The One Which Breaks The Couple Stereotype

Written by: John "EricStern" Noonan

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros.   Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

Dedicated to the fortunate few.

Author’s note: I really, really, really do not think I’m gonna make any new friends with this story line. However some of you may like the refreshing change. (Man, I sound like a beer commercial) Anyway, send any comments you may have to

Int. Chandler and Joey’s. Day.

(Joey is sat on a recliner with a big bowl on his lap. He’s filling it full of Oreos. Chandler comes walking out of his room. He’s dressed for work.)

Chandler: I still don’t know why the boss wants to see me today.

Joey: Do you think he wants to fire you?

(Chandler just stands there. Staring at Joey)

Chandler: Well, now I do.

Joey: Don’t worry everything’ll be fine.

(Chandler goes to leave. He suddenly turns to face Joey.)

Chandler: Joey, are you about to attempt another “How many Oreos can I fit in my mouth?” world record.

Joey: (With a big grin) Yeah!

Chandler: Man, that is sad. (He goes to leave but turns around again) Hey, if you watch any of Baywatch videos, make sure you put them back in alphabetical order and that the spine faces you.

Joey: (Unsure) Okay

(Chandler leaves)

Int. The hallway. day.

(Chandler leaves the apartment as he shuts the door he suddenly realises what he just said. He walks down the stairs shivering as if someone has walked over his grave.)

(Beginning Credits)

Int. Central Perk. Evening.

(The gang are all sat there except for Chandler who comes storming in. )

Chandler: (Sitting down) Okay, could things BE anymore worse.

Monica: Ooh, he hit the “be”. He’s pissed.

Chandler: Okay, my boss is having this kind of get together for some of his employees and he’s invited me.

Joey: No way! How could he? Doesn’t he realise that you like having no social life.

Chandler: Shut up, Gel boy! The reason why I’m annoyed is that everyone who is going is bringing a date.

Ross: SO, get a date.

Chandler; I’ll repeat that. EVERYONE who is going HAS a date. There’s no one left to ask. I’ve even tried asking people in the street. The best offer I got was someone running down the street.

Monica: Here’s a thought, why don’t you ask Janice?

Chandler: Here’s a thought. SHUT UP! (To the girls) Look, could one of you guys come with me?

Ross: Aw, I’d love to, buy, y’know, I’m washing my hair.

Chandler: (Mock Joy) HO HO! Everyone’s a comedian. I didn’t mean you.

Rachel; I’m sorry, Chandler. We’ve got dates tonight.

Chandler: Oh great. I’m just going to stick out tonight. There’s no one else I can ask.

(Phoebe walks in)

Rachel: (Pointing to Phoebe) Well, you could ask Phoebe.

Chandler: (Liking to the idea) Yes, yes I could.

(He runs up to Phoebe.)

Chandler: Hey Pheebs.

Phoebe: Hey!

Chandler: Hey, could you come to a dinner with me and pretend to be my girlfriend.

Phoebe: No. Chandler: Why not?

Phoebe: Don’t you think it’s all a bit Sit-commish. Y’know. I go to your dinner and pretend to be your girlfriend.

Chandler: (Thinking on the spot) Okay, come, but pretend you’re not pretending to be my girlfriend.

Phoebe: Um, okay. That’s better.

(The rest of the gang seemed a bit baffled by Chandler’s logic.)

Int. Chandler and Joey’s. Night

(Ross, Joey, Chandler and Phoebe are all there. Chandler is dressed up in a tux and Phoebe is wearing a silk black dress.)

Chandler: So, do we look like a couple.

Joey: I don’t know. Put your arm around her.

Chandler: What?!

Joey: Put your arm around her.

(Chandler reluctantly does so. Ross whips out a camera and takes a picture of them.)

Ross: Aw, don’t they look cute. Our little Chandler’s growing up.

Chandler: Ahem, Ha ha!

(He makes a grab for the camera. Ross pulls it out of the way.)

Phoebe: (Looking at her watch) Ooh, come on! We have to go. I’m not having any boyfriend of mine being late for his own boss’ dinner.

(She pulls him towards the door)

Chandler: Okay, we’ll be going now.

