Written by: Amanda
Hi! This is my first fanfic ever, but I know my charectors really well. =) My favourites are Chandler and Monica, and this fanfic is mostly about them. So enjoy, and send any comments to: abeadle@desconnect.com
Disclamer: These charectors do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Produtions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
PART 1
SCENE 1: [Central Perk. All are there except Ross. Monica is telling them about a contest at the museum Ross works at.]
JOEY: Uh..what was it again?
MONICA: [sighs] Weren't you listening? This is the third time I’ve had to repeat this!
JOEY: ..I know, but I was practicing all of my different facial expressions. Watch this. [makes sad,happy,angry,confused faces repeatedly]
PHEEBS: Oooh cool! Can I see that again?
[ all except Joey glare at Pheebs]
PHEEBS: Sorry.
MONICA: Ahem. Now as I was saying...Ross has to take a written test and label all the parts of a dinosaur.
JOEY: Whoa! that’s alot of parts!
MONICA: [gives Joey an impatient look] If you’d just let me finish...Then, he has to put a dinosaur skeleton together with all the parts in the right places. The person that has all the bones in the correct places wins, and if Ross wins, We get 1000 dollars and a trip to Dino-Town to go on a fossil dig!
PHEEBS: Ok, the 1000 dollars sounds great, but who wants to go to an old park just to dig up rocks? I mean, there’s nothing special about them. Just the hard sandy remains of a DEAD CREATURE THAT ONCE LIVED!!!!
JOEY: Easy Pheebs, calm down! If we find a fossil, we take it to the museum, and they put it in this display case with our names on a shiny gold plaque and stuff! We may even get more money!
PHEEBS: Wow! When you put it that way, it sounds cool!
ROSS: [Enters and says that whiny, dejected “hiii” we know so well.]
CHANDLER: So, how'd it go?
ROSS: Well...I WON! I WON!!!
RACHEL: And that means...
ROSS: We’re goin’ downtown to Dino-Town!!!!
ALL: All right! Ya! Whoohoo! [assorted high-fives, hugs, jumping up and down.]
RACHEL: Ok so when do we leave? Cuz I have a date with Joshua tonight and won’t be able to pack till later.
ROSS: Tomorrow morning, 6:00 sharp.
MONICA: Tomorrow??? Oh my gosh! I’ll never be ready by then! Have to pack, should clean the apartment, can’t leave it looking so messy...oh god oh god..
CHANDLER: Mon, relax! We’ll all help! ...won’t we guys?
ALL: Oh ya..yes..ya, we’ll help
MONICA: Aw, thanx you guys! I really appreciate this.
RACHEL: No problem. Anything to help.
MONICA: Well, I’m gonna go get a head start. You guys coming?
ALL: No..no we’ll..we’ll catch up.
CHANDLER: Well...oh what the heck! I’ll come with you Mon. Mon?
MONICA: Last one there’s a rotten egg! [runs]
CHANDLER: Hey! wait up! Slow down! Hey! [laughs and runs after her]
SCENE 2: [Monica and Rachel’s apartment. Chandler is helping Monica clean.]
MONICA: Ok. Chandler, you wash the floors. I’ll pack.
CHANDLER: The floor? But It’ll be the hardest to clean! Couldn’t I like, dust the TV or something?
MONICA: Hey, you said you’d help clean. So, HELP CLEAN! C’’mon! Packing’s going to be hard enough to do without worrying about the floor too!
CHANDLER: Well...Oooh! ok! [Suddenly gets an idea]
MONICA: Chandler, what’s up? I know that twinkle in your eyes you get when you have an idea. What is it?
CHANDLER: Oh nothing, it’s-it’s nothing.
MONICA: Well, ok, But when I’m done packing I want those floors sparkling clean! Right?
CHANDLER: Yes Mam ! [does a salute]
MONICA: I can’t hear you!
CHANDLER: YES MAM !! [salutes]
MONICA: THAT’S BETTER! OK! FOREWORD MARCH! [Starts to march into her bedroom.] AREN’T YOU COMING?
CHANDLER: No, you said I should clean the floors.
MONICA: Oh..right.
[When Monica is in her bedroom, Chandler puts some
rock n’ roll music on, grabs a mop and starts to dance and sweep, pretending to lip sync and holds the mop handle like it’s a microphone. “Jailhouse Rock” is playing]
MONICA: Hmmm...lets see..bubble bath...PJ’S..lint magnet... bath kit...books.. First Aid Kit...What is that pounding noise? It’s giving me a headache! [Comes out of her room and sees Chandler doing his “Chandler Dance” and singing out loud.]
CHANDLER: [Sings] “Oh we’re doin’ the jailhouse rock! Ya we’re doin’ the jail house rock! Doin’ the jailhouse rock! Ya baby! Ya ba- [sees Monica and stops]
MONICA: Chandler! WHAT are you doing??? You're SUPPOSED to be cleaning! Not singing and dancing! look! there’s a big juice stain right there! Get back to work!
CHANDLER: That is so not true! I was cleaning....with a twist and dancing and singing. Ok ok. I’ll just clean. No music. No dancing. Just cleaning. [sighs]
MONICA: Oh all right. You can do your dance. It’s kind of cute. [smiles]
CHANDLER: Thanx! [does his dance. Monica giggles.]
SCENE 3: [A fancy restaurant Rachel is ending her date with Joshua.]
RACHEL: So uh, how are your parents?
JOSHUA: Well, after seeing you in your umm, “dress” they kind of..this is so hard..won’t allow me to see you anymore.
RACHEL: What??? But it was a misunderstanding! They can’t just..rip us apart forever!
JOSHUA: I know I know! I tried explaining, but they won’t listen. I would take action and keep seeing you anyway, but they said if they saw you like that again, they’d call the police and have you put in jail! I couldn’t let that happen to you. I’m sorry, but after tonight, that’s it. I’m so sorry.
RACHEL: [hugs Joshua, almost crying]
JOSHUA: Well..I guess.. this is goodbye. Wait. Not goodbye, just “see you around”.
RACHEL: [sniffs] Y-ya..s-see you around, Joshua.
JOSHUA: See you around. [They both start to walk away, but turn around at the same time and hug again.]
