Monica:  (starting to cry) Uh-huh.

[the nurse hands her the baby, Jamie]

Monica:  (sobbing) Why did this have to happen?

Chandler:  (quietly) I don't know.

Monica:  Oh, it's all my fault!

Chandler:  No, it's not your fault. If you want to blame someone, blame me, or Richard. It's not your fault.

Monica:  It is! If I hadn't walked out onto the street-

Chandler:  If I hadn't started that fight, if Richard hadn't come round the corner at that moment...we're all to blame.

[we hear the sound of a baby starting to cry]

Nurse:  And here's the other one. (hands her to Monica, who is now holding a dead baby in one arm, and a very much alive one in the other)

Monica:  (to Chandler) Here, take Jamie.

[Chandler takes him, looks at him, starts to cry. The camera pans out on Chandler, Monica, and Olivia crying, and Jamie lying dead in Chandler's arms]

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. A few days later. Ross, Rachel, Phoebe and Joey are there. Chandler and Monica enter with Olivia. Monica still has some cuts and bruises.

Monica:  (tiredly) Hi guys.

All:  Monica!/Hi!/You're home!

Chandler:  OK, give me Olivia, and you can go and sit on the couch, OK?

Monica:  OK. (gives Olivia to Chandler, and goes to sit next to Phoebe on the couch)

Chandler:  (to Olivia)  Hey little girl. You're home now. This is where we live. And Joey lives across the hall, and Ross lives over there...(points at Ross's apartment through the window) And Rachel and Phoebe live...somewhere else.

Rachel:  (taking something out of the oven) Dinner's ready!

Chandler:  Did you make it?

Rachel:  No, I'm just taking it out.

Chandler:  Good, I'm starving!

Rachel:  What's that supposed to mean?

Chandler:  N-Nothing.

Rachel:  (confused) Oh. OK then.

Ross:  Mon, are you gonna come to the table or do you want to eat on the couch?

Monica:  (shakily) I'm coming to the table. Of course I'm coming to the table! Why would I wanna, wanna eat on the couch?

Chandler:  Come on then. (helps her up)

[everyone sits at the table]

Phoebe:  So, how are you holding up?

Monica:  OK, y'know, better I guess...

[Olivia starts crying]

Chandler:  Shhhhh, no crying at the table.

[Olivia continues crying]

Monica:  Here, give her to me.

[Chandler gives Olivia to Monica. She stops crying]

Monica:  There. You just wanted your mommy, didn't you?

Joey:  So, are you sure you're up to going to the funeral tomorrow?

Monica:  Joey, I am not gonna miss my baby's funeral!

Ross:  That's OK, we just thought that, y'know, it might be too hard for you.

Monica:  I don't care how hard it is, I am going!

Chandler:  Yeah!

[Olivia starts crying again]

Monica:  Now look what you've done!

Joey:  I'll take her, it's my fault.

Monica:  Well, OK then... (hands Olivia to Joey)

[Olivia stops crying]

Phoebe:  That's weird.

Rachel:  I think your daughter likes Joey better than you, Mon.

Monica:  (starting to cry) You're right. Nobody likes me. Jamie hated me so much that he went and died!

Chandler:  Hey, hey, hey! Of course we like you. Olivia probably just stopped crying when you gave her to Joey cos... she's not used to him. (hugs Monica and glares at Rachel) OK? We all like you very much.

Monica:  Really? You're not just saying that?

Chandler:  Of course not. Come on guys, tell Monica how much you like her.

[everyone comes over and hugs Chandler and Monica]

Rachel:  Honey, of course we like you! I didn't mean it like that!

Joey:  Here, you take her back now.

[Joey gives Olivia back to Monica]

Chandler:  Hey look, she's smiling at you!

Monica:  She is, she's smiling at me! Isn't she just the sweetest thing you ever saw?

[everyone murmurs in agreement]

Rachel:  See, I told you she likes you!

Monica:  You do like me, don't you!

[Olivia gurgles]

Monica:  She does!

All:  Awww!

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Night. Chandler and Monica have just finished clearing up. Monica is holding Olivia.

Chandler:  So, are you ready to go to bed?

Monica:  I guess. You know, I haven't slept without Olivia next to me in what seems like ages. But really it's only been a few days...

Chandler:  Well, she'll be right in the next room. Which she hasn't even seen yet, I might add. Shall I put her to bed?

Monica:  (putting her free arm around him) No, we'll do it together. Come on.

[they go into Olivia's room and put her in her crib. There's still another crib in the room, which has a sign saying "Jamie" over it. Of course, Olivia's has a sign too]

Chandler:  Look, she's asleep already.

Monica:  Yeah, well, it's been a long day. (goes over and takes the "Jamie" sign off the wall. She looks at it for a while) I wish we still had two babies.

Chandler:  Well, we do, in a way. Jamie will always be here, OK? He's up in heaven right now, and he'll be watching over us all our lives. (pause) And he'll probably be laughing at us every time we mess up. Lovingly, though.

[Monica laughs, and comes over to him]

Chandler:  There, see, that's the first time you've laughed in over a week.

Monica:  (putting her arms around him) Thanks to you.

[they kiss]

Monica:  Come on, let's go to bed.

[they leave, hand in hand]

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. Early morning. Chandler is sitting on the couch with Olivia and the chick and the duck. They're watching TV. Monica comes out of the bedroom in her dressing gown, yawning.

Chandler:  Good morning.

Monica:  Morning. What are you doing up so early?