Ross; You two enjoy yourselves.

Joey: Hey, Chandler (He points a finger at him) Don’t you be late coming home or I’ll take away your allowance for a week.

(Chandler gives a grin that says “Shut up!”)

Int. Rachel and Monica’s. Night

(Monica and Rachel are slumped in their chairs. The Smith’s “How soon is now?” is playing in the background. They’re both in their pyjamas. They look really depressed. Ross and Joey walk in. They’re both in casuals.)

Ross: Hey, can we borrow some beer?

Joey: (Jokingly) Not that you’d want it back when we’re finished.

(Ross and Joey both begin to laugh. The girls turn around. they are not amused)

Ross: (Laughing) Why are..(Calming down) What’s the...(Seriously) What’s up? I thought you two were going out tonight.

Rachel: Oh, nothing.

Monica: We just felt like a night in.

Joey: (Seriously) You got ditched, huh?

M & R: NO!

(Ross and Joey simply look at them. Eyebrows raised.)

M & R: Well, yeah.

Ross: Well, why don’t you come next door. We, er, we’re watching videos.

Monica: I don’t know.

Joey: Come on, it’ll be fun.

Rachel: Please, you chose the videos. Ten to one you can literally smell the testosterone coming out of the VCR.

Joey: (Hurt) No.

Monica: Okay, what you got?

Ross: “The Terminator”. (Puts on a bad Austrian accent) Hasta La Vista, Baby!

(Joey laughs)

Rachel: Man film.

Joey: No it’s not. There’s some romance in it.

Rachel: Joey, there’s one sex scene and it looks like he’s trying to rip her breasts off.

Joey: (With a big smile) Yeeeah! Int. A posh living room. Night.

(We appear to be at the boss’ dinner. The dinner is over and everyone is drinking either coffee or wine. Chandler is stood in the corner. A girl walks past. He smiles. She simply sniffs.)

Chandler: Okay, she sniffed me.

(Phoebe walks up to him.)

Phoebe: Oh God! Do you think she’ll forgive me.

Chandler: Who?

Phoebe: Your Boss’ wife.

Chandler: Oh yes! I believe oxtail soup isn’t really that hard to get out of silk.

Phoebe: Oh I’m really sorry! I’ve messed up. Your gonna get fired. Then you’ll get evicted coz you couldn’t pay the rent and...

Chandler: No, (He puts his arm around her) no, you didn’t mess up.

Phoebe: (Not believing him) Really? Then why do you look all tunsey.

Chandler: I’m naturally tunsey. Infact Pheebs, I want to thank you.

Phoebe; Thank me?

Chandler: Yeah, I was really dreading this dinner, but you’ve helped me to relax. Well, that and the bottle of wine I drank in two minutes after the soup incident.

(Phoebe laughs and buries her head deeper into his shoulder.)

Phoebe: (Nicely) Thanks, Funny-Guy!

Int. Chandler and Joey’s. Night.

(Ross and Joey are sat on the recliners while Rachel and Monica are sat on the floor. Ross and Joey look like they’ve enjoyed themselves. It’s a shame the same can’t be said for the other two.)

Joey: Those movies rocked!

Ross: Yeah, y’know, it’s great sometimes just to chill out. (To the girls) What did you girls think?

Rachel: (Turning to Ross) To be quite honest the majority of those films were Macho Crap!

Joey: (Shocked at such a suggestion) Wha’? What about “Thelma and Louise”? You enjoyed that.

Monica: Yeah and we would have enjoyed it even more, if it wasn’t for the fact that you said that you originally thought this film was about Lesbianism.

Rachel: (Standing up) Have you guys ever watched a film that didn’t involve the introductory star taking her clothes off?

Ross: (Objecting) Hey, wait! Rachel, I watched “Waiting to Exhale” with you.

Rachel: You yawned throughout the whole thing.

Ross: No! No, I was, um, (Looks to Joey for help. Non given) Exhaling!

(The girls go to leave. Ross runs in front of the door.)

Ross: I tell you what. Why, er why don’t we do this again. Except, except Joey and I will choose movies that you would like.

