(Scene: Rachel & Monica's. Phoebe, Joey and Rachel are sitting round the table, talking and drinking juice)

(Chandler enters)

CHAN: Hey guys!

ALL: Hey!

PHOE: Hey, you know what Joey just told us?

CHAN: What?

RACH: That you have a girlfriend! Is that true?

(Chandler glares at Joey, who turns away guiltily)

CHAN: It might be…

PHOE: That's so cool! Especially since Mon has a boyfriend too!

RACH: I think that's really weird. I mean, what are the odds? You two never get dates!

CHAN: Oh, thanks. Is my love life really that non-existent?

ALL: Well, yeah.

(Monica enters)

MON: Hey!

CHAN: Joey was just talking about my new girlfriend.

MON: Oh?

JOEY: No…

PHOE: Yeah, you were. You were saying how it was a coincidence that Chandler and Monica both had a "special someone".

MON (annoyed): Oh?

JOEY: Maybe I said something, I dunno.

MON: Joey, can I talk to you in the hall?

JOEY: Um, no?

(Monica looks at him angrily. They go in the hall, and we hear Joey scream. They walk in, Monica grinning, and Joey wincing in pain)

RACH: Are you okay?

JOEY(strained voice): Oh yeah, I'm fine.

OPENING CREDITS

(Scene: Chandler & Joey's Apartment. Chandler is sitting, reading the paper)

(Joey enters)

JOEY: Look man, about earlier…

CHAN: What about it?

JOEY: Well, you know, about your "girlfriend" and all…

CHAN: Oh! No, it's cool. I mean, they can't guess who so it doesn't matter.

JOEY: Then why did Mon nearly break my arm?!

CHAN: I dunno. Maybe it was personal.

JOEY: Personal?!

CHAN (shrugs): I dunno.

JOEY: Well, you're her boyfriend. Tell her off.

(Monica enters)

MON: Hey.

CHAN & JOEY: Oh, hey.

JOEY: Look Mon, I'm sorry.

MON: No worries!

JOEY: Then why…!

MON: Why what?

JOEY (frustrated): Oh never mind!

(Joey goes into his room)

CHAN: So, we're alone, huh?

MON: Yeah…

(Chandler leans in to kiss her, but she pulls away)

MON: Not now!

CHAN: W-Why exactly?

MON: Because you know that the others could come by any minute.

CHAN: Oh yeah. Man, this sucks!

JOEY (from bedroom): What sucks?

(Chandler and Monica both sigh.)

CHAN: Nothing, Jo.

JOEY: Okay!

MON: You're right. It does.

(Move to: Hallway. Rachel walks to apartment, but stops.)

RACH (to herself): Oh, I've gotta get my Walkman from Chandler.

(She goes to door, but stops when she hears talking.)

(Move to: Chandler & Joey's Apartment- Rachel still listening)

CHAN: You know, I'd never guess we'd get together. I mean after all this time..

(Back to Hallway)

RACH: Aah, he's talking to his girlfriend! I really shouldn't be listening. (Shrugs) Oh well. (Listens again)

(Back to C&J's)

MON: I know. It's weird, huh?

(Back to Hallway)

RACH: Wow, she sounds a lot like Mon.

(Back to C&J's)

CHAN: Are you gonna stay then? I mean, no-one's here, we have the place to ourselves.

MON: It sounds great-

JOEY (from bedroom): I'm here!

(Monica rolls eyes)

MON: Anyway, it sounds great, but I have to go.

CHAN: Why?

MON: Well, I have to cook dinner and it's getting late, so…

CHAN: Oh. Well, okay. See you later?

MON: Definitely.

(They kiss goodbye, and Monica opens the door, causing Rachel to fall through)

RACH: Mon??

MON (at same time): Rachel??

CHAN: Rach, what are you…what…why…?

RACH: You two? (pauses) You two?

MON: No! Don't be stupid!

RACH: You two?

(Joey comes out of bedroom)

JOEY: What's going on?

RACH: Those two are….

JOEY: What?

RACH: They were…

JOEY: Oh that! Duh!

CHAN: Joey!

RACH: So, wait a second, I'm right? And you know too, Joey?

JOEY: Well yeah! (stops) Oops.

MON: Okay, Rachel. Yes, you're right.

(Rachel looks completely shocked. She looks at Chandler, then Monica, then Joey)

RACH: How long?

CHAN: Well, something might have started in London….

RACH: London?!

JOEY: That's what I said!

RACH: And how long has he (looks at Joey) known?

MON: Not long. A few weeks, a month maybe.

RACH: Do the others know? Ross?

MON: Of course Ross doesn't know! He's on vacation and anyway - what do you think he'd say?

RACH: And Phoebe?

MON: No.

RACH: So, just us four then?

CHAN: Yeah.

RACH: Wow.

