(Scene: Monica & Rachel's. Chandler and Monica are there, on the sofa, cuddling)

MON: So you think Ross will change his mind?

CHAN: I think so. I mean, when he sees us together, he'll see that we love each other. Right?

MON: Right.

CHAN: Right.

MON: Yeah, definitely.

CHAN: Wanna make out?

MON: Yeah, okay!

(They kiss, and after a bit, Ross enters. He sees them)

ROSS: Oh great.

MON/CHAN: Ross…

(He leaves)

MON: We were wrong. He hasn't changed his mind.

CHAN: You think?!

OPENING CREDITS

(Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Rachel & Joey are there.)

RACH (to Ross): So, how you doing honey?

ROSS: I'm not.

RACH: That bad, huh?

JOEY: You know, I don't get why you're so bummed out. I think it's great.

ROSS: Yeah well, you weren't too happy when Chandler made out with your sister…

JOEY: No, I wasn't happy that he couldn't remember which one he made out with. It's different. At least Chandler knows it's Monica he's kissing.

ROSS: Well, it's a little hard for him to forget…

RACH: Look, honey, calm down.

ROSS: Easy for you to say!

RACH: I guess…But you're gonna have to get used to it.

JOEY: Yeah. I mean if they've been going since London, I don't think they're just gonna turn around and say 'Well Ross doesn't like this. Let's stop.'!

RACH: He has a point. They are in love.

ROSS: Love! Hm!

JOEY: Rach, what time is it?

RACH (looking at watch): 3 o'clock. Weren't you supposed to rehearse today?

JOEY: Yes! Bye!

(Joey runs out in a hurry)

RACH: Anyway, Ross, about Chandler and Mon…

ROSS: What about them?

RACH: You really have to get over it. You can't just hate them both forever.

ROSS: I don't hate them. I just…

RACH: Hate them?

ROSS: Eh…

RACH: You have to get past this whole Monica-being-your-sister-and-Chandler-being-your-best-friend thing, you know? You do know that, right?

(Ross shrugs)

RACH: I mean, it's like you and me…

ROSS: This is nothing like you and me! I loved you!

RACH: And you don't think Chandler and Monica love eachother?

ROSS: They can't! They're friends!

RACH: They're just like you and me! You are Monica's brother, and I'm her best friend too!

ROSS: Yeah, but I always had a huge crush on you!

RACH: How do you know Chandler didn't have a crush with Monica?

ROSS: Because.

RACH: Ross, you're being ridiculous.

ROSS: I don't wanna talk about this anymore, okay?

RACH: Well, no it's not o-

ROSS: I have to go.

(Ross storms out in a huff)

RACH: Gunther, come here.

GNTH: Yes? (quietly) Darling…

RACH (annoyed): Can I have a stiff gin and tonic?

GNTH: We don't serve alcohol.

RACH: Oh. (changes tone completely) Well, I'll have an orange juice with one of those cute little gingerbread bunnies.

(SCENE: C &J's. Chandler is watching a comedian on TV, but his face looks really down and upset.)

COMEDIAN (on TV): Anyway, did you here about the one handed guy who crossed the road?

CHAN (bored): No…

COMEDIAN: He went to the second-hand store!

CHAN (sarcastic): Ha ha ha ha! That's not funny! How is this guy on TV!!?? (to TV) YOU ARE NOT FUNNY!!!

(Phoebe enters)

PHOE: What's not funny?

CHAN: Nothing's funny.

PHOE: Oh. Are you okay?

CHAN (sarcastic): Couldn't be better.

PHOE: That's so great! I thought you'd be really bummed.

CHAN: I was being sarcastic.

PHOE: Oh. Oh! I'm sorry, honey! Hey, c'mere.

(They hug)

PHOE: So is this guy funny?

CHAN: No…

PHOE: Oh, well we won't him. What's on?

(They start to flick channels)

(Ross enters)

ROSS: Hey Joey…Oh. It's you.

PHOE: Hey Ross! Here's your best buddy Chandler!

ROSS: Or not Phoebs. Look, is Joey here?

CHAN: He's out.

ROSS: Phoebe?

PHOE: Chandler just told you.

ROSS: Well, I'm ignoring him.

PHOE: Oh. Well, Joey's out.

ROSS: Well, bye Phoebe.

PHOE: Bye

(Ross leaves)

(Chandler gets up, and follows him)

PHOE: Are you sure that's a good idea. (sees he's gone) I guess so.

(Move to HALLWAY.)

CHAN: Ross. Wait.

(Ross turns around and looks at Chandler)

ROSS: What?