Ra & Mo: (Impressed) Really?

Joey: (Confused) We will?

Ross: Yeah.

Rachel: Okay! This time tomorrow you’ll have chosen some good films for us.

Ross: Yeah.

Joey; (Still confused) We will?

Monica: We’ll see you tomorrow.

(They leave. Ross goes to stand next to Joey. He’s smiling his head off. As soon as the girls leave, Joey turns to Ross and slaps him across the back of his head)

Ross: Okay, ow, what was that for?

Joey; Why are we going to be choosing chick flicks tomorrow?

Ross: Because then Rachel will know that I’m still a nice guy.

Joey: (Not impressed and sitting down) Why can’t you write her a poem.

Ross: Joey, don’t you get it. Since we split up Rachel doesn’t believe I’m a nice guy anymore.

Joey; I can see that, y’know, what with you sleeping with the Xerox girl and everything.

(Ross stares at him to shut up.)

Joey: I’ll be shutting up now.

Ross: Joey, this is my last chance to get Rachel back.

Joey: Okay, man. Coz it’s for you.

(He stand up and they hug. They quickly pull apart and stare at each other.)

Joey: (In a comically deep voice) So, what about those Knicks, eh?

Ross: (Equally deep) Yeah!

Int. Outside Phoebe’s Apartment. Night

(Chandler and Phoebe walk to the door arm in arm.)

Chandler: Here you are, Madame? Outside your apartment as you requested.

Phoebe: Why thank you kind sir.

(She curtseys.)

Phoebe: That was fun, Chandler.

Chandler: Yeah, I thought so. However I don’t think my impression of chosen scenes from “Baywatch” went down to well. (He pulls two oranges out of his pockets.) Especially when I got to the Yasmine Bleeth’s scenes.

Phoebe: Well, I thought you were funny. Well, I better go.

Chandler: Okay, (He turns to go and then turns around) Um, Pheebs.

Phoebe: Yeah!

Chandler: Tonight was really fun.

Phoebe: Yeah, I know.

Chandler: No, I mean this was the first time I’ve been out with someone since Janice. Thanks for making it special.

Phoebe: That’s..

(She’s cut off as Chandler kisses her. He pulls away. Phoebe looks shocked.)

Chandler; Sorry!

Phoebe: (Affectionately) No, don’t be.

(She kisses him harder on the lips. As they kiss she opens the door to the apartment. They go inside.)

Int. Phoebe’s apartment. Night

(The lights are turned on as Phoebe enters with Chandler. They’re still locked at the lips. They stop beside the couch. Suddenly Chandler stops.)

Chandler: Should we be doing this?

Phoebe: Why not?

Chandler: What about your neighbours?

Phoebe: Oh, um, they’re dead!

(Chandler looks up as if he’s thinking. He looks again at Phoebe.)

Chandler: Um, okay!

(He kisses her and they fall on the couch .)

Fade to black.

Int. The hallway outside C & J’s and R & M’s. Day.

(Some sort of spy music begins. You know the sort, Mission Impossible etc. We see Chandler creeping up the stairs. He’s still his tux. It looks slightly crumpled. Before he reaches the top he peers over the banister. Seeing the area is clear except for newspapers, he continues up the rest of the stairs. He tip toes down the corridor keeping his eye on Rachel and Monica’s door the whole time. When he reaches his door, Monica and Rachel’s door begins to open. He furiously tries to open his door, but naturally it’s locked. He fumbles in his pocket for his keys. Before he gets a chance to find them Rachel steps outside. She looks really tired. Her eyes are half closed and her hair is everywhere. Chandler flings himself chest first against the wall nearest him. He spreads himself out desperately trying to blend in with the wall. Rachel bends down to pick up her paper. As she turns she speaks.)

Rachel: (Mumbling) Hey, Chandler.

Chandler: (Still up against the wall and without realising) Hey, Rach.

(He cringes when he realises what he has said. Rachel finally goes inside and Chandler relaxes. He searches for his keys again, finds them and opens the door. He takes one last look around and then wipes his brow. He turns around and walks through the door. Well, he would if it wasn’t for the fact that in instead of walking, he stumbles in as if he’s been tripped up. Music ends.)