Chandler:  I needed a glass of water, and then Olivia woke up, so I decided to introduce her to Baywatch. I think she's taken a liking to David Hasselhof.

Monica:  And why are the birds here?

Chandler:  Oh, they came over to say hi, you know, see how we were.

Monica:  (sitting down next to Chandler) And what did you tell them?

Chandler:  I said we were doing better, you know.

Monica:  Really?

Chandler:  Yeah, I told them I thought everything was gonna be OK.

Monica:  Good. Well, I'd better get dressed. The funeral is at two, and I still have catering to do.

Chandler:  Are you sure you want to do all the food yourself?

Monica:  Yeah, of course.

Chandler:  Really?

Monica:  Look, it's the least I can do for Jamie. It'll be OK, I promise. I won't start crying into the soufflé mixture, really.

Chandler:  OK then.

Monica:  OK.

Chandler:  Hey, wait a minute, Richard isn't coming, is he?

Monica:  No. I told him it was better not to.

Chandler:  Good. I guess I'll go and get Olivia dressed, then.

Monica:  No don't bother, we'll just have to change her again for the funeral.

[Olivia throws up all over Chandler]

Monica:  And if we dress her up for the funeral now, that'll probably happen.

Chandler:  (holding Olivia at a distance) Uh-huh...

Scene:  Chandler and Monica's apartment. After the funeral. There are lots of people there. Monica is sitting in a corner. Chandler comes over with Olivia.

Chandler:  Look who wanted to see you. (hands Olivia to Monica)

Monica:  Thanks.

Chandler:  So, how are you?

Monica:  OK, y'know, I've been better.

Chandler:  Are all these people getting to you?

[Monica nods]

Chandler:  I could get rid of them if you want.

Monica:  You can't just throw them out, that would be impolite!

Chandler:  Not the way I'm gonna do it. I'll be right back.

[Chandler goes over to Joey and talks to him quietly for a while. Then he comes back to Monica and sits down next to her]

Joey:  OK, anyone who wants, at my place across the hall there's free beer, pizza, and BAYWATCH!

[a cheer goes up and everyone except Rachel, Phoebe and Ross leaves. They come over to Monica and Chandler]

Ross:  Hi.

Rachel:  How are you feeling?

Monica:  Please, could you stop asking me that?!

Rachel:  OK.

Phoebe:  She's OK, a little depressed, but her aura looks healthy otherwise.

Chandler:  Really.

Phoebe:  Uh-huh.

Ross:  Do you want us to stay here, or would you rather be alone?

Monica:  Stay here a while?

Rachel:  OK then.

[a long pause]

Monica:  Well, I guess that's over then.

Ross:  What?

Monica:  Jamie. Now everyone's probably just gonna forget about him. It'll be like he never existed.

Chandler:  Oh come on, that's not gonna happen.

Monica:  It is though! That's what happens to all dead people unless they're famous or something! But Jamie didn't even get a chance to be famous.

Rachel:  Mon, nobody is gonna forget Jamie, OK? We won't let them.

Monica:  But what if you forget him?

Ross:  We won't, OK? I promise.

Monica:  (after a pause) OK then.

[the camera pans down to Olivia, as everyone looks down at her]

Fade to:  Olivia's birthday. Two years later. Ross and Monica's parent's house. The camera shows a close-up of her face, which is covered in chocolate cake. As it pans out, we see the whole gang, plus Jack and Judy. Monica is pregnant again, and Ross and Rachel have a baby girl. {I just had to add that, sorry}

Monica:  Nonono, don't put it all over your face, sweetie.

[Monica wipes Olivia's face and hands. Olivia promptly picks up another piece of cake and puts it in her mouth, covering herself in chocolate again]

Chandler:  Maybe you should wait until she's finished.

Monica:  But she'll get all messy!

Chandler:  Monica, that's what kids do, OK? Just let her get on with it.

Rachel:  Hey Mon, do you want to swap with me? I don't mind wiping up chocolate cake.

Monica:  OK, for a while.

[Rachel gives her the baby, which throws up]

Rachel:  But I do mind wiping up sick. Fortunately, that's your responsibility now.

Monica:  Haha, very funny Rach.

Olivia:  Olivia want more!

Monica:  No honey, you've had enough now. I think it's time to take a walk.

Scene:  A graveyard. Everyone has gone to put flowers on Jamie's grave. Monica crouches down there for a moment and puts her bunch of flowers on it. The others watch her from a distance.

Monica:  (softly) Hey Jamie. Happy birthday. I just want you to know that I still love you. I haven't forgotten you, none of us have. And we never will.

[Monica traces the letters on the gravestone with her fingers. The camera stays on the gravestone as it fades to black]

The End

Well, I hope you liked it. I enjoyed writing it, I know that much. As for the babies's names, I have no idea where they came from. I just needed some names, and used the first ones that came into my head. I don't think I'd call my own kids names like that, but oh well. I don't know where Chandler and Monica got them, either. I would have thought of better names, but this fanfic took me longer than I expected, and I still have to try and write my R&R one on time. So these'll have to do. This fanfic wasn't originally going to be at all like this, by the way. It was going to be a short, simple but entertaining fanfic involving Janice and a fight between Chandler and Monica. But somehow it turned into this. I'd just like to add that this is the longest fanfic I've ever written. But I need to go to bed now or I won't be able to get up for school tomorrow morning. School starts at 7:30 here! I hate it. But I have to go. That's all folks, see you next time!

for this fanfic, I won: