Written by: Ethan
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
CENTRAL PERK(Everyone but Ross is present)
Phoebe: (looking at some guy in the coffeehouse) Oh, that guy is so cute!
Monica: Go talk to him Phoebe.
Phoebe: No way, I wouldnt know what to say. Hey, that rhymes!
Chandler: Just go over there and be yourself.
Phoebe: Like Im taking advice from a guy who was afraid to tell us he was dating Monica.
Chandler: Hey, thats not fair. (everyone looks at Chandler) Ok, shes right.
Rachel: Hes looking right at you Pheebs, hes definitely interested in you.
Joey: I know, go tell him that you think hes really cute and that you want to have sex with him tonight.
All: (but Phoebe) Joey!
Phoebe: Thats a great idea Joey, thanks! (Phoebe walks over to the guy and starts talking to him)
Joey: And you guys think I dont have a way with the ladies.
Chandler: No we dont doubt that, but when and where did you learn to pick-up guys?
Opening Credits
CENTRAL PERK (Continued from before. Phoebe is still talking to the guy)
Monica: They seem to be getting along.
Joey: Thats because she took my advice.
Monica: Ok, they seem to be getting along in spite of Joeys advice.
Chandler: By the way, wheres Jennifer?
Rachel: She left this morning for Los Angeles. Dont you wanna know where Ross is?
Chandler: Not particularly.
Rachel: Ross went with her.
Joey: Ross went to LA with Jennifer Aniston?
Rachel: Yup. Jennifer knows Steven Speilberg, and well, hes the Executive Producer for Jurassic Park III. Steven told Jennifer that they needed another technical adviser, so she recommended Ross.
Monica: And he asked Ross personally?
Rachel: Yeah. Hes flying to LA with Jennifer to meet Steven Speilberg, Joe Johnston, whos directing, and the other technical advisers.
Joey: Youre totally lying. No way does Ross get to meet Steven Speilberg.
Rachel: Well when he calls me from LA Ill let you talk to him.
Joey: Ross or Steven Speilberg?
Rachel: Ross.
Chandler: Joey, do I smell a bet?
Joey: A bet?
Chandler: If Rachels lying, Ill wear a bikini all day. But if Rachels telling the truth, youll wear a bikini all day.
Joey: Youre on.
Monica: (pointing to Chandler and Joey) You two are morons.
Rachel: Better get your bikini out Joey.
(Phoebe returns)
Joey: Well?
Phoebe: His name is Ryan and were going out tonight.
Monica: Thats great Phoebe!
Joey: Did you use the sex thing?
Phoebe: I didnt have to, I just told him that I was very limber.
LOS ANGELES UNIVERSAL STUDIOS (Ross and Jennifer Aniston are going to their meeting with Steven Speilberg)
Ross: I cant do this.
Jennifer: Why not?
Ross: Because Im not a celebrity. Im just a paleontology professor. Im a nobody.
Jennifer: Youre a nobody who knows more about dinosaurs then almost all of the people in that room. Come on, you know your stuff. You read Dinosaur Monthly every month.
Ross: Youre not gonna let me live that down are you?
Jennifer: Not likely. Are you ready?
Ross: I think Im gonna be sick.
Jennifer: Ok, youre definitely ready.
(Jennifer and Ross enter the meeting room)
CHANDLER & MONICAS APARTMENT (Rachel and Monica are hanging out)
Rachel: And then Jennifer said that we should have flowers everywhere.
Monica: You know, you really seem to like Jennifer, thats all you keep talking about.
Rachel: Im sorry. Whats up with you?
Monica: Well Chandler and I have decided to put off the whole baby thing.
Rachel: Oh that reminds me, Jennifer and Brad are thinking about having a baby.
Monica: Rachel?
Rachel: What?
Monica: Would you please stop talking about Jennifer?
Rachel: Oh, was I doing it again? You know when you meet a new friend that you have so much in common with?
Monica: Kinda like you and I?
Rachel: Yeah. But in this case its like the sister I never had.
Monica: You have two sisters.
Rachel: I know, but theyre not nice people.
Monica: And Im not like a sister to you?
Rachel: No. I mean yes.
Monica: Thats convincing. You know what, I see where this is going.
Rachel: Huh?
Monica: You want Jennifer to be your Maid of Honor.
Rachel: No. No I dont. Youre my Maid of Honor.
Monica: Let me make it easy for you, I dont want to be your Maid of Honor.
Rachel: Why not?
Monica: (upset) Because I have been replaced as your best friend by a good looking, thin, perfect in every way movie star!
(Monica leaves the apartment visibly upset)
Rachel: What just happened?
SORENTINOS RESTAURANT (Phoebe is having dinner with Ryan)
Ryan: You look really good tonight.