Int. Chandler and Joey’s. Day.

(Chandler is sprawled on the floor. Unsure as to how he ended up there he gets up and walks to the door frame. He looks down just as Joey rushes from his room with a baseball bat. With the baseball bat aimed at Chandler’s head he shouts.)


Chandler: (Turning) Argh! Joey! Put the bat down.

Joey: (Smiling) Oh hey! How was the dinner?

Chandler: (Still slightly unnerved) Fine. (Looks down again) Hey, Joey, I have a question. Why, er, why did you staple cable to the bottom of the door frame.

(He pulls it from the front of the frame and waves it in front of Joey.)

Joey; (Beaming with pride) That was my Anti-theft device.

Chandler: Oh I see. So in order to stop thieves from getting away you slice their ankles off. Y’know, sometimes I wonder whether I made the right decision to choose you over Eddie.

Joey: (Hurt) I’m not use to being on my own in the apartment at night, y’know. Normally it’s me out while your stuck at home eating Cap’n Crunch. (Cheerily) It’s a bit like that movie, “Vice Versa” except...except....

Chandler: Except NOT!

(Chandler takes his dinner jacket off and places on the foos table.)

Joey: Er, Yeah. Anyway, where’ve you been all night. Me and Ross were up all night waiting for you. (He starts waving his finger at Chandler like a scolding parent) How many times have I told you to phone me if your going to come home late!

Chandler: (Sarcastic) Well, sorry Mom. I tried to phone you but I didn’t have any quarters.

(He pulls out his pockets in order to prove his point. As he does so a box of condoms fall out.)

Joey: What’s this?

(He bends down and picks the box up. Chandler looks increasingly worried.)

Joey: (Looking at the box) Oh ho! Ribbed! No wonder you had no quarters left. (Looking at Chandler again) So, I take it you met someone last night.

Chandler: (Guiltily) Kinda.

Joey: So you go back to her place?

Chandler: Kinda.

Joey: So, I take it you (Points at the box) Y’know.

Chandler: Kinda.

(Chandler sits down and begins to prepare himself a bowl of cereal.)

Chandler: Miiiiilk?

Joey: Allow me! (He walks to fridge and gets the milk) So who is she?

Chandler: Promise you won’t laugh.

Joey: Sure I won’t. (Frowning) It’s not Janice is it.

Chandler: (Shocked) NO!

Joey: Good.

(Joey begins to pour milk into Chandler’s bowl.)

Chandler: (Timidly) It was Phoebe.

(Joey simply stands in the same position for a while. He has a fixed grin. The milk is still being poured.)

Chandler: Uh, Joey.

(The milk is beginning to over flow)

Chandler: Joey, I like cereal with my milk.

(He grabs the milk off Joey.)

Joey: Gabber, gabber, gabber!

Chandler: Ah, that well known song by the Ramones.

Joey: Woah! I can’t believe you slept with Phoebe.

(Chandler picks up a cloth and begins to mop up the milk.) Joey: Did you do it on purpose?

Chandler: No, Joey. Funnily enough she was on her bed and I happened to trip up.

Joey: No, what I mean is, were you drunk?

(Chandler finishes mopping up and sits down again. Joey remains standing)

Chandler: Just a bit. But, y’know, it was like I don’t think it was the drink that was talking.

Joey: Oh!

Chandler: (Smiling) Yeah!

Joey: So who was it?

Chandler: (Unsure) Who was what?

Joey: Who was it that was doing the talking?

Chandler: It was me, you big freak!

Joey: Oh. (realising and smiling) OH! That’s great! You and Phoebe.

Chandler: (Dreamily) Yeah. (Snapping out of it) and yet NO!!

Joey: What’s up?

Chandler: I can’t be with Phoebe.

Joey: Why not?

Chandler: Because it will all go wrong!

Joey: How?

Chandler: I don’t know!

(Joey looks at him.)

Chandler: It just will. This is me we’re talking about...

Joey: (Interrupting) Look, just think about it, okay?

Chandler: Okay, but we tell no one of this okay?

(Ross walks in.)