RACHEL: Goodbye..[walks away still crying]
SCENE 4: [Joey and Chandler’s apartment. Pheebs is helping Joey pack.]
JOEY: Pheebs, could you pass me my hat?
PHEEBS: You mean this floppy looking thing?
JOEY: No, the other one.
PHEEBS: this one?
JOEY: No! The other one! You know, the one Chandler gave me for my birthday?
PHEEBS: Huh?
JOEY: Oh forget it! I’ll get it myself! [grumbles]
PHEEBS: Ok, Joey? You can quit playing “Mr.-I-have-to-boss-Pheobe-around-cuz-I’m-a-guy” game now. You're being too pushy! you're being...you're being Monica!
JOEY: [ Taking this as an insult, Joey gasps and points at Phoebe.]
JOEY: Well you...Oh I can’t take this anymore! I’m going to help Chandler and Monica pack! [slams the door and does so.]
JOEY: Hey guys, it’s Joey.
MONICA: [opens the door] Joey! what are you doing here?
CHANDLER: Ya, what’s up man?
JOEY: Pheebs was helpin’ me pack, and I asked her to pass me my hat..she kept getting me the wrong ones..n’ we just started calling each other names and stuff so..I came over to help you guys cuz..I knew you wouldn’t make fun of me. [sulks]
MONICA: Oh Joey. Phoebe likes you! ...Hold on..how long have you two been packing?
JOEY: six hours.
MONICA: Well that explains it! You’ve been with each other too long! When two people are together for too long, they start to fight.
JOEY: But you and Chandler...
CHANDLER: Well, we’re different. Over the years, we’ve learned to tolerate each other..and we have a better friendship because of that. [looks at Monica lovingly]
JOEY: ..ya.. you're right..but I should give Pheebs a chance to cool off first. And in the meantime, I wanna help you guys..cuz...you're my best friends.
CHANDLER: You're our best friend too Joe. [the three of them hug]
SCENE 5: [Monica and Rachel’s apartment. Phoebe is absent. Rachel enters.]
ROSS: Hey Rache, you're home early. What’s up?
RACHEL: [sniffs] Joshua and I broke up.
MONICA: Oh Rachel! That’s terrible! How..how did it happen?
RACHEL: Well, you know when Joshua’s parents saw me in that..uh..”dress” thingy?
[everyone nods]
RACHEL:..Well, his parents said we..we can’t see each other anymore. If they saw me like that again, they’d have me put in jail!
ROSS: We’re so sorry. [everyone gathers around Rachel and hugs her] [Phoebe enters.]
PHEEBS: Hi! Ooh..why is the air in here so negative?
ROSS: [ Motions that Joshua and Rachel broke up.]
PHEEBS:[understanding, Phoebe comes over and joins in the hug without saying anything.]
SCENE 6: [Joey and Chandler’s apartment. Phoebe is sitting in the recliner chair in the living room. Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey Chandler. You packed yet? Chandler?
[The recliner turns around, and Joey sees it’s Phoebe.] Pheebs???
PHEEBS: [glares at Joey]
JOEY: Ok look. I’m..I’m sorry I walked out on you like that when we were packing. I talked to Chandler and Monica, and they said when two people are together too long, they start to fight...like we did. I’m sorry. [hangs his head.]
PHEEBS: ..Joey..I’m sorry too. I shouldn't have called you pushy and bossy. I didn’t mean it. I guess I just needed a break from packing. I’m sorry. I forgive you. And you forgive me, right?
[Joey nods]
JOEY: S-so are we friends?
PHEEBS: friends. [They hug]
JOEY: Ok so....let’s get packin’ baby!
PHEEBS: Yay for Dino-Town! [They high-five and start helping each other pack.]
END
PART 2
[We hear Courtney Cox saying “previously on Friends” We see scenes from the last episode: Ross winning the contest, Chandler singing and dancing, Phoebe and Joey fighting, Joshua hugging Rachel, and Phoebe and Joey giving each other high-fives.]
SCENE 1: [Monica and Rachel’s apartment, 4am. Monica is still awake. She sneaks over to Joey and Chandler’s apartment to pack their bags for them.]
MONICA: [tiptoes to Chandler and Joey’s bedroom. The Duck quacks loudly.] SHHH!!! [opens the door and sees Chandler and Joey sleeping together, using their bags as pillows. She slides Chandler’s bag out from under his head. He starts to wake up.]
CHANDLER: ..Wha..what..? ..Monica?
MONICA: [whispers] Shhh. It’s ok. go back to sleep.
CHANDLER: [Does so, his mouth hanging open and snoring.] [Monica starts to pack Chandler’s bag then notices her own on the bed, already packed. She finds a note that reads: Hi Mon! We knew you’d be too busy packing everyone else's bags to do your own, so we finished for you. Love, Chandler and Joey.
[Monica kisses them both on the head. Joey smiles.]
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
SCENE 2: [The airport, 5:30 am. Everyone is waiting for the plane, feeling different emotions.] [their thoughts are in italics.]
ROSS: Oh wow! This is so exciting! If I find any fossils, I’ll be so rich! [Ross drifts into a fantasy about being rich. We see him giving a tour of his “big mansion".]
ROSS: And to the left we have..My prized Volosoraptor skeleton! [We see a kid climbing up it]..Hey! Hey you! No climbing No climbing! No..no..Nooo!!! [The skeleton clatters into pieces]
ROSS: [Coming out of his fantasy, Ross’s last words echo.] Nooooo!!!
JOEY: No what, Ross?
ROSS: [trying to cover up what he just said] No! No, uh, I don’t have any Chapstick on me.
JOEY: Huh? [gives Ross a wired look.]
CHANDLER: Once I get enough money from discovering the fossils, I’ll buy Monica the biggest, best present ever! [We see Chandler’s fantasy, giving Monica her present.]
CHANDLER: Close your eyes. No peeking!
MONICA: Ok..
CHANDLER: Now..open!
[We see a huge wedding ring.]
MONICA: [gasps] Oh Chandler! It’s..it’s..beautiful!
CHANDLER: [climbs up to the top of it and kneels on one knee. Editors note: I’m getting a day ja vous here..] Monica, will..will you marry me?
MONICA: Yes!