Phoebe: You should see me naked.
Ryan: (spitting out his wine) What?
Phoebe: Well if we get to know one another better, I hope we get naked. Im not one to brag, but I have got one hot body.
Ryan: I would agree.
Phoebe: And like I told you, Im very limber too.
Ryan: Is there anything else youd like to tell me?
Phoebe: Not really. (pause) Oh, I did make-out with my roommate Courteney once but we were drunk. Have you ever made-out with a guy?
Ryan: Ah, no.
Phoebe: Thats good. I dated a gay guy once. Actually he was bi-sexual. He left me for a man.
Ryan: Youre amazing.
Phoebe: I know. Youre not too shabby yourself.
HOLLYWOOD HILLS JENNIFER & BRADS RESIDENCE (Jennifer and Ross have returned from their meeting)
Jennifer: See I told you it wouldnt be that bad, Steven really liked you.
Ross: Did he tell you that before or after I threw up?
Jennifer: Nothing came out, you just dry heaved.
Ross: Still, I dry heaved in front of the most powerful man in Hollywood. Are you sure Brads not gonna mind me staying here?
Jennifer: Sure, why not?
Ross: I dont know? If it was me, Id be a little
Jennifer: A little what?
Ross: Weird.
Jennifer: Weird? That makes no sense.
Ross: No, its just weird. Youre a married woman letting some guy you barely know stay in your house while your husband is away.
Jennifer: Dont worry about it, we have an open relationship.
Ross: Excuse me?
Jennifer: Im kidding Ross. Seriously, Brad wont mind. If you want to call Rachel, the phones over there. Im gonna go shower and change. Then if youre up to it, will head into Santa Monica for coffee.
Ross: Sounds good. Ah, wheres my room, I need to change too.
Jennifer: The guest room is down the hall and to the left. Its the room with all of Brads awards, you cant miss it. If you want, Ill wait and we can shower together.
Ross: Huh?
Jennifer: You have to be the most gullible person I know. Ill be ready in fifteen minutes.
(Ross walks down the hall to the guest room)
Ross: My God, this room is bigger than our apartment!
CENTRAL PERK (Joey, and Chandler are present)
Joey: Were not really gonna do this bikini thing are we?
Chandler: We are.
Joey: Dont you think its kinda embarrassing?
Chandler: Not for me, youre the one whos gonna be wearing the bikini.
Joey: You dont know that for sure, nobodys seen or heard from Ross yet.
Chandler: I have, I spoke to him 20 minutes ago, he called our apartment looking for Rachel.
Joey: So?
Chandler: Get out your bikini man, Ross is in LA with Jennifer Aniston!
Joey: Nah uh.
Chandler: Uh huh.
Joey: Damn it!
(Joey leaves in a huff as Rachel enters)
Rachel: Whats the matter with him?
Chandler: Apparently the news that hes gonna be wearing a bikini all day is upsetting to him.
Rachel: Ok. Ah, have you seen Monica?
Chandler: Shes at work, why?
Rachel: I just really need to talk to her.
Chandler: I dont think thats a good idea.
Rachel: Why not?
Chandler: Shes really upset that youre having Jennifer be your Maid of Honor instead of her.
Rachel: Im not having Jennifer as my Maid of Honor! Shes not even in my bridal party!
Chandler: Hey, dont yell at me. Im just telling you what Monica told me.
Rachel: Monicas my Maid of Honor!
Chandler: Ok, still yelling.
Rachel: Im sorry, I just dont know where she got this idea that shes not my Maid of Honor.
Chandler: Maybe you should ask her.
Rachel: You just told me that she doesnt want to talk to me!
Chandler: What do I know? I am a guy for Christs sake.
STARBUCKS SANTA MONICA, CALIFORNIA (Jennifer and Ross are having coffee)
Jennifer: So are you glad you made the trip?
Ross: Yeah, though I really miss Rachel.
Jennifer: Geez, you left her this morning and you already miss her. Now thats love.
Ross: What? Dont you miss Brad?
Jennifer: Hell yes. If you werent here Id be holed up in my house.
Ross: You dont go out when hes gone?
Jennifer: Its kinda hard for me to go anywhere without the paparazzi bothering me.
Ross: Then why are we out now?
Jennifer: I really dont think I should answer that question.
Ross: Come on, I wanna know why.
Jennifer: Ok, but dont get upset.
Ross: I wont get upset, I promise.
Jennifer: Ok. (pause) I can go out in public with you because most people would never expect me to be hanging out with someone like you.
Ross: (mad) What?!
Jennifer: Ok see, I told you you wouldnt like that answer, but its the truth.
Ross: (calmer) Why wouldnt they think that you are a normal person like everyone else?