Joey: Chandler slept with Phoebe!!

Chandler: Hmm, the words “Die, Joey, Die!” spring to mind.

(Joey panics and runs out of the room dragging Ross with him.)

Int. Monica and Rachel’s. Day.

(Monica and Rachel are sat eating breakfast. They’re watching cartoons. Phoebe enters.)

Monica: Hey Pheebs.

Phoebe: Hey.

Rachel: So how was last night?

Phoebe: (Hurriedly) It was great! I spilt soup on the boss’s wife, we danced, we laughed and I slept with Chandler. Ooh, look, Ninja Turtles.(She walks to the couch)

Rachel: (Shocked) What did you say?

Monica: Have you slept with Chandler?

Phoebe: (Smiling) Yeah!

Rachel: How did it happen?

Phoebe: Well, Rachel if you don’t know that now then I don’t want to tell you at all.

Rachel: No, I mean, what happened? I didn’t realise you had feelings for him or that he had feelings for you.

Monica: This is amazing. Are you going to give it a go?

Phoebe: I don’t know. It depends on Chandler. (Looks into space) Oh, he was so dreamy last night.

Monica: This IS Chandler we’re talking about isn’t it.

Phoebe: Yeah. Why?

Monica: Oh nothing! I just thought Tom Cruise might have entered the conversation somewhere.

Phoebe: So, anyway, I think he really likes me. He was like trying to impress me all night. He played with this little baby and at dinner, he was given this veal, but he put it to one side and shared my salad.

Rachel: Erm, Pheebs. Chandler doesn’t actually like Veal.

Phoebe: Oh I know, but he could have eaten it, but he didn’t. Then we went back to my place and we...(Goes all shy)

Monica: It’s all a bit sudden. Did he? (Makes a motion with her hand)

Phoebe: What? Slip me the tongue when we kissed. No! Well, not until afterwards.

Monica: Did he use protection?

Phoebe: Oh yeah! Except Chandler did fall out of bed at one point.

Rachel: (Laughing) What were you doing?

Phoebe: Nothing! I just kicked him in back when we were sleeping. It was that “South Park” dream where Eric Cartman mistakes me for a cheesy poof.

M & R: (Looking worried) Oh!

Int. Central Perk. Day

(Everyone is sat there, except Phoebe. Rachel is sat next to Ross.)

Ross: So, Chandler!

Chandler: (Takes a deep sigh) Yes!

Ross: I’m going to buy myself a T-shirt today or do you think I should buy a “ribbed” sweater?

(Everyone laughs, except Chandler)

Chandler: (Mock laugh) Oh, I see! Ribbed condom, ribbed sweater. (Angrily) HA HA!

Ross: I’m sorry, Chandler. We don’t mean to poke fun.

Rachel: It’s just weird, y’know. You and Phoebe!

Chandler: (Putting his paper down) Yeah, well, I’m not sure if there’s going to be a “Me and Phoebe”!

Monica: Why not?

Chandler: As special as last night was and as much as I want to I can’t be with her.

Monica: Why not?

Chandler: I don’t want to end up losing a friendship over a relationship. I mean, look what happened to Ross and Rachel.

Rachel: Oh, please. We’re okay!

Ross: Yeah, we’re still friends. Nothing’s affected.

(He goes to stroke her head.)

Rachel: (Out of the corner of her mouth) Don’t do that!

Ross pulls away sharply.

Chandler: (Pointing) You see!

(Phoebe enters without anyone noticing. She starts to take off her coat. She has a big smile on her face.)

Chandler: It’s just that I don’t think me and Phoebe should have a relationship. It’s not worth it.

(Phoebe stops smiling.)

Chandler: I just don’t know if I want to risk it. (He stops suddenly) How is it, that I can sense she’s behind me?

(They all turn around and see Phoebe standing by the door.)

Everyone but Chan: OOOOOOOOOOOO!

Phoebe: I don’t believe it. You were going to be my funny guy.

(She runs out. Chandler jumps over the couch and through the door)

Chandler: Phoebe! Wait!

(Everyone is silent for a while until Joey speaks.)