CHANDLER: [Coming out of his fantasy] Yes? Oh this is great! We’ll spend the rest of our lives together!!! [His last words echo]
MONICA: Did you say something Chandler?
CHANDLER: [walks over and kisses her.]
MONICA: [surprised] Well..I love you too!
JOEY: Once I discover those fossils and get that money, I can beach party with the Baywatch Girls! [We see Joey’s fantasy, on the beach with the Baywatch girls at night.]
JOEY: Heyyy..How you doin’?
BAY GIRL: [giggles] Fine.
JOEY: So..wanna dance?
BAY GIRL: Ok. [“I Believe I Can Fly” starts to play. Joey and the Bay Girl put their arms around each other and dance.]
COAST GUARD: [On radio] This is 303. Code 911 at Trevy Cove. Over.
BAY GIRL: [On radio] This is 304. I’ll be there Code ASAP. Over and out. [To Joey] I’m sorry, but it’s an emergency. I’ll have to go. Goodbye, Joey.
JOEY: [Coming out of his fantasy] No! Wait! Please wait! I...Don’t goooo!!! [His last words echo]
RACHEL: Don’t go where, Joey?
JOEY: Th-the Baywatch Girl! She left and..and..
RACHEL: [Gives Joey a “what-are-you-talking-about”??? look] Men..Go figure.
RACHEL: Once I have those fossils, I’ll be the Fossil Queen and live in a castle made of fossils with Ross as the King!
[We see Rachel’s fantasy, a huge castle of fossils with Rachel and Ross standing on the roof.]
RACHEL: And hence fourth,all women named Rachel will be the Queens of their countries!
[The crowd below cheers] Do you have any other rules, King Ross?
ROSS: Yes. From this day forth, No one will be clean. Everything will be dirty!!!
[crowd cheers]
ROSS: Hey you there! What do you want? [We see a very upset Monica in ragged, torn, dirty beggars clothes]
MONICA: Oh please! Please King Ross! I have to wear clean clothes! The flies are swarming around me! I’ve never been so dirty! Please! [sobs]
ROSS: Nonsense! Guards, take her away!
RACHEL: [coming out of her fantasy] Ross, you can’t do this! She’s your sister and my best friend! You can’t do this!
ROSS: To the dungeon!
RACH+MON: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! [their last words echo]
RACHEL: Monica! I just had the worst nightmare! I-I dreamt you were..and Ross and I were King and Queen.. and-and he...he..
MONICA: I know! I know! I had it too!
RACHEL: Let’s just be thankful we’re both alive! [Monica and Rachel walk up to Ross and smack him hard on the head]
ROSS: Oww!! What did you do that for???
ANNOUNCER: Plane 75 now boarding on gate 5.
PHEEBS: Hey! That’s us! That’s us!
MONICA: Ok! Does everyone have everything?
[everyone checks their luggage]
ALL: Yup!
MONICA: Then lets go! [Everyone starts onto the plane]
JOEY: Wait! I forgot something!
MONICA: What?
JOEY: I have to “go”
MONICA: There’s no time! C’mon!
ANNOUNCER: The plane will take off in 5..
JOEY: But I really have to...
ANNOUNCER: 4...3..2...
ANNOUNCER: 1...lift-off!
ALL: JOEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Joey looks forlornly at the plane, which has now taken off without him.]
JOEY: [falls to his knees] Nooooo!!!!!!
END
PART 3
[We hear David Shwimmer saying “previously on Friends” We see scenes from the last episode: clips of every ones fantasies, The announcer saying last call, everyone screaming Joey’s name, Joey screaming “Noooooo!!!”]
SCENE 1: [The airport. Joey is frantically looking for help.]
JOEY: [runs up to flight attendant] excuse me, Ya hi. Me and my friends had a flight to Bridal Falls. Can you-
ATTENDANT: I don’t see anyone behind you.
JOEY: Well, see, that’s the thing. I sorta got left behind and I was wondering if you could track down their plane or get me another flight.
ATTENDANT: The next plane isn’t until tomorrow, 12:00 am. Now go away.
JOEY: But there’s gotta be something sooner! Please! There has to be!
ATTENDANT: [angrily] Well, there isn’t. It’s tomorrow or nothing.
JOEY: Ok ok. I’ll take it! [Phone rings]
ATTENDANT: [picks up the phone and motions angrily for him to go away.]
JOEY: [sighs, and sinks into a chair to wait.]
SCENE 2: [The plane. Everyone is worrying about Joey.]
MONICA: I told him there was no time! I told him to hurry up, but did he listen? No!
CHANDLER: Well, when you gotta go, you gotta go...but still..
RACHEL: You think he’ll be ok?
PHEEBS: Oh sure! He won’t have long to wait. The next plane is...[looks in her bag, takes out a flight schedule] Uh...12:00 am.. ..tomorrow.
ROSS: Tomorrow??
CHANDLER: Oh that is so not good.
RACHEL: Isn’t there anything sooner?
PHEEBS: Ooh ooh yes! ..nothing.
RACHEL: Pheebs, that’s not soon.
PHEEBS: Well, nothing’s closer to something! ..Or is it..?
MONICA: Well, I brought my phone, so maybe he’ll call. It’s in my bag though. Can you get it Chandler?
CHANDLER: [We see a huge mass of bags bulging out of the compartment. Chandler tries to lift one and is straining with the weight.] Yeesh Mon! What else you got in here? a swimming pool???
MONICA: [snaps] You and Joey packed mine, remember?
CHANDLER: Oh...ya. I forgot. You don’t have to get so mad you know. [backs away from Monica as if he expects her to explode any second]
MONICA: Was..was I snapping at you?
CHANDLER: Yes.
MONICA: Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little nervous about this whole fossil thing.
CHANDLER: What do you mean?
MONICA: Well, at Dino-Town, those cliffs are so high up and the ledges are so narrow! I-if anybody fell... ...I don’t know what I’d...
CHANDLER: Mon, is it me you're worried about?
MONICA: ..Yes..if anything happened to you..if you got hurt...I.. [sniffs]
CHANDLER: [hugs her] Shh..it’s ok..I won’t get hurt. I’ll be extra careful.
MONICA: Good. because...I love you.