Jennifer: I am a movie star Ross. To them, we dont have normal friends like everyone else. I cant sunbathe topless in my own backyard because I fear the tabloids or some porn magazine will take pictures and publish them.
Ross: That sucks.
Jennifer: Which part?
Ross: The whole sunbathing topless deal, I love it when Rachel does that. (A photographers flash goes off) What was that?
Jennifer: That was our cue that I have been spotted, we have to go.
Ross: This is so cool! (Jennifer just looks at him) Ok, for me at least.
CHANDLER & MONICAS APARTMENT (Joey, Chandler & Monica are present)
Chandler: Wheres Courteney Joey?
Joey: She went to work already. Why are you still here?
Chandler: Because I dont have to be at work at a specific time now that Im the head honcho.
Monica: (to Chandler) You promised you wouldnt use that word anymore!
(Phoebe enters)
Joey: Hey Pheebs, how was the date?
Phoebe: It was yummy!
Chandler: Yummy?
Phoebe: Ryan is so yummy. I had such a great time with him.
Monica: Thats great Phoebe. Maybe we can double date sometime?
Phoebe: No offense, but you cant double date with married people.
Monica: Why not?
Phoebe: Cause you cant. Joey, what are you and Courteney doing tonight?
Joey: Courteneys going to her parents, sorry Pheebs.
Monica: Chandler and I are free Pheebs.
Phoebe: Sorry Mon, its not gonna happen. Ok, Ive got to go to the bank. Bye.
(Phoebe leaves)
Chandler: Alright, I better get to work. Wanna share a cab bikini man?
Joey: Stop calling me that.
Chandler: Are you coming or not?
Joey: Yeah.
(Chandler and Joey leave. Rachel enters)
Rachel: Mon, Im so glad youre here.
Monica: Look Rachel, Ive got a lot to do today, this isnt the best time. Why dont you call Jennifer and chat with her?
Rachel: (mad) Would you cut it out!
Monica: Are you yelling at me?
Rachel: No.
Monica: Are we done?
Rachel: No were not done. Were not done until you figure it out that youre still my Maid of Honor.
Monica: I told you, I dont wanna be your Maid of Honor anymore.
Rachel: (starting to cry) Why are you doing this to me? Youre supposed to be my best friend!
Monica: I havent done anything, youve brought this on yourself.
Rachel: What are you talking about?
Monica: You have Jennifer now, you dont need me to be your best friend.
Rachel: Youre not gonna be my Maid of Honor because Im friends with Jennifer?
Monica: No, Im not your Maid of Honor because you love her more than you love me!
Rachel: (barely coherent because of her crying) What?! Youre, youre, youre my closet and dearest friend and except for your stupid brother, I love you the most!
Monica: (now also crying) Then why did you go out and find a new friend? Arent Phoebe and I enough?
Rachel: If you give her a chance, Jennifer will be youre friend too! Monica, weve been friends since we were young, nothing can ever change that. Im mean, you know things about me that Ive never told Ross about.
Monica: (now laughing/crying) Like the time we took that shower together?
Rachel: Yes. And the time we stole all of Rosss pot and smoked it ourselves.
Monica: (walking over to Rachel and hugging her) Im so sorry I got jealous. Can I still be your Maid of Honor?
Rachel: I wouldnt want anyone else. I love you.
Monica: I love you too. (pause) Wanna take a shower?
Rachel: Sorry, I dont do that with married women.
Monica: I should have never gotten married!
Closing Credits
JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT (Three days have past. Everyone is waiting for Ross to get off the plane)
Joey: Where in the hell is he? Im so hot!
Chandler: Then take off your coat, you look like an idiot with a coat on. Its 90 degrees outside.
Joey: I am not taking off the coat. Im wearing a bikini.
Monica: Please dont take off the coat Joey!
Rachel: There he is!
Monica: Do you have the paper?
Phoebe: Its right here, but Im not done reading the article.
Rachel: Give me the paper! (takes paper out of Phoebes hand)
Phoebe: Paper cut! Paper cut!
Rachel: Ross, over here!
Ross: Hey sweetie! (hugs and kisses Rachel) What are you guys doing here? (pointing to the rest of the gang)
Chandler: Well we wanted to meet Jennifer Anistons newest love interest.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Apparently you met some new love interest in LA. (shows Ross a headline that reads JENNIFER CHEATING ON BRAD WITH NYU PROFESSOR) Would you care to explain?
Ross: Hey, thats a picture of us having coffee at Starbucks. This is so cool, Im a celebrity now. By the way, why is Joey wearing a coat, its hot as hell in here.
Joey: This is why .(Joey opens his coat and show Ross that hes wearing a bikini)
Ross: My eyes! My eyes!
The End