Joey: Okay, which of these is not a chick flick? “Casablanca”, “Four Weddings and a Funeral” or “Daisy takes it hard”?

(Everyone stares at him)

Joey: What?!

Ext. A street. Day

(Phoebe is walking hurriedly. Chandler runs round the corner and catches up with her.) Chandler: Phoebe! Wait!

Phoebe: (Not turning) Go away!

Chandler: (Stops walking) Please...

Phoebe: (Stops and turns) No, Chandler. You’ve made up your mind. You don’t want me! That’s fine! You can back to your normal, no risk, looking at your ANUS, with your head up your WENUS life.

(She turns and runs. Chandler simply stands there.)

Chandler: (Quietly) I’m sorry.

Fade to:

Int. Chandler and Joey’s. Night.

(Chandler is sat on a recliner. He has a beer in his hand. He’s staring at the TV but it’s not on. He’s really depressed. A light piano intro starts. The song is “It Must Be Love” by the British band Madness. The camera pulls up to Chandler’s face and begins to go into a dream sequence. What follows next is a montage sequence including scenes involving Phoebe and Chandler. Scenes include, Phoebe singing, Phoebe seeing her Mum in the form of a cat, Phoebe hugging Chandler when he thought he was fat, Phoebe flashing Chandler during THE football game, Phoebe helping Chandler to prepare for his Inter net date, etc. The final scene is a slo-mo shot of Phoebe smiling. We fade up on Chandler’s face again. The song fades out and the camera pulls sharply from Chandler. He stands up.)

Chandler: I love her!

Joey: (Coming in from his room) Love who?

Chandler: (Getting ready to go out) I gotta go.

Joey: What? I thought you wanted to watch videos tonight with me, Ross and the girls.

Chandler: I can’t! I gotta go! I’m gonna see Phoebe.

Joey: Great! It’s a shame though. You could have seen me finally win the girls over.

Chandler: Why?

Joey: I found the perfect Chick Flick.

Chandler: (Trying to show interest) Really?

Joey: Yeah, I think it’s a medical drama. (Holds up a video) It’s called “Every man loves a nurse.”.

Chandler: Uh, Joey?

Joey: Yeah?

Chandler: Um, nothing. I gotta go!

(He leaves.)

Int. Outside Phoebe’s apartment. Night

(Chandler knocks on Phoebe’s door. She’s playing music. It’s “One” by U2. She answers the door.)

Phoebe: Oh, it’s you!

(She goes to close the door. Chandler puts his hand against the door.)

Chandler: Pheebs, we need to talk.

Phoebe: (Releasing a sigh) Okay. I’ll see you downstairs.

Ext. A very familiar fountain. Night.

(Yes! That’s right! The next scene is set outside the fountain we see in the credits. There’s no water coming out of it yet. Chandler is sat on the edge of the fountain. Phoebe walks into frame and sits next to him.)

Chandler: (Making conversation) You, er, you remember the night we decided to raid the fountain?

Phoebe: Yeah, all that dancing and swimming.

Chandler: Yeah, we looked like the beginning credits to a cheesy sit-com. Why did we do it?

Phoebe: We were all dressed up with nowhere to go. (beat) AND we had drunk four jugs of Monica’s Vodka surprise.

Chandler: That would explain why me and Joey woke up in each other’s rooms and (Frowns) each other’s clothes.

Phoebe: Chandler, what’s going on?

Chandler: What’s going.... well, um, I want to apologise to you.

Phoebe: (Not impressed) Oh, you feel pity for me!

Chandler: (Honestly) No! I want to apologise and say I love you!

Phoebe: (Not listening) So, you’ve come to laugh at me and tell me that ...(confused) you love me?

Cut to:

Int. Monica and Rachel’s. Night.

(We hear “When Harry met Sally...” playing in the background. Monica is fast asleep on the chair. Rachel and Ross are sat on the couch. Joey is Joey is sat on the table.)

Ross: Aw, man I am beat. Hey Joey, you, er, you must be really tired?

(It’s obvious he’s hinting at something.)

