Written by: The Teenaged Friends Freak
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
Note: This is NOT part of my Friends fanfic series. It's just what
I'd like to see as the season six opener. Well, actually it's not, because I'd like the
season six opener to be MUCH funnier. And much longer. But apart from that...
Anyway, hope you like it!
Scene: The Chapel, continued from part two. Monica & Chandler have just seen Ross & Rachel walk out.
Chandler: Oh my God.
Monica: You saw that too right?
Chandler: I think so.
Monica: But how did this happen?
Chandler: Well, I'm presuming that they got very drunk and decided to do something really stupid.
Monica: Are you saying that getting married is stupid?
Chandler: It is if you're drunk, especially if you're Ross and Rachel. (realizing what she meant) But not if you're us, of course. (he kisses her)
Monica: OK. (after a pause) Hadn't we better go after them?
[They both quickly rush out the door; Monica in the direction Rachel went in, and Chandler in the direction Ross went in]
CREDITS
(sing along!)
Scene: The casino bar. Phoebe sitting at the bar as Monica comes rushing in.
Monica: There you are! I've been looking for you all over! You've gotta help me find Rachel.
Phoebe: Why? And where's Chandler?
Monica: Just come, OK? I'll explain while we look.
[They walk away hurriedly]
Scene: Joey's room. He's sitting on the bed looking at his gladiator outfit as Chandler comes in.
Chandler: Joey, come quick! We need to find Ross!
Joey: (depressed) Why won't he cooperate? Doesn't he want to be a millionaire?
Chandler: Joey, what are you talking about?
Joey: My identical hand twin. He won't see sense!
Chandler: Joey, we really need to find Ross.
Joey: Why?
Chandler: Well...
Cut to: Monica and Phoebe, walking round the hotel.
Phoebe: You were gonna get married?! And you didn't tell me?
Monica: I told you, we didn't tell anyone! Anyway, that's not why we have to find Rachel...
Cut to: Joey and Chandler, also walking round the hotel.
Joey: WHAT?!?!?!
Chandler: Yes.
Joey: OH MY GOD!!!
Chandler: Now you see why we have to find Ross?
Joey: (after a pause) No...
Chandler: (exasperated) Look, just help me find him, OK?
[They continue down the hallway]
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Scene: The hallway outside Rachel's hotel room. Monica and Phoebe approach from one direction, Joey and Chandler from the other.
Monica: Any luck?
Chandler: Nope.
Monica: Us neither. Rachel's hotel room is the only place I can think of where we haven't looked yet.
[They all stick their ears to the door, trying to hear]
Phoebe: Can you hear anything?
Monica: No. I think we'd better go in.
Joey: What? Are you crazy?
Monica: I don't see any other option.
[They open the door and go in. Ross and Rachel are asleep on the bed. The rest of the gang slowly goes in and sits down, waiting for them to wake up.]
Cut to: Later. Rachel stirs. The gang, who had all been lounging about and generally acting bored, sit up.
Monica: Rach? Are you awake?
Rachel: Hmmm...
Monica: Someone get her some coffee. Rach? Wake up!
Rachel: What? Monica? What are you doing here?
Joey: (out of breath, handing her a cup of coffee) Here.
Monica: Did you just run all the way downstairs to get that?
Joey: (not getting it) Yeah.
Phoebe: Why didn't you just call room service?
Joey: Oh!
Rachel: Oh my god.
All: What?
Rachel: It wasn't a dream.
Monica: What wasn't a dream?
Rachel: Me and Ross...
Phoebe: But it was a dream!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Really!
Phoebe: Yeah! All of life is a dream.
Monica: (ignoring her) You remember then. But how did it happen?
Rachel: I'm not sure... I think we were just walking past, y'know, and we thought, why not! (pause) Actually, come to think of it, there are a lot of reasons why not. Funny I didn't think of them before.
Chandler: Yeah, cos you always THINK when you're drunk, don't you!
Rachel: Oh! I forgot about the drunk part.
[Ross wakes up with a start]
Ross: Ahhh!
Joey: Ahhh! (pause) Don't do that!
Monica: What's the matter Ross?
Ross: I just had a terrible nightmare!
Phoebe: Don't tell me, I'll get scared! (hides her head under a pillow)
Monica: What was the nightmare about Ross?
Phoebe: No!!!
Ross: I dreamed that I got really drunk and that I married Rachel! (sees Rachel looking at him) Ahhh!
Joey: Ahhh! (pause) Stop it!
Ross: Oh my god, it wasn't a dream?
Rachel: 'Fraid not.
Monica: OK, we're going downstairs now, while you two sort out this mess you've gotten yourselves into.
[Chandler, Monica, Joey & Phoebe exit]
In the hallway:
Chandler: Hey Joey!
Joey: What?
Chandler: Ahhh!
Joey: Ahhh! (pause) Stop doing that!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
(Visit my website at
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Stage/1235
and sign my guestbook during
this break please. But don't go
sleep with the Xerox girl)
Scene: Rachel's hotel room. Ross and Rachel are sitting next to each other on the bed. They just sit and stare at each other uncomfortably for a while.
Ross: So.
Rachel: So.
Ross: What are we gonna do about this?
Rachel: I don't know. We'll have to get a divorce I suppose.
Ross: Great. I'll be divorced twice in less than two years.
Rachel: Well there isn't much else TO do. I mean, we're not even together.
Ross: I suppose.
Rachel: Come here. (they hug) Look, we can't stay married. That would be ridiculous! We got drunk, we did something REALLY stupid, and anyway, we broke up two years ago. And then you got married to Emily.
Ross: Yeah, and then we got divorced (softly) because I realized that I couldn't cut you out of my life, for ANYONE.
[They look at each other. And then they kiss]
Fade to: The little white chapel where Ross and Rachel got married. Rachel, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, The lurker-women from the casino, some people from the table where Monica was playing craps, a minister, and of course Chandler and Monica are there.
Minister: I now declare you husband and wife. (to Chandler) You may kiss the bride.
[Chandler and Monica kiss VERY passionately, everyone else throws rice in their faces, and everyone is happy for once in the land of Friends...]
CREDITS
Scene: The little white chapel. Joey and some girl are there with the minister.
Minister: I now declare you husband and wife.
Cut to: Close-up of Joey, asleep in his bedroom. Suddenly he wakes up.
Joey: Ahhh! (pause) Phew!
[he rolls over, and sees... the girl he married in his dream!]
Cut to: Close-up of Joey, asleep in his bedroom. Suddenly he wakes up.
Joey: Ahhh! (pause) Phew!
[he rolls over, and sees... Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal!]
Joey: Ahhh! (pause) Oh.
THE END
So, what did you think? Feedback is always welcome!