CHANDLER: I love you too, Monica.
PHEEBS: [sniffs]
MONICA: Wh-what are you crying for?
PHEEBS: Joey usually cries at moments like this, so I figured I should do it for him.
ROSS: Y-ya...c-come to think of it... [they all start to cry a little]
SCENE 3: [The airport, 11:30 at night. Joey is lying on the row of chairs, trying to sleep.]
JOEY: [makes grumbling noises as he tries to get comfortable After several unsuccessful attempts, He falls onto the floor.]
JOEY: Owww! [sighs] It’s no use. I can’t sleep. [pulls himself to an upright position and sits on the floor.] Wonder if the other guys are worrying about me? I miss the Duck and the Chick too. Hey...I know! [spots a phone on the flight attendants desk] I’ll call everybody! [tiptoes behind the desk. The attendant is sleeping in a chair with the phone to her ear and the cord tangled around her. Being very quiet and careful, Joey manages to untangle the cord.]
ATTENDANT: [mutters] I wanna fly the plane, Mommy!
JOEY: [freezes, then breaths a sigh of relief and starts to dial his phone number. He hears the answering machine] Hi. You’ve reached Chandler and Joey’s apartment. We’re not here right now, so leave- Get off, you stupid Duck! leave a message after the- Argh! What are you doing??? Get out of the VCR! after the beep and we’ll get back-No! Not my Baywatch tape! Quit pulling the film out! You're gonna-We’ll get back to you as soon as we can.
JOEY: Hey Duck! Chick! Are you guys there? Pick up! It’s Joey! [split-screen. The Duck and Chick waddle up to the phone, wich is on speaker, and start quaking and peeping loudly.]
JOEY: Guys! Guys! One at a time, ok? [The Duck and Chick take turns talking to Joey.]
JOEY: Really? You’re going out with some hot chick next door?? What’s she look like? Yasmine from Baywatch??? Oh man! I wish I was there! What? You miss me? I miss you too guys! Chandler does too. Well anyway, I better go, It’s late. See ya soon! [The Duck and Chick say goodbye and Joey dials Monica’s cell phone number. split screen, Monica’s phone rings and she wakes up.]
MONICA: [sleepily] Wh-what..hello?
JOEY: Mon! Hey, it’s Joey!
MONICA: [Instantly snaps awake] Joey??? Oh my god! Where the heck are you??? Oh ya you're at the airport! Are you ok? [To the group] guys! wake up! It’s Joey!
ALL: [Waking up] ..Huh..wha..Joey?!..Is he ok?
JOEY: I’m fine... I’m sorry if I woke you guys up..I just got kinda lonely in this dark airport...
MONICA: No..no it’s ok. Wanna say hello to everybody? My cell has speaker phone.
JOEY: [excited] Ok!
MONICA: [To the group] He’s fine, but he wants to talk to you. I put it on speaker phone.
ALL: Hey Joey!
JOEY: Hi!
CHANDLER: [yawns] Hey Joe. What’s up?
JOEY: ..Well, I couldn’t sleep..I got a little lonely, so I decided to call the Duck and the Chick!
CHANDLER: You called them?
JOEY: Ya! There was a weird message on the machine though. Sounded like you fighting with the Duck and the Chick.
CHANDLER: Oh..ya...that was when we first got them. ..forgot to erase that.
PHEEBS: So what did they say? [everyone looks at her weird]
PHEEBS: What? I just asked...
CHANDLER: ..Oh never mind. Continue Joey.
JOEY: ..The Chick’s datin’ the next door neighbour’s chick, Yasmine!
CHANDLER: Yasmine?? The named after Baywatch star, Yasmine???
JOEY: [sarcastically] No, the dog. Yes the Baywatch star! Sheeze! How many Yasmine’s do you know??
CHANDLER: Did they say anything else?
JOEY: Well, they said..they miss us. But they’ll be ok. I put a “chick flick” in the VCR before we left. They can watch it over and over. I taught the Duck how to press the rewind and play buttons.
RACHEL: I hate to interrupt here, but it’s kind of late and, If you guys talk any longer, we’re going to have a humungus phone bill.
CHANDLER: Are you gonna be ok with..staying alone in the airport?
JOEY: Oh ya I’ll be fine! The chairs aren’t really that comfy..it gets a little windy and cold here at night..[getting nervous] ...I’ll..I’ll be fine.
MONICA: Well, bye Joey!
ALL: Bye! We miss you! See ya tomorrow! Bye!
JOEY: [hangs up the phone, sits on a chair and looks at the moon, getting a little homesick. “All By Myself” is playing]
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
SCENE 4: [7:00 am. The plane’s getting ready to land. Everyone is woken up by..]
ANNOUNCER: Attention passengers. We are nearing Bridal Falls. Please don’t unbuckle till the plane has landed. Repeat: We are nearing Bridal Falls.
PHEEBS: Hey everyone! Wake up! The plane’s landing!
ALL: ..Huh..What..?
PHEEBS: The plane’s landing!
ALL: ..Wha..?
MONICA: [loudly] She said: The plane is landing!!!! Now get up!!
ALL: [Instantly awake] Oh oh ya ok we’re up!
MONICA: That’s better! Now grab your stuff and let’s go!
RACHEL: Ross, have you seen my crossword puzzle book?
ROSS: Ya, I think Chandler has it.
RACHEL: Chandler, Can I have my Crossword book back now please?
CHANDLER: Oh sure. Here it is. [Pulls out a ragged, torn book with a stain on it.]
RACHEL: Chandler! You wrecked it!
CHANDLER: I so did not! I just spilled pizza sauce on it. But look! It’s still readable! [tries to solve one of the clues] An actress, also the name of a fa- Hey! the rest is torn out! Fa..fa..fajita maybe? Another name for fajita..burrito babe! That’s it! See? Perfectly-
RACHEL: Burrito won’t even fit! Oh, just gimme the darn thing! [snatches it from him]
ANNOUNCER: Attention. 5 passengers are still on the plane, which has now landed. Could they please get off immediately. Thank you.
MONICA: See? We’re gonna be late! We have to be there before Dino-Town opens, so we can beat the rush! C’mon!