Joey: What? Oh YEAH! (He fakes a yawn) Ooh, before I go! (He gets up and walks over to Monica and pulls her bottom lip over her top lip.) Now I’m happy. G’night.

Ross: You, er, finished?

Joey: (Laughing) Yeah.

(He walks off. Every now and then he looks back at Monica and laughs. He finally leaves.)

Ross: So, er, you enjoy the movies?

Rachel: Yeah, they were good! So which one’s did you pick?

Ross: All of them.

Rachel: (Confused) What about Joey’s?

Ross: It turned out all his were porn movies.

Rachel: Well, at least one of you can be sensitive.

Ross: Yeah?

(He gets closer to Rachel.)

Rachel: Uh huh!

Ross: So you, er, think we could..

(He goes to kiss her but she grabs hold of his lips with her fingers.)

Rachel: What, with your sister here? No!

(She gets up.)

Ross: So you, er, if she wasn’t here we...

Rachel: Good night, Ross!

Ross gets up reluctantly.

Ross: Good night.

(He turns around and walks away.)

Rachel: (Off screen) Ross!

(Ross turns around. We see an arm beckoning him from Rachel’s room. Ross jumps over the couch and runs to the room. He flings the door open, but instead of seeing Rachel, he sees Mrs Bing in her under wear. He screams. He wakes up and finds himself at Monica and Rachel’s again. Rachel is not there.)

Monica: Are you okay?

Ross: Um, yeah. Where’s Rachel?

Monica: She went to bed.

Ross: Mind if I use your shower.

Monica: Yeah. Why?

Ross: I suddenly feel incredibly dirty.

(He walks off leaving Joey and Monica looking confused.)

Ext. The fountain. Night.

(Phoebe and Chandler are sat on the edge of the fountain.)

Chandler: (Light heartedly) Are you going to speak to me some time tonight? ‘Cause if not I can order pizza.

Phoebe: Chandler! This is not the time to make fun!

Chandler: I wasn’t! I’m just trying to lighten the situation.

Phoebe: Well, don’t! First, you sleep with me. Then I hear you say you don’t want to be with me. Now you tell me you love me.

Chandler: Look, before in the cafe. You caught me in mid sentence. I was talking about how I don’t want to lose you.

Phoebe: Why would you lose me?

Chandler: I saw Rachel and Ross this afternoon and they were fighting over Snoopy. They were actually having a fight over whether Snoopy was a beagle or a Dalmatian. As I sat there watching Rachel beating Ross with his own paper I kept thinking that that would be us if we went out.

Phoebe: (She grabs his hand) Chandler, that’s Rachel and Ross. We’re like (Thinks) not Rachel and Ross. Chandler, I’ve not felt this close to you since the French Revolution.

Chandler: (Not sure how to react) We, er, met in a previous life?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Chandler: Did we get together?

Phoebe: (Matter of factly) No, you were beheaded!

Chandler: Well. That was a romantic story.

Phoebe: (Standing) The point is I want you. Don’t let someone else’s relationship get in the way.

Chandler: Well, If your willing to face up to the consequences as much as I am then...

(He stand and kiss. As they do the fountain erupts. Chandler turns to face the fountain.)

Chandler: Wow, I thought that kind of thing only happened in the movies.

Phoebe: Or on radio!

Chandler: er, yeah!

Fade out to black. While it’s still black we hear Phoebe.

Phoebe: So is Snoopy a beagle?

Int. A living room. day.

(The camera is set up so that we can only see the couch and a wall. It’s kinda like the last scene of “When Harry met Sally”. Phoebe and Chandler are sat on the couch. Chandler has grown a beard.)

Chandler: And that’s how we met. We got married a year later.

Phoebe: We have two children. Gunther and Frank.

Chandler: Naturally we made our the friends god-parents of both.

A voice off Camera: Do you feel you life reflects any movies?

Chandler: That’s a tough one. Oh, wait, how about “When Harry...

Phoebe: (Interrupting) That film, “Aliens”

(Phoebe sits there pleased with herself. Chandler leans forward.)

Chandler: We can cut that, right?

(Fade out to the picture that Ross took earlier. Written on the photo are the words “To Phoebe, Love FUNNY GUY!”)


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