CHAN: Yeah, well you can't say anything Rachel. Especially to Ross.

RACH: How do I keep this a secret?

MON: Can't you try? Please?

RACH: Well, I guess. But this is, like, so weird!

(Phoebe enters)

PHOE: What's weird?

RACH: Well-

MON: Nothing! Nothing at all!

PHOE: Okay… Are you talking about little Chandler?

CHAN: Since when do you call me "little Chandler"?

PHOE: No, the baby!

CHAN: Oh! I get it!

MON: Well, me and Rach should be going now. I have to cook dinner, and stuff….

RACH: Yeah. Bye guys.

ALL: Bye!

(SCENE- M &R's. As soon as Rachel and Monica get in, Rachel starts to talk)

RACH: Monica!

MON: I'm going to…my room.

RACH: To cook?!

MON: Alright. I'll talk.

RACH: Yeah you will! You and…and Chandler??

MON: Yes! Alright! Now keep it quiet! You don't know where Phoebe or Ross are! They could be outside!

RACH: Oh, listening in on conversations is sooooo rude!

(Monica glares at Rachel)

MON: Huh!

RACH: What? I didn't listen in! I was curious!

MON: That sounds like listening in!

RACH: Speaking of which, I still don't have my Walkman!

MON: Oh, well, it broke anyway.

RACH: How?

MON: You know, I don't think you wanna know.

RACH: I don't? Why? (realises what Monica is talking about) Eww!

MON: Well, I said you wouldn't wanna know.

(Phoebe enters)

PHOE: Hey! Oh Mon, can I come round later? I need to talk to you.

MON: Sure, but why tonight?

PHOE: Well it's a problem, and I know you don't deal with problems well in the morning.

MON: Okay…

PHOE: Well, I just stopped to tell you that, and now I have to go to a psychic marathon.

RACH: What?

PHOE: Oh, a psychic marathon. They are sooo much fun!

(She leaves. Rachel and Monica look very confused)

(SCENE: M&R's- evening time. Chandler & Monica are there, sitting in the dark except for candles, watching a movie and snuggling)

CHAN (quietly): This is so great.

MON: I know. It seems like we never get to be together.

(Chandler nods)

MON: Hey, I think it's good that Rach knows. Now we can use my place for hanging out together, too.

CHAN: That's right! I forgot about that!

MON: So, how about we turn off the movie, and um….

(She kisses him passionately. At that minute, Phoebe walks in)

PHOE: Mon, about that problem….

(She stops, her eyes wide with surprise)

PHOE: Is that Chandler?

MON: Oh my god!

CHAN: Two in one day! Man!

(Phoebe turns on the lights)

PHOE: Are you two…together?

CHAN (guiltily): Yeah.

PHOE: Cool!!

MON: What?

PHOE: That's totally cool. I mean, it's great!

CHAN: Yeah?

PHOE: Oh yeah!

(Rachel enters, and sees the three of them)

RACH: Does she know what I know now?

MON: Uh huh.

RACH: So we all know?

PHOE: Ooh, except Ross & Joey! Ooh, can I tell Ross when he gets back from his vacation? And Joey too?

CHAN: Well Joey knows, and Ross- Ooh no you can't.

PHOE: Why not?

MON: Because he's my brother and Chandler's best friend. I'm thinking it wouldn't go down too well.

RACH: She's right.

PHOE: I guess so. Well, I won't tell anyone. As long as he doesn't, like, read my mind. Actually, he's not that psychic.

ALL: What?

PHOE: Never mind.

(END SCENE- M&R's, all but Ross are sitting watching the movie that Chandler and Monica had been watching)

CHAN: This is so great. You all know.

MON: I know…

RACH: It's still a little weird though.

PHOE: Oh, you think this is weird? My friend Sasha married her friend!

JOEY: So?

PHOE: Well, her friend was a cat called Buttons.

(They all looked confused, except Phoebe, who is smiling)

MON: Anyway, it's like if we'd just told you about me and Ch-

(Ross slams open the door and holds out his arms)

ROSS: Hey! I'm back!

ALL: Hey!

CHAN: So…h-how was your, uh, break?

ROSS: Great! Did I miss anything?

ALL: No!

RACH: You know, I'm going to my room.

PHOE: Me too!

JOEY: Me t-

(Rachel glares at him and slams her door pointedly)

JOEY : On second, thoughts I'll go home. Bye!

(He leaves)

ROSS: What'd I do?

CHAN & MON: Nothing!

CHAN: I gotta go…

ROSS: Where?

CHAN: To a convention for the needy?

ROSS: Okay….

(Chandler leaves)

ROSS: What's up with those guys?

MON: I dunno. I'm going to bed, okay?

ROSS: Okay…

(She leaves)

ROSS: So, no-one wants to know about my break, then?

END