ALL: Ok ok! We’re comin’! [They grab their bags and run off the plane]
PART 4
[We hear Matt Le Blanc saying: “previously on Friends” We see scenes from the last episode: Joey talking to the Duck and Chick, Then to his friends on the plane, Joey looking homesick, Phoebe saying the plane’s landing, everyone running off the plane.]
SCENE 1: [Everyone minus Joey has arrived at Dino-Town in a rental car. Ross wants the gang to meet his “other friends” the scientists]
PHEEBS: Ooh yay! We’re here! We’re here everybody! Let’s go!
RACHEL: Um, Pheebs? You might wanna try parking the car first.
PHEEBS: Oh. Right. Silly me! Ok, hang on!
MONICA: But why would we need to- [The car lurches, everyone leans back, tight against their seats except Monica, who gets thrown forward]
MONICA: Whoa!!
RACHEL: Mon, remember last time? That’s why she said “hang on”.[Editors Note: For those of you who don’t remember what “last time” was, go to a script web site and check out “The One Without The Ski Trip”]
MONICA: Oh..Ohhh! That time when we were in Pheeb’s cab and I..
RACHEL: Yes.
CHANDLER: Ok! We’ve parked. Now can we hurry and get out? Cuz I gotta “go” And if we don’t hurry, we all know what’s gonna happen. Don’t we?
PHEEBS: What?
CHANDLER: [slaps his hand to his forehead cuz of her stupidity, and whispers in her ear]
PHEEBS: Ohhh! In that case, c’mon! Hurry up! Lets go! Bathroom Emergency here people! Let’s move it! [Everyone quickly opens their doors and gets out]
SCIENTIST 1: Hey look guys! It’s Foss-Ross!
MONICA: [tries to keep from lauging, and whispers in Ross’s ear.] Foss-Ross???
ROSS: [whispers] New museum nickname. [Monica giggles]
SCIENTIST 2: Hey Foss-Ross! How ya doin’? Oh, and who are your little Dino-Pals there?
MONICA: [giggling] Foss-Ross? Dino-Pals? Oh this is too much!
ROSS: [to Monica] Shh! [to the scientists] These are my friends. Monica, Rachel, Pheobe, and Chandler. [Chandler is hopping on one foot at this point, he so badly needs to go.]
SCIENTIST 1: Why is that man hopping about?
PHEEBS: Bathroom needs.
SCIENTIST 1: Ohhh! Sir, the nearest washroom is up those stairs, though the hall, make a left, go up 17 more flights of stairs, and you're there.
CHANDLER: 17??? I’ll never make it!!! [starts into the museum, still hopping on one foot]
PHEEBS: Good luck!
SCIENTIST 2: Now then. Where would you like to start digging? There’s the small cliff for beginners, the medium cliff for mid-experts, and the [points to an extremely high cliff] “High Die” cliff for experts.
MONICA: [nervously] Wh-why do you call it that?
SCIENTIST 2: Oh, just because some people have fallen and uh..never gotten up.
MONICA: Ok that’s it! We are not going on that cliff! No way! If anybody [gulps] died, I’d..I’d just..[thinks of Chandler] ok, we are just NOT going up that one, ok? We can’t. Cuz if Ch- [sees Chandler stumbling to the group, out of breath]
MONICA: [gasps] Chandler! Are you ok?
CHANDLER: [gasping for breath] sev sev..thought..never....ma-make..it!..I..I..
RACHEL: What are you trying to tell us?
CHANDLER: [getting his breath back] Seventeen flights of stairs! Thought I’d never make it!! I did, but just by the skin of my teeth! Can’t believe it! Never going up there again! Never!!! So, what were you guys talking about?
MONICA: Just how we’re NOT going up the High-Die cliff to dig. It’s WAY too dangerous!
RACHEL: Relax Mon! We won’t go up High-Die, ok?
[a blue, old-looking pickup truck pulls into the parking lot. the door opens and we see it’s..]
JOEY: Thanx for the ride Mac!
MAC: anytime! [the pickup drives away]
ALL: Joey!!!! [they run over to him]
CHANDLER: Where’ve you been man? I thought your flight wasn’t until midnight tonight!
JOEY: Well, ya, but the attendant wasn’t helpful at all, so I called up the captain, and he got her kicked out and became the new one. He got me a sooner flight! I got here as soon as I could. Looks like I was just in time, too! [Looks around] Whoa!! That cliff’s really high!
PHEEBS: Ya, It’s called High-Die.
JOEY: Well, what are we waitin’ for? Let’s start climbing!
RACHEL: But someone could fall and die! It’s too dangerous!
JOEY: Oh c’mon! We’ve had lotsa climbing experience! Well, at least I have. I’ll lead ya! C’mon!
CHANDLER: Joey, the only climbing experience you’ve had is climbing onto the fridge to get the Nacho chips cuz you couldn’t reach!
JOEY: Well..ya ok. But someone else could lead. And if anyone wanted to go back down, They’d just have to tug on the other person’s rope. Besides, it’d be a great adventure for all of us! Who’s with me?
[all except Rachel and Monica raise their hands. Monica sees Chandler has his hand up]
MONICA: [whispers] Chandler! What are you doing?? You can’t go up there! Are you crazy? You’ll get hurt!
CHANDLER: [whispers] No I won’t Mon. Remember what I said on the plane? I’ll be extra careful, I promise. [crosses his heart] Don’t you trust me?
MONICA: Yes! Of course I do! In..in fact..I’ll..I’ll go up with you.
CHANDLER: Really? Are you sure? I thought you were afraid of heights!
MONICA: Not anymore. I’m with you.
CHANDLER: And I’m with you. [they hug]
MONICA: Now let’s go conquer that cliff and find some fossils!
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
SCENE 2: [The middle of the High Die. Everyone is attached to one long rope with harnesses around their bodies. Ross is leading the group. Phoebe is next, Joey is behind her, Rachel behind him, Then Monica, and Chandler at the bottom.]
ROSS: Ok everyone! This looks like the perfect spot. Take out your picks and start digging!
[Chandler takes out his pick, swings it back, almost hitting Monica on the head, but she ducks.]
MONICA: Watch it!
CHANDLER: Sorry! I just like to take giant swings and then pound. That way I’ll find a fossil quicker.