CHAN: We have to talk.

ROSS: There's nothing to say.

CHAN: Look, I think we should sit down and discuss it, just the three of us.

ROSS: God, Chandler, you're making it sound like you had an affair and I'm your wife!

CHAN: Well, that's how you're making me feel!

ROSS: Anyway, I can't change how I feel.

CHAN: You're acting like we committed a crime! Is it so bad that we love eachother?

ROSS: Yes, it is!(pause) You love her? Really?

CHAN: Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you since you found out!

ROSS (embarrassed, but trying not to show it): Oh.

CHAN: So, look I'm sorry, but I can't just fall out of love.

ROSS: I know. Look, I'm gonna get my coat from Joey's room. That's why I came over.

CHAN: Hey, are we cool?

ROSS: I guess. Yeah.

(Chandler smiles, and punches his arm lightly)

ROSS: Ow.

CHAN (panic): Sorry! Don't hate me again!

ROSS: Joke.

CHAN (relieved): Oh.

(Ross leaves.)

(Monica enters)

CHAN: Hey!

MON: Hey sweetie.

CHAN: I talked to Ross.

MON: And?

CHAN: He's coming round.

MON: Oh, that's so great!!

(They kiss. As they kiss, Ross comes out of C & J's apartment, and sees them.)

MON: Hey, Ross!

ROSS: I gotta go.

CHAN: I thought we were cool!

ROSS: We were. I'm sorry. I just can't see you together. It's too weird.

MON: Ross, don't go…

ROSS: I need some time to think. I'll see ya later. Bye.

(He leaves)

MON: I thought he was 'cool'.

CHAN: Guess not.

MON: Duh!

CHAN: Can I have a kiss?

MON: No! (face softens) Okay, then.

(They kiss)

(SCENE: Central Perk. The gang are there, minus Ross. Chandler has his arm tightly round Monica.)

RACH (to Chandler and Monica): Look at you two, all in love! It's so cute!

PHOE: I know!

RACH: I really thought this would be hard to get used to, but it's totally cool!

(Monica smiles. Her and Chandler kiss)

ALL: Ew!

MON: What?

PHOE: We're not that used to it!

(Ross enters)

ALL: Hey!

ROSS: I, er, thought about you two, and I guess I can get used to it. I mean, the others have, and even though it'll be a little harder for me, I can try.

MON: You mean that?

CHAN: Really?

ROSS: Yeah.

(Him and Monica hug. Then Chandler comes over and shakes his hand, which turns into a hug)

MON(joking): Hey, get off my boyfriend!

ROSS: I can always change my mind.

MON: I'm shutting up now.

CHAN: This is great. I can't believe you all know.

JOEY: I knew first.

MON: Yes, Joey.

JOEY: Therefore, I must be the cleverest.

(They all laugh)

RACH(laughing): Do you even know what 'therefore' means?

JOEY: Of course I do…

RACH: Thought so.

JOEY: What?

MON: Well, sweetie, you're not exactly the sharpest of us, are you?

JOEY: Yes, I am!

ROSS: Let me quiz you.

JOEY: I dunno…Are these, like, questions on girls? Cos I know a lot about girls!

ROSS: General knowledge.

JOEY: Oh I know all the types of girly knowledge!

ROSS: But I'm quizzing you on general knowledge! 5 questions.

JOEY: Okay…

ROSS: What is 9 ²?

(Joey starts using his fingers to count)

JOEY: 298.

ROSS: Yeah. (changing the subject) So anyway, what is everyone doing tonight?

JOEY: What about the other 4 questions?

ROSS: What 4 questions? That was it!

JOEY: Oh. I knew that…

(END SCENE: M & R's. Joey and Rachel are there. Rachel has a big book called 'The Big Book Of Children's Questions)

RACH: Okay, so what is Mars?

JOEY(smiling): Chocolate.

RACH: What else?

JOEY: Um…

RACH: A planet.

JOEY: Ohhhh…

RACH: Next question: What is the surname of the English Royal Family?

JOEY: Hm. Tricky. So I have to name every single surname of the Royal Family?

RACH: There's only one surname, Joey.

JOEY: Oh. Well, I'll guess. What's a Royal surname? I know! Smith-Jones-Dashwood!

RACH: What? No!

JOEY: So the answer is…

RACH: Windsor!

JOEY: Isn't that some kind of sauce?

RACH: No…

JOEY: And you think I'm dumb? You ain't seen nothing yet!

(Rachel sighs and flops down on the sofa.)

RACH: Never mind.

END