MONICA: You mean we’ll find a fossil quicker! I’ll help, so you won’t hit anyone else on the head. It’s better to take small swings and pound. Like this. [demonstrates.]
CHANDLER: Oh ok! [They both start pounding at the rock. Phoebe and Joey are watching them do this]
JOEY: Whoa. Look at them! They’re sure to find fossils that way! Let’s try it.
PHEEBS: Ok! [They start pounding.]
CHANDLER: Monica, doesn’t this cliff remind you of something?
MONICA: No, does it remind you of something?
CHANDLER: Ya..it does..[Chandler starts swinging his pick back and fourth, like a railroad worker and sings “I’ve Been Workin’ On The Railroad”. Monica giggles and joins in.]
MON+CHAN: We’ve been workin’ on the railroad, all the live long day! Oh we’ve been workin’ on the railroad
PHEEBS: [joining in] just to pass the time away!
JOEY: [joining in] can’t you hear the whistle blowin’?
RACHEL: [joining in] rise up so early in the morn,
ROSS: [joining in] can’t you hear the captain shouting, everybody!
ALL: Dinah blow your horn!!!
CHAN+MON: Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah, someone’s in the kitchen we know oh oh oh oh, someone’s in the kitchen with Dinaaaaaaaaa..strummin’ on the old banjo and singin’ everybody!
ALL: Fee-fi-fiddly-I-oh-fee-fi-fiddly-I-oh-oh-oh-oh, fee-fi-fiddly-I-ohhhhhhhhhhh...
MON+CHAN: Strummin on the old banjo!!! [everyone starts to giggle and laugh]
CHANDLER: That was so funny! I’m glad I started that!
MONICA: Me too. [they kiss]
JOEY: [excited] Hey! Hey Ross! Guys! I think Pheobe and I found a fossil! C’mere!
ROSS: Ok, everyone move aside! [He moves over to the fossil and starts dusting it with a thick brush] Argh, there’s some sticky dirt covering it! If I can get it off, I’ll know if it’s a fossil. Monica, start handing me stuff. Rubbing cloth! [Monica hands it to him. Ross vigorously scrubs the rock.] Dental pick! [Monica gives it to him. Ross scrapes the rock. Bit by bit, it starts to come off.]
ROSS: [excitedly] It’s coming off!!! It’s coming..it’s coming..and it’s....A FOSSILIZED TRICERATOPS FOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE A FOSSIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALL: YES!!! YA! ALRIGHT!!!!!! [They all hug and hop up and down. After a few minutes, they start to calm down.]
JOEY: WE’RE ALL GONNA BE MILLIONAIRES!!!!!!!!!!! [everyone starts hugging, screaming and jumping again]
ROSS: Ok ok, everyone just calm down. We just need to wrap it in soft cloth, then take it to the scientists. Monica, thick soft cloth. [Monica hands it to him. her hand is shaking with excitement] Thank you. Now, we start climbing down. [Chandler lowers himself down till he’s standing on a thin, narrow ledge. Everyone else lowers themselves. Monica has almost reached the ledge. Chandler’s harness is very loose. He hasn’t yet noticed....]
MONICA: Chandler, move down so we can!
CHANDLER: Ok ok! [Chandler moves his feet down to another narrow ledge....]
ROSS: Watch out! That ledge is really loose. You don’t want to-
CHANDLER: [panicked] Whoa! Whoa! I’m slipping!! My harness is really loose!! I-I can’t-Ahhhhhhhh!!!! [Chandler falls down, but catches himself on another ledge]
MONICA: Chandler!!!!! [Monica undoes her harness, closes her eyes, and jumps to the ledge where Chandler is hanging for dear life]
MONICA: Are you ok?? Here, I’ll help you.
CHANDLER: [pained] Ok, but could you get off my fingers first?
MONICA: Oh sorry! Guys, I could use some help here! [Everyone lowers themselves to Monica]
MONICA: Ok. [grabs both of Chandler’s hands] Grab everyone around the waist. [They do so] Ok. Now when I say pull, pull! Got it? [They nod] On 3. Ready? 1..2..3 PULL!!!
ALL: Heave..HO! ..Heave..HO! Heave..HO! [They keep going till they’re at the top. Ross stands on the very top and the others follow.]
CHANDLER: Well, that certainly was close.
MONICA: Close??? That was near-death!!!
CHANDLER: At least I’m ok now.
MONICA: Yes, yes you are.
CHANDLER: Thanx for saving me. I-I mean, if you hadn’t been there to help me, I would of been a goner for sure! I can’t believe you jumped from that high to save me!
MONICA: Well, it was tough, but I knew I couldn’t lose my best friend, so I just..did what I had to do.
CHANDLER: Thanx. [They hug. Everyone is standing behind them, watching.]
ALL: Awww!
[Chandler doesn’t realize he’s standing on the very edge...]
CHANDLER: Well, I guess we can start- whoa! Whoa!! Help! [He wobbles] I’m-I’m gonna fall!! I-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Chandler falls off. It’s a long way down...!!!]
MONICA: CHANDLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[TO BE CONTINUED....wait till next Monday. Time lapse. You turn on the TV...]
PART 5
[We hear Matthew Perry saying previously on Friends. We see scenes from the last episode: Scientists telling them about High-Die, Joey arriving, Monica and Chandler singing, Pheebs and Joey finding the fossil, Monica pulling Chandler back up, Chandler falling again, Monica screaming NOOOOOO!!!!!]
SCENE 1: [continued from last time]
MONICA: Oh my god!!! Chandler!!!!!! [We hear a thump, a yell of pain, and a groan..then......silence.]
MONICA: We’ve got to get down there!!! He may be dead!!! [She starts going down as fast as possible, the others close behind. Soon they’re almost at the bottom. Monica jumps the last two ledges, and kneels down beside Chandler.]
MONICA: Chandler! Can you hear me? Are you ok? Say something!! [He faintly opens his eyes, groans softly, then closes them. He doesn’t move.]
MONICA: Phoebe, call 911! Ross, go tell the scientists! Joey, go with Ross! Now! I’ll stay with Chandler! Hurry!!! [Monica takes off her jacket and wraps it around him. He has a bleeding wound on his forehead. She opens her bag, takes out a first-aid kit and finds a thick, damp cloth and presses it firmly on the wound to stop the bleeding. She keeps doing this,saying...]
MONICA: [On the verge of tears] Please Chandler..Please be ok...you have to make it..for me..please..you..you just have to..
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
SCENE 2: [The hospital. Everyone is waiting. Monica is pacing anxiously]
MONICA: It’s..it’s been 2 hours now..you think he’s ok? I mean, he-he fell from like, a thousand feet.
RACHEL: Mon, he’ll be ok.
MONICA: But..but what if he isn’t? What if he is really..d-dead? Oh, I couldn’t stand it! If only I had some kind of sign or signal that he was ok.[she starts to break down]..he has t-to be ok..he’s my..b-best ..b-best..[Monica chokes out the last word: “friend” and Rachel hugs her.]
RACHEL: Shhh..I know..I..know..It’s ok..He’ll be ok.
JOEY: [Looks over and sees Monica crying] Boy, she’s sure not taking it too well..
ROSS: [sarcastically] You think?! [He sighs and sinks lower in his chair. Joey looks sad and turns his chair away from Ross. He starts to think about all the good times he and Chandler had together. As we see these moments, “Thanks for Makin’ me smile” “Best Of Friends” and “You’ll Be In My Heart” play one at a time. The scenes are: Chandler, Joey, the Duck and Chick watching Baywatch, Joey and Chandler giving the Duck a bath and lauging, Joey and Chandler playing Foose ball, playing catch with the ball, riding on the big white dog on wheels, sitting in the canoe, Joey with the turkey on his head and trying to scare Chandler, Joey and Chandler building a fort with boxes. As “You’ll Be In My Heart” ends, we see various scenes of them hugging. Joey takes out a Kleenex and wipes his eyes.]
JOEY: [thinks] Please, buddy you’ve gotta make it..
PHEEBS: [makes up a song in her head to the tune of “Smelly Cat”] Chandler, Oh Chandler, Monica misses you..Chandler, oh Chandler, it’s not your fault! Chandler, please come back, we’re all very sad, it’s not your fault! [She sniffs. “Amazing Grace” starts playing. The camera pans so we can see individual shots of everyone: Rachel still hugging the crying Monica, the forlorn Joey, Ross, and Pheobe looking up at the ceiling, praying.The camera stays on everyone, Amazing Grace still plays.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
SCENE 3: [Time lapse. Monica has recovered somewhat and is pacing faster, Joey is still praying, Phoebe and Ross are just sitting there, thinking quietly about Chandler when...]
NURSE: excuse me, which one of you is Monica Geller?
MONICA: [snaps to attention] I am! Is he ok? Is-is he living?
NURSE: Yes he’s fine.
[ At these words, everyone is overjoyed, jumping up and down and hugging each other. Joey and Monica are almost in tears they’re so happy]
JOEY: Yes!!!!! I knew he’d make it!!!
MONICA: [happily shocked] He’s ok, he’s not dead. ...He’s ok he’s not dead!!!!! Oh yes!!!!!!
NURSE: He’s still very tired, But you can come in two at a time. Monica and Joey. He asked to see you two first. [Monica and Joey look at each other, smile, and hug again, realizing that they are his two best friends]
NURSE: Mr. Bing, I think you have some visitors... [the Nurse moves away, revealing Joey in the doorway, smiling. He walks over to him.]
CHANDLER: [weakly] Joey?
JOEY: That’s right. I’m here buddy. [Chandler puts his arm up and they both shake hands, since Chandler’s too weak to hug] And now....[Joey moves away, revealing Monica. “Amazing Grace” plays quietly in the background while they’re talking]
CHANDLER: M-Monica?
MONICA: Hi Chandler. How are you feeling?
CHANDLER: Tired, but very happy. [Monica smiles at this, and leans down to kiss him. Chandler tries to hug her, but winces in pain]
MONICA: Shh..Lie down..you need your rest. [As Monica pulls away, we see tears in Chandler’s eyes.]
MONICA: [She has tears in her eyes too] You-you know Chandler..I-I didn’t know if you would make it, but you did...I didn’t know if I would make it! If you..had.. [tries to say the word “died” but can’t]..I’d never have been able to live without you..I..I love you, Chandler. [the audience “awwww’s” and claps] [Joey is now crying]
CHANDLER: I love you too Monica. [ still both crying, they hug]
JOEY: [sniffs] ..That’s..that’s so beautiful!
NURSE: The next visitors want to see you, but only two at a time. Joey, you’ll have to leave now. Monica is the only exception.
JOEY: Ok then. Bye Chandler!
CHANDLER: Bye Joe. [Joey exits, then peeks around the corner and gives Chandler a “thumbs up”. Chandler smiles and does the same thing.]
[Ross and Rachel enter.]
CHANDLER: Hey Ross, Rachel.
ROSS+RACH: Hey Chandler!
ROSS: I was prayin’ for you man.
CHANDLER: Praying..what for..I mean..Ohh! Aw Ross, you didn’t have to..
ROSS: I know, but I wanted to. Monica and Joey did too.
CHANDLER: You guys... you’re the best friends anyone could ever ask for.
ROSS+RACH+MON: We know. [they smile secretly, as if they’ve planned something...]
[Phoebe enters]
PHEEBS: And that’s why...
[Monica exits, then comes back with Joey, both pushing a huge wagon with about 20 fossils in it!]
ALL: We made a special get well present for you! Get well soon Chandler!!! [everyone throws streamers in the air]
CHANDLER: I..I can’t believe it! I thought Pheebs and Joey were the only ones who found-
ROSS: Nope! When Monica and Joey were in here talking to you, Phoebe and I climbed back up..and found more fossils!
CHANDLER: Oh wow! This is the best! Thanx you guys!
RACHEL: You're welcome! and if you can come with us, there’s more!
[Monica whispers something to the Nurse]
NURSE: Well..I don’t know if he’s strong enough yet but..
MONICA: Please?
NURSE: Well...ok, if he’s in a wheelchair.
MONICA: Yes!
CHANDLER: what? [suspiciously] What’ve you guys planned? C’mon, spill it!
MONICA: You’ll see. Get in the wheelchair, Joey and I’ll push you. C’mon hurry up!
CHANDLER: Ok ok! Hold your fossils! [He carefully gets into the wheelchair]
MONICA: All right let’s go! This way everyone! [She and Joey push really fast, wanting to get there ASAP]
NURSE: Remember, this a hospital!
MONICA: Ok sorry! We’ll be careful! [They push him out of the hospital, the back entrance to Dino-Town, through another hallway and into a room with fossils in glass display cases. The scientists are standing there.]
SCIENTIST 1: To you Mr. Bing, yours friends and us here at Dino-Town dedicate this fossil as a symbol of your bravery. [He opens the display case and takes out a fossil in a glass case with a gold plaque on it.]
JOEY: Read it! C’mon read it!
CHANDLER: [Reading] ..To Chandler Bing. You are the bravest member of our rock climbing crew. Also our greatest friend. Love, Monica, Joey, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe. [Chandler just sits there, looking at the fossil, speechless, Then turns to his friends]
CHANDLER: I..I don’t know what to say! You guys are..You-you guys...
JOEY: We know. You're welcome.
CHANDLER: Aw, I could just..[sniffs.They all go over to him and hug him]
CHANDLER: Umm..y’know..I was kind of thinking that we should head back home, cuz the Duck and Chick have probably “gone” all over the apartment by now.
PHEEBS: Ya, and Central Perk is probably wondering what happened to Smelly Cat..what did happen to him anyway... ?
MONICA: I feel like going home too..the doctor said you could if you were feeling ok.
CHANDLER: Right now, I feel like a million bucks! Let’s go home!
ALL: Ya! Whoo-hoo!!!
SCENE 4: [The airport, next morning. Everyone’s getting ready to leave]
MONICA: Ok, got everything?
ALL: Yep!
MONICA: Ok then. And NO bathroom stops this time Joey.
JOEY: Ok.
ANNOUNCER: Flight 27 now boarding on Gate 9. Repeat: Flight 27 now boarding on Gate 9.
MONICA: That’s us, so lets go! [She pushes Chandler, who’s still in a wheelchair, up the ramp to the plane]
JOEY: Oops! I forgot something!
MONICA: [sighs] What is it this time, Joey?
JOEY: it’s- oh it’s ok, I’ve got it.
ANNOUNCER: The plane will now take off. [the plane starts moving]
MONICA: [softly] Bye Dino-Town. Thanx for giving us your fossils. ..And for giving Chandler’s life back. [even more softly] I would never be able to live without him.
CHANDLER: Just so you know, I heard that last part.
MONICA: Well, you weren't supposed to!
CHANDLER: It’s ok. You know something? I’d never be able to live without you either. Cuz, I mean, after Janice..and even Kathy..you came along, and my life got so much better! If you went away, my life would get worse again. I don’t want that. You're like, the greatest person I’ve met.
MONICA: That’s so sweet. [kisses him]
JOEY: [Who’s been eavesdropping] What about me? I’m your best friend too, right?
CHANDLER: [laughs] Of course you are, Joey! Without you, I wouldn’t have anybody to play Fooseball or watch Baywatch with! Well, except for the Duck and Chick, but their not really...
JOEY: [finishing the sentence]...a real friend..aw thanx man.
MONICA: Chandler..I’m sorry our trip had to end like this..you know...with..
CHANDLER: Ya, me too. But y’know what?
MONICA: What?
CHANDLER: When I wasn’t hurt, I was having so much fun with you! I mean, that “railroad” thing..and..even when I was hurt, you took care of me, made sure I got to the hospital right away, and prayed for me. You kept me alive! You protected me. Thanx.
MONICA: You're welcome.
PHEEBS: Hey everyone! Let’s sing “99 Bottles Of Pop!”
MONICA: Pheebs, I’m not sure Chandler wants to hear-
CHANDLER: No, it’s ok Mon. I’m feeling 99% better! [chuckles at his joke]
MONICA: Well, in that case...
ALL: 99 bottles of pop on the wall, 99 bottles of pop,
PHEEBS: Take one down, Chandler will fall- [everyone glares] oops! I mean- dance around, 98 bottles on the wall! [They continue, each saying a different thing. Rachel has accidentally spilled her drink in Ross’s lap]
RACHEL:..Take one down, Ross will frown, 97 bottles on the wall!
JOEY:..Take one down, I’m a clown, 96 bottles on the wall!
ROSS:..Take one down, Rachel-youre-so-dead! 95 bottles on the wall!
MON+CHAN:..Take one down, say goodbye to Dino-Town, 94 bottles on the wall! [Time lapse. Everyone is down to one bottle and sounding quite tired.The plane is almost ready to land, Chandler is asleep on Monica’s shoulder]
MONICA: [slowly]..Take..one..down, we’re home in town, 0 bottles on the wall.
PHEEBS: Ooh yay! We landed!
MONICA: [softly] Chandler..wake up..we landed..Chandler? [shouting] CHANDLER!!!!!
CHANDLER: [waking up] ..Wha..huh..we landed?
MONICA: Yes!! C’mon!
CHANDLER: Hey, I’m still weak. You have to push me, remember? Hurry up!
MONICA: [laughs] I think someone’s feeling better!
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
*ENDING CREDITS*
[Monica and Rachel’s apartment. Chandler and Monica enter]
MONICA: Wasn’t our trip great?
CHANDLER: Well, except for the hospital part, it was a blast! I had so much fun with you!
MONICA: I’m glad you enjoyed it. I wonder where you should put your special fossil?
CHANDLER: I think on the shelf in my bedroom, so the duck can’t get at it. Cuz that is one special fossil! [smiles]
MONICA: That’s a good place.
JOEY: Hey Chandler! C’mere!
CHANDLER: Coming Joey! What’s up?
JOEY: Look at the Chick and the Duck! [We hear “Backstreet’s Back” playing, we see a disco ball hanging from the ceiling, Baywatch playing on the TV. the Duck and Chick are dancing!]
CHANDLER: Huh. I guess they didn’t miss us after all!
END
Well everyone, hope you liked my fanfic! Hopefully I’ll write more in the future! And again, please send any comments to: abeadle@desconnect.com
Cya! =)